Recap: Bobby and Pam are headed back to Dallas in a fancy red Mercedes after getting secretly married in New Orleans. Pam tells Bobby she's worried that his family will want to throw her off the ranch, but he reminds her she's a Ewing now, and that eventually they'll grow to love her. After driving for a while longer, they stop off at a gas station to fill up on unleaded gasoline and have breakfast.
JR is in his office at Ewing Oil, watching a hearing that's being broadcast on live TV...and in the hot seat is a Ewing Oil associate (or something) named Phil. He's being aggressively questioned by Cliff Barnes, who's acting as legal counsel for the government investigation. Jock calls JR to grunt his dissatisfaction about how the hearing is going.
Southfork. Jock tracks down his ranch foreman, Ray Krebbs, and asks him if he took his granddaughter to school today. Ray tries his best to look innocent and says he hasn't seen the nitwit. Jock tells him that from now on, he wants him to make sure that Lucy gets to school every day 'cause she's been skipping a lot, then asks if he "and that fine lookin' Barnes girl" are on or off these days. Ray says things are definitely off at the moment, and Jock looks bummed 'cause he wanted him to ask Pam to tell her brother to lay off the Ewings during the hearings. Ray says that if they're ever on again, he'll give that a shot. After Jock drives off, we hear giggling and then Lucy appears, swinging upside-down from the hayloft. Ray climbs up to the loft and goes, "Phew! That was close!" but Lucy argues that it wasn't close at all 'cause Jock would never climb up to a hayloft. Ray tells her that Jock would kill him if he knew he was committing a felony by messing around with his underage granddaughter, then says he needs to get going. Lucy orders him to kiss her and, while he's doing that, call her by the name of his on again/off again girlfriend, and he fucking does it, moaning, "Pammm" as he smooches the precocious teenager. [A gross footnote: according to Wikipedia, Ray Krebbs was born in 1945, which would make him 33 years old in 1978.]
Pam reminds Bobby's he's part of an oil rich family and should therefore have a job more befitting a Ewing son than what he's currently doing: providing booze and booty to business associates in order to help close deals for Ewing Oil. Bobby tells her that JR's the one who got the brains, but Pam insists he's just as smart...and somehow manages to say that with a straight face. Bobby mulls that over and agrees to talk to his father and JR about being installed at Ewing Oil as an executive once they get back to Southfork.
From the hayloft, Lucy looks through a pair of binoculars and remarks that Bobby is back...and that he's with a lady. Ray's all, "Wuh?" and sneaks a peek through the binoculars and sees that the lady is Pam. When she and Bobby start kissing and hugging, Lucy squeals, "They're married!" and starts giggling. Ray tells her she's crazy and to shut her obnoxious pie hole.
Bobby announces to Miss Ellie that he and Pam are married, and Miss Ellie stares back at him in incredulity and mutters, "I don't know what to say." Bobby retorts, "You can start by saying 'good luck'." Pam remarks that she needs to freshen up a bit, then goes inside...and once she's out of earshot, Bobby gushes, "Isn't she pretty, momma?" Miss Ellie sternly reminds him, "She's Cliff's sister and Digger's daughter" then gives up getting him to see reason and orders him inside the house.
Ewing Oil. Jock and JR are watching the hearing together when Miss Ellie calls to inform her husband that Bobby just returned home...and that - surprise! - he has a new wife. Jock's all, "Wha-a?" and asks her who it is, but she refuses to say and tells him that he and JR need to get back to Southfork, like pronto.
Bobby is regaling his shell-shocked family with the enchanting tale of how he proposed to Pam in New Orleans, then had a quickie wedding. Miss Ellie politely asks Pam if she's settled in her room OK, and Pam says she has, and that she's going into the city tomorrow to pick up the rest of her things. Jock suddenly gets up, looms over Pam and blurts out, "Young lady! When's that brother of yours going to give up on his crusade against us Ewings?!" After an awkward silence, Bobby tells his father that this probably isn't the proper time to discuss the matter, and Miss Ellie reminds her boorish husband that they don't usually talk business at this late hour. Jock obediently shuts up and pours a refill just as Ray Krebbs arrives with some papers for Jock to sign. He says hey to Pam, and Lucy cheekily announces that Bobby and Pam just got married and that he should give the bride a congratulatory kiss. Ray says he heard about their speedy nuptials, offers his congratulations and gives Pam a quick cheek kiss before beating a hasty retreat. JR announces that he'd like to get to know Pam one-on-one, so the two go outside for a private chat. He apologizes to her for his father's bluntness and says he often blurts inappropriate shit out. Pam says she has absolutely nothing to do with Cliff's political activities, and after some benign chitchat about the ranch, JR's tone gets snarky as he asks, "Miss Barnes, did your brother put you up to this?" Pam's all, "Wuh?" and reminds him that her name isn't Miss Barnes anymore, it's Mrs. Ewing. JR's like, "Whatever" and offers her money to "annul this farce" and says she'd be wise to take it, since she'll be driven out of Southfork anyway. Bobby suddenly appears and walks toward them, and JR pretends that everything is cool, and that he and Pam were just talking business.
Later that evening, Jock is sitting on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. JR joins him and tells him about how he just tried to pay Pam off and Jock's like, "You did what?!" and calls him a jackass. JR looks miffed and asks him if he wants Bobby to be married to Cliff Barnes' sister, and Jock says he doesn't, but that he needs to learn the art of subtlety. JR scoffs at Bobby's sudden desire to be a Ewing Oil executive, but Jock doesn't think it's such a bad idea and says he's all for Bobby settling down and taking on some real responsibility. JR looks alarmed and asks if he's still first in line for the CEO position once he (Jock) steps down, and Jock assures him he is...but points out that he doesn't have to run the company alone. Jock then changes the subject and urges him to get busy with Sue Ellen so he can provide him with a grandson before Bobby beats him to the punch, but JR just grunts and doesn't look at all interested in boning his wife. A few minutes later, JR finds Ray lurking around the house and barks, "How in the hell did she end up marrying him?" and Ray sheepishly says that when he brought Pam to Southfork for all those family barbecues, she and Bobby must have hit it off better than he realized.
The next day, Pam drops Bobby off at Ewing Oil, then heads over to her apartment to pack up the rest of her things...and she finds Cliff waiting for her, looking extremely irked. He says he heard she married a Ewing and reminds her what horrible people they all are - but Pam's just like, "I loooove Bobby." Cliff asks her when she plans on breaking the news to Digger, and she says she'll get around to it eventually...then decides she should come clean with the drunkard right now. Cliff follows her out to the parking lot, then makes a blech face when he sees the red Mercedes. He says he refuses to ride in anything owned by the Ewings...but when she's about to drive off, he changes his mind and climbs into the passenger seat.
Ewing Oil. As Bobby settles into his new office, he asks JR's sultry secretary for the combination to the safe. She tells him she'll have to ask JR what it is, since apparently he changes it every week. JR looks irked when he hears about Bobby's request - but pretends to be all friendly and helpful when he asks Bobby how his reading about the oil industry is coming along. Bobby says he's done with that and is ready to dive into "the red files", but JR dismissively waves a hand in the air and says, "Oh, those are boring." LOL. Bobby says he well knows that the red files contain the most important stuff going on at Ewing Oil, so JR pretends to concede, opens the safe, and hands Bobby a giant expandable folder filled with papers. As soon as Bobby returns to his office, JR covertly hands his secretary a red folder and tells her to bring it to the bank and put it in his safety deposit box.
Pam and Cliff arrive at a bar, where a grizzled looking Digger is holding court, telling his wino friends a story about how he once tried to kill Jock Ewing, but then realized he wasn't a killer. Or something like that. I kinda tuned him out 'cause he was really slurring his words. Pam and Cliff interject and steer Digger over to a table where they can talk privately. Pam announces that she just got married...and Digger gives her a vapid, drunken smile - until she tells him that her new husband is Bobby Ewing. As in, Jock Ewing's son. Once Digger's brain has processed the disturbing news, he gets a maniacal look in his bloodshot eyes and shoots her a mute stink-eye. His reaction upsets Pam so much that she flees the bar, then gets into her car and starts crying.
When Pam returns to Southfork, Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen are directing the servants on how to set the table for an upcoming dinner party. Pam politely asks if she can help, but Sue Ellen shoos her out of the dining room and condescendingly says they have an established routine. Lucy, who has overheard the exchange, gleefully tells Pam she doesn't have a chance with the Ewings and adds, "When they don't want somebody, that somebody ain't got a chance." She then fills Pam in about her sad backstory: her daddy, Gary, knocked up a fifteen year old pinhead named Valene, brought her to Southfork, became a drunken loser, abused Valene, then went on a bender and disappeared for several months. During this period, Valene took Lucy and fled to Virgina, but JR and his henchmen caught up with her, forcibly removed Lucy from her custody and returned her to Southfork. He then warned Valene to stay far away from Texas. Lucy tells her that Valene tried to "go to the law" to regain custody, but had no luck (or a decent lawyer)...then repeats to Pam that she has no chance with this family.
Upstairs in their bedroom, Pam complains to Bobby that no one talked to her at dinner, and Bobby admits that he was probably too optimistic when he told her that everyone would love her. Well d'yuh. JR drops by to tell Bobby that the government investigation is over for now, and that his booze/booty services are required in Austin. Bobby reminds him that he's through with that kind of work now that he's an executive, but JR insists that he's the only one available who can get the job done. Pam gets upset at how quickly Bobby caves in to his older brother, so he promises her that this will be the last time he'll be willing to take on booze 'n booty duty.
The next morning, JR somehow convinces Pam to go on a helicopter ride with Ray to survey the ranch from above. When Bobby emerges from the house, packed and ready to fly off to Austin, JR tells him that Pam went for walk. Bobby says he's really bummed he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her before leaving.
Up in the helicopter, Ray tells Pam the boring history of Southfork...and a few minutes later they land in a remote area of the property. Mission Break Up Bobby and Pam has officially been launched!
As JR pretends to drive Bobby to the airport, he shakes his head in dismay and tells his brother he can't believe he chose to marry Pam Barnes when he could have had any woman in Texas, then reminds him that she used to be Ray's on again/off again squeeze for years. JR suddenly makes a u-turn and when Bobby's all, "Wha-at are you doing?" he says he needs to show him something that's distasteful, but necessary.
As Pam and Ray stroll along a nearby lake, she tells him that the Ewings aren't making her feel very welcome. Ray says, "There's something to be said for likes sticking alike" then pulls her into his arms and says that things between them used to be real good. He says, "We shoulda got hitched a long time ago" and instead of using this as an opportunity to lay out some reasonable boundaries, she tells him he's being sweet. Ray says it's probably too late for them, but Pam's like, "I dunno. I can't even think straight." (The hell?) Ray covertly checks his watch, then picks her up and jumps with her off of the dock they're standing on and into the frigid water. Pam shrieks with delight and playfully splashes him, which was the exact opposite reaction I would have expected. He tells her there's a nearby shack where he can build a fire that will warm them until their clothes dry, and Pam cluelessly giggles and says she definitely likes the sound of that.
Inside the shack, Ray has started a cozy fire and is prancing around shirtless while Pam is wrapped up in a blanket. If memory serves, Ray Krebbs enjoys walking around shirtless a lot throughout the series, which is rather over-confident of him, considering the sorry state of his pectoral muscles and abdomen. He gazes at Pam and coos, "You're so beautiful" then starts to get very touchy feely and asks her if she had a good time today. She blushingly says, "I had a real good time" then cocks her head when she hears a car approach. She looks out the window and sees that it's JR's car, and that - ack! - he's got Bobby with him. She glares at Ray suspiciously, finally gets a clue, and snaps, "This is a setup!" and Ray's all, "Wha-a?" and tries his best to look as though he has no idea what on earth she's talking about. Pam orders him to back up her story, or she'll tell everyone that he's been messing around with Lucy, who apparently blabbed to Pam all about their icky hookup. She glares at Ray and barks, "Back me up, and make it good."
As soon as JR and Bobby enter the shack, Ray hastily explains that Pam "fell" into the lake, so they came here to dry off. Pam tells Bobby that JR is behind all this: creating the appearance that she and Ray are getting it on. Bobby glares at his brother and asks, "Is this true? Did you arrange all this?" then rails about how Pam is his wife, blah blah. He starts to smack JR around, but Pam urges him to stop, so he backs away from his brother and defiantly declares, "Pam is going to stay my wife." As the two rush over to the car and drive off, JR and Ray stand in the doorway of the shack and stare after them. Ray apologizes to JR for fucking up his half-baked scheme, then says, "Couple more minutes.." but JR assures him it's all good and that it wasn't his fault. JR looks contemplative as he stares into space and says he underestimated the new Mrs. Ewing, but won't make that mistake again.
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