Recap: Carrie voice-overs that her tiny apartment was slowly getting filled to capacity with Aidan's stuff, and then the camera pans over his many boxes that are stacked everywhere. Carrie arrives home (wearing what appears to be a see-through slip as a skirt) and bumps into a stack of boxes...and Aidan proudly tells her he made himself an area. Carrie snaps that his area is blocking one of her bathroom doors, then insists that she needs access to both doors for an escape route in case rapists climb through her window. Aidan's like, "Er, OK" and tells her they're closing on the apartment next door within a couple of weeks. Carrie's all, "Uh huh", then glances around and has a minor freakout when she notices that Aidan has dared bring a houseplant into her home.
At brunch, Carrie complains to the gals about how Aidan brought a living thing in her apartment, and that it's bad 'cause she hasn't figured out how to not kill a houseplant. (Just water the thing once in awhile..?) She also complains that he's taking over "whole areas", which prompts Samantha to make a blech face and snark that that's exactly why she doesn't want to live with a man - plus she wants them out of her sight soon after she's climaxed. Carrie bitches about how Aidan is all in her face when she gets home, wanting to know where she's been and who she's been cheating on him with - I mean hanging out with - and that it's driving her nuts 'cause she likes to decompress after a leisurely afternoon of shopping and lunching. The gals then go on a dumb tangent about the SSB (secret single behavior) they like to engage in: Carrie eats grape jelly on saltines while reading fashion magazines standing up (doesn't seem overly weird), Miranda likes to put Vaseline in rubber gloves and watch infomercials (that one's a bit weird), and Charlotte likes to study her pores with a magnified mirror (seems like a boring waste of time, but OK). Samantha's phone suddenly rings...and it's Richard, summoning her to his office to deliver some papers. The gals chide her for hitting the sheets with her new client, as if they all couldn't have seen that coming the second he hired her, but Samantha is aghast that Carrie spilled the beans about her latest hookup. Miranda begs for all the sordid details, her being a horny pregnant woman and all, but when Samantha refuses to talk about it, Carrie cackles, "Samantha likes a guyyyyy!" Miranda laughs about how hell has just frozen over, so Samantha raunchily declares that Richard has the most perfect, pink, amazing dick she's ever seen. It is dick-a-licious.
Charlotte tells Trey she's having the girls over for dinner, and makes it clear that he's not invited nor welcome to join them. She bitterly remarks on all the "re-adjustments" she's being forced to make, which I guess means figuring out what the hell to fill her days with now that she prematurely dumped her art gallery career before trying for a baby that Trey no longer wants. In an effort to cheer her up, Trey tells her he snagged orchestra tickets to The Producers next week...and when he tells her they should still "try to have a giggle" every now and then, Charlotte just glares back at him with an angry stink-eye. She's really starting to reach Carrie levels of irrational bitchitude.
Samantha struts into Richard's office wearing a boob baring halter dress. He's on the phone with some German flunky he wants to curse at, so Samantha tells him to say fich mich (fuck me), even though she really meant for him to say fich dich (fuck you). When she hands him the papers he requested, he hands her a pretty pink rose...and Carrie voice-overs that it was perfect, pink, amazing - just like his stiffy. Richard coos about how he thought about her all weekend, and Samantha stares hungrily at his crotch and suggests she give him something to think about all evening. He gives her a funny look and is all, "Wha-a?" when he realizes she wasn't kidding about climbing under his desk and blowing him in an office that has glass walls on all sides and dozens of employees milling about.
Miranda is on a date with Walker Lewis, a hot guy who works as an interpreter for the State Department (and is so far above Miranda's league, I can't even). He tells her that this has been the best blind date he's ever had, plants a big smooch on her, and tells her he'd like to see her again before he jets off to Brussels.
The next day, Miranda goes walking with Carrie and moans about how desperate she is to hit the sheets with Walker. She comes right out and asks, "Is it OK to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another guy's baby?" and Carrie chuckles at her friend's raunchiness, thinking what an awesome column this off-the-charts level of horniness would make for her raunch-lovin' readership. Miranda yammers on and on about how she really really wants Walker to doink her 'cause it could be her last chance for sex. As they arrive at Carrie's brownstone, Carrie's elderly neighbor, Mrs. Cohen, whose apartment Aidan just bought comes shuffling down the front steps. She makes fun of Carrie's outfit (which made me laugh out loud), then snarkishly informs her that she won't be moving out for another thirty days (haha!). When Carrie's all, "Wha-a?!" Mrs. Cohen snaps, "Read the contact!" and shuffles off down the street.
Carrie rushes inside to tell Aidan what Mrs. Cohen just told her, and he starts jumping up and down and dropping f-bombs. Carrie squeals with relief that he hates this cramped living situation as much as she does 'cause she was starting to think he was an overly cheerful pod. He agrees that they can't live like this anymore, meaning she's going to have to make more room in the apartment by cleaning out her closet. Carrie stares back at him in horror.
Carrie makes Aidan transport her precious shoe collection from the top shelf of her closet onto the soft towels she's laid out on the bathroom floor. He looks mystified by the size of her shoe collection, along with all the fugly outfits she keeps around and will probably never wear again. He pulls out a ratty looking beige top with weird stringy things hanging from the sleeves and bottom and asks her where in blazes she'd ever wear this monstrosity. She warns him not to mock the clothes, then realizes that she was holding onto a grisly wardrobe at the expense of her relationship (which she's going to scrap anyway, two episodes from now). Carrie suddenly screeches in horror when she notices that Pete is chewing on a blue sandal, then bitches at Aidan that his dog now owes her $380. It never fails to blow my mind how much cash Carrie shells out on designer shoes she doesn't need and can ill afford. She storms over to the bathroom and asks Aidan why he keeps a box of almost used up deodorant sticks, along with Rogaine...and he gets all defensive about his hair thinness and growls at her for going through his stuff. The two start bickering, blah blah, and Carrie yells at him to shut up, then angrily announces that she's dramatically storming out.
Carrie storms over to Starbucks with her laptop, glances around at everyone else who's taking up space with a computer in front of them, and starts tapping out her weekly drivel.
Trey arrives home from work and tells Charlotte he got her "a little silly something", then presents her with a cardboard cutout of a baby. He says he saw it in the window of a novelty store and bought it in order to have a baby in the house so they can finally chillax about their reproductive problems. Charlotte shoots him the stink-eye, snarls, "Don't talk to me", and stalks out of the room.
Miranda puts on a pair of Vaseline filled gloves and watches infomercials as she calls Walker to arrange a Last Romp.
Samantha stares longingly at the pink rose that Richard gave her, then grimaces at it and throws it in the trash.
Carrie returns home hours later, fully prepared to admit how silly she had been earlier...but when Aidan stubbornly refuses to even look in her direction, she angrily tosses her keys on the table and snarls at Pete as she flounces past him.
Dinner party! Carrie tells the gigolas that she and Aidan haven't spoken for three days, and that she refuses to be the first one to apologize. Samantha mutters something about Richard's throbbing dick just as Trey enters the room and is all, "Ack! I forgot it was ladies' night." Charlotte bitchily reminds him he's not supposed to be here, then pulls away as he leans over to kiss her. He remarks that she must still be angry about "the silly little something" from earlier, and needlessly starts explaining to the gigolas about how hilarious he thought it would be to give his wife the gift of a cardboard baby. They stare at him and each other in mute awkwardness...and when Trey rushes off to get the cardboard baby so he can demonstrate its hilarity, Charlotte runs out of the room after him, shriekily asking how funny he'd find it if she showed her friends a cardboard cutout of his flaccid penis. The two then start yelling at each other just as Richard calls Samantha's cell phone to summon her to his hotel's rooftop. She beats a hasty retreat and is quickly followed out by Carrie and Miranda.
Richard is wearing a bathrobe as he waits for Samantha on the rooftop of his hotel, which is equipped with a delicious looking swimming pool. When Samantha arrives and sees a bottle of champagne chilling, she snarks, "I want no part of that" and nonsensically says it turns everything into a screaming mess. She pronounces that they are work and sex and nothing more, then orders him to whip out his throbbing dick and plunge it into her nether regions. He promises to show her his if she shows him hers...and Samantha strips off her side-boob baring dress in about three seconds and is completely naked. She gives his crotch an appreciate nod, then dives naked into the pool....and Richard strips off his bathrobe and dives in after her, giving viewers a quick eyeful of some rare full frontal male nudity.
Carrie returns home, cuddles Aidan and apologizes for her bitchitude. He rejoins with an apology of his own.
Charlotte stomps over to the guest room where Trey has now taken up residence, throws the cardboard baby at him, then goes back to her en suite bathroom to study her pores with the aid of a magnified mirror.
Miranda is bouncing atop Walker while the two have some enthusiastic, sweaty, rodeo-style sex...and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that.
Samantha and Richard climb out of the pool and put bathrobes on. He puts on some Sade and asks her to dance...and after rebuffing her crass effort to grab at his penis, the two uncomfortably sway together. Carrie voice-overs that Samantha somehow managed to stop thinking about sex long enough to give in to her feelings for Richard.
When Carrie returns home the next day, Aidan asks her whassup...so Carrie tells him she really really needs him to shut his pie-hole and pretend like she's not there for the next our or so. He's like, "Er, OK" and goes back to reading his book...and Carrie steps behind a pair a sheer curtains surrounding her bed and just sits there by herself. After a few seconds, she pokes her head through the curtains and asks Aidan what he's doing, and he just smiles at her and shakes his head. She backtracks on her desperate need for privacy and climbs into his lap, voice-overing that sometimes when you get your needs met, you don't always need them. Or some such nonsense.
The next day, Carrie puts on the ratty beige outfit Aidan was mocking earlier...and on her way out, she tosses the poor dead houseplant in the trash, 'cause - no surprise - it wasn't able to survive more than a week in Carrie's plant-hating orbit.
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