Recap:  Bobby is in his office at Ewing Oil, trying his best to get work done, while two contractors noisily install new shelving. Bobby heads over to the common area, hands off a bunch of files to his secretary, then tells JR that the shelf building is too noisy for him to concentrate and that he's going home to finish up his work. JR warns him that the ultra secret "red files" aren't supposed to leave the office, but Bobby argues that he can't concentrate in such a noisy environment, and reminds him that Daddy wants whatever information he's researching/compiling/whatever asap. He leaves, along with JR's secretary (actress Tina Louise), who's on her way out to buy JR some lunch.

As Bobby and Tina Louise stroll along the street, he tells her he really likes being an executive and being married to Pam. He remarks that Pam would probably like it a lot better if JR were married to her instead of the blechy Sue Ellen...and Tina Louise sadly tells him it wasn't her decision to not marry his older brother. Bobby apologizes for his insensitivity, but she breezily says it's all water under the bridge.

After Bobby heads off to drive home, Tina Louise runs into Cliff Barnes. He invites her to dinner so he can pry some juicy Ewing secrets out her, including names, dates, and places. Subtle, Cliff. Tina Louise says she can't/won't/doesn't want to violate her employer's trust, but Cliff gives her his unlisted phone number in case she changes her mind.

Southfork. Jock is playing gin with one of his highly placed cronies, Senator Bill Orloff. As the two discuss the pain-in-the ass that is Cliff Barnes, Bill dismisses him as a minor nuisance who's desperate to dig up dirt on the Ewings. Jock smugly says he won't find anything, since every deal between the two of them has been done with a handshake (aka, no paper trail). The two men raise their glasses of Bourbon as a toast of their ability to skirt the law, and then play another game of gin.

Later in the afternoon, Pam enters the den and finds Bobby still immersed in the red files. She remarks that he's been reading them for over two hours and urges him to take a break so they can check out their new house. Bobby agrees...and is unaware that one of the red files he was reading has slipped behind the couch he was sitting on. Uh oh..

Miss Ellie, Sue Ellen, and Lucy return home from a shopping trip. Pam remarks to Lucy that she and Bobby are heading over to their new house to check on the progress, and Lucy says she too is eager to see it, but neither Pam nor Bobby seem eager for her to join them. Miss Ellie asks Pam how the decorating is coming along, she says fine, and Miss Ellie says she's certain she'll do a lovely job. After Pam and Bobby head off, Lucy asks Sue Ellen why JR never comes home for lunch like Bobby does, and Sue Ellen brusquely says his work is a lot more demanding, then rushes off in the direction of her house. When she gets inside, she goes through her shopping bags and pulls out a sexy black negligee she just purchased and stares at it hopefully.

When JR arrives home sooner than expected, Sue Ellen greets him - with just a towel wrapped around herself - and says, "This is a nice surprise." JR grumbles about all the noise the shelf-installing contractors are making at the office, then grunts disinterestedly at Sue Ellen as she tries to make small talk. He picks up the negligee she bought and stares at it with disdain, and she giggles and says she just wanted to buy something a little different. JR makes a blech face and snaps, "That's not you." Sue Ellen tells him she's planning to put it on for him tonight...then notices the look of disgust on JR's face and hastily says she'll take it back to the store tomorrow. JR grunts, "Good idea", then gives her a slap on the ass and says he's going to take a shower. Sue Ellen coquettishly asks him to delay his shower for a few minutes, then starts unbuttoning his shirt and sexily unpins the bun in her hair. JR complains that he's all sweaty, then prudishly snarks, "I don't know what's gotten into you. You're not acting like a lady at all!" and orders her to put some clothes on. She reminds him that they're married, then puts her sad face on and says, "Sometimes I think you forget about that." He tells her he finds the black negligee cheap and whorish and says it's probably all Pam's influence. Sue Ellen says her decision to buy the negligee had nothing at all to do with Pam, then wails, "JR! We have to talk! We don't make love anymore!" She attempts to caress his face, but he backs away from her and snaps, "All right, that tears it!" - LOL - then storms out...leaving Sue Ellen to cry, "J-ARRRRRR!!" Holy crap, that is one dysfunctional marriage.

JR makes a beeline over to Tina Louise's apartment for some extramarital comfort. She urges him to go back home and perform his husbandly duties with his wife, but JR makes a yeech face and says he has absolutely no desire to doink Sue Ellen. She asks him why in the hell he married her then, and remarks that she was once Miss Texas and probably figured she'd be a credit to his family. JR gives her an intense stare and says, "You're the only one who ever turned me on. The only one who ever knew how." She points out that that's only 'cause he supplied her with pointers about exactly how he liked his dip wicked, then suggests he share that information with Sue Ellen. JR says he doesn't want to talk about Sue Ellen anymore and leans in for a kiss. Tina Louise starts nattering about how she loved him long before Sue Ellen came into the picture - but knew he'd never marry her. She chides him for dropping in on her whenever he's in the mood for a booty call, and wails, "Every mornin' I have breakfast alone!" She begs him to let her move on, but he gruffly insists, "I need you now" and intensifies his smooching.

Post-coitus, JR gets dressed and notices a birthday card sitting on Tina Louise's dresser. He asks her when her birthday was, and when she tells him it was the day before yesterday, he mutters, "Damn, I forgot." She assures him it doesn't matter, then urges him to sleep over so she can cook him breakfast in the morning - but he declines and pulls out a wad of cash, leaves her a hundred dollar bill on the pillow, and says, "Go out and buy yourself somethin' real naace." LOL. After JR beats a hasty retreat, Tina Louise puts her bathrobe on and stomps around her apartment, clearly upset. She calls Cliff and says she'd like to go to dinner with him after all, and says it'll be her treat...and while she's saying that, the camera pans over to the hundred dollar bill JR left her as though she were a hooker.

Ewing Oil. Tina Louise serves coffee to Jock, JR, and Bobby as they discuss the Senator Orloff Situation. JR says there's nothing in their files that can connect them to the senator - except for a trust deed for $50,000 that Orloff used to purchase his house. JR calls it "legal, but unrecorded" and says there's only one copy of that note, and that it's in their possession - specifically, in one of the red files. Bobby fishes around his attache case for the deed, but can't find it. He says he must have left it at home, then rushes over to the nearest phone to call Pam. JR is irked by the lapse and complains to Daddy that this is precisely why the red files are not supposed to leave the office.

Bobby calls Pam and asks her to look around the den for a file labelled Orloff. She quickly locates it behind the couch, then agrees to deliver it to Ewing Oil asap.

In the next scene, Pam arrives at Ewing Oil and hands over the Orloff file to Tina Louise. When Pam ambles off to find Bobby, Tina Louise studies the contents of the file and glances around shiftily.

After their dinner date, Cliff brings Tina Louise back to his shitty little apartment. He tells her he's thrilled that she took him up on his dinner invitation...and then the two start kissing and getting it on. Hours later, post-coitus, Tina Louise pulls out a copy of Orloff's trustee deed from her purse, then spoons Cliff and slips the piece of paper to him. He sleepily murmurs, "What's this?" and she replies, "A bonus."

The following day, Cliff announces to the media that he's in possession of a document that proves the Ewings have been bribing Senator Orloff. He accuses Orloff of consistently voting in the interests of Ewing Oil and not his constituents, then says he's going to turn over the document to the committee that has been investigating the Ewings. A Ewing operative, who's onsite and within earshot of Cliff's rant, hustles over to the nearest pay phone to call JR and inform him, "I think we've got a big problem down here."

Southfork. During family dinnertime, JR announces that Cliff Barnes is currently holding a press conference after somehow obtaining a copy of Orloff's trust deed - a document that came straight out of a file folder Bobby neglected to put in his attache case yesterday. He then shoots Pam the stink-eye and adds, "The file his lovely wife brought to the office." His stink-eye gets even more narrowed as he grimly pronounces, "There's a spy in the house" and everyone stares over at Pam with looks of shock and horror...except Lucy, who's smirking with amusement. Pam glances around the table, dismayed by the lack of support among her in-laws, and abruptly leaves the table.

Bobby angrily tells JR he has no right to make such wild accusations, but JR holds firm and says he'd be an idiot to think Pam wasn't a spy. Bobby denies that Pam was the leak, so JR barks, "Then who did?!" and reminds Bobby that the only time the file was out of their hands was when Pam had possession of it. Bobby turns to his father and implores him to believe that Pam would never commit such a heinous act. He then looks around the table and asks someone...anyone to speak up in defense of Pam, but everyone just stares back at him mutely, while Lucy continues to smirk. Bobby says, "She's my wife. Isn't anyone going to defend her?" and when no one retorts, he mutters, "Don't ask me to make a choice" then storms out of the house.

Bobby tells Pam to pack her bags 'cause they're moving to a hotel until such time as Orloff-gate blows over. She assures him she didn't do what JR is accusing her of, and he says he's confident she didn't...but then asks her if she stopped off anywhere while driving to Ewing Oil. She looks dismayed and mutters, "Oh Bobby" then announces that she's going to grill Cliff about where/how he got that file. 

Pam goes over to Cliff's apartment and begs him to tell her how he got the copy of the trust deed...but Cliff just rants about how Orloff has blocked every piece of creative legislation he's been involved in, and that "it suddenly makes perfect sense now". Pam angrily reminds him that she's taking the rap for leaking the trust deed, but he dismissively replies, "You knew what you were getting into when you married a Ewing." A few seconds later, Tina Louise telephones Cliff, annoyed that he's been running all over town, broadcasting the details of Orloff's trust deed. He covertly tells her they can talk about this tonight, and she reluctantly agrees to meet up with him later.

An adviser tells Jock, JR, and Bobby that since Senator Orloff hasn't made any payments on the trust deed, suddenly demanding full payment will get them off the hook for any bribery charges. [Right - 'cause that wouldn't look suspicious at all.] Bobby says that Orloff will lose his house if they do that, and JR shrugs and says, "He knew the risk when he took the money." Bobby wrings his hands and says there has to be another way [how about just asking Orloff to start making small payments every month?], and Jock says it's always hard to come down on an old friend.

Bobby meets with Orloff for an outdoor stroll...and while they're strolling along, Orloff natters about how much he and the little woman looove their house. Bobby responds by blurting out, "We're calling in your loan today" and Orloff is all, "Wha-a?!" and says he doesn't have the money. Bobby offers, "We'll give it to you tomorrow" but Orloff points out that if he accepts it, the press is going to wonder where he got it. Bobby says there's nothing illegal about the Ewings lending him another $50,000, but agrees it would look like another bribe. Orloff sadly deduces that he has no choice but to resign from the Senate and, from this point on, live a pitiful life of shame and misery.

Pam tells Bobby that Cliff refuses to tell her who supplied him with the trust deed, then racks her brain thinking about everyone who had access to the Orloff file. She suddenly asks, "What about Tina Louise? She was the last one with the file" but Bobby rejects the notion that JR's long-serving secretary would betray the company like that. Pam suggests they sneak into Ewing Oil early tomorrow morning and poke around in order to try to piece together what happened. She assures Bobby they're going to wrap up this tedious storyline asap, return to the ranch, and receive an apology from JR by the time the credits roll.

Julie and Cliff are out together, enjoying an evening walk. She tells him she freaked out when she heard about his press conference and thought he was just going to confront Orloff privately. Cliff explains that Orloff would simply have called Jock, and the Ewings would have cooked up something up to evade charges. This way, everything's in the limelight and less likely to be swept under the rug.

Early the next morning, Pam tells Bobby it's entirely possible that Tina Louise xeroxed the trust deed and gave it to Cliff. Bobby still can't get his brain around that possibility...but then acknowledges that Tina Louise and JR have had a "thing" going on for years, and that she'd "make him feel good when he was down". Pam starts rifling through Tina Louise's Rolodex and finds the smoking gun: an entry with Cliff's name and his unlisted phone number. Pam's all, "A-ha!" and points out that Cliff's unlisted number is only a few weeks old. Pam dials the number and informs her brother that she's on her way to his place for a girl-on-girl showdown.

Over at Casa Barnes, Tina Louise tells Cliff she should beat a hasty retreat before Pam arrives...but then heads to the bathroom to slowly get dressed and just as slowly apply makeup so that there's no chance she won't run into Pam. Cliff suddenly hears someone announce on the radio that Senator Orloff has resigned from the Senate. He looks dismayed, and when Tina Louise asks him why he's not overjoyed by the news, he explains that Orloff was the key to opening up the whole can of worms that would help him nail the corrupt Ewings. Tina Louise angrily accuses him of just using her to get the Ewings and says he doesn't give a crap about ethical government, the way he's always pretending. Cliff argues that he was never not straightforward with her about his desire for juicy intel from her about the Ewings, which I guess is true enough.

Pam arrives at Cliff's apartment complex and stakes out the front entrance. Inside the apartment, Tina Louise is carefully applying her lipstick, because...why rush? When she finally heads out, she encounters Pam, who accuses her of supplying Cliff with a copy of Orloff's trust deed, then indignantly informs her that she was the one who has been treated by the Ewings as a spy. Tina Louise looks unimpressed and says, "I can't help you if you can't hold your own with the Ewings." Pam smugly accuses her of being jealous that she married Bobby...while she, on the other hand, has lost her self respect settling for whatever romantic scraps JR was willing to throw her. This clearly hits a nerve, and Tina Louise barks, "Leave me alone!" and struts off.

Bobby informs JR that Tina Louise was the one who gave Cliff the copy of the trust deed, but JR just laughs and says it's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. Bobby insists he has proof that Tina Louise knows Cliff, and that when Pam delivered the file to the office, she had plenty of time to make a copy of the trust deed and give it to Cliff. JR remains unconvinced and says that Tina Louise has worked for Ewing Oil long enough to deserve the benefit of the doubt - while Pam, on the other hand, has done nothing to earn it. Bobby threatens to tell the family he has a new spy suspect, and that JR won't like that 'cause it'll blow the whistle on his affair with Tina Louise. JR says, "You wouldn't dare" then reminds him that they're brothers and that he has a wife. Bobby shoots back, "So do I!"...but then assures him he's not going to blow the whistle and slinks out of his office. That was completely nonsensical.

Tina Louise arrives at Ewing Oil, storms over to her workstation, and starts cleaning out her drawers. She tells JR she's quitting, then comes right out and admits to being the one who gave Cliff the copy of the trust deed. JR's like, "The fuck?!" and asks her why, so she says, "I like the way he made love. I thought he deserved a reward." LOL. JR looks icked out by that visual and asks her if she loves Cliff, but she just stares back at him coldly and says, "I don't love anybody." She then gets up and heads for the door, and runs into Pam on her way out. She tells her she just confessed her misdeed to JR...and Bobby, who's lurking nearby, shoots JR a smug, I told you so expression.

Southfork. Bobby is lecturing the family about how not one of them came to Pam's defense when unfounded accusations were being hurled against her. Pam wearily says, "It's OK, Bobby" but he insists there's no excuse for it. Lucy chirps, "Of course there is. We all thought she was guilty" and Pam starts laughing heartily...and soon everyone else joins in. Pam says she totally gets why they would suspect her, and Sue Ellen nods approvingly and says, "That's generous of you." JR formally apologizes to Pam, and she accepts his apology. Lucy suddenly springs up and orders JR and Pam to kiss and make up. And instead of telling his stumpy, impertinent niece to go pee up a rope, JR glances over at Bobby for permission, and when he curtly nods, JR awkwardly leans down and smacks a chaste kiss on Pam's cheek.

Recap: Lucy rides her horse to the front gates of Southfork, opens the mailbox to retrieve the latest truancy letter from her school, sets it on fire, then heads back to the house.

Over in the stables, Bobby is giving Pam her first horseback riding lesson...and as she slowly trots around the large barn, Ray and another ranch hand, Hal, arrive. Ray orders Hal to drive Lucy to school every morning 'cause he has no interest in the task, and Bobby overhears the conversation and reminds Ray that Jock specifically ordered him to ensure that the munchkin-nymphet gets to school every day. Ray whines about not wanting to be a warden, but Bobby tells him to just shut the fuck up and do it. He then returns to the barn and tells Pam it's almost family breakfast time. She asks whassup with Ray, and he tells her that he was trying to "subcontract" the job of transporting Lucy to school.

Over breakfast, which Lucy has decided to skip, Miss Ellie remarks that they haven't been receiving any letters from Lucy's school lately, but still worries that she won't be able to graduate this spring. Apparently, none of the many adults living at Southfork has ever contemplated taking on the job of raising/disciplining/setting reasonable boundaries for the wayward brat.

Ray arrives at the house to pick up Lucy. Pam, meanwhile, tells Sue Ellen she's driving into the city later and offers her a ride, but Sue Ellen rudely declines and ambles off. Ray calls Pam over and asks her if Bobby is trying to get him fired because they used to date, but Pam assures him that Bobby doesn't care about their dating history. Besides, if the yokel's going to get fired for anything, it'll be for messing around in the hayloft with Bobby's teenage niece. He says he likes working at the ranch and doesn't want to be fired and asks Pam to put in a good word for him. A few seconds later, JR and Bobby emerge from the house, and when Bobby asks Pam whassup with her conversation with Ray, she comes right out and tells him that he (Ray) thinks he (Bobby) wants to fire him. Bobby has no real reaction to that and is like, "Whatever" and heads off to work with JR. Lucy appears and sarcastically says to Pam, "See you later, auntie" and climbs into Ray's truck and sits really close to the creepy ranch hand.

Miss Ellie laments to Pam about what a charade it is that Lucy pretends she's going to school, and half the time she forgets to take her books. She's also fully aware that Lucy sneaks back to the ranch to hang out at the stables all day. She says that since Lucy's father (Gary) is a hopeless drunkard, no one at Southfork has the cajones to say no to the impudent shrimp, then adds, "I'm afraid Lucy is spoiled." Pam carefully replies, "Well...she has a lot of spirit" and Miss Ellie briefly contemplates the possibility of sending Lucy to boarding school, but then quickly dismisses the idea and thanks Pam for listening to her pointless gabbling.

While en route to school, Lucy asks Ray if he's going to take her to the new disco in town, then starts fondling/tickling him...which makes Ray giggle like a schoolgirl. He half-heartedly tells her to cut it out 'cause it's interfering with his ability to not drive his truck into a ditch, but Lucy continues to kiss him and coo, "Come on, baby." A few seconds later, Ray abruptly pulls over to the side of the road, then makes a u-turn and heads back to the ranch.

Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie get into a paneled station wagon together and drive off as Pam forlornly stares down at them from her bedroom window. The phone rings, so Pam takes the call...and it's from Mr. Miller, a counselor at Lucy's school. He reports that Lucy is once again truant, so Pam promises to track down the cheeky imp and drag her ass to school asap.

Pam drives over to the stables, right to the hayloft where Ray and Lucy are rolling around together, which...gross. Pam honks her horn and yells for Ray to come down, and he tucks in his shirt and sheepishly climbs down to the ground level. Pam tells him to take a hike so she can talk to Lucy privately, and he just shrugs and obediently toddles off. Pam calls out to Lucy, who shows herself and sits on the edge of the hayloft. Pam tells her she has to go school, but she retorts, "I get all the education I need right here" and refuses to leave the stables. Pam threatens to tattle to Jock, but Lucy just laughs and says she regularly snows her grandfather, who believes everything she says, then brags about how everyone at Southfork lets her run wild. Pam irritably snaps, "Well, babyface, that won't work with me!" and Lucy glumly climbs down from the hayloft.

Ewing Oil. Bobby wants to meet with JR, but JR's secretary tells him he's on the phone and can't be disturbed. Bobby says he's very curious about how JR manages to persuade association members to vote his way so often (or something like that...the writing in this scene was really confusing). After Bobby ambles away, the secretary sneaks into JR's office and warns him that his brother is "starting to put things together" so JR orders her to put him off for another hour.

Pam drives Lucy to school and accompanies her to Mr. Miller's office...and he promptly orders Lucy to get to history class. Pam asks Mr. Miller if he could give Lucy some personalized help since she's so behind in her classes, and he's like, "Can do" and offers to tutor her. The two peek into a nearby classroom, and Pam looks dismayed to see Lucy sitting cross-legged atop a desk, holding court with a gaggle of smitten looking boys.

Outside after class, a creepy looking boy named Roger Hurley tells Lucy he'd be willing to tutor her in math, then gets grab handsy with her just as Pam pulls up. Roger politely introduces himself to Pam, and after she and Lucy drive off, she remarks, "He's nice" but Lucy grumbles about what a creep he is. Pam says it wouldn't hurt to date a boy her own age - instead of doinking her thirty-three year old uncle in a hayloft.

While en route to Southfork, Pam hands Lucy a box of some new clothes she bought, which Lucy throws out the window. Pam stops the car and orders her to fetch the stuff from the side of the road, which she does. When they arrive at the ranch, Pam drops Lucy off at the house, then heads over to the stables to give Ray the what-for. She makes it clear to the pedophile that if he continues to mess around with Lucy, she's going to tattle to Jock, JR, and Bobby. Ray kind of shrugs, but then acknowledges that Jock or JR would probably kill him. He then smirks and says, "You takin' up social work, Pammy? Or don't you like the idea of your old boyfriend running around with Lucy?" Pam refrains from pointing out that marrying a rich Ewing brother was a gigantic upgrade from dating an ugly ranch hand, and just warns him to keep his penis away from the precocious teenager.

Ewing Oil. Bobby is dismayed when he learns that JR sneaked off with Sue Ellen for the evening before he got a chance to talk to him about his powers of persuasion with association members...or whatever the hell it was that piqued his curiosity.

Lucy is in her bedroom, looking over the box of clothes that Pam bought for her. She pulls out a pair of scissors, smiles devilishly, and starts cutting up a white blouse. 

After school the next day, Lucy's in Mr. Miller's office while he's looking over one of her tests...and he tells her it's A-OK if she wants to wait with him until Pam arrives to pick her up. Roger Hurley suddenly appears in the hallway and watches through the crack in the door as Lucy wanders around the room and stands behind Mr. Miller. She takes off her jacket, under which she's wearing the white blouse she had cut up the night before...then starts yelling, "Help! Stop! He's trying to grab me!" She runs into the hallway shrieking, "He's trying to grab me! He ripped my clothes!"...and as she's doing that, Mr. Miller steps into the hallway and is all, "Wuh?" then quickly realizes how totally screwed he is.

When Pam arrives at the school to pick up Lucy, Roger informs her that Lucy ran fled the building in pretend fear. He clucks sympathetically and says, "Poor kid. I guess Mr. Miller tried to...you know...take advantage of her." He tells her that Lucy's blouse was all torn up, and that Mr. Miller is in the principal's office, attempting to explain. 

Mr. Miller is telling the principal, Mr. Daley, that Lucy's allegations are a terrible mistake when Pam bursts into the room. She asks Mr. Daley to hold off on calling the police until Monday, since she's pretty sure she can persuade her conniving niece to come clean about what really happened. Mr. Miller says he hopes she can pull that off, 'cause he'd rather not go to jail...or be bludgeoned to death by Jock Ewing.

Ewing Oil. Bobby enters JR's office and demands to be let in on the secrets of his brother's "powers of persuasion". JR chuckles and refuses to spill any of his trade secrets, then reminds Bobby that he toiled alongside daddy for years while learning the oil business - while he (Bobby) goofed off with the booze and the broads. JR declares that since he's the one who's been making decisions and deals for Ewing Oil for so many years, it's his business...and that's the way it's going to stay. Bobby seems to accept that and quietly slinks out of the room, and JR grins with satisfaction.

Pam asks Lucy why she lied about being attacked by Mr. Miller, and Lucy whines that none of this would have happened if she hadn't been forced to go to school. Pam tells her that her allegation could damage Mr. Miller's livelihood, so Lucy offers to "explain" that it was all just a misunderstanding - but in exchange, Pam has to ensure that any letters sent to Southfork from the school don't end up in her grandparents' hands. Pam glares at her and says, "You really worked this beautifully" and Lucy snottily replies, "Thank you. See what happens when you care about people?"

During dinner, Lucy tells everyone she's really enjoying school these days, and everyone nods, smiles and plays along - instead of calling her on her bullshit and giving her the kick in the pants she sorely needs and deserves. As everyone adjourns to the living room, Lucy gets a call from Roger Hurley.

Lucy enters the living room and asks Jock if it's OK for her to attend a party with a boy. Sue Ellen slips into Southern Belle mode and chides, "A gentleman never calls a lady on the evening of a party" and Lucy assures her that Roger apologized like a proper gentleman and explained that his folks are having guests over, but he didn't know that kids were invited until a moment ago. Jock starts to deny permission, but Miss Ellie intervenes and tells her it's OK...and Lucy gives her grandparents a thank you kiss and scampers off.

Upstairs, Pam is brushing her hair and looking irked. She tells Bobby she's worried that Miss Ellie thinks she has Lucy under control - but she's well aware she doesn't. Bobby says he knows she's not trying to discipline Lucy just to score points with her new mother-in-law, which is apparently what Lucy believes. He says he knows she genuinely cares for Lucy 'cause she sees herself in the slutty little tart, then changes the subject and orders her to gussy herself up 'cause he's taking her to the new disco in town! Ye haw!

Roger Hurley arrives at Southfork to pick up Lucy...and after she climbs into his car, he tries to kiss her, but she shoves him away. He reminds her they have an understanding and then tries to kiss her again, but she cleverly puts him off by saying, "Let's make a night of it" and says she wants to go dancing. Roger looks disappointed, so she coquettishly says, "Dancing makes me very affectionate" and he quickly perks up again. He asks her if she knows of any good clubs, and she suggests the new disco. Ye haw haw!

Disco! The crowd is groovily boogying to an undanceable '70s disco beat. Ray shows up with a blonde, who, I'm happy to report, looks a lot closer to his age than Lucy, so maybe he's not a totally rampant pedophile after all. When he starts to  dance dorkishly, Lucy notices him from across the room and ditches Roger to go talk to him. A few seconds later, Pam and Bobby arrive - and it looks like Pam's idea of gussying herself up for a night on the town is putting on a white turtleneck with matching slacks.

Lucy tells Ray that her "date" Roger is a creep who forced her to go out with him, and she begs for his help. She fondles him and blushingly says she'd like to go home with him, and Ray makes a feeble attempt to escape her needy clutches.

As Pam boogies, we get a loooong, gratuitous shot of her ass. Eventually she spots Roger, so she and Bobby walk over to say hello. Roger tells them he's here with Lucy, then motions across the room and says she's talking to some older guy. Bobby looks in the direction where Roger's motioning and sees Ray and Lucy, hugging and fondling each other. He's all, "The fuck?!" and storms over...and pushes Lucy aside and slugs Ray. Lucy insists she was only asking for Ray's help to get rid of Roger, but Bobby doesn't buy her bullcack and orders Pam to take her home.

Ray glares at Bobby as he's being restrained by two men and eggs him on to take another swing, but Bobby declines and says, "This better be finished." Ray replies, "There's nothing else to fight about. Pam is your lady all the way" which makes me think he's not grasping the fact that he got slugged because he's been bumping uglies with a minor, who just happens to be Bobby's niece. Pam, meanwhile, tells Roger she knows that he witnessed what really happened with Lucy/Mr. Miller and accuses him of using the situation to his advantage. She orders him to come clean to Mr. Daley about what he saw, or she'll tattle to her husband that he's been blackmailing his niece. Lucy snarks to Pam that she doesn't need her help, then accuses her of using people, says she's definitely a Ewing now, and snarks, "You make Sue Ellen look sincere." Ouch. That's harsh. Bobby tells Lucy that Pam cares, and that she's in dire need of her guidance, since no one else at the ranch can be bothered to spend a moment of their time on her upbringing. He orders her to apologize to Pam, so Lucy sheepishly squeaks out, "Sorry." Bobby then suggests that the three of them hang at the disco and dance until dawn, and Pam and Lucy giddily tell him they're both game.

Thanks, writers, for a thoroughly incoherent episode.

Recap: Bobby and Pam are headed back to Dallas in a fancy red Mercedes after getting secretly married in New Orleans. Pam tells Bobby she's worried that his family will want to throw her off the ranch, but he reminds her she's a Ewing now, and that eventually they'll grow to love her. After driving for a while longer, they stop off at a gas station to fill up on unleaded gasoline and have breakfast.

JR is in his office at Ewing Oil, watching a hearing that's being broadcast on live TV...and in the hot seat is a Ewing Oil associate (or something) named Phil. He's being aggressively questioned by Cliff Barnes, who's acting as legal counsel for the government investigation. Jock calls JR to grunt his dissatisfaction about how the hearing is going.

Southfork. Jock tracks down his ranch foreman, Ray Krebbs, and asks him if he took his granddaughter to school today. Ray tries his best to look innocent and says he hasn't seen the nitwit. Jock tells him that from now on, he wants him to make sure that Lucy gets to school every day 'cause she's been skipping a lot, then asks if he "and that fine lookin' Barnes girl" are on or off these days. Ray says things are definitely off at the moment, and Jock looks bummed 'cause he wanted him to ask Pam to tell her brother to lay off the Ewings during the hearings. Ray says that if they're ever on again, he'll give that a shot. After Jock drives off, we hear giggling and then Lucy appears, swinging upside-down from the hayloft. Ray climbs up to the loft and goes, "Phew! That was close!" but Lucy argues that it wasn't close at all 'cause Jock would never climb up to a hayloft. Ray tells her that Jock would kill him if he knew he was committing a felony by messing around with his underage granddaughter, then says he needs to get going. Lucy orders him to kiss her and, while he's doing that, call her by the name of his on again/off again girlfriend, and he fucking does it, moaning, "Pammm" as he smooches the precocious teenager. [A gross footnote: according to Wikipedia, Ray Krebbs was born in 1945, which would make him 33 years old in 1978.]

Pam reminds Bobby's he's part of an oil rich family and should therefore have a job more befitting a Ewing son than what he's currently doing: providing booze and booty to business associates in order to help close deals for Ewing Oil. Bobby tells her that JR's the one who got the brains, but Pam insists he's just as smart...and somehow manages to say that with a straight face. Bobby mulls that over and agrees to talk to his father and JR about being installed at Ewing Oil as an executive once they get back to Southfork.

From the hayloft, Lucy looks through a pair of binoculars and remarks that Bobby is back...and that he's with a lady. Ray's all, "Wuh?" and sneaks a peek through the binoculars and sees that the lady is Pam. When she and Bobby start kissing and hugging, Lucy squeals, "They're married!" and starts giggling. Ray tells her she's crazy and to shut her obnoxious pie hole.

Bobby announces to Miss Ellie that he and Pam are married, and Miss Ellie stares back at him in incredulity and mutters, "I don't know what to say." Bobby retorts, "You can start by saying 'good luck'." Pam remarks that she needs to freshen up a bit, then goes inside...and once she's out of earshot, Bobby gushes, "Isn't she pretty, momma?" Miss Ellie sternly reminds him, "She's Cliff's sister and Digger's daughter" then gives up getting him to see reason and orders him inside the house.

Ewing Oil. Jock and JR are watching the hearing together when Miss Ellie calls to inform her husband that Bobby just returned home...and that - surprise! - he has a new wife. Jock's all, "Wha-a?" and asks her who it is, but she refuses to say and tells him that he and JR need to get back to Southfork, like pronto.

Bobby is regaling his shell-shocked family with the enchanting tale of how he proposed to Pam in New Orleans, then had a quickie wedding. Miss Ellie politely asks Pam if she's settled in her room OK, and Pam says she has, and that she's going into the city tomorrow to pick up the rest of her things. Jock suddenly gets up, looms over Pam and blurts out, "Young lady! When's that brother of yours going to give up on his crusade against us Ewings?!" After an awkward silence, Bobby tells his father that this probably isn't the proper time to discuss the matter, and Miss Ellie reminds her boorish husband that they don't usually talk business at this late hour. Jock obediently shuts up and pours a refill just as Ray Krebbs arrives with some papers for Jock to sign. He says hey to Pam, and Lucy cheekily announces that Bobby and Pam just got married and that he should give the bride a congratulatory kiss. Ray says he heard about their speedy nuptials, offers his congratulations and gives Pam a quick cheek kiss before beating a hasty retreat. JR announces that he'd like to get to know Pam one-on-one, so the two go outside for a private chat. He apologizes to her for his father's bluntness and says he often blurts inappropriate shit out. Pam says she has absolutely nothing to do with Cliff's political activities, and after some benign chitchat about the ranch, JR's tone gets snarky as he asks, "Miss Barnes, did your brother put you up to this?" Pam's all, "Wuh?" and reminds him that her name isn't Miss Barnes anymore, it's Mrs. Ewing. JR's like, "Whatever" and offers her money to "annul this farce" and says she'd be wise to take it, since she'll be driven out of Southfork anyway. Bobby suddenly appears and walks toward them, and JR pretends that everything is cool, and that he and Pam were just talking business. 

Later that evening, Jock is sitting on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. JR joins him and tells him about how he just tried to pay Pam off and Jock's like, "You did what?!" and calls him a jackass. JR looks miffed and asks him if he wants Bobby to be married to Cliff Barnes' sister, and Jock says he doesn't, but that he needs to learn the art of subtlety. JR scoffs at Bobby's sudden desire to be a Ewing Oil executive, but Jock doesn't think it's such a bad idea and says he's all for Bobby settling down and taking on some real responsibility. JR looks alarmed and asks if he's still first in line for the CEO position once he (Jock) steps down, and Jock assures him he is...but points out that he doesn't have to run the company alone. Jock then changes the subject and urges him to get busy with Sue Ellen so he can provide him with a grandson before Bobby beats him to the punch, but JR just grunts and doesn't look at all interested in boning his wife. A few minutes later, JR finds Ray lurking around the house and barks, "How in the hell did she end up marrying him?" and Ray sheepishly says that when he brought Pam to Southfork for all those family barbecues, she and Bobby must have hit it off better than he realized.

The next day, Pam drops Bobby off at Ewing Oil, then heads over to her apartment to pack up the rest of her things...and she finds Cliff waiting for her, looking extremely irked. He says he heard she married a Ewing and reminds her what horrible people they all are - but Pam's just like, "I loooove Bobby." Cliff asks her when she plans on breaking the news to Digger, and she says she'll get around to it eventually...then decides she should come clean with the drunkard right now. Cliff follows her out to the parking lot, then makes a blech face when he sees the red Mercedes. He says he refuses to ride in anything owned by the Ewings...but when she's about to drive off, he changes his mind and climbs into the passenger seat.

Ewing Oil. As Bobby settles into his new office, he asks JR's sultry secretary for the combination to the safe. She tells him she'll have to ask JR what it is, since apparently he changes it every week. JR looks irked when he hears about Bobby's request - but pretends to be all friendly and helpful when he asks Bobby how his reading about the oil industry is coming along. Bobby says he's done with that and is ready to dive into "the red files", but JR dismissively waves a hand in the air and says, "Oh, those are boring." LOL. Bobby says he well knows that the red files contain the most important stuff going on at Ewing Oil, so JR pretends to concede, opens the safe, and hands Bobby a giant expandable folder filled with papers. As soon as Bobby returns to his office, JR covertly hands his secretary a red folder and tells her to bring it to the bank and put it in his safety deposit box.

Pam and Cliff arrive at a bar, where a grizzled looking Digger is holding court, telling his wino friends a story about how he once tried to kill Jock Ewing, but then realized he wasn't a killer. Or something like that. I kinda tuned him out 'cause he was really slurring his words. Pam and Cliff interject and steer Digger over to a table where they can talk privately. Pam announces that she just got married...and Digger gives her a vapid, drunken smile - until she tells him that her new husband is Bobby Ewing. As in, Jock Ewing's son. Once Digger's brain has processed the disturbing news, he gets a maniacal look in his bloodshot eyes and shoots her a mute stink-eye. His reaction upsets Pam so much that she flees the bar, then gets into her car and starts crying.

When Pam returns to Southfork, Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen are directing the servants on how to set the table for an upcoming dinner party. Pam politely asks if she can help, but Sue Ellen shoos her out of the dining room and condescendingly says they have an established routine. Lucy, who has overheard the exchange, gleefully tells Pam she doesn't have a chance with the Ewings and adds, "When they don't want somebody, that somebody ain't got a chance." She then fills Pam in about her sad backstory: her daddy, Gary, knocked up a fifteen year old pinhead named Valene, brought her to Southfork, became a drunken loser, abused Valene, then went on a bender and disappeared for several months. During this period, Valene took Lucy and fled to Virgina, but JR and his henchmen caught up with her, forcibly removed Lucy from her custody and returned her to Southfork. He then warned Valene to stay far away from Texas. Lucy tells her that Valene tried to "go to the law" to regain custody, but had no luck (or a decent lawyer)...then repeats to Pam that she has no chance with this family.

Upstairs in their bedroom, Pam complains to Bobby that no one talked to her at dinner, and Bobby admits that he was probably too optimistic when he told her that everyone would love her. Well d'yuh. JR drops by to tell Bobby that the government investigation is over for now, and that his booze/booty services are required in Austin. Bobby reminds him that he's through with that kind of work now that he's an executive, but JR insists that he's the only one available who can get the job done. Pam gets upset at how quickly Bobby caves in to his older brother, so he promises her that this will be the last time he'll be willing to take on booze 'n booty duty.

The next morning, JR somehow convinces Pam to go on a helicopter ride with Ray to survey the ranch from above. When Bobby emerges from the house, packed and ready to fly off to Austin, JR tells him that Pam went for walk. Bobby says he's really bummed he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her before leaving.

Up in the helicopter, Ray tells Pam the boring history of Southfork...and a few minutes later they land in a remote area of the property. Mission Break Up Bobby and Pam has officially been launched!

As JR pretends to drive Bobby to the airport, he shakes his head in dismay and tells his brother he can't believe he chose to marry Pam Barnes when he could have had any woman in Texas, then reminds him that she used to be Ray's on again/off again squeeze for years. JR suddenly makes a u-turn and when Bobby's all, "Wha-at are you doing?" he says he needs to show him something that's distasteful, but necessary.

As Pam and Ray stroll along a nearby lake, she tells him that the Ewings aren't making her feel very welcome. Ray says, "There's something to be said for likes sticking alike" then pulls her into his arms and says that things between them used to be real good. He says, "We shoulda got hitched a long time ago" and instead of using this as an opportunity to lay out some reasonable boundaries, she tells him he's being sweet. Ray says it's probably too late for them, but Pam's like, "I dunno. I can't even think straight." (The hell?) Ray covertly checks his watch, then picks her up and jumps with her off of the dock they're standing on and into the frigid water. Pam shrieks with delight and playfully splashes him, which was the exact opposite reaction I would have expected. He tells her there's a nearby shack where he can build a fire that will warm them until their clothes dry, and Pam cluelessly giggles and says she definitely likes the sound of that.

Inside the shack, Ray has started a cozy fire and is prancing around shirtless while Pam is wrapped up in a blanket. If memory serves, Ray Krebbs enjoys walking around shirtless a lot throughout the series, which is rather over-confident of him, considering the sorry state of his pectoral muscles and abdomen. He gazes at Pam and coos, "You're so beautiful" then starts to get very touchy feely and asks her if she had a good time today. She blushingly says, "I had a real good time" then cocks her head when she hears a car approach. She looks out the window and sees that it's JR's car, and that - ack! - he's got Bobby with him. She glares at Ray suspiciously, finally gets a clue, and snaps, "This is a setup!" and Ray's all, "Wha-a?" and tries his best to look as though he has no idea what on earth she's talking about. Pam orders him to back up her story, or she'll tell everyone that he's been messing around with Lucy, who apparently blabbed to Pam all about their icky hookup. She glares at Ray and barks, "Back me up, and make it good."

As soon as JR and Bobby enter the shack, Ray hastily explains that Pam "fell" into the lake, so they came here to dry off. Pam tells Bobby that JR is behind all this: creating the appearance that she and Ray are getting it on. Bobby glares at his brother and asks, "Is this true? Did you arrange all this?" then rails about how Pam is his wife, blah blah. He starts to smack JR around, but Pam urges him to stop, so he backs away from his brother and defiantly declares, "Pam is going to stay my wife." As the two rush over to the car and drive off, JR and Ray stand in the doorway of the shack and stare after them. Ray apologizes to JR for fucking up his half-baked scheme, then says, "Couple more minutes.." but JR assures him it's all good and that it wasn't his fault. JR looks contemplative as he stares into space and says he underestimated the new Mrs. Ewing, but won't make that mistake again.