Recap: The first morning post-kiss, Alison tells Billy she wants them to take their budding romance slow...and he says that while he'd looooove to skip ahead to the part where they hit the sheets together, he's willing to put the brakes on his horniness and take her out on a traditional first date.
Jane gives Michael a from behind canoodle while he's shaving and gaily reminds him that tomorrow is their two year anniversary. She says she's missed him lately and that they need to find ways to spend more time together, and he's like, "Yeah whatever, I have to get dressed now so I can go meet up with my girlfriend."
Michael smilingly greets Kimberly as she pulls into the hospital parking lot. She tells him she had a sexy dream about him and suggests they get together tomorrow night - but Michael says he prolly won't be able to 'cause tomorrow is his second wedding anniversary. When Kimberly laments having to sneak around like the slutty bimbo she's allowed herself to become, Michael promises to work something out.
Alison enters the laundry room and runs into Jane, who excitedly tells her it's hers and Michael's second wedding anniversary...then natters about marriage, commitment, and the rewards of sticking it out with one's spouse through thick and thin. An uncomfortable Alison avoids eye contact while nodding mutely, then says she's off to get a bite to eat with Billy. LOL.
Billy takes Alison to a jazz concert in the park for their traditional first date...and gets visibly annoyed when Alison can't bring herself to shut up about Michael's infidelity. When Billy breezily says that maybe Jane's and Michael's marriage can survive an affair, then tries to canoodle Alison...she lets out an angry snort and snaps that she's sooooo tempted to spill the beans to Jane. Billy sourly accuses her of using Michael's cheating as an excuse to not sleep with him, and she shoots him the stink-eye and snaps, "You've taken the romance out the evening!"
The next morning, Alison apologizes to Billy for her bitchitude last night, then suggests that for date #2 they order a pizza, watch movies, and abstain from talking about Jane's marriage woes. Billy perks up and says he definitely likes the sound of that.
Jo is working a photo shoot, cooing, "Nice!" "Gorgeous!" and "You're beautiful!" as she photographs lingerie clad models who are sexily lounging on a giant bed that someone has placed on the beach. The lead model, Karen, self-importantly purrs to Jo, "I staaaaarve so others can droooool", then invites Jo to party with her and the other models after the shoot wraps.
Kimberly tells Michael that while she has no right to be upset about him and Jane celebrating their second wedding anniversary, she still can't stand playing second fiddle. [Then go find a man who's unmarried and available, trollup.] Michael says he's come up with a brilliant idea: Kimberly should page him during his anniversary dinner so he can flee his wife's presence by claiming he has to respond to a fake hospital emergency.
At D&D, Alison openly bitches at Amanda for excluding her from a client meeting, and Lucy summons Alison to her office to admonish her for challenging Amanda in front of other colleagues. She then tells her that, starting tonight, D&D is hosting a retreat for executives, and that she's ordering her and Amanda to attend so they can figure out how to get along better. Alison is about to decline in favor of the pizza/movie watching plans she made with Billy - but quickly thinks better of it and tells Lucy she's looking forward to the retreat.
Jake drops by Shooters, where Jo is smoking and hanging with her new model friends. Karen informs Jake that they're partying at a heavy metal club tonight, and Jake's all, "Blech" and says he's going to pass 'cause he has a motorcycle that needs repairing.
Jane and Michael are at a fancy restaurant, toasting two years of marital bliss. Jane complains about how frequently the hospital has been intruding on their lives - just as Kimberly sends Michael an "urgent" page for a fake emergency. Michael's like, "Oh no! It's the ER!" and rushes off to respond to the page, while a bummed Jane asks the waiter to bring the check.
Alison thanks Billy for being so understanding about her having to bail on their pizza/movie date, then packs a bag and heads out. In the courtyard she runs into Jane, who whines about her anniversary dinner getting cut short after Michael got paged by the hospital. She adds that she's starting to get paranoid about all the time he's been spending away from home, and Alison decides there's probably no better time to tell her about the illicit parking lot kiss she witnessed between Michael and Kimberly during the previous episode. Jane's all, "Wha-a-a?!", calls it crap, and accuses Alison of deliberately misrepresenting what she saw. Alison gives Jane the number of the hotel she's staying at during the D&D retreat and urges her to call whenever she's ready to sheepishly retract her bitchy retort and mourn her failed marriage.
Alison and Amanda arrive at the retreat venue and are dismayed to learn that they're forcibly rooming together. Amanda says she'll do her part to make the best of things and starts unpacking her things, then tells Alison she should feel free to borrow whatever she "can squeeze into". Meow, Amanda. We can't all be a size 0.
The next morning, Michael returns home and pretends to be utterly exhausted after the fake hospital emergency...and Jane comes right out and asks him if he's having an affair, then presents the evidence she's stumbled across thus far:
Michael says that the sand must have gotten into his shoes after wandering along the beach during a work break, then says he was merely comforting Kimberly after she lost a patient...and that Alison has twisted their innocent hug into a piece of gossip to hurt them. Jane scrunches her face in puzzlement and asks, "Why in the hell would Alison do that?" and Michael stares at her all weirdly sinister-like and nonsensically retorts 1) Alison has no life of her own, 2) she dated Keith when he was still married, and 3) she's now getting back at Jane for expressing her disapproval of that doomed relationship. He then contorts his face in an effort to look as insultingly appalled as possible and mutters how disgusting it is of Alison to deliberately try to break up a marriage...and assures Jane that he'd never do anything to hurt her. Jane tears up and gives Michael a hug - but does so while staring contemplatively into space.
Lucy tells the gathered group of D&D executives that the exercises and workshops she's devised for this retreat are designed to accelerate their work performance, and that they're going to start off with some role playing. That sounds like a living nightmare. She instructs everyone to find the person they work most closely with, switch roles, then reconvene in one hour to report their findings. Amanda's all, "Ack!" and beats a hasty retreat to go suntanning - LOL - but Alison insists they do the exercise, then mimics Amanda by snarking, "Where is that report I told you to do [that I'm sure is too shitty for Lucy to look over yet]?" Amanda retorts by feigning airheadedness and saying, "I dunnoooo" and the two have it out over their competitiveness about Billy...blah blah...which really seems like colossal waste of energy, considering it's Billy they're arguing over.
Billy tells Jake that he and Alison finally went out on a first date, and that he's eager to hit the sheets - hopefully on their second date. Jake suggests he borrow one of his bike shop motorcycles and ride to wherever the retreat is and surprise Alison...and Billy looks intrigued by the idea and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'
At the retreat cocktail party, Alison concedes that she (Amanda) has had every right to be upset about her (Alison) interfering with her relationship with Billy and hopes they can magically set aside their resentment towards each other and become the best of friends...and Amanda agrees and says she really hates the tension between them. Billy, meanwhile, arrives at the hotel and tells a hotel flunky that he's here to see Alison Parker of the D&D retreat...and when he's told she's at a private cocktail party, he writes a quick note and asks the flunky to give it to Alison, aka "the beautiful blonde girl". As anyone could predict, the flunky hands the note to Amanda, who reads it and makes a beeline over to the lobby. She flashes Billy her million-watt smile and tells him that Alison can't see him right now 'cause she's still on pretty thin ice at D&D and has to focus all of her attention on work...then coquettishly says it was really great to see him.
Jo drops by Jake's apartment to tell him she had a meeting with a photo editor who works with the models she's been photographing, and excitedly explains that this could be just the career break she's been looking for. Jake makes a blech face and says he hates the people she's been working with lately 'cause she acts differently whenever she's around a group of snooty models. Jo gets pissed off and nonsensically says it must hurt his ego to see her succeed, then pissily announces that she's off to celebrate her good news with Karen.
Jane calls the hospital to talk to Michael and is told he's on a break until 11pm. Jane tells whoever she's talking to that there's a family emergency and she desperately neeeeeeeds to talk to him, then asks for Dr. Kimberly Shaw's home address or phone number - just in case all of the red flags that have been flapping around her lately have been trying to tell her something.
Lucy is thrilled to see Alison and Amanda sitting at a table together, amiably chatting. Lucy remarks on how sore her voice is from talking so much all day, so Alison offers to go to her car and get her some throat lozenges. While in the parking lot, she spots Billy attempting to start his motorcycle and asks whassup with him being here, and he says he came to surprise her - but that Amanda had told him she wasn't allowed to fraternize with non-D&D people during the retreat. Alison rolls her eyes and says she's thrilled to see him, and he suggests they check into a room of their own so they can finally indulge in their maiden doink.
Jane arrives at Kimberly's apartment and asks her if Michael is here, and Kimberly shiftily tells her she has no idea where Michael could possibly be - just as a towel clad Michael can be heard loudly complaining about Kimberly's girly antiperspirant before poking his head in the doorway to see who Kimberly is talking to. When he comes face-to-face with Jane, she shoots him a look of dismayed horror before stoically muttering, "That's all I needed to know" before storming off...and Michael makes a half-hearted attempt to chase after her, then gives up after a couple of seconds and stares miserably into space.
Alison and Billy enter their hotel room...and we get a lot of superfluous close up footage of them kissing, then slowly getting undressed before laying atop the bed and getting it on for the first time.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics