Recap: On the morning after a wild night in a cheap Waco motel, JR and Ray high-five each other for the satisfying fuckfest they indulged in with two floozies named Wanda and Mary Lou. JR looks over at Wanda, who's still asleep in the bed, then walks across the room, gives her a slap on the shoulder and barks, "You take care now." The two then beat a hasty retreat...and as they hit the road, they cackle about how Waco is "a town of pretty ladies". A few seconds later, two men in a blue truck arrive at the motel - hey, one of them is Brian Dennehy! They storm into the motel room that JR and Ray just vacated...and unfortunately for Wanda, it looks like Brian Dennehy is her husband. He grabs her by the hair, and she's all, "Ack!" when she sees him looming over her, and cries, "It isn't what you think!" and he retorts by backhanding her across the face. The younger, deranged looking guy (whose name is Peyton), drags in Mary Lou from the adjoining room, and she's wrapped in a bed sheet and looks mortified. Brian Dennehy demands to know what unholy carnal acts occurred in this motel room, but both women just mutely stare back at him. Brian Dennehy then notices a business card on the floor, and snatches it up and reads it aloud: JR Ewing, Southfork, Braddock TX. Uh oh..
Southfork. Sue Ellen brings a tray of food to Miss Ellie, who's in bed recuperating from a migraine. Miss Ellie tells her they need to do more to make Pam feel welcome at Southfork - meaning they have to start thinking of her less as Digger Barnes' daughter than as Bobby's wife. Downstairs, Pam takes a call from Bobby, who's phoning from Ewing Oil to alert her about a possible hurricane headed toward Braddock. She's all, "Wha-a? Hurricane?" and Sue Ellen overhears her and wonders if the bad weather is what's delaying JR and Ray. Lucy arrives home and explains that school closed early because of the storm. Sue Ellen barks at her to gather as many oil lanterns as she can find, then orders Pam to secure all the windows.
Ewing Oil. Bobby wants to head home, but Jock nixes that idea and tells him he made dinner plans with some oil industry bigwigs so he can show him off as the company's new pretty boy executive. He then points out that JR and Ray are due to return home soon and can secure the ranch.
Brian Dennehy and Peyton arrive on the outskirts of Southfork. Brian Dennehy declares, "We're gonna git to JR's woman the way he did to mine" and Peyton cackles, "Sounds like fun!" The two Neanderthals acknowledge that they don't have any kind of coherent plan except to "find out what's there and who's there".
Southfork. The winds have picked up by the time JR and Ray return home. JR gives Sue Ellen a quick hello kiss, and she chides him for not calling while he was away on his "business trip". He mumbles that he was busy [doinking Wanda] the whole time, then says he can't talk about it anymore 'cause, gosh darn it, he's got a ranch to shore up! After he rushes out, there's a knock on the front door, and Sue Ellen answers it and finds Peyton and Brian Dennehy standing on the doorstep, looking exceptionally weird and creepy. They tell her their truck broke down and ask if they can use her phone, and she smiles pleasantly and invites them inside.
Brian Dennehy's on the phone, pretending he's talking to the Auto Club. Lucy appears and immediately looks smitten with Peyton...'cause, yeah, what young girl can resist being charmed by a deranged looking redneck? Brian Dennehy tells Sue Ellen that the Auto Club will probably take a few hours to arrive 'cause the storm has blocked the roads, so she invites him to relax in the living room and enjoy some sandwiches and coffee. Peyton asks Lucy where all the menfolk are, and she stupidly tells him that none of the ranch hands are currently on the property, but that her uncle and foreman are milling around somewhere. Peyton grins maniacally and says he'd never leave such a pretty l'il gal such as herself all alone, and Lucy beams and needlessly reveals that her uncle and the foreman had been gone until about thirty minutes ago, when they returned home from a business trip in Waco. She then shoots Peyton a saucy, flirty look as she flounces out of the room to help Sue Ellen make sandwiches. Peyton cackles while Brian Dennehy grins and says, "The Ewings are gonna git what's comin' to 'em"...and by what's comin' to 'em, he means justice...and by justice, he means boning Sue Ellen. I'm assuming, anyway. Ew.
Ewing Oil. Bobby and the two secretaries are listening to a radio report about the storm. He calls Southfork and talks to JR, who assures him that he and Ray are going to secure everything on the ranch. Bobby offers to come home and help out, but JR advises him to stay put 'cause the roads are really bad.
Brian Dennehy and Peyton offer to help secure the ranch, and they pile into a truck along with JR, Ray, and Lucy and head over to the stables to mount horses so they can corral all the animals that are still wandering around. Useless Ray gets thrown from his horse and hurts his knee, and the rest of the crew loads him onto the back of the truck and high-tails it back to the ranch.
Miss Ellie tells Sue Ellen she's feeling better, then slowly climbs out of bed and ambles around her bedroom. She hears honking and goes over to the window, sees the menfolk return, and remarks to Sue Ellen that it looks like Ray got hurt. Downstairs, Lucy's on the phone with the doctor as Ray is carried into the living room. As everyone tends to him, Peyton suddenly locks the living room door and makes a creepy remark about the Ewing ladies being so purdy. Brian Dennehy creepily concurs and says, "It's going to be a hard choice" then adds that whoever they choose will be a winner. The two then draw their guns, and the Ewing clan is all, "Wha-a?!"
As Brian Dennehy and Peyton wave their guns around, JR offers to give them money, but Brian Dennehy looks indignant and says they're not thieves. Sue Ellen asks them what they want, so Peyton tells her to guess, and Pam wryly asks, "The three of us?" and motions to Sue Ellen, Lucy, and herself. Peyton nods and says, "That could play a part. But it ain't the answer" and Brian Dennehy adds, "We ain't no criminals, lady." Ray snidely grunts, "Right" and this makes Brian Dennehy so angry that he knocks Ray's hat off his head, holds a gun to his head, and sneers, "Don't get wise, cowboy." Peyton finds this amusing and starts laughing like a hyena and leers at Lucy, who's fearfully huddling next to Pam. Brian Dennehy declares, "We've come for justice" and by justice he means the kind that poor dumb folk like he and Peyton them can get: walking into a house and taking it. When the phone suddenly rings, Brian Dennehy orders Pam to answer it. She does, and it's Bobby, calling to check up on her. She tells him that Ray hurt his knee and then sends him a veiled cry for help by adding that she and JR were about to play a game of backgammon. When Brian Dennehy forces her to abruptly end the call, Bobby's all, "Backgammon? JR? Wha-a?!" He scrunches his face in puzzlement for a few seconds, then tells Jock that they need to head home, like pronto, 'cause something at Southfork ain't right.
Peyton asks Ray if he's married, and when he says no, Peyton starts cackling and says, "Then that gives us a choice." Brian Dennehy joins in with the cackling and tells JR that he too is married...and that his wife's name is Wanda. JR and Ray exchange worried glances, and JR denies knowing any Wanda. Peyton says, "Wanda knows you pretty good" and Brian Dennehy explains that when Wanda didn't come home last night, they drove around looking for her and found her, post-coitus, at a cheap motel. Apparently, Wanda claimed off-camera that she and Mary Lou were kidnapped and raped by two men from Braddock. JR continues to pretend as though he has no idea about any Wanda, so Brian Dennehy tells him he found his "calling card" on the floor of the motel room. Peyton directs his attention toward Sue Ellen and says, "Someone's gotta take care of the l'il lady, 'cause he's obviously not" then looms over and starts groping her. JR pretends to be outraged and gets up to defend his wife's honor - but Brian Dennehy hits him over the head and knocks him out. Ray then gets up and tries to wrestle the gun out of his hands, but Brian Dennehy hits his sore leg and he too goes down. Peyton grabs Pam and yanks her off the couch, then gropes her while snarling, "You like it! You love it!" A few seconds later, he plops her back onto the sofa. Suddenly, Miss Ellie comes shuffling into the room, still dressed in her nightie and bathrobe. She grumbles, "Will someone please tell me what's going on down here?" and the two gunmen turn around and stare at her in surprise, then point their guns at her. Peyton warns, "Stay right there, mama."
Bobby and Jock are stuck in traffic, held up because of an accident that occurred on the only road leading to or from Southfork.
JR drags Ray into the kitchen while Peyton keeps his gun trained on them. He orders JR to tie Ray up taat, then directs him to go back into the living room, where "the show's about to begin".
Miss Ellie urges Brian Dennehy to abandon his ill-conceived plan and leave, like pronto, but he tells her they're not going anywhere until they get what they came for. She reminds him that this is Jock Ewing's house and warns him that his nonsensical vendetta could be very costly - but Brian Dennehy insists on paying Junior back for what he did to his wife. Peyton drags JR back into the living room carrying a framed photograph of Sue Ellen when she was Miss Texas. He remarks that she hasn't changed that much and is "still a fine lookin' woman", then asks her if she still has the bathing suit she wore at the competition. When she snaps, "No", he says he's pretty sure she saved the sash. Brian Dennehy grabs her and drags her out of the room, announcing that they're off to go find it! When Peyton cackles like a hyena again, Pam tells him he can't possibly believe Wanda's rape story. He goes, "Why not?" and she says, "'Cause I don't think you're that dumb" and somehow manages to keep a straight face. Peyton shrugs and says he doesn't actually care about justice; he just wants to have a good time here. He then glares at her menacingly and snarls, "Two for two. Junior's missus...and I get to choose." Lucy abruptly blurts out, "Ray used to go with Pam before she married Bobby." Miss Ellie snaps at her to shut it, while Pam looks momentarily miffed at being thrown to the wolves by the self-preserving munchkin, then admits it's true. In an unpredictable twist, Peyton says that in that case, she's off the hook 'cause she was a poor person (just like them!) before she married a rich guy. He then declares that his choice is Lucy, and Lucy starts freaking out and is all, "Nooooo!!"
When Brian Dennehy and Sue Ellen return, Peyton announces, "Now here's Miss Texas!" He asks her what she did for the talent portion of the beauty pageant, and she tells him she sang. Brian Dennehy announces that it's officially time for the entertainment to begin and orders her to sing - and warns that if she refuses, the two of them will start their own show. Ew. JR tries to get up to half-heartedly protest, but Brian Dennehy points his gun at him and threatens to shoot. He then scrunches his face all sinister-like and declares, "We're gonna do what we came here to do" and once again orders Sue Ellen to start singing.
Bobby and Jock find the men's blue truck parked just outside Southfork. Inside is a regional map with Braddock clearly marked, along with JR's business card. Sensing that something is seriously amiss, the two men race toward the ranch.
Sue Ellen starts crooning, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.." and as she's doing that, Brian Dennehy orders her take off her trench coat. She weeps as she removes it, and underneath she's wearing a strapless swimsuit with her Miss Texas sash across it. After sobbing/singing for awhile, Brian Dennehy rips off her sash, and Sue Ellen loses it and sinks to the floor. As Peyton cackles maniacally, Pam gives him the what-for for allowing his cohort to take justice on "this lady" when he knows full well that Wanda wasn't raped. Brian Dennehy is all, "Wuh?" so Pam tattles on Peyton for saying he's pretty sure that Wanda was out looking for a good time when she and Mary Lou stumbled upon JR and Ray. Miss Ellie gets in on that action and suggests to Brian Dennehy that justice should come from his slutty wife, not JR's. As Brian Dennehy mulls that over, he tears up and mops his sweaty forehead with the Miss Texas sash - LOL - and it suddenly looks as though he regrets launching Operation Revenge Fantasy on the Ewings.
Bobby and Jock finally arrive at the main house and sneak in through a back door.
As Brian Dennehy continues to stare into space looking regretful, Peyton reminds him, "We ain't done here" but Brian Dennehy says they are done and concedes that Wanda is probably a giant 'ho and that this entire episode has been a pointless act of misdirected retribution. Peyton looks irked and snaps, "I ain't got what I came for."
Bobby and Jock find Ray tied up in the kitchen, and Ray fills them in on what's been happening.
Peyton grabs Lucy - and when Pam steps up and offers to be his victim instead, he snarls, "I didn't come for one of my own." He steers a screeching Lucy toward the door just as Bobby and Jock suddenly burst in and subdue the men. As Jock aims his rifle at them, Miss Ellie tells him they're not going to be able to involve "the law" because of the shame that JR and Ray have brought to the family by their extra-marital/curricular doinking, and orders him to let the psychopaths go. Jock just kind of shrugs amiably, then orders the men to get up, get out, and never ever show their faces at Southfork again. As they troop towards the door, Brian Dennehy tells Peyton, "Me and Wanda got some talkin' to do, boy." That you do, Brian Dennehy. That you do.
As Sue Ellen continues to twitch and tremble from post-traumatic stress, JR sheepishly stares over at her. Jock gruffly asks what the hell happened, and Miss Ellie promises to fill him in once they get the weeping Lucy upstairs to bed. Ray hops over to the living room and watches Sue Ellen as she mutely glares at JR. Pam, meanwhile, assures Bobby she's OK, and they both shoot Ray the stink-eye as they exit the living room. JR hands Sue Ellen her trench coat, and she snatches it from him before stalking out of the room. JR and Ray mutely stare at each other, and Ray shoots JR the stink-eye (not sure why he gets to feel so sanctimonious) before hopping out of the room. The camera then pans out, leaving JR standing alone, staring at the empty living room in bewilderment.