Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 10, Episode 23

"Egads! It looks like Donna's irresistibleness to men has broken the Internet."

"And Don't Forget To Give Me Back My Black T-Shirt"
Original airdate: 4/19/2000

Episode summary: Donna's online store hits a snag on launch night. Matt continues to lie to Kelly about doinking Amy. David dumps Camille.

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Recap: Donna and Mitch are on a dinner date at a Japanese restaurant. She tells him she's nervous about the launch of her online store in less than twenty-four hours, and he breezily assures her that everything will be in place before the website is scheduled to go live. He presents her with a gift: an electronic day planner, in which he's scheduled two future dates with him. He tells her he's so taken with her cherubic beauty and all-around awesomeness that he'd like to date her exclusively. Donna doesn't look remotely interested in that prospect and just stares back at him blankly.

Beach house. Kelly tells Matt she just got off the phone with her dad, and he told her he's coming to town tomorrow and wants to have dinner with the two of them. Matt furrows his brows worriedly and says he's afraid that her dad won't approve of him, and Kelly reminds him that her dad is a convicted felon and total douche...whereas he is honest, faithful, and reliable. Or so he's been leading her to believe. As the two get into some light canoodling, Matt stares concernedly into space.

The Beverly Beat. Steve tells Janet they're missing out on prime Internet investments, and Janet says she's OK with that 'cause she thinks it's a bad idea to put their hard earned cash into risky ventures. Steve tells her that Donna is taking her store online and has brought Dylan aboard as an investor...and Janet reminds him that they have Maddy to think about. She expressly forbids him to use their money to invest in Donna's online store, and he stares glumly into space.

The model for the DonnaMartinOriginals.com photo shoot has pulled a no-show, and Donna is concerned about paying for studio time and a $1000/hour photographer for no reason. Dylan, meanwhile, is chatting with his accountant, who leers at Camille and says he's really attracted to her, shorn 'do and all. Donna paces nervously, then tells Dylan they should cut their losses and call it a day, but Dylan tells her that his accountant just had a brilliant idea: get Camille to model the clothes. Donna loves the idea, but David does not and snarks that Camille isn't a model...even though she's pretty model-like. Camille says she has no problem filling in...and when David reminds her that she's a business woman and not eye candy, she says that the situation requires her to make a business decision.

After Dark. Everyone is busily setting up the club for the grand unveiling of DonnaMartinOriginals.com. As Noah blathers about what a mega-success Donna's store is going to be, Steve stares wistfully into space. Noah says he really misses being a rich Hunter, and Steve is like, "I hear that" and says he has frequent nightmares about running short of cash. A few seconds later, Noah gets a call from Ellen, who tearfully tells him she's just been arrested and needs his help.   

Beach house. Donna complains to Kelly that Mitch has synchronized their dating schedule in their electronic organizers, and Kelly points out that she always gets critical of whoever she's dating whenever it looks like David might soon go back on the market. A few seconds later, Bill Taylor calls and tells Kelly he's not coming to L.A. after all and can't have dinner with her and Matt. Is there anyone out there who didn't see that cancellation coming?

The Peach Pit. Dylan runs into Janet and mentions that Steve wired $10,000 into his account a few hours ago 'cause he also wants to invest in Donna's online store. He warns her it could be risky, and Janet breezily pretends she knows all about it....but when Dylan slouches off, she contorts her face into an angry expression.

One of Amy's hippy friends who was at the desert rave two episodes ago drops by Matt's office to get legal representation, but Matt nervously tells him he can't take on anymore clients and gives him a referral. The hippy shrugs and says it's weird that a guy who was handing out business cards at a rave is suddenly too busy to take on a new client, then says, "I'll say hi to Amy for you" on his way out. Kelly arrives just as the hippy is leaving, and she tells Matt that her dad cancelled his visit, and now feels like an idiot for getting all excited about their once-every-five-years dinner. Matt assures her it's his loss and gives her a hug, and she thanks him for never doing anything to disappoint her. She then asks, "Who's Amy?" and Matt fibs and tells her that Amy is some skank who hooked up with Dylan in the desert.  Kelly rolls her eyes with faux disdain and snarks, "He's such a dog!" while Matt stares sheepishly into space.

Casa David. Ellen is searching the wanted ads for another job, but Noah tells her to put the paper away so they can talk about what just happened. Ellen explains that she got behind on her rent, which meant she had to live in her car...and when her car broke down she thought it would be a good idea to get hammered, so while she was sleeping off her bender in the back seat, a cop came by and arrested her. Not sure what the charge would have been. Is it illegal in California to drunkenly sleep inside your car? Noah urges a teary Ellen to rejoin AA and start sorting out the hot mess her life has degenerated into.

The Peach Pit. When Mitch tells Donna he wants to "beam" her his itinerary for her electronic day planner, she tells him to not do that, and that mapping out all their time together is taking the fun out of dating...which she no longer wants to do anyway. She says she'd like to keep their relationship strictly professional...and Mitch gets irked, tosses her the packet of photos from the photo shoot, and tells her to pick out the ones she wants for the website. He says he won't be coming to the launch party tonight, but promises that the website will be ready as planned. As he heads out, he warns, "I don't give up easily." Elsewhere in the diner, Kelly asks Dylan to update her on his life, particularly as it pertains to Amy, his "desert princess". As an anxious looking Matt lurks nearby and eavesdrops, Dylan tells Kelly that Amy was nice, but it wasn't meant to be. Matt then comes over, steers Kelly toward the exit, and smugly tells Dylan they're off to look at wedding venues.

The Walsh house. Steve returns home after attending an alien/UFO conference for the past couple of days and encounters an angry Janet in the kitchen. She reminds him that they agreed to not invest in Donna's online store, so Steve says he didn't invest their money, he invested his money...then explains that he has $50,000 in a trust fund that was left to him by his grandfather. Janet's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and says she's livid that this is the first she's hearing about this money, and he lamely retorts, "Uh, I forgot..?"

AA meeting. As everyone mills around the front of the building, Ellen tells Noah she's not into group mentality today and doesn't want to attend the meeting. She ambles off, leaving Noah staring after her with a troubled look on his face.

Now Wear This. Donna and Camille are looking over the photo shoot photos when David enters. He glances at the photos and calls them cheesy...and Camille looks insulted and asks him whaddup with his chronic bitchitude. She says she doesn't want to hang around a miserable sad sack, and he snaps, "Don't then!" and storms off.

AA meeting. Noah tells the group how happy he is to have them all to lean on...and a few minutes later, Ellen appears in the doorway and introduces herself, "I'm Ellen. I'm an alcoholic" and gets the collective, "Hi, Ellen" reply. Noah looks happy to see that she changed her mind...which means we get to watch this tedious relationship drag on for at least another day.

Website launch party! Matt asks Dylan why they were talking about Amy earlier, and Dylan says that Kelly brought her up - but that he lied about being the one who doinked her, and urges him to come clean with Kelly about it. Camille complains to Donna about David's moody bitchiness, and Donna says he gets in these dark moods every now and again and advises her to give him space. Dylan takes the stage and says that in thirty seconds, DonnaMartinOriginals.com will be officially launched. Yippee! After a drumroll, Steve clicks something on the official launch laptop...but when he double-clicks, a big red message that reads Access denied until Donna Martin goes on another date with Mitch Field pops up. Donna's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and rushes over to Steve to ask what this means, and he growls, "It means we're screwed" and glares angrily at the laptop.

The next day, Donna storms over to Mitch's office and asks whassup with him fucking up her website launch. Mitch smarmily explains that he deliberately froze the website as a romantic plea (the fuckety fuck is wrong with this fuckwit??), and she snaps back, "Well that's just stupid." He tells her they're perfect for each other - but she makes it clear she's not into him, and that because of his immature idiocy, the investors' money and everyone else's hard work has gone to waste. He despondently mutters, "So sue me" (finally, a case for Matt!) then says he no longer thinks life is worth living if he doesn't have her to share his life with. OMFG, writers. Donna looks unmoved, orders him to make things right, then sashays out of his office.

The Walsh house. Steve now regrets investing in Donna's online store, and Janet is all smug that none of the money he just threw out the window was her money. She tells him she's still mad about his secret trust fund and thinks it means he doesn't trust her...and then the two bicker back and forth some more, blah blah.   

Now Wear This. David drops by to express his condolences to Donna about her failed website launch, and she sadly says she should have heeded his warnings...even though he was the dolt who recommended Mitch to her in the first place. As the two share a gentle canoodle, he tells her he hasn't yet patched things up with Camille...and Donna perks up at that tidbit and murmurs, "You smell goooood." A few seconds later, Dylan and Camille enter the store to excitedly announce that the online store is now fully functional, and customers have been posting online messages! Apparently, some people are dying to know if there really is a "Mitch" and a "Donna", and one woman even offers to buy two skirts if Donna agrees to kiss Mitch. OK, weirdo. Camille says they should use Mitch's unprofessional conduct to their advantage, then cackles about how people are suckers for a happy ending.

Casa David. Noah presents Ellen with a lovely bouquet of flowers and a wrapped gift...and she gives him a thank you kiss. Her joy is short lived, however, when the gift turns out to be a blank journal, which Noah says she could use to write out all the shittiness going on in her life so she can work through the AA steps toward total recovery. Ellen irritably asks him if every conversation they have has to be about being in AA, then snappishly says she can't stand the way he's always breathing down her neck. You could easily remedy that problem by no longer hanging out together.

After Dark. Kelly notices a woman hitting on Dylan, giggles about it to Matt, then asks Dylan if he's already forgotten about Amy. She asks how he and Amy met, so Matt interjects with a fake story about how Amy came to be Dylan's desert hookup...and Dylan glares at him while he's telling it, then abruptly changes the subject and tells Kelly that Donna's online store has been fixed. Kelly squeals excitedly and leaps up to go call Donna...and as soon as she's out of earshot, Matt tells Dylan he's not going to do anything that will risk losing Kelly, and that of the two of them, he'd make a better husband for her. Dylan says he underestimated him, snarks, "I'll see you around", and shuffles off.

Casa David. Ellen comes over while Noah is reading the paper on the front porch. She tells him she'd like to show him something. ^%$#@!!

The Walsh house. Janet continues to snark at Steve, and accuses him of looking for an escape hatch. Steve's like, "Well d'yuh - for us!" and explains that he's afraid every day that he won't be able to provide for her and Maddy, and that the $50,000 trust fund was a safety net to protect them from his screwups. Janet reminds the dolt that when they got married, it was "for richer for poorer" and says he no longer has to go through anything alone, including the irrational fear of them living in poverty. Steve whispers, "Thanks."

The Peach Pit. Donna gabbles at David about all the clothing orders that are being placed online...then tells him that Camille really really misses him. David says he's irked that the two of them are talking about him, and tells her to leave him alone to sort out the dysfunctional relationship. Some random woman named Sheila comes over and excitedly tells Donna she recognizes her from the photo on her online store. She says she just ordered herself some Donna Martin originals, then assumes that David is Mitch. She gushes, "Good luck!" then scampers off as mysteriously as she appeared. 

Ellen gives Noah directions to a playground...and when they're parked across the street, she points out a little girl playing on the slide and says she's her six year old daughter, Caitlin. She adds that the little girl's caretaker is her mother, who's raising the child until she gets around to straightening out her life. She explains that Caitlin's father was a drunken one night stand, and that he doesn't even know he has a child. Sounds classy all around. After staring over at Caitlin for a few seconds, she orders Noah to drive away. 

Casa David. Camille comes over to see whassup with David and tells him how busy she's been processing all the online orders that have been flooding in. She asks him if she's done anything to upset him, and he says she hasn't and admits that he's been acting so dickish 'cause he was looking to pick a fight. He tells her she deserves better than him...and when she tells him they'll work it out, he says, "I don't think so." She shoots him an incredulous stare and asks him if he's really dumping her like this, and he's like, "Well d'yuh. We don't belong together" and Camille tearfully flees.

Beach house. Kelly is trying on one of Jackie's wedding dresses when Dylan drops by for no reason other than to ogle her and remark that this is now the second time he's looked upon her while in a wedding gown as she prepares to marry someone who's not him. She invites him in, but he says he has to go fax some papers to his accountant. He stares at her creepishly, tells her she looks beautiful, then slouches off...and Kelly stares after him longingly until she finally closes the door.

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