Dallas - Season 1, Episode 2

"Hee hee! That tickles, Lucy!"

"The Lesson"
Original airdate: 4/9/1978

Episode summary: Pam interjects herself into Lucy's life when she urges the precocious brat to attend school regularly and stop sleeping with Ray.

---

Recap: Lucy rides her horse to the front gates of Southfork, opens the mailbox to retrieve the latest truancy letter from her school, sets it on fire, then heads back to the house.

Over in the stables, Bobby is giving Pam her first horseback riding lesson...and as she slowly trots around the large barn, Ray and another ranch hand, Hal, arrive. Ray orders Hal to drive Lucy to school every morning 'cause he has no interest in the task, and Bobby overhears the conversation and reminds Ray that Jock specifically ordered him to ensure that the munchkin-nymphet gets to school every day. Ray whines about not wanting to be a warden, but Bobby tells him to just shut the fuck up and do it. He then returns to the barn and tells Pam it's almost family breakfast time. She asks whassup with Ray, and he tells her that he was trying to "subcontract" the job of transporting Lucy to school.

Over breakfast, which Lucy has decided to skip, Miss Ellie remarks that they haven't been receiving any letters from Lucy's school lately, but still worries that she won't be able to graduate this spring. Apparently, none of the many adults living at Southfork has ever contemplated taking on the job of raising/disciplining/setting reasonable boundaries for the wayward brat.

Ray arrives at the house to pick up Lucy. Pam, meanwhile, tells Sue Ellen she's driving into the city later and offers her a ride, but Sue Ellen rudely declines and ambles off. Ray calls Pam over and asks her if Bobby is trying to get him fired because they used to date, but Pam assures him that Bobby doesn't care about their dating history. Besides, if the yokel's going to get fired for anything, it'll be for messing around in the hayloft with Bobby's teenage niece. He says he likes working at the ranch and doesn't want to be fired and asks Pam to put in a good word for him. A few seconds later, JR and Bobby emerge from the house, and when Bobby asks Pam whassup with her conversation with Ray, she comes right out and tells him that he (Ray) thinks he (Bobby) wants to fire him. Bobby has no real reaction to that and is like, "Whatever" and heads off to work with JR. Lucy appears and sarcastically says to Pam, "See you later, auntie" and climbs into Ray's truck and sits really close to the creepy ranch hand.

"I'm worried that Bobby's gonna fire me 'cause the two of us used to date."

"You should be more concerned about getting punched in the face after he finds out you've been doinking his underage niece."

Miss Ellie laments to Pam about what a charade it is that Lucy pretends she's going to school, and half the time she forgets to take her books. She's also fully aware that Lucy sneaks back to the ranch to hang out at the stables all day. She says that since Lucy's father (Gary) is a hopeless drunkard, no one at Southfork has the cajones to say no to the impudent shrimp, then adds, "I'm afraid Lucy is spoiled." Pam carefully replies, "Well...she has a lot of spirit" and Miss Ellie briefly contemplates the possibility of sending Lucy to boarding school, but then quickly dismisses the idea and thanks Pam for listening to her pointless gabbling.

While en route to school, Lucy asks Ray if he's going to take her to the new disco in town, then starts fondling/tickling him...which makes Ray giggle like a schoolgirl. He half-heartedly tells her to cut it out 'cause it's interfering with his ability to not drive his truck into a ditch, but Lucy continues to kiss him and coo, "Come on, baby." A few seconds later, Ray abruptly pulls over to the side of the road, then makes a u-turn and heads back to the ranch.

Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie get into a paneled station wagon together and drive off as Pam forlornly stares down at them from her bedroom window. The phone rings, so Pam takes the call...and it's from Mr. Miller, a counselor at Lucy's school. He reports that Lucy is once again truant, so Pam promises to track down the cheeky imp and drag her ass to school asap.

Pam drives over to the stables, right to the hayloft where Ray and Lucy are rolling around together, which...gross. Pam honks her horn and yells for Ray to come down, and he tucks in his shirt and sheepishly climbs down to the ground level. Pam tells him to take a hike so she can talk to Lucy privately, and he just shrugs and obediently toddles off. Pam calls out to Lucy, who shows herself and sits on the edge of the hayloft. Pam tells her she has to go school, but she retorts, "I get all the education I need right here" and refuses to leave the stables. Pam threatens to tattle to Jock, but Lucy just laughs and says she regularly snows her grandfather, who believes everything she says, then brags about how everyone at Southfork lets her run wild. Pam irritably snaps, "Well, babyface, that won't work with me!" and Lucy glumly climbs down from the hayloft.

"Stop sleeping with Ray. He turns out to be your biological uncle."

"Ew."

Ewing Oil. Bobby wants to meet with JR, but JR's secretary tells him he's on the phone and can't be disturbed. Bobby says he's very curious about how JR manages to persuade association members to vote his way so often (or something like that...the writing in this scene was really confusing). After Bobby ambles away, the secretary sneaks into JR's office and warns him that his brother is "starting to put things together" so JR orders her to put him off for another hour.

Pam drives Lucy to school and accompanies her to Mr. Miller's office...and he promptly orders Lucy to get to history class. Pam asks Mr. Miller if he could give Lucy some personalized help since she's so behind in her classes, and he's like, "Can do" and offers to tutor her. The two peek into a nearby classroom, and Pam looks dismayed to see Lucy sitting cross-legged atop a desk, holding court with a gaggle of smitten looking boys.

Outside after class, a creepy looking boy named Roger Hurley tells Lucy he'd be willing to tutor her in math, then gets grab handsy with her just as Pam pulls up. Roger politely introduces himself to Pam, and after she and Lucy drive off, she remarks, "He's nice" but Lucy grumbles about what a creep he is. Pam says it wouldn't hurt to date a boy her own age - instead of doinking her thirty-three year old uncle in a hayloft.

While en route to Southfork, Pam hands Lucy a box of some new clothes she bought, which Lucy throws out the window. Pam stops the car and orders her to fetch the stuff from the side of the road, which she does. When they arrive at the ranch, Pam drops Lucy off at the house, then heads over to the stables to give Ray the what-for. She makes it clear to the pedophile that if he continues to mess around with Lucy, she's going to tattle to Jock, JR, and Bobby. Ray kind of shrugs, but then acknowledges that Jock or JR would probably kill him. He then smirks and says, "You takin' up social work, Pammy? Or don't you like the idea of your old boyfriend running around with Lucy?" Pam refrains from pointing out that marrying a rich Ewing brother was a gigantic upgrade from dating an ugly ranch hand, and just warns him to keep his penis away from the precocious teenager.

Ewing Oil. Bobby is dismayed when he learns that JR sneaked off with Sue Ellen for the evening before he got a chance to talk to him about his powers of persuasion with association members...or whatever the hell it was that piqued his curiosity.

Lucy is in her bedroom, looking over the box of clothes that Pam bought for her. She pulls out a pair of scissors, smiles devilishly, and starts cutting up a white blouse. 

After school the next day, Lucy's in Mr. Miller's office while he's looking over one of her tests...and he tells her it's A-OK if she wants to wait with him until Pam arrives to pick her up. Roger Hurley suddenly appears in the hallway and watches through the crack in the door as Lucy wanders around the room and stands behind Mr. Miller. She takes off her jacket, under which she's wearing the white blouse she had cut up the night before...then starts yelling, "Help! Stop! He's trying to grab me!" She runs into the hallway shrieking, "He's trying to grab me! He ripped my clothes!"...and as she's doing that, Mr. Miller steps into the hallway and is all, "Wuh?" then quickly realizes how totally screwed he is.

"Help! Mr. Miller just tried to rip off my strategically cut-up blouse!"

"A Ewing man is going to kill me."

When Pam arrives at the school to pick up Lucy, Roger informs her that Lucy ran fled the building in pretend fear. He clucks sympathetically and says, "Poor kid. I guess Mr. Miller tried to...you know...take advantage of her." He tells her that Lucy's blouse was all torn up, and that Mr. Miller is in the principal's office, attempting to explain. 

Mr. Miller is telling the principal, Mr. Daley, that Lucy's allegations are a terrible mistake when Pam bursts into the room. She asks Mr. Daley to hold off on calling the police until Monday, since she's pretty sure she can persuade her conniving niece to come clean about what really happened. Mr. Miller says he hopes she can pull that off, 'cause he'd rather not go to jail...or be bludgeoned to death by Jock Ewing.

Ewing Oil. Bobby enters JR's office and demands to be let in on the secrets of his brother's "powers of persuasion". JR chuckles and refuses to spill any of his trade secrets, then reminds Bobby that he toiled alongside daddy for years while learning the oil business - while he (Bobby) goofed off with the booze and the broads. JR declares that since he's the one who's been making decisions and deals for Ewing Oil for so many years, it's his business...and that's the way it's going to stay. Bobby seems to accept that and quietly slinks out of the room, and JR grins with satisfaction.

Pam asks Lucy why she lied about being attacked by Mr. Miller, and Lucy whines that none of this would have happened if she hadn't been forced to go to school. Pam tells her that her allegation could damage Mr. Miller's livelihood, so Lucy offers to "explain" that it was all just a misunderstanding - but in exchange, Pam has to ensure that any letters sent to Southfork from the school don't end up in her grandparents' hands. Pam glares at her and says, "You really worked this beautifully" and Lucy snottily replies, "Thank you. See what happens when you care about people?"

During dinner, Lucy tells everyone she's really enjoying school these days, and everyone nods, smiles and plays along - instead of calling her on her bullshit and giving her the kick in the pants she sorely needs and deserves. As everyone adjourns to the living room, Lucy gets a call from Roger Hurley.

Lucy enters the living room and asks Jock if it's OK for her to attend a party with a boy. Sue Ellen slips into Southern Belle mode and chides, "A gentleman never calls a lady on the evening of a party" and Lucy assures her that Roger apologized like a proper gentleman and explained that his folks are having guests over, but he didn't know that kids were invited until a moment ago. Jock starts to deny permission, but Miss Ellie intervenes and tells her it's OK...and Lucy gives her grandparents a thank you kiss and scampers off.

Upstairs, Pam is brushing her hair and looking irked. She tells Bobby she's worried that Miss Ellie thinks she has Lucy under control - but she's well aware she doesn't. Bobby says he knows she's not trying to discipline Lucy just to score points with her new mother-in-law, which is apparently what Lucy believes. He says he knows she genuinely cares for Lucy 'cause she sees herself in the slutty little tart, then changes the subject and orders her to gussy herself up 'cause he's taking her to the new disco in town! Ye haw!

Roger Hurley arrives at Southfork to pick up Lucy...and after she climbs into his car, he tries to kiss her, but she shoves him away. He reminds her they have an understanding and then tries to kiss her again, but she cleverly puts him off by saying, "Let's make a night of it" and says she wants to go dancing. Roger looks disappointed, so she coquettishly says, "Dancing makes me very affectionate" and he quickly perks up again. He asks her if she knows of any good clubs, and she suggests the new disco. Ye haw haw!

Disco! The crowd is groovily boogying to an undanceable '70s disco beat. Ray shows up with a blonde, who, I'm happy to report, looks a lot closer to his age than Lucy, so maybe he's not a totally rampant pedophile after all. When he starts to  dance dorkishly, Lucy notices him from across the room and ditches Roger to go talk to him. A few seconds later, Pam and Bobby arrive - and it looks like Pam's idea of gussying herself up for a night on the town is putting on a white turtleneck with matching slacks.

Lucy tells Ray that her "date" Roger is a creep who forced her to go out with him, and she begs for his help. She fondles him and blushingly says she'd like to go home with him, and Ray makes a feeble attempt to escape her needy clutches.

As Pam boogies, we get a loooong, gratuitous shot of her ass. Eventually she spots Roger, so she and Bobby walk over to say hello. Roger tells them he's here with Lucy, then motions across the room and says she's talking to some older guy. Bobby looks in the direction where Roger's motioning and sees Ray and Lucy, hugging and fondling each other. He's all, "The fuck?!" and storms over...and pushes Lucy aside and slugs Ray. Lucy insists she was only asking for Ray's help to get rid of Roger, but Bobby doesn't buy her bullcack and orders Pam to take her home.

"Hey look - Ray and Lucy look very cozy in each others' arms."

"Wait - what??!"

Ray glares at Bobby as he's being restrained by two men and eggs him on to take another swing, but Bobby declines and says, "This better be finished." Ray replies, "There's nothing else to fight about. Pam is your lady all the way" which makes me think he's not grasping the fact that he got slugged because he's been bumping uglies with a minor, who just happens to be Bobby's niece. Pam, meanwhile, tells Roger she knows that he witnessed what really happened with Lucy/Mr. Miller and accuses him of using the situation to his advantage. She orders him to come clean to Mr. Daley about what he saw, or she'll tattle to her husband that he's been blackmailing his niece. Lucy snarks to Pam that she doesn't need her help, then accuses her of using people, says she's definitely a Ewing now, and snarks, "You make Sue Ellen look sincere." Ouch. That's harsh. Bobby tells Lucy that Pam cares, and that she's in dire need of her guidance, since no one else at the ranch can be bothered to spend a moment of their time on her upbringing. He orders her to apologize to Pam, so Lucy sheepishly squeaks out, "Sorry." Bobby then suggests that the three of them hang at the disco and dance until dawn, and Pam and Lucy giddily tell him they're both game.

Thanks, writers, for a thoroughly incoherent episode.

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---