Dallas - Season 2, Episode 20

Please file for divorce

"Call Girl"
Original airdate: 2/23/1979

Episode summary: JR tries to disgrace Pam by making it look like she's into raunchy sex...but his plan backfires when she agrees to move back to Southfork.

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Recap: Bobby and JR are playing a vigorous game of racquetball...and Bobby wins after he crashes into JR to make the winning shot. JR cackles about how all of this vigorous exercise is good therapy for him 'cause he's been celibate ever since Pam left Southfork. The two are about to start another game when a young woman pokes her head inside the court to inform Bobby that he's been summoned to Southfork.

Pam and her boss, Liz Craig, are overseeing a photo shoot for the department store...and Pam strikes up a friendship with one of the models who's played by Veronica Hamel.

At Southfork, Ray and a ranch hand named Frank inform Bobby that a gang of rustlers made off with a truckload of Southfork cattle, and that it's happened a few other times over the last few months. Bobby stares blankly into space as he digests that troubling development and says he'll call the neighboring ranchers to see if they too have been having rustler issues.

Over at Ewing Oil, JR is complaining to a small group of oil industry cronies about some new oil refinery deal, and that he hopes that the government will soon lift its restrictions. The cronies tell him they don't want to get into any kind of deal making with him 'cause of what happened to Willie Joe and Jeb, then call him out on the lack of clout he has now that Ben Maxwell is fully supportive of Cliff in his position at the Office of Land Management. One crony suggests that if JR can "handle" Ben they'd maybe be willing to do business with Ewing Oil again...but then says it's prolly not likely to come about 'cause Ben represents ultimate power in Dallas and is a straight-as-an-arrow type guy. (Except: not)

As Bobby and Ray pore over a map of Southfork, Ray mentions that he found tire tracks near some damaged fencing. Bobby suggests they go out and hit a bunch of hillbilly bars tonight to see if they can uncover any intel about the rustlers...and when Ray insists that he can handle that action himself, Bobby says he wants to go 'cause he could use a distraction from his troubled marriage. 

At Southfork that evening, Jock asks JR how the oil refinery deal is shaping up, and JR sheepishly reports that the cronies are being stubbornly shortsighted in their refusal to enter into any kind of business with Ewing Oil. Jock gruffly reminds him that now that Willie Joe and Jeb are serving time for murdering Tina Louise, the company is going to need an infusion of trusted cartel members - and JR stares shamefully at the floor and promises his crusty daddy that he'll get right on that. Jock tells him to enlist Bobby if he needs help...and JR bitchily remarks that Bobby's mind isn't on business these days 'cause of his separation from Pam. Miss Ellie interjects and she's hopeful that their separation is just temporary, then predicts that Pam will soon return home. Her pronouncement results in a long, awkward silence among the Ewing men. 

"Dang, son! You go out there and find more old white cronies to be recruited into our criminal organization."

"Yes daddy sir."

JR is back at the racquetball club, but this time he's playing an energetic game with Ben Maxwell, who looks like a skinny milquetoast in his shorts and t-shirt but somehow represents ultimate power in Dallas. When they finish their game, JR tries to talk shit about Cliff - but Ben just chuckles about how he never gets tired of invoking the show's tedious Ewing-Barnes feud. Fuuuuucking right.

Pam is running another photo shoot, this time with the models wearing swimsuits. She invites Veronica Hamel to join her for lunch at the racquetball club, then admits that her ulterior motive is the possibility of running into Bobby 'cause she knows how much he likes to play racquetball.

During lunch, Pam admits to Veronica Hamel that she really misses Bobby and hates living alone...so Veronica Hamel suggests she move into her apartment so they can share expenses. Pam bristles at how permanent that arrangement sounds - but then sighs and says she simply can't bear the thought of living under the same roof as Bobby's "serpent of a brother". Veronica Hamel tells her she can stay as long as it takes to figure out her living situation, and Pam agrees to come by her place later and have a look.

"Bobby insists that we live under the same roof as his parents, brother, and niece."

"Sounds like a rare strain of Peter Pan Syndrome."

JR and Ben stop by the bar in the racquetball club restaurant so that JR can continue bitching about how Cliff is using his position at the Office of Land Management to destroy Ewing Oil. Ben just kind of shrugs and says he's A-OK with Cliff's work performance...as is anyone else who matters. He then notices Pam lunching across the room and asks JR if that's his sister-in-law - just as Pam and Veronica Hamel gather up their stuff to head out. As they walk past the bar, JR says hello and asks to be introduced to her pretty friend. After the introductions are made and some small talk is exchanged, Pam and Veronica Hamel exit the restaurant...and once they're out of earshot, JR asks Ben if he finds Pam's friend hot. Ben chuckles and pretends he barely noticed her 'cause of how happily married he is.  

JR drops by Veronica Hamel's apartment so the two can get reacquainted, since apparently he knew her during her call girl days. He holds up a framed photo of her daughter, who's currently living with Mama Hamel, and offers her a proposition that entails exploiting her "special talents". Veronica Hamel shoots him the stink-eye, declines the sleazy offer, and says she's dedicated to making a new life for herself as a catalogue model. JR refuses to take no for an answer, hands her some cash, and says he has a friend whose boner is in desperate need of her services. Veronica Hamel responds by angrily ripping the bills in half and letting the pieces flutter to the floor, then barking, "No deal!" She calls him a prize pimp, a nickname JR takes as a compliment before snidely adding, "Seeing as how it comes from an expert." He then exits the building and sneaks back to his car just as Pam pulls up...and remains parked there, creepily staring at her as she obliviously makes her way toward the building.   

Pam calls Bobby to inform him that she's moving out of her hotel room to share an apartment with her new gal pal, Veronica Hamel. Bobby contorts his normally blank face into an expression of concern and says that that living arrangement sounds kinda permanent. Pam reminds him how torturous it is for her to live under the same roof as his shitty family...but since she really hates living alone, she decided 'why not live in Veronica Hamel's spare bedroom?' Bobby glumly wishes her luck and ends the call just as Miss Ellie and JR enter the study. Bobby announces that Pam is moving in with her girlfriend Veronica Hamel...and JR perks up and grins devilishly. 

"I just can't fathom why Pam would rather live with Veronica Hamel than under the same roof as a group of nosy, hostile in-laws."

"I can't fathom it either."

JR calls up his buddy from the Vice Squad, a douchewad named Matt Henderson, and says he has a small task he needs him to perform. He gives Matt a quick run-down on Veronica Hamel and says that the uppity hussy needs reminding of who she is and who her friends are. He orders Matt to give her the "B treatment" (it remains unclear if that's better or worse than the "A treatment"), and gives him the address of her building. 

Veronica Hamel pulls up to her apartment building - but before she can go inside, she's accused by Matt Henderson of solicitation. When she points out that she didn't actually do anything, he tauntingly says that no one will believe her. She raises her hand to slap him across the face, but he stops her by grabbing her by the wrist and steering her toward his car.

JR finds Sue Ellen boozing it up in their bedroom. He snatches the bottle away from her and pours the alcohol into the nearest houseplant, then admonishes her for not showing up at the dinner table this evening...which seems secondary to the fact that SHE'S BOOZING IT UP WHILE PREGNANT. Sue Ellen smirkingly says she wasn't feeling well, and JR bitchily retorts that she'll feel a lot worse if she pulls a no-show at dinner tomorrow. It's interesting how important these wretched family dinners are to JR...but I'll have to assume it's related to his weird daddy issues. Sue Ellen lets out a caustic guffaw and asks him if he's going to start beating his pregnant wife, and JR shoves her toward the nearest mirror and snarls about how pathetic the former Miss Texas now looks, then barks, "A lush! A tramp!" Sue Ellen wryly adds, "And chances are, the mother of your child." JR warns her to take better care of the baby on account of it being the only thing standing between her and the gutter. A few seconds later, he gets a phone call and tells whoever it is that he'll be there in an hour.

Bobby and Ray are milling around a hillbilly bar filled with grizzled men wearing plaid shirts and cowboy hats...and after having hit several bars earlier in the evening, Bobby tells Ray he's ready to call it a night. A fight suddenly breaks out when a hostile looking group of yokels surround a young man who's been asking about rustlers...and Bobby and Ray immediately jump into the fray. Everyone starts punching everyone, tables get flipped over, and Ray throws a chair at someone before he and Bobby flee the bar. They encounter the young man who was being bullied - Kit Mainwaring - and he thanks them for the help and explains that his family's ranch was recently targeted by cattle rustlers. Bobby perks up and asks him if he uncovered any intel, but Kit says he wasn't able to learn anything useful before the shit hit the fan. Bobby invites him to stop by Southfork in the morning so they can put their heads together and figure out who the cattle thieves could possibly be. Looks like a boring-as-fuck mystery is in the works.

Matt Henderson drives Veronica Hamel home without arresting her, then tells her she's lucky to have such powerful friends. She flees to her apartment only to find JR sitting on her couch - and he smugly tells her he enlisted Matt Henderson to intimidate her into doing his sleazy bidding. Veronica Hamel gives in and says she's open to his deal, so JR hands her a membership card for the racquetball club and says he's going to orchestrate a "chance encounter" between her and Ben Maxwell, and that her assignment is to get him to believe that she's in love with him (and/or vice versa). Once that's been accomplished over drinks, she's to invite him to her apartment and make it look as though the two of them and Pam are enjoying a three-way. LOL - that plan sounds just crazy enough to work! Veronica Hamel gets antsy about setting up Pam, so JR turns all menacing and says he's not playing games. He reminds her that they pulled off a similar scam in Houston, then hands her a post office key so she can collect her hefty payment once she's completed her assignment. 

At breakfast the next morning, Bobby comes to the table with his bruised, beat up face. He tells the family about the skirmish he and Ray got into last night while hunting rustlers - and Jock turns wistful and says he wishes he'd come along, cracking skulls along with them...and he says this as if he wouldn't have keeled over after the first blow. Kit Mainwaring arrives at the ranch and is introduced to everyone...including Lucy, who immediately looks smitten as she gives him an appreciative once-over. When Bobby heads off with Kit to go see the sheriff, JR grunts approvingly and says that forming a Ewing-Wainwaring alliance would be a smart move for the family. Lucy concurs and gigglingly suggests they invite Kit to their next barbecue 'cause of how super gorgeous he is. 

Veronica Hamel launches Operation Seduce Ben Maxwell and Fake a Three-way and pretends to bump into Ben at the racquetball club bar. Ben invites her to join him for a drink...and we see that JR is keeping tabs on the operation by creepily spying on them through the blinds of a nearby window. LOL.

Veronica Hamel calls Pam at work and tells her she'll be home late tonight due to an unexpected booty call, but that she can get a key to the apartment from the building manager.

JR recruits a photographer to take compromising photos of the impending faux three-way. The photographer is reluctant to get involved in JR's schemes, but then decides he could really use the cash.

Pam and her suitcase arrive at Veronica Hamel's apartment and she glances around the tiny hovel and appears happy to be there.

Many drinks later, Veronica Hamel and Ben Maxwell arrive at her building. She purrs at him about not wanting the evening to end and invites him in for a nightcap...and Ben's like, "Sounds good to me!" and the two stroll towards her building, arm in arm. I guess he's not so happily married after all.

Veronica Hamel urges Ben to relax as she pours them a drink, then excuses herself to change into something slinky. While doing that, she signals the photographer who's lurking outside near the window to let him know that the operation's a go, then returns to the living room. She briefly canoodles with Ben, unbuttons his shirt, and steers him toward Pam's bedroom. Ben drunkenly stumbles and lands atop Pam - and she wakes up and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" just as the photographer starts snapping away. Ben glares at Veronica Hamel and angrily snaps, "What are you trying to pull?!" then quickly buttons up his shirt and flees the apartment while Pam struggles to recombobulate herself.

"What the..?"

"There's the money shot."

Jock arrives at breakfast with the day's paper, and on the cover is the faux three-way photo of Pam, Ben Maxwell, and Veronica Hamel. Miss Ellie frowns at the offending pic and says she doesn't believe that it was a viable three-way...not least 'cause of the shocked and puzzled expressions on Pam's and Ben's faces that make it clear how surprised they are to suddenly be in each other's presence. Lucy and Sue Ellen, on the other hand, decide it's authentic. Jock says that this scandal is sure to ruin Ben Maxwell, and JR concurs and says that his board of directors will, no doubt, ask him to resign. When Miss Ellie wrings her hands about how wrecked Bobby is going to be, Sue Ellen haughtily retorts that Pam had a lovely home at Southfork, but chose to leave it so she could play raunchy sex games. Like she's really one to be sanctimonious about extramarital sex when she's trying to pass off Cliff's love child as a Ewing. When Bobby arrives at the breakfast table and gets a look at the paper, he immediately blames JR and calls the stunt his style. He gets in a good face punch before Jock gets between them and threatens to beat the hell out of both of them. He growls at JR that he'd better be innocent of Bobby's accusation, but JR just shrugs and says, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

Veronica Hamel calls her mom to tell her she's coming to pick up her daughter now that she has the cash to "bring her up as a proper lady". Er...OK. Pam emerges from her bedroom, sees the packed bags, and asks whassup. Veronica Hamel looks tortured and moans about how she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and that she wouldn't have done it if there had been a better way out of her poverty. She then points at the newspaper sitting on the counter and beats a hasty retreat. 

JR hands out cigars to his old white cronies in celebration of disgraced Ben Maxwell's sudden departure. The cronies are unsure if this means that Cliff will still remain in his position at the Office of Land Management, so they give JR his cigars back and tell him to give them a call if Cliff resigns. Haha!

Bobby arrives at the apartment building just as Pam is packing up her car. He tells her it's time to end their estranged marriage subplot and orders her to return to Southfork asap. Pam wails that she has to leave Dallas 'cause she can't live with the scandal of the faux three-way, and Bobby just snorts derisively and says that anyone with a brain knows it was a total set up. The two correctly assume that it must have been orchestrated by JR, and Pam says, "Well that finishes it." Bobby argues that it's only over if she stops fighting, and that he can't stand the thought of JR winning. Pam throws in the towel on avoiding a life of misery living under the same roof as her in-laws 'CAUSE CLEARLY BOBBY IS NEVER GOING TO GET A CLUE AND CONCLUDE THAT THIS WHOLE SITUATION COULD EASILY BE SOLVED BY GETTING A HOME OF THEIR OWN and coos, "I love you", to which Bobby replies, "Then let's go home" before giving her a big smooch.

"Now that your roommate situation has been pooched, you have no choice but to return to Southfork."

"Drats."

Bobby and Pam return to Southfork, and Pam seems oddly thrilled to be back on the ranch. Lucy squeals happily and gives Pam a happy hug, and she's greeted in a lukewarm fashion by Miss Ellie and Jock. Sue Ellen emerges from the house and shames Pam for having the nerve to show her face at Southfork after disgracing the family with her raunchy sex games. Miss Ellie chides her, but then smiles serenely as she expresses how happy she is that the family is back together again (save for Gary, of course)...and Jock suggests they celebrate Pam's return home with a drink.

A few seconds later, JR arrives home and looks thrilled with the scheme he still assumes he pulled off...but when Pam emerges from the house and says hey, he's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" She shoots him a smug grin, and then Bobby explains that when he and Pam saw the faux three-way photo on the cover of the newspaper, it made them realize how much they loved and needed each other. The rest of the Ewings chuckle as JR stares helplessly into space.

Womp womp!

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