Recap: Jane and Robert are parked in front of the Melrose Place complex, smooching and cooing at each other about how amaaaaazing last night's doinkfest was. Jane says she has to get changed for work...and Robert promises to call her later, then admires her backside as she climbs out of his car and sashays into the courtyard.
Jane hears loud music coming from her apartment and rolls her eyes in annoyance as she storms inside, shuts off the stereo, and orders Sydney to pack up her shit and get the hell out. Sydney's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she can't possibly be this angry about her going to Michael's party after pretending she was starting a new hostessing job, and Jane's like, "I can, actually" and says she no longer has the time or energy to deal with her stupid head games.
Over at D&D, Amanda summons Alison to her office and briefs her on MicroComp, a computer hardware company that's run by an eccentric rancher named Steve McMillan. She tells Alison that her assignment is to drive out to his ranch and pitch D&D as MicroComp's ad agency of choice - and to not be too disappointed if the effort fails, 'cause Steve McMillan has a reputation of being "a meeting whore" who's turned down every major agency.
Matt arrives at Katya's apartment, where Katya and Nikki are glumly packing for their return tip to Russia. Matt tells Katya he's been thinking about his refusal to leap into a green card marriage with her, decided it was selfish, and will marry her now if she's still interested. Katya lights up, exclaims, "Yes!", and rushes towards him for a grateful hug.
Michael laughs out loud when Matt, for some reason, confides in him about his plan to marry Katya. He goes on to share that the ceremony will take place tomorrow, and that they're having a reception to which the entire Melrose Place crew (including him) is invited - but Michael declines and says that he and Kimberly will be in San Francisco attending a medical seminar. Michael then runs into Kimberly, who informs him that he's been dis-invited from the San Francisco seminar 'cause he has a lot of hours he needs to make up, and a miffed Michael's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and gets even more miffed when Kimberly says that she's A-OK going to San Francisco without him.
Late that night, Billy is keeping Alison company at D&D as she works on her presentation and moans about the hopelessness of convincing an eccentric CEO like Steve McMillan to sign with D&D. Billy tells her not to stress out and try to develop more of an easygoing attitude about the pitch, like he did when he didn't do any prep for his SATs yet scored amazingly high. Given Billy's general boneheadedness, I find that impossible to believe...but whatever, writers.
Amanda finds Jake doing laps in the Melrose Place pool and flirtily remarks on how inviting the water looks, then compliments his "smooth stroke". Mmm hmm.. When Jake barely grunts in response, she asks him if he's still angry about the face slap she gave him during the previous episode, but he assures her he couldn't care less 'bout that and explains that he simply has no desire to flirt back with someone who's into cat and mouse games. He then climbs out of the pool, brusquely bids her good night, and disappears inside his apartment.
The next morning, Jane emerges from her apartment just as Amanda is handing Sydney the keys to a vacant second floor apartment across the courtyard. When an alarmed looking Jane asks whassup, Sydney waves her keys in the air and gleefully declares, "I'm moving in!" LOL. Jane warns Amanda that Sydney has no money or job - but Amanda seems oddly unconcerned about the possibility of not being able to collect rent from her newest unemployed tenant and says she doesn't discriminate based on sibling rivalry.
While en route to the McMillan ranch, Alison nearly plows into a man who's horseback riding...and she profusely apologizes and asks if he could give her directions. He points her in the direction of the ranch's main house...and when she informs a ranch hand that she's here to meet with Steve McMillan, he motions over at the horse-riding man she just nearly ran over. Steve graciously introduces himself and suggests they conduct their meeting on his swanky outdoor patio.
Alison makes her pitch, awkwardly nattering about computer stuff which she clearly knows nothing about. When she hands him a sample ad, he says that while her proposal isn't the worst thing he's ever had to listen to, it's not at all what he's looking for. He then shrugs and says, "Sorry you had to make the trip" and that he'll have someone bring her car around. As she drives down the winding path towards the main road, beating herself up about delivering such a lame pitch, her brakes suddenly fail and she crashes into a fence. She climbs out of the car unharmed and wails about the damage to the front end, then grabs her purse and hikes up to the ranch house.
Matt, Katya, and Nikki arrive at the L.A. County Courthouse to undergo the blandest wedding ceremony in primetime TV history. During a moment alone, Nikki asks Matt if he loves her mom despite never kissing her, and he says he does, and that he agreed to this charisma-free charade mostly 'cause he wants the two of them to have the chance to live a good life in America. A few seconds later, the three are called into an office, where the officiator looks over the marriage license, asks Matt and Katya if they take this woman/man to serve as one another's temporary wife-beard/ticket to citizenship, and each says, "I do." The two exchange rings, are declared husband and wife, and stiffly hug.
That evening, Alison and Steve McMillan sit on the patio and enjoy the star-filled evening. Alison blushingly says she's soooo embarrassed by her presentation and knows how badly she blew it, and Steve's like, "Well duh", but adds that she's not the first. She admits knowing zilch about computers, and he chuckles and says that that much was painfully obvious...but then explains that he's really not trying to be a dick about selecting an advertising campaign - he just doesn't quite know what he's looking for. Alison unwittingly resolves the issue when she remarks on how she generally lets her computer do her thinking for her: turn on, save, print. As far as she's concerned, the rest of the operating system is a mystery.
Wedding reception! Jane arrives with Robert and introduces him to the Melrose Place gang - except for Sydney, who's forced to introduce herself. Matt and Katya burst in a few seconds later...and after Katya proudly flashes her wedding ring at everyone and giddily announces that they're officially husband and wife, her Russian friend appears and urges everyone to do shots and start line dancing.
Amanda gets visibly drunk and openly flirts with Jake at the table, which prompts a bitter Jo to scrunch her face in an even more sour expression than her usual sour expression. Michael arrives carrying a gift, notices Jane and Robert hanging together, and mockingly accuses Robert of being "that distinguished counsellor who took me for all my money". He then turns his ire on Jane and marvels at the way she's paying off her legal fees: in the sack. An enraged Jane reacts by punching him in the face...and when he lunges in her direction, the Melrose Place gang springs into action and drags him away from her. Sydney pulls Michael aside and asks why in blazes he'd come to this reception...and he poutishly says that Matt invited him, and that since his San Francisco plans fell through he figured 'why not make a surprise appearance at Matt's wedding reception and accuse my ex-wife of prostituting herself with her divorce lawyer?' Sydney offers to lend a sympathetic ear if he needs someone to talk to, but he snarks, "I got enough problems" and dejectedly shuffles out of the restaurant. Sydney stares after him longingly and softly coos, "Good night, Michael."
Jake escorts an inebriated Amanda home as she rambles nonsensically about how Matt and Katya are the perfect couple, then remembers that Matt's gay and realizes 'er, not'. When they enter her apartment, she turns on some music and sexily sways...and Jake gives her a from-behind canoodle, picks her up and carries her over to the couch, then abruptly bids her goodnight. A miffed Amanda calls him a tease, so he explains that her decision making abilities are currently impaired, and that he'll call her when they're not.
Sydney drops by the beach house to check on Michael, who's still humiliated about getting that well-deserved punch in the face. Sydney informs him that Jane threw her out of her apartment, but that it's not a problem 'cause she got her own apartment across the courtyard...the only wrinkle being that Amanda wants her to get someone to co-sign for the rent. Michael asks if Jane is angry about her having an apartment in the same complex...and Sydney grins, confirms that her sister is indeed livid about it, and hands him the paperwork. He happily signs on as co-signer as Sydney disappears into his bedroom...and when he ambles over to see whassup, she unbuttons her top as he lustily stares at her. He then leans in for a smooch before steering her towards the bed and mounting her.
Alison returns home the following morning, climbs into bed with Billy, and tells him that Steve McMillan's ranch hands were able to fix her damaged car. She says she's exhausted 'cause she stayed awake all night worrying about how badly she screwed the pooch on her presentation, which Billy rightly points out shouldn't trouble her so much 'cause at best it was a long shot.
Michael's alarm goes off, and he looks outside his window and spots Sydney happily prancing on the beach. When he goes outside to get a better look, she barrels toward him and kisses him while cackling about how utterly delighted she is that they've finally bumped uglies. Michael agrees that last night's romp was fantastic - but also a one night stand...and now that it's over, she should probably be on her way now. She begs for permission to stay for one day given that Kimberly is in San Francisco, and he mulls that over and decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?'
At D&D, Alison is summoned to Amanda's office and is stunned to see Steve McMillan in the room. Amanda announces that MicroComp is coming aboard, and Steve explains to Alison that after their conversation last night he got to thinking that when it comes to marketing his computers, simplicity is the answer. He tells Amanda he'd like for Alison to be his liaison, and she assures him she's A-OK with that, and Steve and Alison make arrangements to start brainstorming that afternoon. Once he's out of hearing range, Amanda nods approvingly at Alison and gushes, "You did it!" and smilingly adds, "You've officially arrived." Hurray!
Jake is fixing his motorcycle in front of Melrose Place when Amanda returns home from work and wanders over to ask him if anything naked-related happened between them last night. Jake plays dumb, asks her what she thinks might have happened, then makes it clear that, no, he didn't take advantage of her while she was drunk. Amanda says she's never drinking "that Russian poison again", and Jake looks wistful and says it was actually nice seeing a less uptight side to her. Amanda snaps, "If I were you I wouldn't expect to see it again anytime soon" and sashays into the courtyard.
The next morning, Jane is washing her car when Robert drops by to nonsensically admit that he's been avoiding her lately 'cause it dawned on him that, despite all of the complications in her life right now, he's totes in love with her. Jane looks pleasantly surprised by the declaration, suggests taking things with their blossoming romance one day at a time, then presses herself against him for a hug and a smooch.
Alison and Steve are in a D&D conference room, brainstorming and sharing personal tidbits about themselves. Alison tells him she has a roommate-turned-boyfriend, while Steve says that he's too single-minded and career-driven to maintain any kind of relationship. He then stares at her all smitten-like and says he predicts that their partnership is going to work out just fine.
Matt tags along with Katya when she's paged to the hospital's reception area, where the two are confronted by an agent from Naturalization and Immigration. He says he's making an official field visit, then shakes his head dismayingly as he says, "You wouldn't believe how many scams people run these days" aka marriages of convenience with money involved...and Matt and Katya nervously assure him that that isn't the case with their marriage 'cause of how "madly in love" they are. The agent glares suspiciously at Katya and says she neglected to indicate on her form where she's going to be living, and Matt stammers that of course Katya and Nikki will be living with him in his tiny rental apartment. The agent makes note of that and announces that he'll check in with them again...and once he's out of earshot, a rattled Katya and Matt agree that he seemed really suspicious.
Billy arrives at D&D and wanders around looking for Alison...and eventually finds her in the conference room, giggling with Steve McMillan. When Alison spots him peering at them through the window, she excuses herself to tell Billy that they're in the middle of something and to please wait for her in the lobby. As a displeased Billy makes a mental note of Steve's good looks and undeniable sex appeal, Alison promises to wrap up the meeting pronto.
Over at the beach house, Sydney is on the phone with her mother, fibbing that Jane is strapped for cash and too proud to ask for help. She directs her mother to send money to a "neighbor" in the Melrose Place complex (aka her new apartment) so that Jane isn't the wiser when she (Sydney) finds sneaky ways to slip some cash into her wallet without her knowledge. After she hangs up, she notices Kimberly striding up to the front door, cries, "Ack!" and quickly gathers her clothes and sneaks out the side door before leaping off the balcony. An oblivious Kimberly heads straight for the bathroom, where a startled Michael has just gotten out of the shower. As he glances around to see if Sydney is lurking around, Kimberly coos about how much she missed him this weekend and gives him a smooch...and outside Sydney is happily skipping along the beach.
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