Fame - Season 1, Episode 11
Recap: Mr. Crandall is making his drama students say "I love you" to him and look like they mean it. Everyone's able to do it in a reasonably convincing manner - except for Doris and Montgomery, who can't get through the exercise without making faces and giggling like six year olds. Crandall explains to the class that if they actually get acting gigs, they're going to be called upon to say/do things they don't believe...and that the childish nitwits who giggled and smirked while trying to say "I love you" need to get a lot better at lying.
After class lets out, Doris points out to Montgomery that they were the only two who "chickened out" during Crandall's exercise and acted like school kids. Montgomery's like, "We are school kids!" (which I found hilarious, since when this episode was filmed, he was 26 and Doris was 24). Doris says they're both cowards who are always trying to be cute or cop out, then suggests that for the rest of the day they will tell the truth...no matter how much they don't want to. Montgomery hems and haws for a few seconds, then agrees to the challenge - which is completely nonsensical, since the point of Mr. Crandall's exercise was to learn how to lie on cue, not tell the truth regardless of how difficult it may be. Dumbfucks.
Ms. Grant is reading something and chuckling, and when Doris asks her what's so funny, she explains that she was just going over the agenda for the faculty show and noticed that Miss Sherwood is slated to perform an African tribal dance. She rolls her eyes derisively and snarkishly says, "Good luck." Heh...meow. Coco strolls over with some girl named Michelle and asks Ms. Grant what she thinks of Michelle's grisly purple leotard. Ms. Grant looks at the fugly bodysuit and carefully says, "It's, uh...different. Very original." Coco then asks Doris what she thinks, so Doris gives Michelle a quick once-over and blurts out, "It's a pukey color and it makes you look incredibly hippy." Michelle's all, "Wha-a?!" and rushes over to the mirror to examine her hips and wails, "I do look hippy!" Ms. Grant glares at Doris and snaps, "You should talk." (Haha...right?!) She then tries to convince Michelle she looks fine, but by now Michelle is too despondent by the sight of her gargantuan hips to listen.
Mr. Shorofsky is listening to Montgomery, Bruno, and Julie as they perform a Bach piece playing various instruments. He murmurs, "Something is missing" and asks them if they've been rehearsing...and truth-telling Montgomery admits they only rehearsed the piece for fifteen minutes. Bruno shoots him an incredulous stink-eye and is forced to confess that he did, in fact, rope his classmates into spending most of their rehearsal time playing a new song he wrote. Mr. Shorofsky gets annoyed, accuses them of breaking his trust in them, and barks, "Out!" Julie reminds him that they'll need passes for the hall monitor, but he doesn't give a rat's ass 'bout that and orders them out of his classroom. After being ejected from music class, Bruno and Julie stare incredulously at Montgomery and are all, "The fuck?" and Montgomery chooses that moment to fink on Julie for badmouthing Bruno's keyboarding abilities. Hee! To add to the drama, an overzealous hall monitor storms over and demands their permits, and when none of them can produce a hall pass, he threatens to write them all up....but ends up just reporting Bruno after he sasses him. Not that he didn't deserve to be sassed, 'cause maybe he could have been more chill about being a hall monitor.
Doris sees Miss Sherwood rubbing her neck, and when she explains that she pulled a muscle last night, Doris asks her if she did that while rehearsing her African tribal dance routine. Miss Sherwood's all, "Wuh? How did you know 'bout that?" so Doris blabs that Ms. Grant let it slip and then had a good laugh about the thought of her performing an African tribal dance routine...and Miss Sherwood looks suitably miffed.
Mrs. Berg informs Mr. Shorofsky that Bruno got written up by the hall monitor, but that Bruno claims that he was ordered out of his classroom. She asks Mr. Shorofsky whassup with that, so he grumbles that he threw several students out of his class, not just one. He then starts railing about how they didn't rehearse the Bach piece they were supposed to, and that the "struggles of a hall monitor" don't interest him. He growls, "You can stick your summons -" and Mrs. Berg gasps and exclaims, "Don't you dare!" Ms. Grant and Miss Sherwood enter the office just as Mr. Shorofsky snaps, "Stuff it!" and storms out. Meanwhile, Miss Sherwood snarkishly asks Ms. Grant if she's supposed to be a form of comedy relief for the faculty show, then rats out Doris for blabbing about the way she mocked her African tribal dance abilities. Ms. Grant mutters, "I'll kill her" and pretends that her sarcastic good luck comment was a genuine good luck wish - but since Miss Sherwood wasn't born yesterday, she doesn't buy that. Ms. Grant then bitchily says that the only thing she does at the school is teach English...and Miss Sherwood gets offended by that (even though teaching English is pretty much all she does at the school), and the two bicker, blah blah, and decide to switch classes for one period for no conceivable purpose. Mrs. Berg, meanwhile, is in tears over Mr. Shorofsky's "stuff it" remark...and Michelle enters the office and moans about her burgeoning hips.
Over in the cafeteria, a befuddled Danny tells a stone-faced Doris and Montgomery that they usually laugh at his jokes. Doris explains that they only did that so they wouldn't hurt his feelings, and Montgomery outright tells him he needs better material. Doris says that once in awhile he's able to come up with funny jokes, but Danny doesn't find that very comforting and storms off. Doris remarks to Montgomery that this "telling the truth" challenge isn't as hard as she thought it would be - and he just stares at her incredulously and points out that a lot of people are mad at them. Doris, being her delusional self, doesn't see it and tells him that Michelle thanked her for being honest about her leotard and that Miss Sherwood was grateful for her honesty about her sucky African tribal dance abilities. Montgomery gazes across the room and notices a hot blonde in a leotard and starts ogling her, so Doris encourages him to make a move. He goes over to talk to her...but whatever "honest" thing he says results in the blonde punching him in the face. Haha!
Mr. Crandall tells Mr. Shorofsky he wants to perform a jazz number for the faculty show, and Mr. Shorofsky goes off on a weird rant about how people start to turn into "crazies" when the end of the school year approaches - and uses Miss Sherwood's/Ms. Grant's nonsensical class switcheroo as an example of this craziness.
Ms. Grant is in Miss Sherwood's classroom, "teaching English", but somehow the class devolves into the students chanting literature related phrases and they come perilously close to breaking out into dance. Doris points out that they're supposed to be conjugating verbs, and Ms. Grant sarcastically thanks her, then shoots her the stink-eye and snarks, "You've been so helpful this morning to so many people." Um, isn't high school a bit late to be learning how to conjugate verbs in one's native language?
Over in the dance gym, Miss Sherwood is presiding over a performance led by Leroy in his short shorts...and the gyrating goes on for what seems like an extraordinarily loooong time. When it finally comes to a merciful end, Miss Sherwood tells them it was very good, despite the rough edges...and they're all, "Wha-a?!" so she says the number seemed "a little usual". Leroy scrunches his face in confusion and asks her what she means by usual, so she suggests throwing in a few unexpected moves - like some Irish step dancing, for example, and gives them an impromptu demonstration. The students laugh aloud at her clunky moves, then flee the dance gym as soon as the bell rings. Miss Sherwood asks Leroy to stay behind and gives him the backstory about how Ms. Grant thinks she's in over her head with her African tribal dance routine for the faculty show. She asks him if he can teach her how to dance, and he starts laughing...then stops when he realizes she's being serious, and agrees to give her a few tips on how to bust a move.
Doris bellows to Montgomery, "We are victorious!" and a beleaguered looking Montgomery asks her if they're done being brutally honest yet. She says she doesn't want to give it up, and thinks they accomplished a lot today in opening up the lines of communication. The camera quickly pans over to Bruno, who barks at Julie for her earlier criticism of his keyboarding skills, and the two bicker back and forth 'bout that again, blah blah.
Danny asks Mr. Crandall if he'd be willing to write some comedy material for him, but Crandall tells him he doesn't have time. Danny asks him if he can at least use any funny stuff he happens to say during class, and Crandall gives him the OK for that lame request. Danny should maybe consider giving up his comedic dreams if he's too fucking lazy at this stage of his "career" to write his own material.
Doris tells Montgomery she feels good about all the people they helped today...and the camera pans over to Michelle, who's growing increasingly despondent over her monstrous hips as Coco tries to convince her it's all in her head. The camera then pans back to a clueless Doris, who smugly tells Montgomery, "We did good!"
Miss Sherwood and Ms. Grant are bickering about how badly each handled the other's class, blah blah. Leroy enters the office, and Miss Sherwood pretends as though she's meeting with him to give him extra tutoring in English so Ms. Grant won't know she's getting private dancing lessons...and he wisely plays along.
Bruno tells Mr. Shorofsky that he, Julie, and Montgomery will have the Bach number ready to perform by Friday, and Mr. Shorofsky nods and gruffly retorts that he cleared up his hall monitor problem. He explains that he's harder on him than he is on other people, and advises him to be harder on himself.
Leroy's doing his damnedest to teach Miss Sherwood how to dance, but her middle age/white woman brand of rhythm makes it an exercise in futility. He finally throws in the towel with African tribal dancing and suggests changing her music to something jazzier, then shows her some easier, booty jigging dance moves.
Mr. Shorofsky is on his way out when he hears a noise coming from the office. He goes inside to peak around, and - ack! - some random criminal jumps out of the darkness and attacks him from behind! NOOOO!!!!
Bruno, Coco, and Doris are hanging in Bruno's basement. Coco tells Doris that Michelle is really down on herself, which is a problem 'cause she's the lead dancer in her choreography final. Doris whines, "I'm going to have to apologize to half the people in the Western Hemisphere!" Well, d'yuh. She sheepishly explains that by being brutally honest with everyone, she was only trying to make things better. Bruno suddenly starts playing a limp sounding tune on the keyboard, and Doris breaks into song about "making things right" and how she was "only trying to help" and "didn't know the truth would hurt". Bruno really gets into it and looks orgasmic while he plays, dramatically bobbing his head - LOL - and afterwards, he and Coco give Doris a forgiveness hug. A few seconds later, Bruno gets a phone call, urgently says, "I'll be right there!" and dashes upstairs.
Bruno and Ms. Grant rush over to the hospital to visit Mr. Shorofsky, who's been beaten up and is now unconscious. Fortunately, the doctors expect him to make a full recovery. Bruno stares down at him sadly, kisses his cheek, and softly urges him to get better.
Miss Sherwood tells Mr. Crandall that in light of the attack on Mr. Shorofsky, no one gives a rat's ass about the faculty show anymore. Mr. Crandall's like, "Well, duh" but then points out that students are being graded by their performance in the faculty show, so they can't just cancel it. Miss Sherwood mulls that over for a few seconds and agrees to forge ahead with the dumb thing.
Ms. Grant is on the phone with Mr. Shorofsky, informing him that the faculty show has been downgraded to an "exam presentation" so that the students who are performing can still be evaluated. Mr. Shorofsky doesn't like the idea of watering down the event, but she tells him it's already been decided.
Faculty show! In the opening number, Mr. Crandall cracks jokes while playing a jazz tune on the piano. Danny has a pen and paper, ready to write down anything funny Crandall says, but comes up short. Write your own material, slackass.
Back at the hospital, Mr. Shorofsky puts on his coat and hat and tells the receptionist that the patient in his room just died, and that she should wait fifteen minutes before reacting. She nods at him as though this makes any sense, and he slips out.
Miss Sherwood enters the dance gym wearing a black bodysuit and sheer tights and starts performing a sexy dance number...and by performing, I mean she sashays around the floor and jerks her hips while periodically throwing both arms into the air. LOL. Everyone hoots appreciatively at the odd spectacle, and Leroy really gets into it and yells, "Aw right!" while the rest of the male students stifle their boners and applaud.
Mrs. Berg says she would like to take part in the show by doing a dramatic reading. She tells everyone that when the police showed up after the attack on Mr. Shorofsky, they found a letter he wrote to her. She says she'd like to read it aloud - and it's a lovely note that compliments the job she does, and begs her forgiveness for telling her to "stuff it". By scripted coincidence, Mr. Shorofsky enters the room just as she finishes reading, and everyone rushes over and gently envelopes him in a group hug. He sits next to Mrs. Berg as they all watch the final act of the show..
Ms. Grant takes center stage and performs a Flamenco type dance in a crop top and skirt while singing...and by singing, I mean some really fake looking lip-syncing. After a few minutes, the students join in with coordinated rehearsed dance moves...and Leroy leaps up from his chair and starts gyrating wildly. But at least this time he's wearing pants.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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