Fame - Season 2, Episode 16
Recap: Ms. Grant is barking instructions at her dance class when one of the dancers, Melanie, crashes to the floor, clutches her leg, and moans, "Something popped." Ms. Grant chides her for never warming up properly, then orders another student to bring over an ice pack. As a couple of other students help Melanie hobble out of the dance gym to go see the school nurse, Ms. Grants sympathetically clucks, "She probably pulled a hamstring" then jokingly says she likes the idea of people seeing her students limping out of her class, 'cause then everyone will know what a tough taskmaster she is. That's kind of a dicked up mindset.
Danny is lounging in the hall reading a comic book when - ack! - Jimmy Osmond approaches and stammers, "I don't have a hall pass." Danny tells him he doesn't either, and that he's just trying to blend in and look as though he should be sitting around, wasting his day reading comics. Jimmy Osmond tells him he's meeting up with Julie to get some tutoring for Mr. Shorofsky's class...and a few seconds later, Melanie limps by on her way to the school nurse and explains that she pulled a muscle. Jimmy Osmond jumps to his feet and politely nods...and a befuddled Danny asks him why did that just now, so Jimmy Osmond explains that it's a mark of respect toward the lady. Danny chortles and says he has a lot to learn about the fairer sex, and a glum Jimmy Osmond admits he doesn't have a clue about women 'cause he's never had a girlfriend. Danny says he's doing pretty good, considering how much time he gets to spend with "Julie the Fox" and Jimmy Osmond mulls that over, realizes his good fortune, and grins happily.
Danny encounters Bruno by the lockers and tells him he just gave Jimmy Osmond some boneheaded advice about girls, then shakes his head and says it's a shame that the dimwitted lad can't appreciate how lucky he is to be paired with Julie for his tutoring sessions. He then gives up any semblance of being an empathetic person and adds, "But facts are facts...and he's retarded."
Miss Sherwood runs into Mr. Reardon in the library and tells him he's looking tired and haggard, so he explains that he currently has a house guest who's driving him nuts: his roommate from college. Apparently, the guy has developed a dickish attitude, has had four failed marriages, and is going to be torturing him for the next two days.
Julie is tutoring Jimmy Osmond in the library...but it doesn't look like anything is getting through, 'cause he's just gazing at her like a love-sick puppy. She asks him if she's talking too fast, and he grins and says no...but then admits that his tiny brain can't process so much information all at once. He's about to suggest something, but then stops and says it's too stupid to say out loud - and Julie chides him for calling himself stupid and says that everyone is smart or slow about various things in life. She points out that the two of them compliment each other, meaning she gets a course credit for tutoring him, and he gets the extra help he needs to pass Mr. Shorofsky's class. (I don't think Julie understands what complimenting each other means.) Jimmy Osmond perks up and asks her if she'd be willing to come over to his house and study with him there, and somehow Julie doesn't look horrified by the prospect and chirps, "Super!"
Julie and Jimmy Osmond are studying in his dining room - but studying at his home base doesn't seem to be making a critical difference in helping him learn the material any better. He grumbles that all this music theory stuff won't help him sing better, so Julie points out that it's only meant to help him pass his exam. He's like, "Whatever" and shows her the key that Mr. Shorofsky gave him, which allows him access to the School of the Arts any time he wants. Not sure why that's necessary. Julie says it's a sign that Mr. Shorofsky really trusts him...and a few seconds later, Jimmy Osmond's mom brings over a tray of milk and cookies. Jimmy Osmond announces that it's time to take a break and watch some TV, then pulls his mom aside and beams from ear to ear as he asks, "Isn't Julie wonderful? Truly wonderful?"
Mr. Reardon arrives home and glares in annoyance at the cigar that's still burning in an ashtray, and barks at his house guest, Bernie, to refrain from smoking the stinky things in his apartment. Bernie announces that he's off to Cleveland to cover the funeral of a famous rock star so he can scope out which celebrities show up. Mr. Reardon gets all judgey and accuses him of exploiting the tragedy, but Bernie just shrugs and says, "Yeah, but my pocket book benefits." Mr. Reardon reminds him that he once vowed to be a responsible journalist, and Bernie throws it in his face that he was going to be a great actor and that they all have to make compromises. Mr. Reardon shoots back that at least he's contributing something positive to the world by teaching drama to middle-aged high school students, and Bernie's like, "Yeah, whatever" and asks him if he still has any photos of them from college. Mr. Reardon tells him to check out the box of photos on his bookshelf, and Bernie locates the box, opens it, and discovers photos from their water polo days. He covertly pockets the one that best showcases Mr. Reardon's toned young frame.
Jimmy Osmond and Julie have fallen asleep on the couch, and there's just static coming through on the TV. Jimmy Osmond's mom tiptoes over to the phone and calls Julie's mom to tell her that Julie has fallen asleep, and that it would be a shame to wake her. She promises to drive her home tomorrow after breakfast.
The next day at school, Bruno is playing the synthesizer while Doris belts out a tune, which is weird 'cause usually the performance portions of Fame have some kind of intro or lead-in, but this one started completely without warning or contrived purpose. Bruno sings along...and goddamn that boy still cannot sing worth a shit. When the song comes to a merciful end, Jimmy Osmond enters the music room and announces, "Guess what? I'm in loooove!" Bruno says, "That's terrific!" and Doris asks him if it's anyone they know. Jimmy Osmond beams and replies, "You bet: Julie!" and Doris and Bruno are all, "Wha-a?!" Jimmy Osmond looks crestfallen at their reaction and asks them if it's OK that he's in love with someone as beautiful as Julie. Bruno carefully replies, "It's a free country. And Julie is a terrific girl." Jimmy Osmond babbles about how it's his first time being in love, and after he happily scampers off, a dismayed Bruno shakes his head and mutters, "Damn...he's going to get hurt."
Bruno spots Julie selling tickets for an upcoming chamber music concert and asks her how things are going with her and Jimmy Osmond. She says, "Fine" and tells him they have plans to attend tonight's concert and hopes it'll help him grasp all the music theory stuff she's been trying to teach him. Bruno says, "You're making a mistake" - just as Jimmy Osmond bounds over and smilingly says, "Hi Julie." Bruno pulls him aside and asks whassup, so Jimmy Osmond tells him he's going to the concert with Julie, but isn't sure what he should wear. Bruno rolls his eyes and snaps, "Julie doesn't care what you wear", but when he sees the wounded look on Jimmy Osmond's face, he changes his tone and backpedals by carefully adding, "She'll still feel the same way about you." Jimmy Osmond brightens again and goes, "Really?" and Bruno offers to help him find something flattering to wear in the school's dressing room. Jimmy Osmond thanks him and then exclaims, "You're a good friend!" and rushes off to class.
Mrs. Berg is engrossed in the latest edition of the National Sizzler, and when Doris notices what she's reading, she chides her for wasting her brain cells on that kind of trash. Mrs. Berg pretends she acquired the tabloid purely by accident, then dishes to Doris about how there's a fabulous article about sex with an accompanying photo of a young and buff Mr. Reardon wearing nothing but swim trunks. Doris is all, "Wha-a?!" and snatches the paper away from her so that she too can get an eyeful. She asks Mrs. Berg if she can borrow it for awhile, and Mrs. Berg is OK with that, but cries, "Don't forget to bring it back! I want to frame the photo!" Hmm...I wonder if there's a Mr. Berg, and why he's not better meeting his horny wife's needs.
Doris passes around the National Sizzler to her drama classmates as an oblivous Mr. Reardon teaches. Everyone leers at the risque photo and smirks appreciatively, and Jimmy Osmond outright gasps when he sees the image of Mr. Reardon's scantily clad body. Eventually Mr. Reardon gets wind of what everyone is cackling about, snatches the paper out of Coco's hands, and looks suitably mortified.
Mr. Reardon rushes to the office and hides the paper in his mailbox. Mrs. Berg shoots him a sexy, come hither stare...and when he asks her whassup, she blushes and starts giggling like a schoolgirl. She's a bit of a whackadoo, that Mrs. Berg.
Bruno enters the dressing room, where Danny is outfitting Jimmy Osmond in a letterman jacket and assuring him that Julie will love it. He then tries to bring the kid back down to reality by asking, "She's just your tutor though, right?" but Danny insists that Julie loves him, as evidenced by the breakfast she made for him this morning. He then dishes about how she stayed over at his place last night, and that they slept together! He says he told a bunch of people at the school about it, and they all agreed that it must mean something.
Julie and Jimmy Osmond are sitting side by side at the chamber music concert, and Julie's wearing a ginormous, fugly corsage on her lapel, which Jimmy Osmond excitedly describes as "the biggest one in the whole store!" He inches toward her and tells her her hair smells nice, and she tells him to shut his pie-hole so she can hear the music. Jimmy Osmond notices a man a few rows in front of him put his arm around the woman he's sitting next to, so he does the same thing with Julie...who then stares at the unwanted hand on her shoulder and finally gets a clue as to what's been going on inside the head of her dimwitted tutee.
After the concert, Julie and Jimmy Osmond head over to the cafeteria, and she carefully places the corsage inside the refrigerator to keep it fresh. Jimmy Osmond beams as he declares, "I like you a whole lot" and she says she likes him too and that their platonic friendship means a lot to her. He kisses her hand and coos, "I love you" - just as a crotchety custodian pops his head into the room and growls at them to go do their necking somewhere else. Jimmy Osmond says he has to go catch his bus, and then runs off...and Julie stares after him concernedly and mutters, "Dear God.."
Mr. Reardon is in the teachers' lounge, leaving a snarky phone message for Bernie. When Miss Sherwood enters the room, he tells her he just spent the last forty-five minutes taking down his water polo beefcake photo from the school's various bulletin boards...and Miss Sherwood wryly tells him they're already back up. She tells him to be flattered by all the ogling, but when he asks her if she'd be flattered by the same kind of attention, she admits she probably wouldn't be. A few seconds later, Mrs. Berg enters the room and shoots Mr. Reardon a knowing smirk, says, "Still waters run deep" and then starts cackling. A creeped out Mr Reardon wisely beats a hasty retreat.
Bruno admonishes Julie for not calling him back last night, so she explains that by the time she got his message it was very late. He shakes his head in disapproval and says, "I thought I knew you" and reminds her that she's supposed to be tutoring Jimmy Osmond, not hitting the sheets with him. Julie's all, "Wha-a?!" so Bruno asks her if it's true she slept with the slow-witted lad, and she says they both fell asleep on his mother's couch after snacking on milk and cookies. Bruno breathes a sigh of relief that the two literally just slept in the same room together, then informs her that Jimmy Osmond has been telling everyone who's remotely interested that they slept together...as in slept together. When Jimmy Osmond ambles over a few seconds later with a wide grin plastered on his round pumpkin face, Julie demands to know why he's telling everyone that she spent the night with him. He goes, "You did!" so she explains that he's misleading people about what actually happened. She makes it clear that they're nothing more than friends, then orders him to stop following her around and telling her that he loves her. Jimmy Osmond goes, "For how long?" and she snaps, "Forever!" and says she doesn't feel a shred of romantic affection for him whatsoever. Jimmy Osmond finally has the sense to look heartbroken, and wails, "I'm soooo stupid! And I'll never be anything else!" and awkwardly toddles off.
Mr. Reardon storms into the dressing room to find a place to hide from all the lusty staring...and finds Jimmy Osmond moping. He bitterly tells Mr. Reardon he heard that all the girls are whistling at him, but doesn't see how that's a problem...so Mr. Reardon explains that it makes him super uncomfortable to be objectified by his students. Jimmy Osmond says he'd do anything to be whistled at...but his horrendous haircut, general dorkiness, and mental slowness make it virtually impossible for any girl to ever find him remotely appealing. He whines that everyone has a girlfriend but him, and enviously says, "Danny's got loads" and by loads, he really means none 'cause...come on, this is Danny we're talking about. Mr. Reardon urges him to give it time, and maybe direct his energy toward helping others in need.
The Fame kids are gathered in Bruno's basement dungeon, eating pizza and trying to sort out The Jimmy Osmond Situation. Bruno gets a call from Jimmy's Osmond's mother, telling him he hasn't come home yet, and that he told her he was going to rehearse with him (Bruno) and Melanie. The Fame kids get alarmed and assume that Jimmy Osmond has either gone postal or developed a Play Misty for Me-esque crush on Melanie, so they immediately race over to the School of the Arts to see what sort of carnage awaits them. When they burst into the theater, they find Jimmy Osmond calmly playing the piano while Melanie practices her dance steps on stage. Bruno breathes a sigh of relief and tells Jimmy Osmond that his mom called him and was worried 'cause he hadn't come home yet. Jimmy Osmond explains that Mr. Reardon advised him to get over his lady problems by helping someone with a problem, so he approached Melanie and offered to play piano while she practiced her dance moves. Bruno sits with him at the piano and starts playing a song, and Jimmy Osmond stands up and sings...and before long, Coco joins in for a duet, while Leroy leaps on stage and begins gyrating. Julie, meanwhile, rushes over to the cafeteria to retrieve her ginormous corsage and then pins it on her lapel...which seems like a really mixed message to send to a lovesick boy with mental deficiencies. Jimmy Osmond grins over at her while he sings...and after the performance, Bruno urges him to phone home. Jimmy Osmond suddenly looks alarmed and cries, "My mom!" and scampers off the stage.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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