Dallas - Season 5, Episode 9

Cliff relishes in achieving his life-long quest to stick it to JR

"Five Dollars a Barrel"
Original airdate: 12/4/1981

Episode summary: Cliff finds a satisfying way to take advantage of JR's financial woes. Dusty resumes his passion for cowboying, despite Sue Ellen's concerns that he's not physically ready. Gary travels to Southfork to make a decision about the Ewing Oil voting shares he's just been granted by Jock.

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Recap: Gary arrives at Southfork with Miss Ellie, glances around the vast estate, and makes the observation that this shitty ranch never changes. Miss Ellie urges him to relax by the pool while she arranges lunch, then runs into JR and informs him that Gary has just arrived - without Valene.

Gary asks JR how Jock feels about John Ross no longer residing at Southfork, and JR breezily replies that he expects his son to be returned home any day now. Gary says he doesn't doubt that, then grimly recalls the cruel way JR managed to snatch Lucy from Valene when she tried to run off with her, and JR urges him to sweep that shameful chapter of the family's history under the rug, 'cause right now the Ewings need to be rallying together to protect Ewing Oil. He criticizes Jock for putting undue pressure on certain family members when he gave them voting shares, 'cause he doesn't think it's the best way to run a company...and Gary chuckles and tells his brother he figured he wouldn't like the idea of having to consider the opinions of other family members as part of the decision-making process. JR swiftly changes the subject by asking Gary how he's enjoying his lowly job as a car salesman, then offers to set him up in his own business - in exchange for his Ewing Oil voting shares. Gary chuckles at the joy of having any kind of leverage over JR, but then stares contemplatively into space when JR urges him to strongly consider his proposal.

"I'm enjoying how the tables have turned on you."

"Me, not so much."

Bobby calls Lowell Greer, aka the California lawyer who set up the trust fund that issued Kristin her monthly checks, and asks him on whose behalf she was getting all that money. Greer stonewalls him by telling him it's privileged information, then abruptly ends the call.

JR summons Billy Bob McCoy, a crude oil broker, to his office to see if he's interested in taking the five million barrels of oil he's been hoarding for the last several episodes off his hands. Billy Bob makes him a lowball offer, which JR refuses 'cause he's unwilling to take a $20 million loss...so Billy Bob shrugs amiably and tells JR to call him if he changes his mind, then reminds him that the oil is worth less every day he sits on it. A few seconds later, a Mr. Holiday calls to ask JR if he needs to renew his rental on the giant oil tanks that are storing his hoarded oil, and JR snappishly tells him he'll get back to him. 

Jordan Lee, Vaughn Leland, and the other two JR-hating bankers drop by Wentworth Tool & Die headquarters to say hey to Cliff and inquire about whether he wants join them in their quest to screw over JR. When Vaughn reiterates to the group that his Houston bank is carrying $100 million of JR's $200 million loan, Cliff suggests that they buy up all of JR's loan notes...and when he's unable to make his payments, Jock will have no choice but to kick his eldest son out of Ewing Oil for financial malfeasance. Cliff smiles devilishly and asks the men to think about how satisfying it's going to be to tell JR that he's finished financially, and they all nod and agree that, yep, it'll be pretty darn satisfying.

At lunchtime, Bobby drops by Ewing Oil to ask Phyllis to look into whether or not anyone at Ewing Oil has ever had any correspondence with a lawyer named Lowell Greer of the McCarthy & Greer law firm in California. He then cautions her to keep mum about the task 'cause he doesn't want JR to get wind of what he's digging into.

Gary and Lucy return to Southfork after going out to dinner together...and when JR asks his brother if he "decided anything interesting" lately, Gary's like, "As a matter of fact I have" and says he's decided to give Lucy his Ewing Oil voting shares. As the family happily oohs and aahs at the power Lucy has suddenly acquired (putting her at the same importance level at Ewing Oil as her toddler cousin), JR contorts his face in an expression that makes it clear how less than thrilled he is by this unexpected turn of events.

"I've decided to stick it to JR by making Lucy my voting proxy."

"It's a heady feeling, having the same amount of power at Ewing Oil as my toddler cousin."

Martin Porter, the loan officer from the Cattlemen's National Bank, drops by Ewing Oil to tattle to JR about how Ray met with him to apply for a $3 million loan so he wouldn't have to use his wife's dough to move ahead with a real estate development. He tells JR that unless he's willing to guarantee the loan by using Ewing Oil as collateral, there's no way in hell he can lend Ray that kind of cash. JR mulls that over, instructs Martin to stall for a few days, and to keep this meeting on the down low. 

Over at Southern Cross, Dusty is once again watching boring old footage of himself bronc riding, and Sue Ellen stares at him concernedly before quietly slipping out of the room. 

Ray gets a call from Martin Porter, telling him that there's a sudden delay with the loan committee regarding his $3 million loan request, but promises to get back to him in a few days. Donna stares at Ray concernedly...and when Ray doesn't divulge to her what's clearly troubling him, she heads off to the airport to fly to New York to meet with her editor regarding the publication of her Sam Culver biography.

Bobby drops in at Brooktree and learns from Dr. Conrad that she's approved a temporary release for Pam so that she can spend a couple of days at Southfork. Pam gushes about how excited she is to return to life on the oppressive ranch...and after she excuses herself, Dr. Conrad tells Bobby how important it is for Pam to feel as though she's working towards a goal. She then advises him to treat his wife as normally as possible...and, for the love of all that is holy, be truthful about how hopeless it for them to get a baby anytime soon. 

​Ray returns to Casa Yokel and finds JR waiting for him. JR tells Ray he heard about his financial issues, and that he'd be happy to guarantee his $3 million loan in exchange for his Ewing Oil voting shares. When Ray refuses, JR warns that his San Antonio project could collapse without the loan, then points out that, in all likelihood, Jock will return from South America before a proxy vote even needs to occur. Ray chews on that for a few seconds, then grudgingly promises to think about his offer, and JR shoots him a smug grin before heading back to his car. 

Sue Ellen returns to Southern Cross after spending a few hours downtown...and when Dusty demands to know where she's been, she motions at her upswept helmet-head 'do and says she was at the hair salon. Dusty snorts derisively and says he knows that the stylist is "on the make" 'cause of how hungrily he's always looking at her. Sue Ellen argues that she doesn't notice other men 'cause of how devoted she is to him, but he bitterly rejoins, "I see the way they look at you. They think they'd like to go to bed with you." She insists again that she only wants him, but he reminds her about the flaccid state of his penis and figures that sooner or later she's going to look elsewhere for sex. Sue Ellen's like, "Noooo Dusty! I only want you!" - but he responds by angrily storming off. 

"I've just returned from the hair salon."

"I can tell by your newly coiffed helmet hair that the stylist wanted to jump your bones."

Sly buzzes JR to inform him that Cliff Barnes is here to see him, and JR grumbles, "Tell him to get lost" - but Cliff easily saunters past Sly and strides into JR's office. When JR demands to know what in blazes he's doing here, Cliff hands him a document and explains that it's a transfer of assignment of debt for $100 million...and that he and a group of JR-haters all chipped in and bought it for the purpose of foreclosing on him. Cliff smugly adds that he's got less than a week to pay, and that oil prices are continuing to drop rapidly. He giddily tells JR he can't wait for him to default on the loan, and that the first thing he plans on doing when he takes over his Ewing Oil office is get rid of all the tacky furniture. LOL. As he gaily skips off, JR stares after him worriedly.

The next day, Bobby asks Phyllis if she had any luck finding out if anyone at Ewing Oil contacted Lowell Greer, and she tells him she's still working on it. A few seconds later, he gets a call from Dr. Conrad, informing him that Pam is ready to be transported to Southfork, and Bobby says he'll be at Brooktree pronto.

Sue Ellen sees Dusty saddling his horse and is all, "Ack!" as she rushes over to remind him that he's not yet physically strong enough to ride. Dusty says he's determined to ride, grumbling, "I can't be a man in the bedroom; at least I can be a man in the saddle", then climbs atop his horse and gallops off while Sue Ellen continues to cry, "Noooo, Dusty!"  

Dr. Waring summons Mitch to his office to escort his patient's pain-in-the-ass mother, Mrs. Rogers, to the coffee shop so that he can talk to his patient alone. Mitch is like, "I have rounds...but, yeah OK, whatever" and urges Mrs. Rogers along, ignoring her attempts to flirt with him. That was kind of a random scene with no further follow-up in this episode.

Bobby and Pam arrive at Southfork and are greeted by Miss Ellie, who happily informs Pam that she has a fun surprise for her...which she soon learns is a redecorated bedroom done up in what I can only describe as 'dowdy old lady dust ruffle', where the before probably looked marginally better than the after. When Miss Ellie excuses herself, Pam tells Bobby she's optimistic that they'll be happy again, then leans in for a hug and kiss.

Cliff drops by Ewing Oil that evening to inform JR that he and his fellow loan note holders have agreed to give him a ten day extension at 25% interest (up from the original 12%). Yikes. When JR agrees, Cliff says there's one additional condition: handing over ownership of the Ewing 6 oil field, aka the piece of land that Jock allegedly swindled Digger out of during the 1940s. JR snarls that he has no intention of allowing a Barnes to own one foot of Ewing property, then says he'll figure out a way to pay off his ginormous loan...and Cliff just kind of shrugs and warns that oil prices aren't going to rise any time soon, and that he has only three days to make his loan payment.

"I'm enjoying watching you squirm."

"Me, not so much."

Ray tells JR he's declining his offer of guaranteeing his $3 million loan in exchange for handing over his Ewing Oil voting shares. JR snarls about what a stupid decision that is, so Ray bitchily points out that if he keeps his voting shares he could one day be part of the effort that throws him out of Ewing Oil for good. After he stomps off, JR calls Billy Bob McCoy and asks if they can meet asap.

Phyllis tells Bobby that after much digging she found a letter addressed to Lowell Greer in JR's personal file...and Bobby asks her to make a copy of the letter, put the original back into the folder, and never speak of it again. Bobby then reads over the letter, which references a previous phone conversation between JR and Greer, along with confirmation that JR sent the law firm $25,000 to cover Kristin's expenses for a one year period.

Sue Ellen is worriedly watching Dusty as he rides his horse when Clayton wanders over and remarks on how Dusty has always dreamed of being a cowboy. Sue Ellen says she can't imagine life without him, flaccid member or not, and Clayton says that, as a man, he can definitely understand why Dusty would be so emotionally wrecked about his malfunctioning penis.
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JR tells Billy Bob McCoy that he's finally willing to sell him his oil - but Billy Bob says he's no longer interested, not least 'cause, at the moment, no one's buying or selling oil. A shocked JR growls that he's going to remember this refusal next time he needs a favor, so Billy Bob suggests he sell his oil to Clayton Farlow, 'cause surely he'd be willing to take it off his hands - but JR refrains from telling him that he got himself into this ludicrous quagmire as a means of preventing Clayton from receiving his usual supply as punishment for not kicking Sue Ellen off his ranch.

Over at the Cattlemen's Club, Ray and Martin Sherr are lamenting the unfavorable soil report that's thrown a wrench into their San Antonio project. Martin tells Ray he should come clean to Donna about the need for additional funds and/or hit up the Ewings for a cash infusion, but Ray says he doesn't like the idea of dragging anyone else into his self-inflicted mess.

Bobby has another clandestine meeting with Jeff Faraday and offers him $25,000 for Kristin's baby and end the need for any more of these clandestine meetings. Jeff promises to deliver the tot to him tomorrow and warns him not to alert any law enforcement...and Bobby promises to come alone, then mutters to himself, "JR, you've got one big surprise coming."

Back at Southfork, Pam and Rebecca are hanging with Miss Ellie in the kitchen, gabbling about Cliff's new CEO position. Pam expresses her wish that Cliff will finally "bury the hatchet" with JR, which...heh. 

JR drops by Cliff's office to sheepishly request a ten day extension for his ginormous loan. Cliff grinningly hands him a document to sign that will transfer ownership of Ewing 6 to the Barnes clan, then reminds JR that he's merely buying time for a temporary delay in repaying the $100 million loan and that he'll be thrown out of Ewing Oil if he can't pay up in full. JR signs the ownership paper and shoots Cliff an extra squinty stink-eye before exiting the office, leaving Cliff to cackle, "I can't believe it. After all these years, I finally whipped JR Ewing!" 

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