Recap: The episode opens with a lot of Saturday Night Fever type boogying, and we see that Lucy is groovin’ it on a disco ball lit dance floor with her latest squeeze, Kit Mainwaring. After dancing themselves into exhaustion, the couple heads over to Kit’s luxury apartment, where a particularly deferential Hispanic manservant named Jesus serves them coffee. Lucy tells Kit he's soooooo lucky he gets to live alone (not counting Jesus), and complains about how overprotective her family is. She says she'd love to attend college in New England, then glumly adds that her grandparents will probably do their damnedest to keep her in Dallas until they can marry her off. And speaking of being married off, she gives Kit a flirty once-over and suggests that perhaps marriage isn’t so far off after all....but Kit avoids the subject by deftly asking her if she's up for a game of backgammon, then reminds her that he'll be driving her home at a reasonable hour. Lucy canoodles him and says she'd really really like to stay over - but when Kit retorts, "You're awfully young", she looks miffed and reminds him that he once declared having lukewarm feelings for her. He assures her he does, but then chides her for egging him on to treat her like a cheap floozy (!) and adds that he doesn’t want to do anything that may be hurtful. Like propose marriage to a dimwitted nineteen year old while knowing full well that neither his heart nor his penis would be into it, for example.
Kit drops Lucy off at Southfork just as JR arrives home. She warns that her uncle is usually a cunty grouch - but to their surprise, JR politely asks Kit how he’s doing, then amiably wishes the two a pleasant evening. A startled Lucy calls JR's rare good mood amaaaazing...and then she and Kit indulge in a smooch.
JR enters his bedroom and finds Sue Ellen passed out with a half empty bottle of booze sitting on the nightstand. Someone should really get this woman to a rehab center before she causes irreparable harm to Cliff's spawn. JR picks up the bottle and pours himself a drink, then stares contemplatively into space.
The next morning, Pam and Bobby arrive at the breakfast table looking flushed and in love, while a grey-faced Sue Ellen stumbles around with an obvious hangover. Lucy bounds over and giddily tells everyone what a great time she and Kit had at the disco last night, and JR remarks that she’s been seeing a lot of this young man and hopes that his intentions are honorable. Lucy scrunches her face in annoyance and asks Pam if she’d mind driving her to school...and after getting stink-eyes from various family members, JR insists he’s merely concerned about Lucy's well-being and suggests that he and Sue Ellen take her and Kit out to dinner. Lucy says she's game...then walks with Pam to her car and gabbles about how crazy in looooove with her new beau she is. She then pauses and says she has a nagging concern that he may not love her back, but Pam breezily assures her that he’s nuts about her.
JR tells his parents that Lucy could do a whole lot worse than hook up with a son from a rich family in the oil biz...and Miss Ellie warns him to not pressure Lucy, and reminds him that her marriage shouldn't be regarded as a business deal. Jock gruffly reminds Miss Ellie that back in the day she married him to consolidate ownership of Southfork, and Miss Ellie smiles the serene smile that always makes me want to smack her and insists that she did exactly what she wanted to do when she said I do. Jock grins and promises that they'll allow Lucy to do the same...which I thought was surprisingly progressive of the old buzzard.
During the double date dinner, Lucy tells JR and Sue Ellen that Kit yearns to be a writer, and Kit hastily clarifies that writing is more of a hobby 'cause working in the family's oil business keeps him in touch with the real world. As he blathers to JR about the Mainwaring empire, Lucy poutishly chides him and JR for talking business during their dinner date. JR calls for the check and urges Lucy and Kit to go out and have a marvelous time...and as he and Sue Ellen exit the restaurant, she wryly tells him he can cut the shit with 'the nice guy routine' now. LOL.
Kit is working in his office when his stern-faced father enters. He shows Kit the invitation he just received for the upcoming Ewing barbecue and compliments him for giving up his former life of boozing, gambling, and gay carousing...and giving everyone the strong impression that he may settle down in a traditional hetero marriage with a woman of his station. Kit tells him not to make too much of all the time he's been spending with Lucy, 'cause at most he only thinks of her as a girlfriend-beard. Papa Mainwaring admits his intense dislike for the Ewings - JR in particular - but says he's willing to overlook their shittiness if he (Kit) is willing to help forge an alliance between their families. Kit mulls that over as he stares contemplatively into space.
Ewing barbecue! Lucy looks deliriously happy as she dances with Kit, while Pam notices Sue Ellen drunkenly stumbling around the patio...and steers her into the house so she won't freak out the guests.
As Lucy gushes to Ray about how in looooove with Kit she is, Bobby discreetly explains to Kit that Ray and Lucy have a special bond on account of all the [inappropriate and what we later learn was incestuous] attention he paid to her when no one else in the family could be bothered to give her the time of day. He tells Kit that if he marries Lucy he couldn’t ask for a nicer nephew in-law - but adds that if he or his penis are not fully up to the task, he should end this sham of an engagement before it goes any further. Kit mulls over that sage advice and promises to take it under consideration. A few seconds later, Mama and Papa Mainwaring arrive at the barbecue, and Kit and Lucy scamper over to say hello. The Mainwarings gush about how lovely Lucy is, and Papa Mainwaring politely asks her to dance. Mama Mainwaring makes clear to Kit how delighted she and his father would be if he married the dwarfish Ewing, and Kit starts to look visibly conflicted. Run, Kit! Runnnnn!
JR sidles up to Papa Mainwaring and invites him to play racquetball with him at the club sometime, but Papa Mainwaring says he's putting the brakes on any male bonding attempts until Lucy and Kit officially seal the deal. Cue Lucy, who suddenly shrieks, “YESSSS! I love you!!” then screechily informs the partygoers that Kit just had a major brain-fart and proposed marriage to her - and that she's so clueless about his sexual preference for dudes that she said YESSSS! Everyone’s all, "Awww!” and clumps around her and Kit in a really awkward looking group hug as the scene fades out for a commercial break.
A few days later, the Ewings are looking over the engagement announcement in the newspaper. Sue Ellen says it’s been awhile since there was a wedding at Southfork, then estimates that they'll probably invite around three hundred people to the ranch to celebrate her nuptials. Lucy says she'd much prefer a small wedding and wants her parents to be present...and after a lot of awkward glances around the table, Miss Ellie offers to check in with the writers of the forthcoming Knot's Landing to see if they'd be up for some spin-off crossover. JR offers to give Lucy a ride downtown, then tosses his car keys at her and says he's thinking about buying her a car as a graduation present. A bewildered but excited Lucy climbs into the driver’s seat.
A gaggle of old white cronies are in JR's office, complaining about how the Mainwarings have launched an environmental impact study with the OLM, which Cliff is happily supporting. JR tells them that the Mainwarings are building a new oil refinery on the Gulf...and the cronies acknowledge that they're going to need an in with the Ewings' new in-laws.
Lucy and Kit are out dancing again, and Lucy is decked out in a glittery top and tight pants. During a drink break, they run into Kit's college roommate - a delicate featured young man named Sam, who stares wistfully at Kit as he awkwardly congratulates them on their engagement. Lucy ignores that giant red flag and accompanies Kit to his luxury apartment, where Kit announces that he's finally braced himself to hit the sheets with her.
As Lucy enjoys some post-coital afterglow, she compliments Kit's expert lovemaking...and concurs with him that she feels as though she just conquered the world. She ruefully admits to being a rich spoiled brat who never cared about anyone, but says she definitely loves him 'cause of how much he loves and respects her. Kit's like, "Uh huh, whatever", gives her a smooch, and says he'd better take her home asap.
Kit drops by Ewing Oil to have a heart-to-heart with Bobby. He tells Bobby he's going to have to call off the wedding, but doesn't know how to break the news to Lucy. When Bobby scrunches his face confusedly and asks whassup with his sudden change of heart, Kit blurts out, "I'm a homosexual, Bobby!" and Bobby just stares back at him with his default blank expression looking blanker than usual. Kit says he didn't mean to lead Lucy on...but somehow, despite his preference for men, he fell in love with her and took her to bed last night. As anyone could predict, a dose of hetero sex with Lucy didn't really take, and he glumly declares, "I'm still a homosexual." Bobby looks aghast and says there's no getting around the fact that this news is going to be devastating to Lucy, and Kit says he knows he's going to have to bite the bullet and tell her.
Lucy is excitedly looking over all the wedding gifts that wedding guests have been sending to Southfork. Sue Ellen enters the room with two of her society lady friends, then announces that the three of them are going to lunch.
JR and Papa Mainwaring are in a meeting at Ewing Oil, discussing JR's desire to benefit from the new oil refinery. Bobby joins the meeting just as JR waxes on about how the Ewings and Mainwarings are practically family, and Papa Mainwaring solemnly concurs, "Family counts for everything" before heading out. Subtle, writers. Bobby scrunches his face concernedly and tells JR that if Lucy's and Kit's future marriage is the only thing holding the deal together, then it probably isn't going to happen. He says that Kit just told him he plans on canceling the wedding - but JR's like, "Uh, not" and insists that Kit is marrying Lucy no matter what. Bobby's like, "Nuh uh" and says it would be better for all concerned if Kit were to quickly disappear, never to be seen on Dallas again - but JR shrugs and says, "Women marry homosexuals all the time." When Bobby's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", JR explains that Kit made his gaydar go off like a car alarm during a thunder storm...and Bobby shakes his head with disgust and tells him he's reached a new low, and that it is impossible for the wedding to proceed.
Kit calls Lucy to invite her over to dinner later...and she cluelessly gushes about how much she looooves him. A few minutes later, JR drops by Kit's apartment and urges him to avoid doing anything rash, and assures him that Lucy can keep him on the straight and narrow, pun intended. When Kit stares at him in surprise, JR says he's known for some time that he's a homosexual - but because he's so desperate to cozy up to his well connected daddy, he needs him to marry Lucy and live a tortured life as a closeted gay man.
Lucy arrives at Kit's apartment for dinner and gabbles at him about wanting to go to college and hold off on having kids. A tortured Kit blurts out, "I can't marry you!" and Lucy's all, "Wha-a-a?" and poutishly says she thought he loved her. He assures her he does (sort of) then tells her that the college roommate they ran into the other night, Sam, was a whole lot more than just his roommate...which anyone with half a brain could have detected. He declares, "I'm a homosexual!" ... and once Lucy gets over the immediate discombobulation of that reveal, she insists she can learn to live with being a wife-beard. Kit's like, "Er, really..?" and asks her if she can truly learn to live with him doinking Sam or any other gay lovers he may become attracted to...and she sadly shakes her head and starts sobbing. Kit tells her he learned a lot about himself while dating her and feels terrible about breaking her heart. He then laments how pissed off JR is going to be about him cancelling the wedding - but Lucy assures him that she'll prevent any kind of scandal. She gives him a kiss and asks him if they can still see each other, and and he says he'd be fine with it "once it stops hurting". Lucy dissolves into a startlingly ugly cry and wails, "That's not going to be for a very loooooong time!" and flees the apartment.
Back at Southfork, JR tells Jock about his meeting with Papa Mainwaring, and that the Ewing-Mainwaring partnership is firmly on track. Pam, Bobby, and Sue Ellen and her two society lady friends arrive at the ranch, followed by a despondent Lucy. She announces that the wedding's off 'cause of how turned off she suddenly is by Kit's jealousy and possessiveness. JR looks alarmed and snaps, "That's nonsense!", but Lucy digs in and says she's not changing her mind and that she prolly won't get married for a looooong time. Jock interjects and says she doesn't have to get married if she doesn't want to, and Miss Ellie warns JR to leave her alone.
Bobby finds Lucy sobbing in the study and coos, "You gave quite a performance" and remarks that Kit has a lot to be grateful for. He gushes over her courage and calls her "quite a lady", but Lucy just cries about how much it hurts. She squeaks, "When will it stop?" and Bobby assures her that in all likelihood the writers will forget all about this storyline by the time the end credits roll...and this seems to make Lucy sob even harder.
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