Recap: Brandon, Mark, and Tracy are at Mark's house discussing politics...and Brandon yammers on and on self-righteously, in order to demonstrate how passionate he is about the subject. Tracy gazes over at him, her eyes brimming with admiration, and asks him if he's ever thought about running the world, and he cheekily retorts, "It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it." For some reason, this prompts Mark to suggest that Brandon and Tracy begin delivering the campus news as an on-air duo...and Tracy loves the idea - but Brandon, not so much. The three decide to head out to the Peach Pit just as David arrives home looking glum. He tells Brandon he has to go to Palm Springs for the reading of his grandfather's will, then says he feels like a jerk for blowing off the old man last week - as well he should, the ingrate. Brandon tells him he couldn't possibly have known his grandfather was going to die, and David grumbles, "Tell it to my father" and whines about how Mel is guilting him for not attending his grandfather's birthday party. Brandon asks him if there's anything he can do, and David says no...and after Brandon leaves with Tracy and Mark, David pours himself a stiff drink.
Clare is the new coxswain for CU's men's rowing team...and Steve is standing on the dock, watching the early morning practice. After the practice, Steve tells Clare she's looking good out there, then says he really really wants her to be his girlfriend again. She tells him it's too late for that and that she's with Dick Harrison now...then gushes about how Dick shows up for rowing practice at 6:00am every morning 'cause he's very committed and mature. Dick ambles over to join the conversation, so Steve announces to the two of them that he's going to round up some KEG boneheads and start their own rowing team, and Clare contorts her weird doll face and says, "Don't go there...just go away" but Steve looks determined and vows to show up for rowing practice tomorrow morning.
The Walsh house. Valerie's on the phone with Kenny, bitching at him for putting a hold on the $100,000 check he gave her at the end of the previous episode. He asks her if she had the abortion yet, and she says she hasn't...and refuses to pretend to get one until he hands over the cash. Steve arrives home and hears the tail end of the conversation, specifically when Valerie says, "I'm the one who's pregnant." After she hangs up, she realizes that Steve has been standing in her doorway, eavesdropping. She begs him not to tell anyone about her shameful predicament - especially Brandon - and he promises to keep his mouth shut...for about ten seconds.
Beach house. Clare grumbles at Donna about how Steve shows up everywhere she goes, and Donna cackles, "Ooh! He's just trying to win you back. Aren't you the teensiest bit flattered?" Clare flatly says no, and that she joined the rowing team to meet new people and forget about Steve...then adds that she's sick of thinking about him all the time. Donna points out that if she thinks about him so much it must mean something - and Clare accuses her of being a hopeless romantic and then snarks about how she doesn't know anything about Cliff. Donna gushes about how Cliff is honest, sweet, tall, and rugged - then reminds Clare that she always used to gush about Steve when she was with him. Give it up, Donna.
CUTV. Brandon and Tracy are watching footage of students airing their views about sex and politics. Brandon asks Tracy what her political leanings are, and she says she's firmly in the undecided camp. Brandon sanctimoniously tells her she can't stay on the fence forever and, at some point, needs to choose a side...and he says this as though he didn't constantly ride the fence when he was CU's student body president.
Student Union. Mark tells Kelly he's working on a segment about students' attitudes about sex, then asks her when she was last doinked. She says, "It's been awhile" so he cheekily asks her if she's anticipating any imminent change in that status, and she says, "Not for awhile." Mark goes "Er...OK" and heads off to class just as a troubled looking Steve arrives. He sits down with Kelly and tells her he has a friend who's pregnant - then says he's not allowed to tell her who it is 'cause he's been sworn to secrecy. Kelly pretends to look indifferent and says, "OK, don't tell me", but this causes Steve to wail, "I can't deal with this by myself!" [You don't have to deal with it at all, Steve. Just continue going about your own life.] Kelly tells him he shouldn't betray a confidence, and Steve blurts out, "It's Valerie!" - LOL - then implores her not to tell anyone. He says he really really wants to tell Brandon about it 'cause he'd know what to do, but Valerie specifically told him not to tell Brandon about her delicate condition. Kelly announces that she'll counsel Valerie through her fake pregnancy - and when Steve protests, she tells him that this is the type of life crisis that no one, not even a frenemy like Valerie, should have to endure alone.
Palm Springs. During Grandpapa Silver's will reading, David learns that he has inherited the old man's snazzy 1961 convertible and $250,000. Mel's all, "Wha-a?!" and David looks stunned, and then contemplative about all the stupid ways in which he could burn through that kind of cash.
The Peach Pit. Kelly meets up with Valerie at the diner and offers to be her support system her during her fake pregnancy. Valerie correctly guesses that Steve blabbed her secret, then snarks to Kelly about how happy she must be that all this bad stuff is happening to her. Kelly says she wouldn't wish this on anyone and that she's well aware of what a slimy douchebag Kenny is, 'cause apparently he used to hit on her when she babysat his son. Well, that's just ew...not to mention bordering on criminal if it happened during Kelly's teenage years. She assures Valerie she'll be there for her, woman-to-woman, then looks her square in the eye and says, "Know what I mean?" Valerie nods and admits that it's been hard not having a friend to talk to, then explains that when you're dating a married man, you can't exactly tell people about how great your relationship is going...nor can you tell them how shitty it feels when it all falls apart. Kelly says she'd like to go with her when she gets the abortion and offers to pick her up...and when Valerie tries to get out of it, Kelly firmly insists.
Cliff and Donna are hiking somewhere, and Donna acts all giggly and weird. Cliff tells her there's a lake nearby, and that it's a beautiful spot to make camp and have something to eat. Ho hum.
Steve and two other KEGers arrive at the dock for an early morning rowing practice. One of the KEGers, who looks thoroughly disinterested in rowing, stands up in the boat which causes himself and another KEGer to fall into the water - just as Dick Harrison and the rest of the crew arrive. They laugh heartily at the hapless KEGers, and Steve gets pissed off and challenges Dick to a race...and Clare just shakes her head and looks disgusted.
Palm Springs. David apologizes to his grandmother for blowing off his grandfather's birthday party last week, and she tells him she fibbed to her husband and told him that he (David) was on his way to Palm Springs, so the old man never realized he was being so callously blown off. Mel ambles over and tells David to take good care of his new convertible, then says he has a good idea for the 250K. He proposes setting up a trust and investing it on his (David's) behalf - and, once in awhile, releasing tiny amounts of money to him as per Mel's discretion. Not surprisingly, David doesn't like that idea at all and snaps, "It's my money!" so Mel threatens to contest the will and take him to court. David snarks that to him, he'll always be an irresponsible little boy...and to prove his maturity, he hops into his new convertible and snidely informs his dad that he's off to find the nearest bar so he can get tanked.
Beach house. Valerie phones to tell Kelly that Kenny cleared the entire day to accompany her to the abortion clinic. Kelly's like, "Really? And you want him there?" and Valerie says she does 'cause it'll give her closure. Kelly's like, "Whatever" and promises to stop by the Walsh house later to check on her.
Cliff and Donna set up camp by the lake. He tells her about his rough childhood in Hell's Kitchen and that he met a ranger in Central Park who inspired him to join the Navy. He reverently says, "He saved my life" and Donna rejoins, "So you could save mine!" ... 'cause, yes Donna, everything is always all about you. To my bafflement, Cliff leans in and gives her a big smooch.
Dorm. Brandon walks Tracy back to her room, then tells her he has to run 'cause he has a class. She asks him if he'd like to come by later, and he looks puzzled and says, "But you'll be in bed" and she bats her eyes coquettishly and replies, "I know." She explains that she's making a conscious effort to not ride the fence anymore and go after what she wants...but Brandon pulls back and is all, "Ack!" and tells her he's not looking for a serious thing right now. She's mortified at his brazen rejection and quietly slips into her room and closes the door. Ouch.
Restaurant. Kelly is lunching with Linda, the director of the Friendship House. She spots Kenny across the room, and he notices her gaping confusedly at him and saunters over to say hey. She scrunches her face in confusion and goes, "What are you doing here?" so he tells her that his office is just up the street...then needlessly explains that he was in meetings all morning and has to get right back to it after lunch. Kelly just stares at him with her brows furrowed...and when Linda later asks her whassup, she says that the man-child is supposed to be someplace else, and that something is vewy vewy wrong..
The Walsh house. Kelly stops by to check on Valerie and ask her whassup with Kenny not being at her abortion. She runs into Steve, who tells her that Valerie has been in bed all day. Kelly goes upstairs, and Valerie tells her how terrible the "abortion" was - but credits Kenny for being a trooper, and says he stood by her side throughout the whole ordeal. Kelly's like, "Well that's interesting, 'cause I saw him at lunch" and Valerie says he was prolly just taking a break from all of his supportive hand-holding to get a quick bite. LOL. Kelly comes right out and says she doesn't buy that, so Valerie back pedals and says that Kenny pulled a no-show and that she had to go through the faux abortion alone. Kelly says she should have called her, but Valerie says she was too embarrassed about getting stood up. Kelly brusquely tells her they'll talk about it later and heads back downstairs. She runs into Steve again, who has just fixed Valerie something to eat. She tells him that something really screwy is going on here, and thinks Valerie may be lying about having an abortion. Steve looks troubled by the accusation and tells Kelly to cut Val some slack.
Cliff and Donna cuddle by a fire. He tells her that bald eagles mate for life and that when they're doing it, they latch onto each other and plummet toward the ground. Donna giggles and says it sounds terrifying, then says she really likes spending time with him. Cliff then suddenly breaks the news to her that he quit the Fire Department and is leaving tomorrow to work on an offshore rig in Louisiana...and Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and says, "You didn't tell me that!" He tells her he doesn't know how long he'll be gone (um, forever) and admits he should have told her sooner - but he was afraid if she knew he was leaving, she wouldn't want to get to know him. Please. She should be so lucky to have this hunky a guy even remotely interested in her. Donna tells him she's disappointed, but he says they should make the best of the little time they have...and the two kiss.
CUTV. Tracy drops by the station to inform Brandon that she's leaving CUTV 'cause she's too embarrassed about being rejected by him. He tells her he's sorry to hear that and says he wishes he could change her mind, but she tells him it's a done deal.
Palm Springs. David's at a bar, getting drunk and throwing darts when Mel bursts in and tells him he's been looking everywhere for him. David snarks at him for wanting to take his money, and Mel argues that he's not trying to take anything from him, blah blah.. He asks David what he wants, and David snaps, "Respect!" and chastises Mel for being willing to go against his own father's will to take him to court. Mel reminds him that he lost his father this week and says he doesn't also want to have to worry about losing him. He then offers to drive him home, but David snorts derisively and says he'll take a cab. Mel heads toward the door...and on his way out, he hands the waitress a wad of cash and instructs her to keep his idiot son from getting behind the wheel. As though that should be her responsibility.
Steve arrives early for rowing practice and points out his punctuality to Clare. She looks unimpressed and tells him he has to accept the way things are now: she no longer loves him and is with Dick. She says he's also wasting his time competing against the CU rowing crew, but Steve insists he loves her and doesn't want to give up fighting for her.
The Walsh house. Steve returns home and runs into Valerie in the kitchen. She says the doctor advised her to stay off her feet for a couple of days, then remarks on how doped up she was after the procedure. Steve mulls that over for a few seconds and starts grilling her about the prescriptions the doctor gave her, and she snarks, "You sound just like Kelly!"
Palm Springs. David gets up late the next morning, looking very hungover. His grandmother tells him that Mel left to go meet with the lawyer, presumably to contest the will. David asks her why he's doing this, and she says 'cause he loves him. She then tells him about how his grandfather never allowed Mel to drive his cherished convertible, and David looks surprised to hear that. David tells her he wants Mel's respect, and she tells him that that's exactly what Mel wants from him, then sternly warns him not to drink so much.
CUTV. Brandon arrives for the broadcast wearing appropriate clothes on the top half of his body, but just boxers on the lower half...and everyone at the station giggles. He explains to Tracy that he de-pantsed himself in honor of their first and last newscast. Steve and Kelly are in the audio booth observing...and Steve tells Kelly that he now thinks she was right about Valerie. Apparently, the things she's been saying just don't add up...for instance, she told him she was really drugged up after the abortion, but then was allowed to drive home. Mmm hmm.. Steve says he wonders if she really had an abortion, and Kelly goes one step further and says, "I'm beginning to wonder if Valerie was even pregnant."
Beach house. Cliff comes over to say goodbye to Donna and give her a stuffed deer. She gushes over its cuteness, and he gives her his address on the oil rig and says he hopes she writes to him (she won't, Cliff). He tells her he has no idea when/if he'll be back - it could be years, months, or a few weeks...or never. The two enjoy one final kiss goodbye.
CUTV. Everyone agrees that Brandon and Tracy are totes awesome on camera together. When they finish the broadcast, Tracy tells Brandon she's changed her mind about quitting the station, and Brandon looks delighted.
Palm Springs. David and Mel agree that grampa's convertible is super cool...and Mel looks contrite and tells David that he's decided not to contest his father's will after all. He concedes, "The money's yours" and David goes, "Thanks...I guess." He then hands his father the car keys and invites him to take them both for a spin...and the two indulge in some much needed father-son bonding.