Recap: Lucy is lounging by the Southfork pool, scowling as Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie sit at a patio table and plan her birthday party. When Lucy complains about the "old fogey band" Sue Ellen plans on hiring, Sue Ellen breezily tells her not to worry her pretty little head about it, and to just show up at the party and have a great time. Lucy makes a face and grumbles that she'll be lucky if she even gets to invite her own friends.
Pam, who's decked out in a skimpy white sundress, runs into Jock on her way to the pool. He gruffly asks her if that's how she dresses for work these days, and Pam shakes her head, chuckles, and says she's planning on wearing it to Lucy's birthday party. First, though, she needs to get Bobby's seal of approval 'cause this is the '70s and he's the boss of that marriage.
Bobby tells Pam he looooves her skimpy sundress, and Miss Ellie chimes in and says she likes it too. Lucy snaps, "What am I going to wear?" so Pam tells her she brought her a bunch of dresses from the store where she works and laid them out on her bed. Lucy rudely retorts, "You picked them out?!" then stomps into the house.
As Lucy checks out the dresses, she overhears JR in the hall telling Jock that he really really wants to get two political bigwigs to talk to each other (during Lucy's party) and smooth things out. Pam enters the house, says hey to JR and Jock, then sashays up the stairs as JR brazenly checks out her ass. She finds Lucy in her bedroom, glumly staring out the window, and notices that all the dresses are messily strewn on the floor. Pam's face falls as she says, "Well...I guess you didn't like them" then tells her that Miss Ellie or Sue Ellen could probably take her into town later and shop for a dress. A tearful Lucy glares at Pam and snarks, "I'm old enough to pick out my own clothes!" and Pam says she's just trying to help. Lucy whines that it's supposed to be her birthday party - yet Sue Ellen is the one putting together the invitation list and hiring an old people band, while JR is using the occasion to broker some kind of deal. She starts sobbing, wails, "I hate this family!" and runs out of the room.
Over lunch on the patio, the adult Ewings discuss Lucy's latest tantrum. Miss Ellie breezily says she'll get over it - but Pam says Lucy has every right to be petulant, and points out that she hasn't been allowed to participate in the planning of her own birthday party. Bobby agrees that it's a legitimate First World Problem, so Miss Ellie says she'll ask Lucy to weigh in on the guest list, and tells Sue Ellen she should look into hiring a more teen-friendly band. Jock and JR get into a discussion about Congressman Oates and how they want him to endorse some guy named Slade. Bobby remarks that maybe they should have backed a better candidate than Slade, but Jock gruffly insists, "He's a good man. He does what he's told."
Lucy checks the mail and finds a letter addressed to her. She opens it, discovers that it's a letter from Valene, and beams happily.
Lucy heads over to the stables to show Ray her letter, in which Valene insists she never took money from JR...and that he threatened her if she didn't agree to leave Southfork, like pronto. Ray shrugs haplessly and says it's her word against JR's, and Lucy snaps, "I believe my mother." She pouts and says the only birthday present she really wants is to be able to invite her own mother to her party, but Ray says that's a terrible idea and urges her to rethink that while he drives her to school.
At dinner that evening, the Ewing menfolk discuss Slade and Congressman Oates again...blah blah...and Pam notices Lucy's sour expression and asks her why she didn't come by the store today. Lucy says she doesn't want a new dress...however, there is something she does want. Jock tells her to name it and he'll buy it immediately - but Lucy says it's something that no one can buy, then glares at JR and snaps, "Even if they say they did." Miss Ellie asks her what she's talking about, so Lucy tells her she wants to invite Valene to her birthday party. Everyone stares at each other in quiet horror until JR flatly decrees, "No way, honey. That's out." Bobby suggests they try to work something out, but Jock grumbles that he's not interested in allowing that skank to ever step foot onto Southfork again, especially considering the way she left. Lucy informs him that, contrary to what JR's been telling everyone, Valene turned down his bribe to leave town and fled of her own accord. An indignant JR snaps, "Are you calling me a liar, Lucy?" and Lucy glares back at him and says, "Yes! My mama wrote me and told me what happened." Hee! Jock admonishes her for disrespecting her uncle, refuses to listen to her side of the story, and orders her to go to her room. Lucy scrunches her face in misery and cries, "Why won't any of you listen to meeeee??!" then scampers upstairs. Pam glares at JR, Miss Ellie wrings her hands uselessly, and a suspicous looking Bobby asks JR if there's any truth to Lucy's claims. JR chuckles nervously and offers a non-answer by remarking that silly girls like Lucy are always letting emotions get in the way of common sense.
Later that night, Lucy sneaks out of the house with an overnight bag and her guitar. She stashes her stuff in JR's Mercedes, then absconds with the car.
As JR gets ready for work the next morning, he looks around for his car keys...and then quickly realizes that his car is gone, along with his gasoline credit card. When he finds Lucy's room empty, he informs Sue Ellen that Lucy is gone and grumbles about how she took his car "to go see that tramp mother of hers".
Lucy arrives at a coffee shop...and a few minutes later, a van pulls up and parks next to the Mercedes - and the driver is none other than dreamy '70s hunk Greg Evigan! As the camera pans over the van's awesome fur-lined dashboard, Greg Evigan opens the glove compartment and pulls out a gun. He enters the coffee shop and spots Lucy sitting alone at a table...and when he flashes a grin at her, she shoots him a flirty smile in return. She then looks out the window and sees a patrol car pull into the parking lot, and watches as a cop examines the Mercedes and jots down the license plate number. Lucy's like, "Ack!", leaves a twenty dollar bill on the table to cover her bill, and rushes out the back door lugging her guitar. Greg Evigan, who's definitely up to no good, picks up the twenty and pays the waitress at the cash register, then pockets the change.
Lucy abandons the Mercedes and hitchhikes on a nearby highway, 'cause what could go wrong with that? A few seconds later, Greg Evigan rolls up in his van and urges her to get in - which she does 'cause she's a brainless moron. He tells her he couldn't help staring at her in the coffee shop, and a blushing Lucy giggles girlishly and says, "I didn't mind", then introduces herself as Lucy Clements and says she's headed to San Antonio. He asks her if she stole the Mercedes she arrived at the coffee shop in, and she just shrugs and replies, "Some people have a lot more money than they need." Greg Evigan asks her if she has any money for gas, so she tells him she spent her last $20 at the diner, but then pulls JR's gasoline credit card out of her pocket and hands it to him. Greg Evigan grins and hoots, "We're in business now!"
JR and Bobby drive around town but have no luck finding Lucy, and Miss Ellie gets a call from the police, who tell her that they found JR's abandoned car. Lucy, however, is nowhere to be found, but apparently a waitress spotted her hitchhiking on the highway. JR assumes she's headed to wherever her mother is living and announces that he'll send some boys to pick her up "and explain the facts of life" (?) to her. Bobby objects to Lucy being dragged back to Southfork and vetoes that idea. He offers to go pick her up, and JR gives him his blessing and says to call him if he runs into any trouble.
Greg Evigan and Lucy arrive in San Antonio. Lucy fibs and tells him that her daddy used to work for rich folks, but they drove him off and made her stay behind...and somehow Greg Evigan buys that nonsensical tale.
Greg Evigan pulls up to a restaurant - Valene's last known workplace - and he and Lucy go inside. Lucy inquires with the manager about her mother, but he informs her that she recently quit and possibly moved to Austin. He then spots Greg Evigan breaking into the cash register and yells, "Hey! What do you think you're doing over there?!" and Greg Evigan pulls out his gun and points it at him and orders everyone currently dining in the restaurant to stay cool. He takes all the cash from the register, grabs Lucy, and forces her back to the van. The manager rushes outside and watches with dismay as the van speeds away.
Greg laughs maniacally and bellows, "You and me! We pulled it off!" and Lucy's all, "Wuh?" and argues that she had no idea he was planning to commit a robbery. Greg Evigan angrily shouts, "Shut your face!" and when Lucy keeps nattering about how she wasn't in any way clued in to his illegal activities, he pulls the van over to the side of the road and bellows, "I said, don't make me mad!" He starts twitching uncontrollably, then stabs his index finger in Lucy's direction, which is effective in shutting her up. He takes a few deep breaths, stops twitching, and assures Lucy that everything's going to be A-OK. He cups her chin and stares at her expectantly, so she squeaks, "OK" and Greg Evigan chuckles and starts driving again.
The restaurant manager who Greg Evigan just robbed calls the cops, and their arrival at the restaurant coincides with that of Bobby's. He insists that Lucy was just an innocent bystander, then pays off the manager to dissuade him from pressing charges against the dumbass. The manager thinks they're probably headed for Austin, and one of the cops tells Bobby they're going to pursue that lead...which, hopefully, will result in Lucy's safe return.
Greg Evigan parks the van in a wooded area and takes a nap to try to quell the voices in his head. Lucy tries to tip-toe past him - but he wakes up and snarls, "Where do you think you're going?" Lucy says she's been thinkin' and decided that it'd be best if they split up now, and Greg Evigan laughs maniacally and nixes the idea and says he doesn't like to be alone. He reminds her that she stole a fancy car and a gasoline credit card - and translates this into meaning that they're meant for each other. He then looms over her and declares, "You're my girl from now on. Right?!" and when Lucy just stares despondently into space, Greg Evigan gives her a from-behind bear hug and kisses the top of her head.
When they hit the road again, Greg Evigan asks Lucy if she's mad at him...and when he gets no response, he offers to drive her straight to Austin. He asks her if she wants breakfast, and she whimpers, "Let me go...please" and promises not to tell the cops about the restaurant robbery (which is idiotic, 'cause there was a roomful of eye-witnesses), but he says no and insists that they're meant to be together.
Back at the ranch, Lucy's birthday party (sans Lucy) is in full swing. The Lawrence Welk-esque band that Sue Ellen booked is performing (so it's probably best that Lucy isn't there to see them), and Jock tells Miss Ellie he now regrets being so dickishly inflexible about not allowing Lucy to invite Valene to the party. Well, d'yuh.
Bobby is driving around Texas in his red Mercedes, still searching for Lucy.
Greg Evigan stops at a gas station and pays for his fuel with JR's stolen gasoline credit card...then decides to rob the attendant of whatever cash he has on him. After knocking him out, he runs back to the van, squeals off, and cackles, "That suckuh!" He throws the wad of cash at Lucy and orders her to count it...and she does and tearfully tells him it's thirty dollars. Her response seems to make him angry, and he swerves around the road for awhile, then acknowledges that he's a total nutter with anger management issues. He nods and mutters to himself, "Need to keep it cool...keep it cool..." LOL.
Southfork. Pam accepts all the birthday gifts from the partygoers and assures them that Lucy will love them. JR is talking to Congressman Oates, then wanders off to look for Slade.
Bobby has arrived at the gas station where Greg Evigan knocked the attendant unconscious. He asks the attendant where he thinks the van is headed, then gives him a little advance bribe money for the info. When the attendant says they drove in the direction of Austin, Bobby urges him to call the Austin police, give them the van's license plate number, and tell them, "Bobby Ewing told me to call" 'cause apparently he has an in with the police force there.
Greg Evigan tells Lucy she's going to have to earn her keep by singing for money in a seedy bar. Er...OK. Lucy wails, "I don't know how to sing!" but Greg Evigan glares at her and orders, "You sing. You sing good" then grabs her arm and steers her toward the bar. It's really starting to go off the rails, this abduction.
Bobby's back on the road, headed to Austin. Back at the ranch, Pam stares sadly at Lucy's four tier birthday cake.
As a comedian entertains the seedy bar patrons, Greg Evigan tells Lucy he's proud of her and warns her not to get nervous or sick while she's on stage 'cause he'll be watching her like the obsessive tool he is.
A police officer is writing up a parking ticket for Greg Evigan's van. He then notes the license plate, calls it in, and - because the episode's almost over and the plot needs to move forward more quickly - learns that it's a stolen vehicle.
Southfork. Despite JR's best efforts, Congressman Oates and Slade don't get along very well. Oates eventually gives in and relucantly agrees to work with Slade, then openly admits he's only doing it 'cause he wants the Ewings to fund his re-election. Jock nods approvingly and gruffly says, "That's good enough for me."
Lucy gets up on stage and looks like she's having the time of her life as she badly - like, really badly - lip-syncs to a country song...instead of...oh I don't know...using the opportunity to escape her current kidnapping ordeal. Everyone in the bar delightedly cheers and claps along. LOL.
The police surround the area where Greg Evigan's van is parked...and they're armed with rifles, waiting for him to show himself. Bobby, naturally, is among the police officers, and reminds them not to let the bullets fly 'cause his idiot niece is still with the nutter.
As Lucy continues to horrifically - like, really horrifically - lip-sync to the indulgent bar crowd, Greg Evigan points his gun at the bartender and orders him to hand over all the money in the cash register. As Lucy wraps up her performance, Greg Evigan motions for her to flee the club with him...and instead of trying to escape her kidnapping ordeal by running in the opposite direction, she waves back and obediently rushes over to him. From this I can only assume that Stockholm Syndrome has started to set in. When they exit the bar out the back door, they're suddenly surrounded by police. Greg Evigan points his gun at them, then motions toward Lucy and bellows, "Don't make me hurt her!" Bobby jumps into action and tells Greg Evigan he's Lucy's Uncle Bobby...and Greg Evigan finally gets a clue and realizes that his hostage is a wealthy Ewing. Bobby offers to take Lucy's place as his hostage and says he's carrying $2,000 he's willing to hand over. Greg Evigan mulls that over and decides he likes the sound of that, so Bobby starts walking over. Lucy screeches, "Don't trust him!" then grabs Greg Evigan's ear...and no, that's not a typo. In fact, I hit rewind to be sure that I saw it right - and, yep, she really does grab his ear. During the chaos of Greg Evigan's ear getting tweaked, Bobby punches him and knocks the gun out of his hand...and the cops rush in, handcuff him, and take him away. Phew!
Bobby assures a sheepish Lucy that no one is going to be mad at her multiple acts of idiocy, which include: stealing JR's car, hitchhiking, and getting into a lunatic's fur-lined van. She thanks him, and the two hug.
Southfork. JR tells Sue Ellen she did a good job mingling at the party and thanks her for planning the momentous event. Miss Ellie bursts out of the house and tells Jock the good news about Lucy...and says that she and Bobby will return home tomorrow. Jock is pleased, but laments not getting a birthday dance with his granddaughter, so Miss Ellie tenderly assures him he can have one tomorrow. Pam, who's standing nearby, smiles at the sight of her aging in-laws canoodling.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!