Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 1

Keith is not operating on all cylinders

"Much Ado About Everything"
Original airdate: 9/8/1993

Episode summary: Billy and Alison announce to Keith and Amanda that they're now a couple. Amanda throws a large housewarming party for herself in the Melrose Place courtyard. Michael moves into a beach house with Kimberly.

---

Recap: Season 2 kicks off with Amanda throwing a big pool/housewarming party for herself. All of the complex's residents are in attendance...except for Alison, who's burning the midnight oil at D&D after Amanda assigned her a big report that's due first thing in the morning. Billy calls Alison to beg her to wrap it up so she doesn't miss the entire party - just as Amanda flounces over and reminds Billy that he promised to dance with her. Alison urges him to go have fun and says she'll be there asap...and a few seconds after she hangs up, she gets a call from her stalker who snarls, "Bitch, I know where you are." She's all, "Ack!" and quickly hangs up, grabs her purse, and rushes into the hall. As she waits for the elevator, she gets freaked out by the sight of a human shadow and flees to the stairwell - just as Keith suddenly appears from out of nowhere and asks her what's wrong. She tells him she just got another threatening call from her stalker, and Keith's like, "Oh, bummer" and explains that he got worried when she didn't show up at Amanda's housewarming party and thought he'd better check up on her.  

Billy expresses his worry to Amanda that the partygoers are going to trash the place, but she shrugs unconcernedly and reminds him that she owns the complex and frankly couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses if someone burned the entire dump to the ground.

Jake is canoodling with a blonde bimbo while Jo and Jane stare over at him disapprovingly. Jo tells Jane she can't help but feel deeply insulted that Jake dumped her so soon after she refused to move in with him, and Jane breezily tells her to celebrate the fact that she's a free woman again.

Alison and Keith arrive at the housewarming party together and run into Matt, who says hey and directs them to where the food and drinks are located. Amanda takes a break from dancing with Billy to flounce over to Alison and tell her she's starting to feel like one of the gang, then faux apologizes for giving her so much work to do on party night. Billy pulls Alison aside to ask whaddup with Keith being here, so she explains that he magically appeared at D&D moments after her stalker called [and is choosing to consider that a pure coincidence]. Billy says he wants her to make it clear to Keith that they're now a couple, and Alison assures him she's in the process of working up the nerve the break the news to him. She points out that it doesn't look as though Amanda has gotten the message that he (Billy) is off the market, so Billy proposes that they both set the record straight for Keith and Amanda right after the party.   

Jo bitchily asks Jake if they're just going to ignore each other from now on, and he just shrugs and says he's merely enjoying Amanda's housewarming party.

Amanda asks Billy to hang around after the party ends so he can help her clean up...and by help her clean up, she means hang out in her apartment. He stares back at her with his usual wooden expression and mumbles, "Sure."

Jo and Jake take a stroll down Melrose Avenue to discuss their breakup. He tells her he's looking for a commitment and won't continue their relationship if she refuses to move in with him, and she explains that she's been afraid to take that step 'cause of the shitty experience she had being married...but then throws all caution and good sense to the wind and decides 'ah, what the hell?' Jake's all, "Hurray!" and gives her a big smooch.

Alison is sacked out on the couch after being slipped strong drinks from Keith all evening. She natters about how much she haaaaaates having to see so much of Amanda at both work and home...and Keith's just like, "Uh huh" and stares at her creepily as she closes her eyes and passes out.

When Amanda asks Billy whassup with his lack of interest in helping her straighten up her apartment, Billy's like, "We need to talk" ... and by talk, he wants to make it clear that he and Alison are a couple in the exclusive, romantic sense. Amanda says that that's not exactly a huge revelation, then assures him she gets the message despite not liking the idea of being just platonic friends with him. She coos, "What's a girl to do?" as she fondles his hair and says that, irrelevant as her approval may be, he and Alison have her blessing.

"I'm determined to be in a monogamous relationship with Alison whether you like it or not."

"I like it not."

​Keith carries Alison to her room, deposits her atop her bed, then locks the door so he can unzip her dress and stare creepily at her bare back. When he hears Billy arrive home and call out to Alison, he quickly zips her dress back up and unlocks the door. Billy enters the room and glares suspiciously at Keith, who says he was just tucking Alison in for the night. 

The next morning, Jane is about to leave for work when Michael storms over to rail about being served with divorce papers. She tells him she had warned him she was filing, then reminds him that the reason they're getting divorced is 'cause of the mental cruelty he inflicted on her when he began hitting the sheets with Kimberly. She says that all she wants is to split everything 50/50 and be done with him - but Michael tells her he won't cop to mental cruelty and is refusing to sign the papers. Jane rolls her eyes and is all, "Whatever" and gets into her car...leaving Michael to rail at Matt, who has the misfortune of standing nearby. He self piteously complains that ever since the Season 1 finale, he's lost his apartment and all his friends 'cause everyone's taking Jane's side. When Matt points out that he's the cheating man-whore in this scenario, Michael tells him where he can shove his sanctimonious lecturing...and a weary Matt's like, "Go fuck yourself, Michael" and climbs into his car and drives off.  

Jake tells Jo he assumed she'd be moving into his apartment, and Jo says she assumed he'd be moving into her apartment. She points out that her place is bigger, cleaner, and has an extra bedroom...and Jake hems and haws for a few seconds, but decides he's willing to capitulate and be on the losing side of that boring argument.

Michael meets up with Kimberly at a gorgeous beach house she wants to rent so that they can officially shack up together. She tells him she's always dreamed of living in a place like this...and when he grumbles about Jane serving him with divorce papers, she tells him to think of it as the end to something that wasn't working. Michael mulls that over, decides he likes that perspective, and agrees to move in.

During dinner out, Keith tells Alison he's going to look into who might be stalking her, and she's like, "Uh OK, but we need to talk" and firmly tells him that she and Billy are together in the budding romance sense and that him (Keith) being around is making things really awkward. She says that from now on they can only be friends, and he stonily retorts, "Don't worry about it" and says he figured it was just a matter of time before she and Billy hooked up. He adds that he can't help being disappointed 'cause he'd do absolutely anything for her and says this while staring at her with his usual creepish intensity.

Jane is taking a leisurely dip in the Melrose Place pool while Jo and Amanda dip their feet and trash-talk Michael. Jo reminds Jane that she supported Michael through med school and urges her to sue him for future earnings, but Jane says she doesn't want her divorce to be about the money and just wants the chance to start over. Amanda argues that it'd be a whole lot more satisfying to make Michael hurt, then offers to recommend a ruthless lawyer - but Jane's like, "Nope, it's not me." When Alison enters the courtyard after a long day at D&D, the gals invite her to join their trash-talk-fest, but she grimly says, "Too much work", shoots Amanda an accusatory stink-eye, and lumbers in the direction of her apartment.

Billy kisses Alison hello and perks up when she tells him she finally broke the news to Keith about their relationship. They get into some amorous smooching action before heading over to her bedroom to strip each other's clothes off...and while that's going on, Keith is in his hotel room, clutching the phone receiver with a cloth over the mouthpiece. When Alison and Billy ignore the ringing phone 'cause they're too busy getting it on, Keith hangs up the phone, glares at himself in the mirror, then bangs his head on the corner of the TV stand. Ouch. A few seconds later, he stares at himself in the mirror again and grins maniacally at the blood trickling down his forehead. 

The next morning, Keith is parked across the street from Melrose Place, waiting for Billy to leave for work. He then heads over to Alison's apartment to show off his forehead wound and lie about how he was attacked by probably the same tire iron wielding madman who attacked Billy last season. Alison gasps in horror at the latest thing her deranged "stalker" has done, and agrees to head over to the police station to file an official complaint. 

"I figured that this self destructive stunt would earn me some misplaced sympathy."

"You figured right."

Jo is visibly dismayed by the many boxes of stuff Jake is hauling into her apartment, so he promises to go through all of it and throw the bulk of it out. She breathes a sigh of relief, then tells him he's on his own tonight 'cause she has plans to go to dinner with the other Melrose Place gals.

Alison returns home and tells Billy that Keith was attacked with a tire iron, and that it was probably the same man who attacked him last season. She then locks all the windows and says she's totally freaked out by the idea of a stalker phoning her and hurting her men friends. Billy scrunches his face in puzzlement and says the police never established that he was beaten with a tire iron - just as Jo and Jane drop by to collect Alison for their girls' night out.

At the restaurant, Jane gabbles about how she's never lived alone before so abruptly dumping Michael, and Jo insists that it'll be a great experience for her. A few seconds later, Michael and Kimberly enter the restaurant...and when Jo and Alison say they're totes fine with going somewhere else to eat, Jane assures them she's fine dining in the same place as her soon-to-be ex and his home-wrecking girlfriend. She then rushes over to the ladies room to vomit her rage.
​
Billy drops by Keith's hotel room to ask him details about his "attack" and point out that the police never determined exactly what type of blunt instrument he was attacked with. Keith irritably says he just assumed it was a tire iron, and Billy's like, "Whatever dude" and wishes him a safe and speedy return to Seattle as soon as humanly possible. LOL.   

Michael is holding court with his doctor colleagues in the hospital lounge when Jane drops by to serve him with a set of new and improved divorce papers. She says that since he rejected her request for a simple divorce and had the nerve to eat out in public with Kimberly last night, she's getting "down and dirty" by going after his future earnings. Michael's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" then cries, "You can't dooooo that!" and Jane's like, "I can and I will" and gleefully informs him that her ruthless shark of a lawyer plans to make Kimberly his star witness in court.

"I have decided to clean you out financially."

"I thought we agreed that you'd be more gracious about my philandering."

Keith meets up with a shady guy who's clearly up to no good, hands him a wad of cash, and says, "Eight o'clock exactly. You know what to do."

Michael arrives at the beach house and tells Kimberly that no one can know they're shacking up together, then explains that Jane is going after his future earnings and that the impending divorce battle is going to eat up whatever meagre savings he's managed to put away. Kimberly says she has no problem paying the rent and laying low 'cause of how much she looooooves him, and the two head onto the deck and start bumping uglies atop a lounger.

As Jake quietly eats dinner, Jo glares at him and says that this is her greatest fear: they'll have nothing to say to each other during dinnertime. Jake points out that he's not generally chatty when his mouth is full...then is forced to put in a pin in the pointless conversation when he's summoned up to Amanda's apartment to deal with a faux emergency.

Jake (accompanied by a suspicious Jo) rushes up to Amanda's place and learns that her "emergency" is needing a big strong man to lift her heavy television set onto the TV stand. LOL. Amanda remarks to Jo that Jake's a handy guy to have around...and Jo nods her agreement as the two openly ogle his buff bod.

Billy tells Alison he's been researching stalking cases and learned that they all seem to have one thing in common: a desire for revenge after being rejected. He says that this fits Keith's pattern of wanting her (aka his victim) to be fearful and helpless, then comes right out and says he's pretty sure that Keith is the person responsible for the threatening bitch phone calls and tire iron attacks. When Keith drops by a few seconds later, an irked Alison tells him it's not a good time...and Billy outright accuses him of being the stalker. Keith gets angry and shoves him in response, and an exasperated Alison orders them to break it up. 

"Stalker!"

"Simpleton!"

When the phone rings at precisely 8pm, Alison answers it and drops the receiver when she realizes that it's yet another threatening phone call. An incredulous Billy grabs the receiver and listens to Keith's substitute stalker make nonsensical threats while a freaked out Alison collapses against Keith for comfort. Billy continues to scrunch his face in puzzlement as Alison quietly escorts a smug looking Keith out of the apartment and across the courtyard.

​Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---