Recap: Donna and Kelly have accompanied Toni to a bridal boutique to purchase her gown. While Toni's in the fitting room, Donna remarks to Kelly that it must be weird watching Dylan go through the wedding process with someone else, but Kelly tells her it's a relief to no longer have to worry about her slouchy ex. Plus she thinks Toni is a good match for him, her being such a lonely person and all. Donna concurs and points out that they barely know the girl and here they are, helping her choose a wedding gown and planning her bachelorette party. Toni emerges from the dressing room with her gown in a garment bag, and apologizes to them about Dylan not wanting any guests at the ceremony. She hopes that Donna and Kelly don't feel snubbed, so they assure her they don't and tell her how much they're looking forward to the reception.
Marchette mansion. Tony summons his thug to get an update on Operation Kill Dylan. The thug assures him he has two of his men on it and that it'll look like a break-in. Tony nods in approval and remarks that Toni's due at his house soon, so she'll be out of the kill zone when the "break-in" goes down. (And I'm sure she won't be at all suspicious of her murderous pa when her husband-to-be turns up dead a day before the wedding.)
The two assassins enter a warehouse where a car is being stored. They open the trunk and pull out a couple of scary looking guns, so it looks like the hit on Dylan is starting to take shape. Eeek!
Dylan's house. Toni's about to head over to her father's place when the gang stops by to "kidnap" her and Dylan to whisk them away to their bachelor/bachelorette parties. Toni's thrilled with the idea of a party and happily goes off with the gals, and Dylan takes off with the guys just as the assassins pull onto his street. Eeek!
The Walsh house. Steve pours drinks for everyone (non-alcoholic iced tea for Dylan) and makes a toast. He says that this is the first time he's ever seen Dylan truly happy, and Brandon and David concur. After the toast, the four head over to the dining room to set up for a game of cards...and then wonder aloud what the gals are up to.
The gals, as it turns out, are being entertained by some well proportioned male strippers. Clare hands out cigars, and when an exaggeratedly pretend drunk Donna takes a long puff, Kelly laughs and says, "If your mom could see you now!" Clare asks Donna what that Rose Court photo thing with her mom was all about, but Donna shelves that storyline for now and breezily says she doesn't even wanna know. (Nor do I, but that's not going to prevent it from re-emerging in a future episode.)
Marchette mansion. Tony gets a phone call, alerting him that Operation Kill Dylan is temporarily on hold. A vexed Tony snaps, "If you can't take care of this, I'll get someone who can!" just as Bruno enters the room. Tony shoots him the stink-eye and snaps, "Don't you knock?" and asks why his daughter hasn't arrived yet. Bruno explains that a bunch of her little friends took her to a surprise bachelorette party. He then says he's going to pick her up tomorrow and transport her to the wedding, then expresses how tickled he is that their "little girl" is getting married. Tony, who clearly does not share this sentiment, gives Bruno a stony look and bids him a snappish good night.
The Walsh house. Brandon and Dylan are still playing cards...and Brandon blurts out that he wants to play for Dylan's motorcycle. The two talk about the wedding, and Brandon tells Dylan how surprised he is that he's actually getting married, and asks him if he can live with having Tony Marchette as his father-in-law. Dylan says he doesn't care about the man, but has high hopes that he'll die young. Brandon chides him for thinking like that, then says that Toni's totally worth all the headaches related to her murderous father. Dylan ends up winning the card game, and Brandon wryly announces that he gets to keep his bike after all. To cap off the night of male bonding, Dylan tells Brandon he's the best friend he's ever had, and thanks him for all the memories.
Beach house. The gals decide to make the bachelorette party into a sleepover...and just as they're about to hit the sack, stupid Ray drops by. Clare answers the door and tells him he's not, uh, welcome at their place anymore, but he still insists on talking to Donna. Donna reluctantly ambles over to the foyer, and Ray needlessly informs her that he's still going to therapy twice a week, then says he misses her and her friends. Say what?! Donna reminds him that when they were dating, all he did was rail about much he hated her friends (right!?), and he grumps back that he doesn't deserve the cold treatment he's been getting from her. Donna tells him she has to get back to her guests now, but Ray insists on coming inside "just for a minute". Donna finally gets suitably irked and threatens to slam the door in his face, and he tells her he refuses to give up on their relationship and warns, "You're either going to start listening to me, or I'm going to make your life miserable!" Looks like someone needs to double up on his therapy sessions. He storms off in his usual bitchy manner, and Donna wearily tells the gals she's sick of his nonsense, then announces she's going to bed. Back in the kitchen, Toni thanks Kelly for the bachelorette party and says she doesn't have much family, just like Dylan. Kelly tells her, "You do now" and lets her know that Brandon gave her the skinny on how her father had Jack McKay murdered in Season 3. Her advice to Toni: leave L.A. and stay far far away.
The next morning, Toni shows Donna and Kelly the bible that belonged to her mother and reads them the inscription. Incidentally, I wonder what happened to her mother - did Tony accidentally murder her? Bwaha! After the inscription reading, Kelly and Donna ensure that Toni has something old, borrowed, and blue, blah blah...and then off she goes to get dressed for the ceremony.
Dylan's house. Dylan is finishing getting dressed when Brandon arrives and says he has a telegram from Jim and Cindy (seriously - a telegram? Why not just email?). They write that they're proud of him and can't wait to meet his new bride. Brenda also sent a telegram, and says how special Toni must be to get a ring on her finger...and that the tedious Dylan/Brenda/Kelly love triangle is finally a thing of the past. Dylan thanks Brandon for breaking the news of his marriage to Brenda, since he was too much of a pussy to do it himself. He then perks up and says he feels great about getting married, and the two head out to the wedding venue.
Beach house. Toni is decked out in her wedding gown, looking radiantly beautiful. Tony drops by the beach house unannounced, and appears to be stunned by his daughter's beauty and tears up. Toni introduces Donna and Kelly to her pa, and they each mumble a polite hello before high-tailing it away from the known murderer. Tony asks his daughter to sit with him, then tells her he doesn't want her to go through with this wedding, so then she gets upset and moans, "Don't do this to me" and begs him to accept her choice. He tells her she's going to have a lifetime of misery if she weds Dylan, then says, "This marriage was made in hell, and I will not watch you go through with it." Toni glares at him and retorts, "You have made your hell, and now you're going to have to live in it." (Ack! Foreshadowing!) She then springs up from the couch and runs out onto the deck. Kelly comes out and asks her if she's OK, and then suddenly Bruno appears and rushes over to comfort Toni. He tells her she's the most important thing in his life right now, and that he'll proudly walk her down the aisle.
The wedding venue is a beautiful spot near the ocean, and the only people present are Dylan, Brandon, and the minister...and a four piece orchestra. A veiled Toni arrives with Bruno, and Dylan keeps his eyes fixed on her as she makes her way toward him. The ceremony gets underway immediately, and they exchange their own vows and declare their undying [unfortunate choice of words] love for each other. After the rings are placed on their respective fingers, the minister pronounces them husband and wife.
Reception. Brandon toasts the happy couple, declaring that marrying Toni is the smartest thing he's ever seen Dylan do. As they drink up, Dylan pulls Toni aside for a private moment and asks her why her pa didn't show up. She says he had a change of heart...and, oh yeah, begged and pleaded with her not to get married. She then brushes off her pa's disapproval and tells him her new husband makes her vewy happy.
When they arrive home later that night, they find a note from the gang, wishing them a lifetime of happiness...and when they go inside, they see that the house has been decorated all romantic-like with flower petals and candles everywhere. Dylan asks his new wife to dance, and the two sway together in front of the fire, looking very much in love.
The Walsh house. Susan asks Brandon how it felt watching Dylan get married, and Brandon says he's been feeling lonely now that people he loves keep moving away. First there was Brenda (ding dong the witch is gone!!), Ahn-drea (she's gone forever - yipppeeee!!), and his parents (they more than outlived their usefulness by Season 5). Susan tells him she'd like to stick around for awhile - and by for while, she means until their break-up at the end of Season 6 - and the two start making out. Elsewhere in the house, Donna sits on the stairs with Joe and is clutching Toni's bouquet (I guess she caught it) and says that maybe her luck is changing. Er...no, it's not. Joe tells her the tale about how he almost married his high school sweetheart, but dumped her when she started hanging out with a bad crowd and got too wild for his liking. Donna says she's happy things worked out the way they did, and they too start making out. Upstairs, Kelly canoodles with Colin and tells him she's genuinely happy for Dylan and Toni, who seem very well matched for each other.
Dylan's house. The next day, Dylan and Toni wake up at 4pm, and a few minutes later Nat and Steve arrive to wheel in a fancy cart filled with delicious snacks. They exchange a few pleasantries with the newlyweds, then quickly leave. Tony calls and insists to Dylan that they need to talk, and urges him to come over...and, oh yeah, he has a surprise for Toni. (Surprise! Your new husband just got shot to death!) Toni urges him to go see what her pa wants, so Dylan tells Tony he'll be at his mansion at 6pm. Over at the Marchette mansion, Bruno overhears the call and tells Tony he did good, and Tony fake admits he's going to have to get used to Dylan, him being his new son-in-law and all. The thug enters the room, so Bruno is summarily dismissed. Tony informs the thug that Dylan will be arriving at 6pm, and the thug says, "It's done." As he heads out, he runs into Bruno in the hallway outside Tony's office. Bruno happily remarks to the thug that Tony had a change of heart about Dylan, and wonders if maybe he'll give him a job...and the thug smirks and says, "If he makes it alive, he'll give him a job." Bruno stares after him in shock and rushes over to the nearest phone. He dials Dylan's number but gets a busy signal.. Back at Dylan's house, Toni tells Dylan she took the phone off the hook so that they could continue canoodling without further interruption. She tells him she's excited to leave town later that night, but is worried about Trouble the Kitty. She doesn't want to leave town without her, and orders Dylan to look around for the wayward feline.
Marchette mansion. Bruno tries calling Dylan's house again, but the line is still busy. He glances over at the clock and eeeeekkk!! it's already 5:30pm!! He calls the Peach Pit and gets a hold of Brandon and tells him that Tony put a hit out on Dylan. Brandon runs out (in the pouring rain), leaps in his car, and races over to Dylan's. Why didn't Bruno think to do this earlier?
Dylan's house. Dylan hasn't had any luck finding Trouble, and Toni is very worried she'll get cold and/or sick. He promises to continue looking and suggests that she head over to her pa's place and see what the "surprise" is. He reminds her not to take too long, since they have a plane to catch. She puts on a hooded raincoat, tells him she loves him, and jumps into his Porsche..
Brandon arrives and looks relieved to see Dylan still in one piece. He quickly tells him that Bruno called and said that something nefarious is up at Marchette's. Dylan pales and tells him that Toni already left to visit her pa...and the two rush out to follow her.
Toni's driving Dylan's Porsche in the pouring rain, and as she approaches her pa's estate, she suddenly gets cut off by a car in front, and then another car appears behind her. Confused, she mutters, "What the hell..?" just as the assassins draw their guns and open fire on her. Thinking she's Dylan, they repeatedly shoot at her, then get back into their cars and flee the scene. Brandon and Dylan arrive a few seconds later, and Dylan races over to his bullet-ridden Porsche, opens the door, and pulls a newly deceased Toni from the vehicle. He screams in agony and yells, "Look what they did to her, Brandon!" and cradles her in his arms, sobbing in the pouring rain.
Dylan's house. The next morning, Brandon tells Dylan he has to know that the bullets weren't meant for Toni...and of course Dylan knows this, but refuses to talk to the police. After all, nothing he says will bring her back. Brandon doesn't want him to let Tony get away with this atrocity on top of killing Jack, but Dylan ignores him and brusquely says, "Let's get this over with" - and by this, he means Toni's funeral.
Cemetery. Everyone has gathered together for the sad occasion, including Bruno and Tony. Brandon tells Kelly he thinks Dylan's about to crack...and Tony too looks broken as his daughter's casket is lowered into her grave. He gives Dylan a hard stare to get him to stare back, but Dylan ignores him and just keeps his eyes on the casket. When the minister is finished with the "Lord is my shepherd" prayer, Dylan picks up a handful of dirt and throws it onto his wife's casket. After that, Brandon urges him to leave, but Dylan mumbles that he has unfinished business and follows Tony as he saunters off in another area of the cemetery.
Tony outright blames him for his daughter's death, and Dylan's like, "Yo dude, your men are the ones who killed her." Tony pulls out the gun he's been concealing, hands it to Dylan, and orders him to shoot him. He mournfully says, "Anything I ever had to live for has been taken from me." Dylan takes the gun and points it at him, but quickly changes his mind. He says they're even, now that both Jack and Toni are gone. He drops the gun and says, "The killing is done" and walks away, leaving Tony looking completely decimated.
Back at the house, Dylan packs up his things. He glances over toward the window and sees Toni's wedding gown on a hanger, and goes over to it and touches it and presses his face against it. Suddenly he hears a faint meow and finds Trouble on the back patio. He sinks to the floor, cuddles the tiny kitty and starts sobbing...and I'll be honest, I kinda lost it here too.
The Peach Pit. The gang is sitting at a table, looking very somber. They wonder what Dylan will do now, and assume he'll want to leave town. They all agree that life is fragile, and that they're going to miss their slouchy friend.
Brandon arrives at Dylan's house just as Dylan is loading up his motorcycle, with the kitten (in a crate) fastened on the back seat. He tells Brandon he's hittin' the road, and that he may never come back (he does, albeit not until Season 9). He asks Brandon to lock up the place, then tosses him his keys. The two BFFs shake hands for the last time on the series, and then Dylan mounts his bike and off he rides, into the sunset.
Godspeed, Slouchy! Godspeed..