Recap: Donna is staying in on a Saturday night, eating ice cream and chatting with Felice over the phone. Felice tells her she should be spending her weekends “where the boys are”, then asks her how David's doing. Donna tells her he’s dating Camille...and Felice makes a blech face and asks if she’s the one with the “too short hair”, which gets a giggle out of Donna...and also me 'cause I just can't get into the messy shorn look that Josie Davis has been sporting in her role as Camille. Kelly and Matt arrive home, so Donna cuts the call short and hides behind the couch ‘cause she’s dressed in nothing more than skimpy baby doll pajamas and for once doesn't want to parade around the set half naked. Fortunately, Kelly and Matt are too busy being enamored of each other to notice Donna...and the two make a quick beeline to Kelly’s bedroom. Donna then scurries to her bedroom, and makes an eww face when she’s forced to listen to Kelly's and Matt's extra loud, contrived sounding foreplay. She turns on the radio to drown them out, but then ends up listening to David’s radio show, where the topic du jour is sexual fantasies. Camille calls in to sexily inform David that she likes getting it on in public places, and David perks up at that and calls her suggestions “totally doable”. An icked out Donna shuts off the radio, then puts a pillow over her ears to drown out the amorous squealing coming from the room next door.
The Peach Pit. Kelly tells Steve and Janet that her newest PR client is a sausage maker named Mr. Borst. He wants to create a marketing campaign that features cute tots in hot dog costumes, so Kelly invites Janet to bring Maddy to the photo studio tomorrow and says she'll be paid $500 for one hour of work. Steve is wary of Maddy getting into showbiz, but Janet likes the idea of easy money and says they can bank the dough for Maddy's college fund. Kelly runs into Dylan in the parking lot just as Matt rides over on Dylan's dirt bike after a test drive. Dylan says he’s going dirt biking in the high desert this weekend...and when Matt looks envious and says he used to go dirt biking when he was a kid and looooved it, Dylan suggests he rent himself a bike so the two of them can make a male bonding weekend out of it. Kelly says she’s wary about the two of them comparing notes about her - ew - but then decides she's good with it and tells them to have a good time.
Now Wear This. Camille giggles to Donna about her risqué call to David over the radio last night, then gets a call from David inviting her to go with him to the Santa Monica pier later. She tells him to pick her up when the boutique closes...and an eavesdropping Donna scrunches her big face with displeasure.
Photo shoot. A group of mothers are milling around the set holding their infants who are all outfitted in tiny hot dog costumes. Mr. Borst looks over each of the babies and selects Maddy to be “lead bun”, and this makes Janet burst with pride.
After Dark. A pretty brunette sitting at the bar orders a vodka martini from Noah...and he studies her for a few seconds, then pours her a glass of water and says he's seen her at AA. He offers to talk through whatever problems are driving her to drink, and she accepts his help.
Now Wear This. Camille glumly tells David she can’t go to the Santa Monica pier ‘cause they just received a large shipment of Donna Martin originals from the manufacturer...and Donna suddenly wants her to do an inventory of the fall line. David gives her a smooch, then shuts off the lights and suggests they enjoy some sexy time right here and now...'cause no sense in waiting for an appropriate time or more comfortable place to bump uglies. Camille's into it, the boutique being a quasi-public place and all, and the two strip off their clothes and hit the floor.
Noah drives Ellen home, and she calls him a lifesaver, then complains about how hard it sucks to come home to an empty apartment at the end of the day. She wistfully tells him how much she likes going to the beach, and he’s like, “Me too!” and says he used to live on a boat and loved falling asleep to the sound of the waves. He suggests they take a late night drive to Malibu, and she says she definitely likes the sound of that impulsive idea.
Donna arrives at the boutique, turns the lights on, and - ack! - sees David and Camille on the floor, enjoying some post-coital afterglow with clothing strategically draped over their naughty parts. David chuckles nervously and asks Donna how it’s going, and she turns around and shrieks, “OMG! OMG!” while dramatically covering her eyes.
The Walsh house. Steve bitches at Janet for getting behind on Beat work, but she snarks back that she’s busy doing alterations on Maddy’s hot dog costume while baking homemade cookies for the props guy at the photo studio. Steve's all, "Wha-a?" and tells her she's out of control.
As Noah walks Ellen up the sidewalk to her door, he tells her about his relationship with St. Donna...and Ellen reminds him that perfect human beings like his ex-girlfriend often find it difficult to understand weaknesses, e.g. coping with stress by getting shitfaced. She tells him she had a great time and thanks him for listening, and he responds by leaning in for a smooch. She invites him up to her apartment for a romp, and he eagerly bounds up the stairs.
Now Wear This. Donna is on all fours, scrubbing out the sex stains she's imagining that David and Camille left behind on the boutique floor. Camille sees what she's doing, gives her a funny look, and points out that there are no actual sex stains on the floor...and Donna snappishly asks her why the hell she's here right now 'cause she's not scheduled to work until 1pm. When David drops by a few seconds later, Camille tells him that Donna's being a prudish, snarky bitch...but David just clucks sympathetically and says it's a pretty traumatic thing to walk in on your ex having sex. Camille points out that Donna is overreacting ‘cause she wants him back, but David breezily tells her she’s being ridic...and Camille gets irked and accuses him of being blind to Donna's feelings for him.
Mr. Borst changes his mind about wanting babies in hot dog costumes for his marketing campaign and scraps that whole concept. Kelly breaks the news to a crushed Janet and says her client is very fickle.
The Peach Pit. Donna tells Kelly she caught David and Camille doing the nasty on the boutique floor, and Kelly says that while it's gross and uncomfortable to have sex on one's workplace floor, she has no right to get angry at David as long as she continues to keep her feelings about him a secret. Noah enters the diner and introduces Kelly and Donna to Ellen, and happily tells them they have plans to go on a picnic. Ellen compliments Kelly on her fabulous jacket, and Kelly tells her it’s a Donna Martin original, then gestures at Donna and lays it on thick about what an amaaaaazing designer she is. After Kelly flounces out, Donna looks fake modest and tells Ellen that Kelly was only gushy ‘cause they’re best friends. She asks Ellen what she does, and a shamefaced Ellen tells her she’s just a temp...then pretends that she left her purse in the car and flees the diner.
Desert. Dylan and Matt are suited in helmets and riding gear and are speeding around the high desert their dirt bikes...and we get a lot of superfluous footage of the two revving their engines and performing aerial leaps over ditches and ravines. Matt takes a tumble during one of the leaps and injures his leg...and a few seconds later, a cute blonde biker named Amy rides up, asks him if he's OK, then invites the two of them to join her and her hippy friends at their makeshift musical festival campsite.
The Peach Pit. Noah asks Donna where Ellen went off to, and she tells him she went to get her purse from the car and then never returned. She tells Noah that Ellen seems really nice, and he concurs and says he feels a real connection with her.
Desert. Matt puts an ice pack on his injured leg, then limps around the campsite. Amy asks him if he and Dylan are planning to spend the night...and when he thinks it over and says yes, she pours him a tall drink of punch, which - spoiler - we soon learn is spiked with acid. Matt drinks up, oblivious to how high and dorky looking he's about to get.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Noah finds Ellen sitting at the hotel bar with a drink in front of her. He tells her he remembered that she had once told the AA group it was her favourite place to go whenever she feels like going on a bender. Ellen tears up and tells him he should go on a picnic with “super successful Donna” instead of “Ellen, the loser typist” ... then moans about how befuddling it is that he'd be remotely interested in her after dating “a clothing big shot” like Donna...not to mention that she's clearly the most flawlessly stunning cherub who's ever walked the earth. Noah, of course, can't argue with that, but assures Ellen she's not a loser, then offers to help get her a job with a distributor friend of his. She perks up and takes him up on it.
Kelly calls Janet to inform her that Steve dropped by the photo studio to pick up Maddy’s check...and that she really really needs to come to the studio in person to see for herself what in blazes he's gotten himself involved in now.
Desert. Amy and her hippy friends are dancing around a bonfire looking visibly stoned. Matt staggers over to where Dylan is sitting, gabbles at him incoherently, then says he feels so good it’s scary. Amy sashays over and asks Matt to dance, and Matt says he doesn't dance, then giddily turns to Dylan and cackles, “It doesn’t hurt to watch!” and thanks him for inviting him along on this trip. Dylan cautions Matt to go easy on the desert juice...and just as Matt starts leaping about in a hilariously uninhibited fashion, a sultry looking woman struts over to Dylan and says hi, and he grins back and says hello.
Photo shoot. Steve is decked out in a Viking costume clutching a giant sausage with one hand...and a couple of viking-ettes are lounging at his feet and staring up at him adoringly. When the photographer takes a break from snapping the disturbing spectacle, Steve rushes over to Janet and excitedly tells her that Mr. Borst just appointed him Sausage King. Mr. Borst concurs about his sudden royal status, then compliments Steve’s Nordic good looks and says he's thinking of possibly taking his campaign national.
Now Wear This. David apologizes to Donna for bumping uglies with Camille on her boutique floor...and then the two reminisce for several minutes about the holiday dance they went to together in Season 2, when she told him how proud she was to be going with the best dancer at West Beverly. LOL. He apologizes again for the floor doink, bids her good night, and heads out...and Donna stares after him looking wistful and sad.
Desert. Matt is flailing about without a shirt on, shrieking to everyone, "I'm Matt Durning, lawyer at a rave party!" Amy 'fesses up and tells the dork she spiked his drink with acid, and he shoots her a vacant smile and replies, “I don’t do drugs”, then resumes his flailing. Dylan tells the sultry looking woman he’s about to hook up with that he and Matt are in love with the same woman, and that Matt's prolly the one she's going to marry. Sultry's like, "That's nice. Wanna come to my tent?" ... and as the two amble off together, we see that Matt is amorously smooching with Amy.
The next morning, the campsite is littered with trash and the hippies are all a-snooze in their tents. Dylan finds Matt sharing a sleeping bag with Amy...and when Dylan pokes him awake, he looks over at Amy, who's naked in the sleeping bag beside him, then stares up at Dylan with a stricken look on his face.
The Walsh house. Steve is reading the paper and wearing his viking helmet when Kelly lets herself in. She informs Steve that Mr. Borst changed his mind about the sausage campaign again and decided to scrap the whole viking theme. He's definitely one fickle sausage maker. She then tells Steve she needs to return the helmet he's currently wearing...and he reluctantly hands it over and grumbles about how difficult it's going to be to give up his two minutes of stardom.
While en route back to Los Angeles, Matt tells Dylan he doesn't remember much from the night before...just a lot of punch drinking and dorkish flailing. He glumly adds that Amy told him this morning that their hookup was no big deal.
When Matt arrives at the beach house, he tiptoes into Kelly's bedroom...and she sleepily urges him to come to bed. He climbs into bed, spoons her from behind, and says he missed her all weekend. He coos at her to go back to sleep and mutters, "Everything is fine" while staring worriedly into space.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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