Dallas - Season 5, Episode 3

Miss Ellie opts to not commit a felony

"Showdown at San Angelo"
Original airdate: 10/23/1981

Episode summary: Miss Ellie returns from her European vacation and is unwittingly roped into JR's sinister plot to return John Ross to Southfork. Bobby and Pam make inquiries about adopting a baby.

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Recap: Bobby, Ray, and Donna are at the Dallas airport to welcome Miss Ellie home from her European vacay. When they ask why Jock isn't with her, she says he was unexpectedly summoned to D.C. by Dave Culver and someone from the State Department for some unspecified reason. She then changes the subject to whassup with John Ross...and when Bobby tells her that Sue Ellen took him with her when she moved in with Dusty on the Southern Cross ranch, the matriarch scrunches her face confusedly and says she doesn't get how it was even possible for the child to be physically removed from his Southfork home.

Dusty greets Sue Ellen when she and John Ross return to San Angelo after attending Kristin's funeral in Albuquerque. She tells him that her mother didn't take Kristin's death very well and blamed her for her sister's untimely demise, the logic being that if Sue Ellen hadn't left JR, Kristin wouldn't have shown up at Southfork all high and self-destructive...which I think is highly debatable. Dusty assures her that Kristin's death wasn't her fault, and that Kristin changed for the worse when she began dabbling with PCP, and Sue Ellen responds by whimpering, "Hold me" ... and then gets so amorously carried away during their smoochfest that she momentarily forgets about Dusty's penile impairment. She abruptly pulls away and mutters, "Sorry", which...awkward.

Over at Southfork, Miss Ellie and Donna are cooking chilli together while Ray tells Bobby how awesomely things are going with the Lubbock housing project. Miss Ellie smilingly tells Donna that Ray has the makings of a successful businessman, but Donna just kind of shrugs and says she liked him fine when he was a simple ranch hand. A few seconds later, JR returns home and kisses his mama hello, and she informs him that Jock made an unexpected trip to D.C. and that he'll be calling home this evening. 

Over a home cooked dinner, Cliff tells Rebecca he's thinking seriously of leaving Dallas 'cause, after burning multiple bridges, he's given up all hope of finding decent employment. Rebecca reminds him he has a law degree and lots of experience, but Cliff says that in Dallas a person needs money to make money, something he doesn't have...and Rebecca reacts by mutely staring back at him, her face scrunched concernedly.

During dinner at the Southern Cross ranch, Sue Ellen is visibly bored by Dusty's/Clayton's conversation about ranch stuff and asks Dusty if he'd be interested in driving to downtown San Angelo to do something fun. Clayton makes a wuh? face and primly tells her that during the week the Farlows make it a rule to go to bed early and rise early - but Dusty half-heartedly agrees that a mid-week date is a nice idea. A deflated Sue Ellen says she's abruptly changed her mind about wanting to go out and will turn in early after all...then carries John Ross up to his nursery and nuzzles him while staring wistfully into space. 

Miss Ellie is on the phone with Jock, getting an update on the reason for his D.C. trip, before she hands the phone to JR. She then seats herself at the dining table and informs everyone that Jock told her that the State Department signed an aid agreement with some unnamed South American country in exchange for permitting them to drill for oil...and Jock and a bunch of other Texas oilmen have been tapped to teach the South Americans how to become successful oilmen. [Sounds plausible, sure.] As Bobby, Pam, Donna, and Ray titter about how exciting that is, an ashen-faced JR enters the room and tells everyone that Jock got mightily pissed when he learned that John Ross is living in San Angelo, and that he instructed him to get that boy back onto Southfork, fucking asap.

"The U.S. government wants Jock to help with exploiting South America's untapped oil wells."

"Huzzah!"

The next day at Ewing Oil, Gerry Macon updates JR on Operation Stalk Sue Ellen, but mostly just complains about how hard it is to get any real intel from Southern Cross, on account of..

• The ranch is like a fortress and very far away from the public road
• The ranch is patrolled by armed ranch hands 
• Sue Ellen and John Ross barely leave the property

JR grimaces at the unhelpful report and tells Gerry he's fired for being basically useless. He then gets on the phone with Detective Harry McSween and tells him to come to his office asap 'cause he needs yet another favor. 

Lucy returns home and finds Miss Ellie cycling on a stationary bike, 'cause apparently she realized what terrible shape she's in while she was vacationing in Paris. She asks Lucy whassup with her and Mitch these days, and Lucy says, "Not much" and further explains that their differing opinions about money have made them incompatible as husband and wife. Miss Ellie clucks disapprovingly at her granddaughter's dumb life choice to get married so young instead of staying in school - but Lucy breezily says it wouldn't have mattered, 'cause she's pretty sure that she and Mitch would have fought about something else. She laments how Mitch will never be able to afford the kind of luxury lifestyle to which she's become accustomed, especially if - heaven forbid - they were to have children.

While ambling together downtown, Rebecca tells Pam she's concerned about Cliff, who's so down on his luck that he's considering leaving Dallas altogether. Pam rolls her eyes and says that Cliff is always blaming his disappointments on Dallas, and that he's a big boy who'll no doubt figure out a way to land on his feet. Rebecca stares back at her with a shocked expression and says it's very uncharacteristic of her to be so unsympathetic towards her brother, so Pam says that these days she's pouring every ounce of energy into being depressed 24/7 over her inability to carry a spawn to term, then wails, "Oh momma! I want a baby soooooooo badly!" 

​JR instructs Detective Harry McSween to travel to San Angelo, team up with a lieutenant friend he has on the local police force, and forcibly remove his son from the Southern Cross ranch and bring him to Southfork. Harry's like 'yeah sure, what could go wrong with me doing that?' and tells JR to "consider it done".

Downtown, Bobby is talking to a lawyer friend named Jack about signing adoption papers so that he and Pam can acquire a much needed baby, and Jack assures him that, considering he's a Ewing and a state senator, everything should magically go in his favor.

Back at Southfork, JR remarks on how unsurprised he is that Lucy split with Mitch, and assumes she dumped him 'cause of how little earning potential he has a future medical researcher. A few seconds later, Bobby returns home and goes upstairs to check on Pam and finds her laying in bed looking even more despondent than the generally despondent way she's been moping around lately. He coos about how concerned he is that she's so overly bummed about her barrenness, then says he met up with a lawyer friend who arranged for them to meet with an adoption agency tomorrow morning. Pam perks up at that development and tells him she's soooooo happy to get the ball rolling on starting a family.

"Lighten up. There may be a baby in your near future."

"I really am thrilled on the inside."

Afton is performing in the Stardrift Lounge, while - elsewhere in the restaurant - Mitch is celebrating his graduation from medical school with his fellow classmates. Afton takes a singing break to give her brother a congratulatory shout-out for his achievement, then sashays over to his table and gets introduced to his classmates. When Afton's boss (Milton) sends a bottle of champagne to the table, Mitch gets all prickly about the gesture and bitchily asks Afton if she's fooling around with him...and says if she is, she could do better. Afton reminds her doltish brother that he's in no position to be giving dating/relationship advice after so stupidly driving Lucy away 'cause of his aversion to rich people, then says that, much like Lucy, she has zero desire to be poor all her life. Mitch insists that he doesn't want to be poor either, but has no idea how to acquire wealth, and Afton tells him it's a simple matter of taking money from the ones who have it. 

While breakfasting on the patio, Pam tells everyone she's feeling better than she has in awhile 'cause she and Bobby have an appointment with an agency to inquire about adopting a baby. Everyone coos happily - except for JR, who translates their desire for a baby an attempt to replace John Ross, then snarls, "That's all this family needs, another half-breed." Ray takes that remark as a personal insult against his non-Miss-Ellie parentage and angrily springs up from his chair to confront his half-bro - but Donna restrains him while Miss Ellie orders the two idiots to squash their beef. A few seconds later, Punk Anderson arrives at Southfork to gush about how the units in the Lubbock housing project, which were financed by him, Ray, and some guy named Pat, are selling out. JR looks miffed that Ray has a piece of that lucrative real estate investment, and Punk nods proudly and tells Donna she married herself "a real businessman" ... and she reacts by contorting her face in an irked-like expression that makes it clear how unhappy she is with the metamorphosis her simpleton cowboy husband has undergone. 

"Ray is proving himself to be one damn fine businessman."

"I much preferred it when he was a half-witted simpleton."

Cliff is whining to Rebecca again about his challenge finding gainful, Dallas-based employment, so she says she may have something he could possibly sink his teeth into: she needs his help assessing the profit potential of a small company her late husband left her, then explains that the company produces parts for drilling rigs, and that it's currently being run by a panel of (old white men) trustees.

Dusty meets up with Sue Ellen just as she's finishing a horseback ride. He reminisces about how much he used to looooooove riding before the plane crash that rendered him a hobbling eunuch, then says he wishes they had hooked up when he was young and penile-ly intact. Sue Ellen assures him she loves him very much, and that all that truly matters to her is that they're together. 

The adoption agency lady tells Bobby and Pam that, unfortunately, there's a shortage of available babies, and that the wait could be eighteen months or more. As the two dejectedly shuffle back to their car, Bobby apologizes to Pam for getting her hopes up, but then promises that they'll get their names in at every adoption agency in Dallas.

Detective Harry McSween tells JR that, after assessing the situation in San Angelo, there's fuck-all he can do to sneak John Ross off of the Southern Cross ranch, not least 'cause the Farlows are a very powerful clan in San Angelo and have the San Remo sheriff in their pocket - much like the Ewings do with the rotund Braddock County sheriff. JR chews on that for a few seconds, then murmurs that maybe he could try a Trojan Horse type approach. 

JR returns home, finds Miss Ellie riding her stationary bicycle, and lays it on thick about how much he misses his son and can't help thinking about what the tot is doing these days in San Angelo. Miss Ellie wonders aloud if Sue Ellen would allow her to visit with her grandson, and JR faux brightens at that idea says she probably would, then urges her to call Sue Ellen to find out...and further suggests she take the Ewing chopper over to Southern Cross. Miss Ellie's like, "I'm on it!", then promptly gets on the phone with her daughter-in-law to arrange an impromptu trip to San Angelo. 

That evening, Pam thrashes around in bed 'cause of a bad dream, and Bobby gently wakes her and urges her to try to fall asleep without being so mentally tortured. 

In the kitchen, Miss Ellie tells Bobby she's sooooo excited to fly to San Angelo to see John Ross, and Bobby grimaces and remarks on the bad luck she's had with grandchildren. When Miss Ellie reminds him that he and Pam are about to adopt a baby, he tells her there's a two year wait at all of the Dallas adoption agencies, and that he doesn't think Pam can wait that length of time without going squirrelly in the process. 
 
The Ewing chopper lands on the Southern Cross ranch, and Miss Ellie climbs out of the aircraft and rushes across the lawn to give John Ross a big hug. Sue Ellen is happy to see her mother-in-law, but soon becomes alarmed when she sees that JR has also made the trip. She stomps over to give him the what-for for using his own mother to get to their son and warns him not to try anything. JR says it's impossible for him to do anything and motions at all of the armed yokels patrolling the grounds...and a few seconds later, a concerned looking Dusty and Clayton wander over to see whassup. 

"You'd actually use your own mother to abduct your son and then whisk him back to Southfork?"

"You have met me, right?"

Clayton introduces himself to Miss Ellie...and when she tells him she personally thinks that John Ross belongs at Southfork, he says that the young boy belongs wherever his mother is, smugly emphasizing that San Remo is not "Ewing country". JR, meanwhile, offers Sue Ellen a deal: hand over John Ross, and he'll divorce her immediately. Sue Ellen snarlingly declines that ultimatum and tells him that he'll never get full custody of their son.

Cliff and Rebecca are holding a meeting with the trustees of Wentworth Tool & Die. Cliff marvels at the ineptitude of the trustees for 1) not seeking to expand their operation, and 2) not more aggressively peddling their equipment supplies. When he flatly says that the company should be doing a lot better than it is, Rebecca decrees that, as of right now, the company is going to be run by family. She politely dismisses the trustees...and after the men file out of the room, Rebecca tells Cliff that she wants him to run the company, a position that will require him to stay in Dallas. Cliff mulls that over for a few seconds, gently chides his mother for being so crafty, but then decides he likes the idea of earning a fat salary and being in charge.

Back at Southern Cross, the pilot fires up the Ewing chopper as JR continues to play ball with John Ross. He tosses the ball nearer the helicopter and urges his son to go fetch it, then quickly picks him up, hands him to Miss Ellie, and tells her to make a run for it towards the chopper, assuring her that the armed yokels probably won't shoot her. Miss Ellie makes her way towards the chopper, but then stops and stares bewilderedly at JR and then at Sue Ellen, who's pleading with her to not steal her child...and Dusty and Clayton somehow refrain from telling the armed yokels, who are supposed to function as ranch security but are standing around uselessly, to fucking do something about what's clearly an attempted kidnapping happening in real time. A tortured looking Miss Ellie decides she can't go through with forcibly taking her grandson after all and firmly tells JR, "He may belong on Southfork, but not this way." She then hands the boy back to his teary-eyed mother before scurrying back towards the chopper, while a defeated looking JR sheepishly climbs in after her. 

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