Recap: Gina needles Noah about how "impressed" she is that he feels no guilt about what happened between them on the night of the photo booth photos. Or didn't happen. She won't say for sure if they bumped uglies, and somehow Noah refrains from smacking her smug mug for keeping this maddening did we?/didn't we? subplot going for so long. Over in the kitchen, David tells Donna he's glad that she and Noah worked things out, and Donna says she's choosing to believe that the photos of Noah and Gina kissing don't mean anything. Lauren and Matt come downstairs and start regaling everyone with the story of their wedding - snorefest - and while that's happening, Kelly comes over to drop off a sleeping bag for Steve, who needs it for an upcoming camping trip. She looks sad and left out when she sees everyone gathered around, happily chatting. Lauren invites her to come in, have some food and stay awhile, but Kelly mumbles that she has to go, and then flees - which naturally prompts Dylan to run after her. He acknowledges that this is an uncomfortable situation for everyone, and she's like, "No duh" and nonsensically accuses him of not being on her side.
The Beverly Beat. Steve and Janet are partnering with the Super Brothers and Super Sisters charity to mentor two teenagers during a weekend camping trip. Janet reminds Steve that camping means they're going to have to rough it in the woods...and a few seconds later, the two teenagers - a stoner dude named Stewart and a Goth chick named Marianne - arrive at the newsroom. They appear to dislike each other intensely.
Casa David. Gina overhears Dylan reserve the Presidential Suite at the Bel Age Hotel, and smiles when she assumes that he's planning a romantic night for the two of them...but then gets pissy when she hears him put the reservation in Matt's/Lauren's name. Dylan explains that he owes Matt for defending him in court, and wanted to do something nice for him, like give him and his wife the honeymoon they were never able to have. Gina snarls that if he were booking a room for the two of them, he'd probably just rent it by the hour...and Dylan looks bewildered by her constant fucking bitchitude about everything all the time, and refrains from bringing up her sex-crazed behavior during the 'topless in a public parking lot incident' that occurred in the previous episode. She glares at him hatefully as she storms out of the apartment.
After Dark. Noah thanks David for convincing Donna to forgive him for the photo booth photos...and explains again that he was so drunk he doesn't remember what happened that night, but is pretty sure he might have possibly doinked Gina. David cuts him off and says he doesn't want to get involved in their tedious drama, but promises not to tell Donna what he just told him and will let him worry about confessing his sins.
Campsite. Marianne is slicing her arm and licking her blood - gross - when Janet suddenly spots a black bear ambling towards them. Everyone quickly retreats to the car as the bear waddles behind them, delighted to find the big bag of food that Steve left on the hood of the car for "safe keeping". Well done, bonehead.
After Dark. David and Kelly are in the DJ booth, taking calls from listeners who have love-related questions...and Kelly's answers are tinged with the bitterness she's currently feeling over the Matt and Lauren Situation. It remains unclear why this would be considered entertainment for the After Dark club goers who I'm sure would rather they just played some music. Donna discusses the Matt and Lauren Situation with Noah, and remarks how hard it would be for her to be very forgiving about lying and cheating. Noah files that tidbit away, decides against confessing, and asks her if she'd be interested in moving in with him. She cries, "Yes!" and gives him a big smooch.
The Walsh house. Matt is playing Hawaiian music as he packs his bags for his and Lauren's romantic getaway to the Bel Age Hotel, courtesy of Dylan. Lauren sadly shuffles into the room and tells him she was just at the doctor's. Apparently, her white blood cell count is way down, and the doctor has ordered her to stop taking her medication, which means that her schizophrenia will quickly re-surface. She starts crying as Matt stares quizzically into space.
Campsite. Janet and Steve wake up in the car and are alarmed when Stewart and Marianne are nowhere to be found. They search the campsite and breathe a sigh of relief when they find the two sitting in some tall grass, making out.
Kelly and Dylan are ambling around town, gabbling about the emptiness that is their lives when they come upon a '59 Thunderbird with a for sale sign on it. Dylan gives the car an appreciative once-over and says he has an uncle who owned a car exactly like this. He mumbles about how he needs something to get him up in the mornings...other than his regular grinding sessions with Gina, which seem to be getting old fast.
David drops by the beach house looking for Kelly, and Donna says she's out. She tells him she's still waiting for his invitation to join him on his radio show, then reminds him how great they were together when they DJed at West Beverly High. He asks her how she's doing after her talk with Noah, and she chirps, "Great!" and talks in riddles for a few seconds until it becomes clear that she's referring to her and Noah moving in together. David quickly deduces that Noah hasn't yet confessed his "cheating", and congratulates her on their relationship's milestone.
Steve takes Stewart aside and tells him he'll meet lots of great women in his life, and that they'll probably all drive him crazy. Janet, meanwhile, warns Marianne to beware of hooking up with the wrong guys 'cause they'll bring her nothing but heartache. Steve tells Stewart he's in love with someone who thinks he's a moron, and Janet moans to Marianne about how in love with a moron she is.
Casa David. Dylan finds a red note from Kelly that has been placed under the front door and is attached to a giant ribbon that leads to the nearby garage, where the '59 Thunderbird is parked. Dylan looks touched by the insanely extravagant gesture and murmurs, "Thank you." Who the hell buys their friend a car for no real reason? And with what money did Kelly buy it? I figured she would have sunk all of her cash into the boutique, which can't be doing that well just selling Donna Martin originals.
Matt and Lauren are meeting with her doctor. He warns her that if she continues taking clozapine, she'll go septic and her organs will start to shut down - probably in as little as two to three weeks. And unfortunately, once she goes off the meds, she'll likely suffer a schizophrenic episode within a week [and start acting like Gina]. Lauren insists on continuing with the medication, but the doctor refuses to prescribe anymore of the pills to her...and when Matt asks him what their options are, he doesn't really get anything in the way of a helpful answer.
After Dark. Noah is doing some paperwork at the bar when Gina slithers up to him and says she heard from Donna that they're looking at apartments together, and he snarls back that everything that comes out of her mouth always sounds like a threat. She warns him against telling Donna about "what really happened" between them that night - just as Donna enters the club. Noah shoos Gina away and gives Donna a kiss, tells her he cancelled their house-hunting appointments for the night, and that he has reason to believe he boned Gina the night they took those photo booth photos. Bwahaha! Donna glares at him, barks, "We're over!" and storms away.
Beach house. Donna returns home looking for Gina, and Kelly tells her she's not home. She asks Donna if she wouldn't mind filling in for her on David's radio show, then tells her that Noah left lots of messages to call him back. Donna informs her that she and Noah just broke up, and that she needs to get in touch with her slutty cousin asap.
After Dark. An anguished Noah tells Gina he couldn't stand not being honest with Donna, so he told her about their ugly bumping, and - no surprise - she promptly dumped him. Gina gleefully cackles and tells him they didn't actually have sex, but rather "an intense night together". Noah's all, "Wha-a??" and accuses her of playing mind games with him because of how jealous she is of Donna. Gina snaps back that she never actually used the word sex when describing their activities that night, and smugly adds, "Your subconscious desires are your problem!" and flounces off.
The Peach Pit. Matt and Lauren are sitting at a table, mulling over their glum situation. Matt mumbles that he doesn't want to lose her again, and she tells him he's going to have to move on once she's re-institutionalized. Dylan enters the diner and asks them how their stay in the Presidential Suite went, and Lauren tells him they weren't able to go, but is grateful for the offer...then tearfully flees to the ladies room. Matt explains to Dylan that they just learned from the doctor that Lauren's meds are killing her, and that her schizophrenia will most certainly return after she stops taking them. He refers to her schizophrenic episodes as "a fate worse than death" ... and Dylan stares solemnly into space, no doubt thinking about Toni's bullet-riddled body, and mutters, "There's no such thing."
Campsite. As Steve tries to light the barbecue, Janet calls him dense for wasting so many matches and he snaps back at her to cut him some slack. When he finally gets the barbecue lit, it starts raining heavily and the two flee to the car.
The Peach Pit. Kelly seats herself beside Dylan at the counter and smugly tells him she heard that Matt's and Lauren's romantic Bel Age getaway didn't go as planned. Dylan tells her the two have a lot going on right now, then spills the beans about Lauren's med problems. Kelly stares dully into space as she processes that, then says she feels really really bad about her bitchy smugness just now. Gina flounces over and tells Dylan she needs to talk to him, so Kelly gets up and sits elsewhere. Gina asks him what they were just talking about, and he mutters, "Personal stuff", and Gina gets all riled up about how he's a confidante to Kelly and cupid to Lauren and Matt - but nothing to her. She then pulls out Kelly's red note and asks him if there's something blossoming between the two of them she needs to know about...and if so, she'll accept it and walk away. Yippee!! But instead of taking this golden opportunity to put a merciful end to this toxic hookup, Dylan shrugs and says, "It's just a note" then urges her to come outside with him. He shows her his new Thunderbird and says it's just the thing he needs to help him get his life on track. He then dangles the keys in front of her and invites her to go for a ride, and she gets behind the wheel, snaps up the keys and races off, leaving him eating her dust in the parking lot.
After Dark. Donna is in the DJ booth with David, answering listener calls instead of just playing some damn music that the bored looking clubbers milling around the dance floor could boogy to. They answer a call from a woman who gets butterflies every time she runs into her ex, and Donna coyly glances over at David and agrees that that happens [to her] a lot. After the call, Donna recounts to David that time in high school when she got so nervous she started hyperventilating on the air, and everyone thought they were "doing it", and tells him she appreciated how sweet he was about protecting her reputation as a sainted virgin. Mmm...nope, don't recall that happening during Seasons 1-3. David gets back on the air and throws out this nugget for his listeners to chew on: "Can ex-lovers remain friends?" then gives his opinion on the matter: when it's over, it's over.
Steve and Janet have given up on camping in the rain and are parked at a nearby motel, inside which Stewart and Marianne are fast asleep. Janet is irked at Steve for insisting they take the easy way out by driving to the motel, then criticizes him for always taking the easy way out. Steve looks hurt and tells her she's being harsh, and she snarks back that she has to be 'cause it's hard for her to get over him when he's always in her face...then looks momentarily horrified that she just said that out loud. As the two swig booze from mini bar bottles, Janet mellows and tells Steve that he's really good with the teenagers...and Steve explains that he's always in her face 'cause he likes it so much. The two stare at each other in wonderment, then start going at it.
Beach house. Donna arrives home and finds Noah waiting on the patio for her. He tells her there's been a misunderstanding and that he didn't doink Gina after all...then begs her to confirm this with Gina herself. Donna coldly says she doesn't believe him, doesn't care, and doesn't want to rehash this tiresome subplot anymore...and then storms inside.
Steve and Janet wake up the next morning, spooning in the back seat of the car. He tells her that when they get home he wants them to officially be a couple, then starts smooching her again. A few seconds later, Stewart and Marianne knock on the window, give them a congratulatory thumbs-up at the sight of their canoodling, and tell them they had a great weekend.
Kelly finds Matt sitting in the mall courtyard, and apologizes for being so selfish and cunty lately. She tells him that Dylan clued her in regarding Lauren's health problems, and that she wants to be a friend. She asks him if there's anything she can do, and he clutches her hand and says, "You're already doing it."
Beach house. Gina sneaks into the apartment to retrieve her pager - and Donna, who's been waiting out her return, confronts her about the Noah debacle. Gina tells her that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding, but Donna accuses her of purposely misleading Noah in order to hurt her. Gina just shrugs and grabs her pager and heads for the door...and Donna cackles bitterly about how she was always taught to pity her, then blurts out, "Lying bitch!" and calls her "nothing but trash". Gina shoots her the stink-eye as she storms out.
The Walsh house. Matt and Lauren sit outside and stare up at the stars. She says she's so tired of being filled with anger and frustration, then tells him she only has three pills left. Matt suggests they find a way to get her the meds she needs without going through official channels...but then has to admit he has no idea how to go about doing that. He pulls out a set of plane tickets to Venice so they can celebrate a second honeymoon in Europe, and she woots happily as the two exchange I love yous.
Casa David. Kelly and Dylan are sitting on the front porch playing Battleship. She tells him she offered her help and friendship to Matt during this very dark time, then asks him where Gina is. He grimaces and says they're taking a much needed break, then starts nattering about how badly he needs some focus on his life. He then declares that he's only ever been able to connect with two people in his life: Kelly and Toni. Not Brenda? Ouch. Kelly smiles smugly, and then sinks one of his battleships.
Beach house. David drops by to check on Donna, and she assures him she's fine...then cancels that and says it's just what she's been telling herself. He brings up his on air question about ex-lovers being friends, says, "I lied", then plants a big smooch on her.
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11/2/2018 07:16:47 pm
1. I love your reviews.
2/6/2020 04:16:04 pm
The Lauren story arc frustrates me to no end. While I'm amazed that the 90210 writers actually got a lot of the ins and outs of Clozapine correct, they are pretty far from the mark on schizophrenia. I've worked with a lot of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and they all lived their lives as part of their community. It's not an automatic trip to the psychiatric hospital.
5/31/2020 03:53:41 pm
I'm pretty sure Marianne was putting ketchup on her wrist and licking it off. For the same effect though.
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