Recap: Donna tells Kelly that she and Clare are ready to head off to campus in case she needs a ride, and Kelly takes her up on it. Tara has her camera set up on a tripod in the living room and asks the girls if she can take a photo of the four of them for posterity's sake, and they agree and fake smile for the photo. Kelly asks Tara to feed her fish for her and reminds her to put "just a dab" inside the tank, otherwise her tiny pets will eat themselves to death. It's really odd that fish do that. Kelly, Clare, and Donna exit the apartment and agree that Tara seems to have accepted the fact that she's getting the heave-ho. Donna says she feels guilty for forcing Tara out, but Kelly says it's definitely time. Tara, meanwhile, creeps into Kelly's room...and ominous music starts tinkling in the background as she sits at Kelly's vanity and stares at herself in the mirror. She then shifts her attention toward the fish and pulls a container of fish food out of her bag. She gets up and glares at the unsuspecting fish as she walks across the room, then dumps the entire container of food into the aquarium. Poor little guys...they never really had a chance.
City Hall. Colin is pacing nervously while his lawyer is meeting with the DA, discussing his sentence. Valerie tells him to chillax and assures him his lawyer knows what he's doing. A few seconds later, the lawyer comes out and tells Colin he's in luck. Apparently the DA likes artists [LOL - has he seen Colin's work??] and agreed to a six month sentence at a halfway house in West Hollywood. Colin just needs to enter a plea of guilty and the DA will do the rest...but the only glitch is that the sentence must also be approved by the presiding judge. He says that the judge who's been assigned to the case is one of the more progressive ones, so he doesn't anticipate any problems (which means there are definitely going to be problems). Colin looks relieved and says he's looking forward to getting the sentencing over with, then thanks Valerie and promises he'll pay her back for footing all of his legal bills. Well, d'yuh. She chuckles and tells him to add one new suit to the bill, 'cause she wants him looking extra spiffy for the judge tomorrow.
California University. Steve and Clare meet up in the Student Union before they head over to the chancellor's estate to meet a childhood friend of Clare's, a man Steve reverently refers to as "a bonified blue blood". He gives Clare's jean jacket a disdainful once-over and asks her if she's planning on changing, and she shakes her head and says she doesn't feel the need to dress up for Prince Carl. Steve, who's decked out in a fancy suit, clearly did feel the need, and reminds her that His Royal Highness is a member of a fictional European dynasty. Clare makes a blech face and says she just remembers him as a spoiled royal pain in the butt.
Newsroom. Brandon enters the darkroom, sees Tara's short blonde hair from the back and goes, "Kelly..?" but then Tara turns around and asks him if he likes her new hairdo. Brandon stares at her in bewilderment and mumbles, "Uh, yeah...it's nice." She thanks him for letting her use the paper's darkroom, then shows him a photo she took of Kelly and remarks on how pretty she is. Brandon agrees and says she's the prettiest girl he knows, so then Tara dishes about how Kelly talks about him all the time, and how she's still in love with him. Brandon says they probably shouldn't be talking about this, and she suddenly lunges at him and tries to kiss him. He's like, "Hey! Hey!" and backs away in revulsion and asks her what the hell she's doing, so Tara replies, "I just wanted to see what it would be like to be Kelly." Brandon gives her a strange look, promises not to mention this anyone, then promptly flees the darkroom. He runs into Susan, who wonders aloud if the little weirdo is trying to impersonate Kelly. Brandon nods and confirms that Tara is definitely cray cray.
Steve and Clare arrive at Arnold Manor...and Steve is visibly impressed by the 1960 Corvette with a diplomat's license plate that's parked out front. When they enter the house, Chancellor Arnold greets them, then directs them toward Prince Carl, who greets Clare warmly and affably tells Steve he hears they share a common interest: Corvettes. Steve beams at the handsome prince with awe and delight.
The Walsh house. Brandon calls Kelly, and grimaces when he gets her machine. He leaves her a message saying he interacted with Tara in the darkroom, and wants to give her a debrief about some of the weird shit she said and did. He then heads into the living room, where David and Donna are hosting an informal screening of the shittastic music video they filmed during the previous episode. Everyone (meaning Brandon, Susan, Steve, Clare, and Joe) sits back and watches the video, which includes way too much footage of Donna gyrating atop the hood of a car, and then laying on her back and staring seductively up at the camera. OMFG. Needless to say, Joe looks less than thrilled by the disturbing spectacle. David discreetly slips out of the room, and a few seconds later Donna follows him and asks whassup. He tells her he's nervous about people watching his work, and would prefer not to see the unavoidable looks of horror and disbelief etched on their faces while they're viewing the dreck. When the video mercifully reaches its conclusion, everyone but Joe claps. Brandon describes it as awesome, and Susan says she loves that the woman has all the fire and that the men have to come to her for it. That underlying message was lost on me with all of Donna's relentless gyrating, but OK. Joe tersely says, "It's very professional looking" then disappears into the kitchen for something to drink. Donna follows him and asks him what's wrong, then tells him that his unenthusiastic reaction to her video is hurting her feelings. He tells her he's deeply afraid that the video might actually hit the TV airwaves, and that his family might see her dressed in a skanky leather costume, shaking her semi-bare surgically enhanced hooters at the camera. Donna argues that her cleavage isn't all that revealing (is too), then reminds him that she's just playing a character. He gives her an incredulous stare asks her if she really wants to be seen as a sex object, then goes, "Aren't you just a little bit embarrassed?" I'm guessing not.
Beach house. Kelly and Tara return home from a group therapy session. Kelly heads off to her room and starts to listen to the phone message Brandon left for her, but then gets distracted by the sight of her fish floating lifelessly at the top of the aquarium. She goes, "Oh no!" and runs out to the living room to confront psycho Tara. She asks her if she fed her fish, then tells her they're all dead...and Tara expresses fakes outrage that Kelly would accuse her of deliberately harming her pets, then says it was probably a clogged filter that killed them. Kelly doesn't buy it and snarks, "It's time for you to move out." Tara tells her she's just upset, and insists that she (Kelly) needs her. Kelly shoots her the stink eye and tells her to be out by tomorrow.
The Walsh house. Brandon runs into Valerie as she's about to head to court for Colin's sentencing. She tells Brandon it won't be as bad as it could have been, but Brandon just kind of shrugs and says he hates to see Colin dragging her down. When she makes a face, he quickly changes the subject and tells her he's got a hunch that Kelly's roommate Tara, who he just discovered has a couple of screws loose, is the person responsible for keying her car.
Steve tells Clare he wants to ditch school today and hang out with Prince Carl, his new BFF. Clare jokes that he's just angling for a pair of royal cuff links, and Steve perks up at the possibility.
California University. David is in the editing room, re-watching the shittastic video. Donna enters and tells him she has some editing suggestions, which are sweeping cuts of her gyrating footage. That actually sounds like a fantastic plan. David snarks that these cuts sound like Joe's suggestions, then says they don't make any sense and that they take away from "the punch" of the video. I would argue that they take away from the nausea factor of the video. Donna whines that she suddenly feels exploited, then wails, "I don't want to be a sex object in a music video!" LOL. David refuses to make the cuts, so then she gets all uppity and threatens to never work with him again if he doesn't do her bidding. Sounds like a win-win, David.
Beach house. Tara begs Kelly to go down to the beach with her so she can take photos of her (ew...weird), but Kelly declines. Tara assures her she's definitely moving out, but says she wants Kelly to still be her friend. Kelly fake promises they'll remain close, but she's firm about Tara needing to move out asap. On Tara's way out, she runs into Brandon and tells him about the demise of Kelly's fish and pleads with him to talk to Kelly on her behalf. He promises he will, and she coos at him for being such a wonderful guy. Brandon enters the beach house and tells Kelly he just ran into Tara and that, yep, she's still as weird as ever. Kelly happily informs him that she's moving out today - in fact, they're expecting her at the boarding house later this afternoon. Her plan is to put Tara's stuff in her car, so that when she returns from the beach she won't have the option of saying no. Brandon nods approvingly and tells her to call him later and let him know how it all turned out. After he leaves, Kelly stares over at Tara's suitcase, then opens it and examines the contents. She finds a stack of letters from Tara's parents, looks intrigued, and starts reading them.
Steve, Clare, and Carl are strolling along the beach. For some reason, Carl is interested in going into business with Steve exporting classic Corvettes to Europe and promises to bankroll the whole thing. Clare complains that the conversation is boring the shit out of her, so Steve and Carl pretend to throw her into the ocean.
Courthouse. Colin is freaked out when he sees a different DA in the courtroom than the art-loving one with whom his lawyer made the halfway house deal. His lawyer tells him not to worry, but Colin tenses up. He clutches Valerie's hand and tells her he has a lousy feeling about this. As well he should.
Beach house. When Tara returns from the beach, Kelly informs her that she read her parents' letters and called them to let them know where she (Tara) is. Tara immediately wigs out, calls Kelly stupid, then accuses her of ruining everything. She starts railing about how she came on to Brandon for her (er...OK?), keyed Valerie's car, and got rid of Greg. Kelly stares at her in horror and makes a beeline over to the phone and announces that she's calling her therapist. Tara pulls out her gun and threatens to kill herself if she makes the call, and Kelly slowly puts the phone down and calmly tells the little nutter she'll do whatever she wants.
In the next scene, Kelly and Tara are aimlessly driving around in Kelly's red BMW...and Tara is clutching the gun as Kelly drives. Kelly tells her she's clearly unstable and needs help, but Tara assures her she won't hurt her. Kelly asks, "What about your parents?" but Tara glumly tells her to just keep driving.
Courthouse. Colin enters a plea of guilty, then waives his right to a speedy trial. The DA informs the judge that the state is recommending Colin serve six months in a halfway house...and the judge mulls this over, glares in Colin's direction and barks, "No!" LOL. He says he doesn't like the deal that Colin's lawyer and the DA cooked up, then sternly reminds both parties about the dangerous high speed chase that Colin led police on during the Leap of Faith episode. Fair point. He orders Colin to serve two years in a state prison...and Valerie's all, "Wha-a?!" while Colin just stares at the judge in stunned silence.
Recording company. Some flunky tells David and Donna he really likes their video and thinks it might help the band get a deal...and apparently he's so intrigued with their potential, he'd like to see what they'd come up with if they had a budget. That's...a scary thought. He offers to sign them to a three video deal, but says they first have to fix up the video they just submitted. He shrieks, "Hotter! Sexier!", then looks over at Donna and says, "It needs more you." He's mad as a hatter, this flunky. David agrees and offers to re-cut it for tomorrow, and the flunky nods approvingly at David's "can do" attitude. After they exit his office, Donna tells David she's isn't thrilled that he agreed to re-insert the gyrating footage without even consulting her...but then concedes that she doesn't want to miss out on this improbable opportunity.
Tara orders Kelly to pull over, and Kelly complies and parks near a cliff that overlooks the ocean. Kelly tells her that people are going to start worrying and come looking for her, but Tara just rolls her eyes derisively and says, "There you go, always thinking of you." Kelly bitchily tells her she'll have to play her game without her, and Tara snarls, "Don't you dare!" and points the gun at her. Kelly looks unimpressed and insists, "I'm going", so then Tara clocks her on the head with the butt of the gun.
Arnold Manor. Carl pulls Steve aside and presents him with a pair of royal cuff links. Steve looks touched, then rushes over to Clare to excitedly show off his new gift.
Tara has rigged some sort of hose contraption from the tailpipe to the inside of the car so that she and Kelly will die of carbon monoxide poisoning...and she's also tied up Kelly's hands with some very thick rope. Kelly asks her why she's doing this, but Tara doesn't answer and starts nattering about all the ways one can commit suicide...but her careful research showed that carbon monoxide poisoning is by far the most gentle. Kelly implores her not to do this, but Tara shushes her and assures her it won't hurt, and that the sweet surrender of death will claim them soon after they fall asleep - BFFs forever. Kelly starts struggling against the rope, but Tara yells that there's too much pain in her life and she just wants some quiet!! LOL. She says that soon all the pain will be gone, and Kelly just stares back at her in horror.
Colin's loft. Valerie and Colin arrive home, and Valerie tells him there's still time to file a motion for an appeal. Colin snarks that he never should have listened to her. She tells him he has a week left and should make the best of it, but he whines that he can't cram two years of living in one week. She reaches out to touch him, but he pulls away and rails about having to serve time in a penitentiary. He really is becoming an exhausting pill to be around. Valerie tells him he can yell at her as much as he wants, but that she'll never leave his side. He ignores her and moans, "I don't think I can get through this!" She assures him he's strong, then advises him again to file that motion for an appeal, but he just shakes his head and wails, "I caaan't!" Gaaa.. Go to prison already, crybaby.
The Peach Pit. Steve shows Nat his cuff links and points out the royal crest, but Nat doesn't even pretend to give a rat's ass.
Clare and Carl pull into the parking lot of the Peach Pit. Carl tells Clare it's been really nice seeing her again, and that he's enjoying his visit so much that he wants to stay in L.A. longer than he originally planned. Clare's like, "OK, whatever" and tells him that Steve will definitely be happy 'bout that.
Dorm. Donna drops by to see Joe. She informs him that she and David have to re-insert the disturbing gyrating footage in the music video, 'cause otherwise the recording company won't buy it. Joe looks sheepish and tells her he's embarrassed by the way he handled this whole thing. He says that the thing that was bugging him the most was how much time she and David were spending together on this project...and that it feels like she and David share things that the two of them will never share. Donna assures him he has no reason to be jealous and that he just needs to believe that. He pulls her into his lap and tells her he doesn't want to own her, and wants her to be free to live her own life. Someone please explain to me why on earth this sweet, kind dreamboat has settled for Donna??
Inside Kelly's BMW, death appears imminent. Tara tells Kelly it'll all be better once they're dead, and Kelly nods and says she's looking forward to the transition. LOL. However, she does have one request: she wants to be untied so that her family doesn't find her all bound up. She fake assures Tara she so wants to end her pain, and that she'd never have the courage to do this without her help. Tara looks pleased and unties her - and a few seconds later, Kelly grabs the gun and shoots a bullet through the car window, then tumbles out of the car and raises the gun above her head and shoots several more times. Tara gets hysterical and yells, "Friends don't lie!" then starts crying.
Hospital. Brandon arrives to see how Kelly's doing. She tells him that Tara's in the psych ward under suicide watch. Kelly says she just needs to see her one last time to wrap up this ghastly story arc, so he agrees to accompany her. When they reach the psych ward, they're told that Tara can't have any visitors, so Kelly peers through the window and catches a glimpse of Tara huddled on the bed. She then meets Tara's parents, and the mother thanks Kelly for calling them, and says they're hopeful that their troubled daughter can be transferred to a psych hospital in Colorado. She apologizes to Kelly for the frightening ordeal she was forced to endure, and Kelly's like, "Good luck with your demon spawn" and beats a hasty retreat with Brandon.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
2/15/2018 07:23:34 am
I'm so happy your recaps exist. It's annoying that Hulu is missing so many episodes. Instead of binge watching, I'm binge reading your excellent recaps!
Isabel K. French
2/15/2018 07:27:05 am
I'm glad to hear you are enjoying them! I wonder why Hulu doesn't offer the full series??
2/15/2018 07:40:56 am
From what I read online, they didn't get music clearances. I actually enjoy your recaps more than the show. They're way funnier. I thought I was the only person that couldn't stand Nat! Lol
4/16/2019 12:49:46 am
I contacted Hulu, and they said they didnt have permission to use the songs in certain episodes so they couldn't show them. I think its bs and they should tell viewers up front about the missing episodes
8/6/2019 06:40:51 pm
I agree! I Love to read your recaps! The new season starts tomorrow. Thanks
8/16/2019 06:42:01 am
Me too! I hate that Hulu doesn't have all of the episodes due to music rights. I'm glad to read these recaps.
12/31/2019 11:32:22 am
It's too bad they don't have the rights to two episodes in a row because of the horrible song in David and Donna's music video... I found it on YouTube and it's pretty bad LOL
9/9/2019 12:24:43 am
Dude. Same lol. Prime doesn't show 7 episodes or so a season...6 has been fun with this creepy tara chick.
3/1/2018 07:44:04 pm
I love these recaps!! And I love how whoever writes them is just as disgusted by Donna as i am lol
3/15/2018 02:01:23 pm
Thank you so much. Your reviews are awesome!
4/21/2018 01:39:55 pm
Your recaps are amazing and so funny. Thanks!
5/9/2018 07:33:16 pm
lmaooo! i looovvvee these recaps! i too found myself here from missing hulu episodes but sometimes read these for the episodes that are up just for kicks and giggles. thank you!
Isabel K. French
5/9/2018 07:40:17 pm
😚 Thanks for visiting the site, and for the kind words. I wonder why Hulu is missing so many of the episodes.
7/5/2018 04:45:44 am
I, too, just binge watched the series on DVD and discovered your site while doing so. Now I am binge reading your reviews and they are excellent. They are funny as hell while also being insightful and entertaining — oftentimes more so than the episodes themselves (if we are being honest). Thank you for the amazing recaps/reviews and for your wonderful site. Cheers!
10/29/2018 03:24:48 pm
I come here to fill in what I am missing from the Hulu episodes. These are very well written in a sense that they are not boring and are almost as entertaining as the real thing. Good job!
1/11/2019 07:54:56 pm
I love these recaps!! Thank you for posting. Totally agree with your thoughts on Donna. I will never see the appeal- and I cannot understand why they keep calling her hot and beautiful. I just do not see it!
4/23/2019 10:45:34 am
I LOVE your recaps!!! And it's been a relief to know that I'm not the only one who was irritated by The Virgin Donna and nosy Andrea!
2/19/2019 04:21:57 pm
It's funny how Tara tried to pull a sob story that she was some neglected child, when in reality, she was probably bored with Colorado and her parent's rules, beat a path to glamorous Hollywood, got caught up in drugs (probably prostitution as well), and ended up on the street.
4/26/2019 09:03:01 pm
I love you recaps! Hulu skips some of the episodes so I come on here but I must say I think I rather read your post than watch. You’re so funny. Pumpkin head, Brandon and Susan no chemistry 😂 so true.
6/15/2019 01:42:47 pm
Love love love the recaps. Anyone elsw find Donna’s plea for dignity hilarious while she was wearing that hideous pink shirt with no bra and We could see her hideous nipples
9/17/2019 09:44:42 am
Another one of many here bc of Hulu 😤. Love your recaps!! They’re hilarious and I’m glad I didn’t actually watch this episode lol
9/20/2019 04:23:43 pm
Thank goodness for your amazing recaps! I’ve been rewatching the show on Hulu and they’re annoyingly missing a lot of the episodes. So grateful for your hilariously full recaps that not only fill me in but have me dying laughing!
8/11/2020 01:48:46 pm
Thank you for the recaps! So many episodes are missing on CBS! I’m watching on my Apple TV. Episode 27 and 28 are not there. It sucks when a few are gone and you’re trying to figure out what happened.
11/6/2020 01:42:55 pm
I never liked Joe, I think he was too straight laced for me and i didn't care too much for the way he behaves, or anything about him for that matter.
5/18/2021 08:52:41 pm
2/19/2021 07:47:03 am
I love how you interpreted a 90’s show with today’s lingo. Thank you for filling in the gaps of the missing episodes!!!
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics