Dallas - Season 4, Episode 17

"I declare that my reign as Miss Young Dallas shall be a benevolent one."

"The New Mrs. Ewing"
Original airdate: 2/27/1981

Episode summary: JR gets miffed at Leslie when she talks out of turn during a cartel meeting. Alex Ward hires Lucy as Miss Young Dallas to curry favor with Pam. Bobby wins a seat in the state senate. Ray and Donna tie the knot.

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Recap: JR rails to Sue Ellen how annoyed he is that Jock is cutting Ray in on the Ewing spawns' multi-million dollar trust fund, and that he senses trouble with the yokel he can only assume will turn out to be a money-grubbing half-brother. When he asks Sue Ellen what she thinks of all this, she spacily retorts, "What could any of this possibly matter to me?", shoots him a glazed-over stink-eye for several long seconds, then stalks out of the room. LOL.

Downstairs at the breakfast table, Miss Ellie tells Jock she's pissed off that he changed their sons' trust without bothering to talk to her about it first...and when he starts trying to explain himself, she cuts him off and tells him she's off to work on Mission Stop the Takapa Development. Jock's like, "Uh, about that.." and says there's something he really needs to tell her, but she insists she has no time and rushes out of the room, leaving Jock staring worriedly after her.

Over at Casa Yokel, Donna tells Ray she's meeting with Miss Ellie and their ladyfolk friends to press ahead with Mission Stop the Takapa Development and adds that since Jock can't bring himself to tell his own wife he's one of the principle investors, she doesn't feel like it's her place to do so. Ray suggests she back off the movement, not least 'cause it's "a goldmine of a deal" that Jock wants him to be a part of...and Donna's all, "Wuh? Where's the cowboy simpleton I fell in love with?" Ray points out that since he's officially a Ewing now, he has all sorts of new opportunities available to him...and the two start bickering about what the hell that means until Ray abruptly stops, says they're clearly going to be on opposite sides of the Takapa issue, and suggests they never ever bring it up at home. Donna mulls that over, agrees with an 'amen', then leans in for a smooch.

Pam has accompanied Lucy to Alex Ward's office for her modelling audition, and for some reason Lucy has decked herself out in a fussy pink blouse with a blue bowtie and a silly newsboy cap. When Alex asks her if she has a resume or a lookbook, she blankly replies, "No and no", so he writes down the name of a reputable photographer and tells her to have some photographs taken and then come back so he can rubberstamp her hiring. A relieved looking Lucy chirps, "That was so easy!" and scampers off while Alex buzzes his secretary to summon Pam. When she appears in his doorway, he looks visibly dazzled by the sight of her [still sporting that wretched Donna Summer style hairdo] and tells her on the down-low he's totes willing to just give Lucy the job...then remarks that Lucy's actually pretty enough to have gotten it without her connections. He tells Pam he cares sooooo much about being in her good graces - but Pam makes it clear that she doesn't expect any special treatment regarding Lucy's audition, then rushes off to a meeting. 

Sue Ellen is in a session with Dr. Ellby, nattering about the joy she felt finding Dusty alive, and that she'd be totes A-OK if they proceeded with a sexless relationship - but since Dusty adamantly refuses to go that route, nothing in her life means anything. Dr. Ellby encourages her to look deep inside herself, then points out that she somehow managed to find the strength to endure this wistful pain and make a mature decision to put Dusty's needs over her own desires. He equates this to "real progress", then lays out the three life choices currently available to her:
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1. Stay in a loveless, toxic marriage with JR and thereby continue sucking the golden teat that is the Ewing's wealth
2. Pursue a gold digging opportunity with her new squeeze, Clint
3. Strike out on her own and stop fucking relying on a man to pay for everything

Sue Ellen stares blankly into space before murmuring, "I dunno" and pretends as though she'd actually give any consideration to a life that doesn't entail sponging off of a rich husband and/or lover.  

"You might consider becoming an independent woman and standing on your own two feet."

"Sorry, that notion doesn't compute."

JR and Leslie Stewart are watching the election coverage for the state senate, during which newscasters predict that Bobby is about to win in a landslide victory. Leslie remarks on how proud the family must be of him, and JR mutters, "At the moment", then says he expects the fur to fly once Bobby is forced to take a position on the Takapa project 'cause either way it'll irritate Jock or alienate Miss Ellie. A few seconds later, Jordan Lee calls to tell JR he'd like to come by tomorrow to discuss some investment idea the cartel is interested in now that the de-nationalization of the Southeast Asian oil leases has vastly improved their cash flow. Leslie perks up at that and asks JR if she could sit in on the meeting, and he's like 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?' 

Jock, Ray, and Punk Anderson are watching the election coverage, visibly delighted with Bobby's projected win. The three toast the new senator, and Punk happily says they can consider the Takapa development a done deal now that a Ewing is in the senate. 

Cliff is out boozing and broodily watching the election coverage. He glares up at the small TV mounted over the bar and growls, "Damn you, Bobby Ewing."

Bobby heads onto the campaign headquarters stage, with Pam and the rest of the Ewing clan in tow, to deliver his victory speech. He thanks his supporters, promises to be the most conscientious, hardworking senator in the Texas legislature, and hopes to not piss off too many constituents with his brand of problem-solving. As the crowd cheers, he gives Pam a long, hard smooch. 

Later at Southfork, Bobby promises Pam that his new job will make a wonderful difference in their lives, and she tells him she's hopeful of that, but can't help worrying about how upset Cliff is right now. She hastily assures Bobby that it's not his fault her loser brother can't find meaningful employment 'cause of how fixated he always is on whatever the Ewings are up to, and gushes about how proud she is of his senate win. When they head up to the bedroom, Bobby chuckles about the congratulations gift Pam left for him on the bed: a wooden "soap box" for his important speeches. He tells her he loves the gag gift...and that he'll try it out after they're done enjoying an inaugural romp.

Leslie arrives home to find her former lover, Justin Carlisle, sitting on her couch. He explains that he kept her key in case she might need him...and when she says, "Why in blazes would I need you?", he cacklingly says that JR didn't exactly hire her for her PR expertise, and that he's not going to be satisfied with hand-holding for much longer. Leslie holds her door open and orders him to go home...and as he lumbers toward the door, he warns her that her continual refusal to hit the sheets with JR is going to result in him firing her for services non-rendered. When he adds that he'll be there to help her pick up the pieces, Leslie snappishly retorts, "Don't hold your breath", says she knows what she can accomplish for JR, and insists that he still needs her. After Justin exits her apartment, Leslie mutters to herself, "He just has to be reminded how much." 

Later at Southfork, JR tells Jock that the cartel has an interesting deal brewing that they want Ewing Oil to get in on - just as Bobby enters the room, prompting Jock to grizzle about how delighted he is about his senate win.

Sue Ellen stands in front of Dusty's big white house, which now has a for sale sign on the front lawn. She then sadly turns around and sashays back to her car. 

During a wedding planning session, Donna tells Ray she wants to invite Jock and Miss Ellie to witness their I dos - but Ray says that the two aren't on such great terms these days and suggests they invite Bobby and Pam instead. Donna mulls that over and decides she loves that idea. 

Sue Ellen calls Clint to invite him to lunch, and he tells her he's definitely up for that and suggests they meet at Madison's at 12:30pm. [Looks like Sue Ellen decided to go with Dr. Ellby's number #2 life option.]

Over at Ewing Oil, Jordan Lee and Marilee Stone are pitching an investment proposition to JR that entails a big swathe of oil-rich land in southern Utah. Leslie interrupts to clarify if what they're peddling is strip mining, then reminds them that this type of extraction presents a host of hazards both to human health and the environment. As Jordan and Marilee glare daggers at her and demand to know where she gets the nerve to be so impudent, she explains that she specializes in PR and, at JR's behest, worked very hard to remake the image of Ewing Oil as a friendly, less land-rapey fossil fuel company. Jordan avoids addressing the completely legitimate issue Leslie has raised, and instead snarls at JR about how angry he is for letting his PR hussy do the talking for him, and accuses this of being a "tail wagging the dog" type situation. He then storms out of the office, followed by an equally vexed Marilee...and once they're out of earshot, an unfazed Leslie tells JR she's soooo glad she was present at the meeting, not least 'cause those two idiots could have dragged Ewing Oil through the mud with their ill-thought out strip mining venture. JR responds with a stony glare and growls, "Don't you ever do that to me again" ... and when Leslie feigns confusion, he says he didn't want to shut her up in front of Jordan - but warns that she's to remain mute during all future cartel meetings. He then mutters, "Daddy's going to hit the ceiling when he hears about this." Egads!

"I'm concerned that strip mining may compromise Ewing Oil's reputation."

"Who in the hell told this uppity bitch she was allowed to talk?"

Lucy returns to Alex Ward's office with a set of photographs of herself, and Alex calls them "very nice" and remarks on how fortunate she is to be so photogenic [given that she's suddenly aspiring to be a model]. He then throws in the towel on pretending this is a real audition and tells her he's hiring her as the very first Miss Young Dallas. As he produces an advance check for $1,000, a stunned Lucy shrieks, "Thank you!!" and excitedly races out of the office...and Alex calls Pam and leaves a message with her secretary to call him back. 

Bobby drops by Cliff's office to express his sympathy for the loss of his election bid and to tell him he never meant to hurt or insult him. Cliff sourly retorts, "I'm way more qualified than you'll ever be" and Bobby's like, "No argument here. How about being my legal counsel?" Cliff mulls over the unexpected offer, takes him up on it, then says the only reason he's doing it is 'cause he can't wait to see JR's face when he learns that his brother hired a Barnes. Bobby's all, "Say wuh?" and stares back at him with concern etched across his wooden face. 

Sue Ellen and Clint are enjoying a cozy lunch at Madison's. He tells her that being away on his business trip gave him a chance to think about things...and that he came to the conclusion he really doesn't want to go on like this. As Sue Ellen stares at him quizzically, he explains that he's no good at leading a double life and needs to make a choice: marriage or mistress. Sue Ellen responds by caressing his hand, cooing, "Not today", and staring at him all come hither like while making those weird pouty movements with her lips.

Jock is at the Cattlemen's Club when he runs into an angry Jordan Lee, who rails about JR letting Leslie Stewart "lead him around by the nose". He whines that it's impossible to do business with JR, then growls, "Not so long as that uppity broad is calling the shots at Ewing Oil!" ... and after he storms away, an irked Jock's all, "Damned uppity broad" and slams his fist on the table. 

Sue Ellen and Clint book a hotel room and begin enjoying a post-lunch romp.

At Southfork, Jock berates JR for letting Leslie Stewart screw up the cartel deal [without acknowledging that it couldn't have been that great a deal if Jordan Lee wasn't able to articulate a reasonable response to Leslie's concerns about strip mining], then snarls, "A woman's place is in the bedroom - sure as hell not in the boardroom." Miss Ellie, who happens to hear that chauvinistic nugget, appears in the doorway and sneers, "Very nice, Jock." A red-faced Jock tries to back pedal the un-back-pedal-able by explaining that he was only reacting to JR allowing "that uppity" Leslie Stewart to spoil the cartel deal, and Miss Ellie haughtily retorts that he should know all about spoilers since he spoils everything he touches: relationships, people's lives. JR chides his mama for exaggerating, but Miss Ellie accuses both him and Jock of using people up and throwing them way...and by people she means family members. She then glares at the two of them, sneers, "You both sicken me", and stalks out of the room. Ouch.

"Women don't belong in the boardroom; they exist for the ogling and amusement of men."

"You said it, daddy. I hope it hasn't escaped your notice that I've pretty much modelled my entire life around that philosophy."

Lucy excitedly tells Mitch she has a super fun bit of news to announce- the same time he says he has mildly interesting news to announce. Lucy insists on going first and hands him the $1,000 check she received from Alex Ward and explains that she just got hired as Miss Young Dallas and can now pay for maid service. Mitch stares at the check in stunned bewilderment and says he's never held this much money at once - LOL - then looks embarrassed as he shows her the $60 check he earned from working the last two nights instead of studying. He tells her he did it to help pay for the maid...and Lucy looks touched by his selflessness and tells him she loves him soooo much. Mitch reacts by staring despondently into space and remarking on how everything the Ewings touch turns to gold. [Or to shit. Depending on how you look at it.]

Sue Ellen is cuddling with Baby John in the nursery, promising him they'll soon start a new life elsewhere. A few seconds later, JR hovers in the doorway and admonishes her for spending so much time away from her son lately, and Sue Ellen snaps back that her son means more to her than he'll ever know. JR says he can only hope she doesn't pull a repeat of her boozing, the way she was doing when she gave birth to John, 'cause he has zero desire to go through that again.

Donna and Ray get married at the County Courthouse with Pam and Bobby in attendance. Bobby congratulates the happy couple and invites them to breakfast - but Pam says she has to decline 'cause she has a meeting she can't miss and promises to meet up with them later. 

Lucy drops by Southfork to excitedly gabble at Miss Ellie about her new modelling gig. She repeats the news to Donna, Ray, and Bobby when they arrive a few seconds later...and when Lucy mentions that she owes her good fortune to Pam 'cause she asked Alex Ward to audition her, Bobby's all, "The fuck?!" and abruptly races off.

Bobby bursts into The Store looking for Pam, and Pam's assistant Jackie informs him that she's in a meeting with Liz Craig and Harrison Page. In other words, not Alex Ward. In the next scene, Bobby bursts into Alex Ward's office and bitchily warns him to stay away from his wife. An unruffled Alex admits that, yep, he finds Pam very attractive and did his best to charm her 'cause she was giving off a vibe that said she was totes up for some extramarital hanky panky. He adds that he never plays games he doesn't think he can win, and Bobby snaps, "This isn't a game!" and orders him to keep his distance. Alex urges him to talk to Pam, and points out that she never would have given him a second glance if their marriage was fine...and Bobby quietly mulls that over before slinking out of the room.

JR tries calling Leslie, but is told by her secretary that she hasn't shown up at the office today and yesterday seemed very depressed about something. He leaves a message for her to call him back...and after he hangs up, he murmurs, "Damn it, Leslie."

Bobby tells Pam he stormed over to Alex Ward's office after he heard that Lucy got a modelling job due to her influence with Alex - 'cause how the hell else would someone who's barely five feet tall get a fucking modelling job?? Bobby reminds Pam that she had promised him she wouldn't see Alex again, and Pam explains that she only spoke with Alex about auditioning Lucy, and didn't want to tell him about it 'cause she (correctly) assumed he's misunderstand. Bobby tells her that Alex pointed out there wouldn't have been any flirting between them if there wasn't something wrong with their marriage, and she's like, "Well duh" and says there was definitely something wrong with their marriage, specifically that lately she hasn't felt loved or cared for. Bobby mulls that over and asks her if she thinks they still have problems - but before she can answer, Jock interrupts to summon them downstairs to celebrate Ray's and Donna's nuptials.

Bobby toasts the happy couple...and a few seconds later, Miss Ellie says she has a happy announcement: the DOA went to court and got an injunction to stop the Takapa development. Jock pales and snaps, "What are you talking about?! I am Takapa!" - bwahahaha! - and the camera pans around the room to show the shocked reactions of Miss Ellie, Pam and Bobby, and Ray and Donna. When the camera pauses on an indifferent Sue Ellen, she raises her glass in Donna's direction and toasts, "Here's to you, Donna. Welcome to the Ewing Family." Bwahahaha!

"I am Takapa!"

"OMG! I'm so shocked and dismayed."

"We're deeply concerned about how this will affect the family."

"I couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses about any of this."

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