Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 8, Episode 7

"This is pretty much exactly what it looks like."

"Toil and Trouble"
Original airdate: 10/29/1997

Episode summary: When Valerie's two-timing is discovered by Noah and Cooper, she goes from having two boyfriends to having none. A desperate David forges his name on one of Donna's checks to pay the rent on the After Dark. Brandon and Kelly bump uglies everywhere they go.

---

Recap: Brandon finishes his shower at the exact same time he always finishes his shower, which prompts Kelly to complain about how regimented he is about his morning routine. Brandon says he likes being predictable, but Kelly argues that predictability has made their lives boring and risk-free. She says they're twenty-two and should act more like it, but Brandon argues he'll take boring and risk-free over the kind of immature and reckless decisions twenty-two year olds tend to make. Kelly mutters that he's sooo vanilla, and Brandon perks up and says, "I like vanilla." I like it too, Brandon. It's elegant in its simplicity.

David is toting Donna around in his jeep while he runs errands. She's gabbling about a job interview she has with a potential client: Mrs. Garibaldi, widow of famous fashion designer Morton Garibaldi. David pulls up to the LA Phone Center to pay his bill and orders Donna to stay put in the car (so she won't put two and two together about how broke he is). After some annoying back and forth, she reluctantly agrees to stay in the jeep.

The phone guy tells David his phone service has been disconnected, which means he'll need to pay a re-connection fee, along with all the late fees and taxes he incurred. David hands him a credit card, which is promptly rejected...as is the second card he gives him. Luckily, the third card's a charm, and the phone guy is processing the payment just as Donna bounds inside to see whassup. David tells her it's all good and quickly ushers her out of there.

The Peach Pit. Nat, Hilary Swank, and the rest of the diner staff are busy serving the lunch crowd. Steve, who's sitting at the counter, flirtily banters with Hilary Swank and then invites her to the Harvest Moon Ball - a swanky black tie event that Kelly's employer, The Foundation, is throwing. She mulls it over for a few seconds and accepts his invitation, then shoots him a big toothy smile while Steve grins back happily.  

Donna shows her design sketches to Mrs. Garibaldi, who squeals, "I love them!" but asks her to put a pin in that for now 'cause what she really needs Donna to do is put together a Friday night seance. Apparently, she hid all of her jewelry around the house so it wouldn't get stolen - but, unfortunately, she can't seem to remember where she put her diamond bracelet. To that end, she wants Donna to arrange for a psychic to connect with her dead husband and ask him if he has any idea where it is. Donna looks dismayed by the bizarre request, but gamely accepts the challenge 'cause, really, what else does she have going on in her life at the moment?

Cooper and Valerie arrive at a fancy restaurant, and he starts gabbling about eating pheasant and sometimes feeling guilty about being wealthy. Valerie says she can't imagine feeling guilty about money, but then points out she's never really had any. Cooper invites her to be his plus one for the Harvest Moon Ball, and she hems and haws about accepting his invitation until he hands her a jewelry case that contains a very sparkly diamond necklace. She gasps, "Oh my God!", remembers how much she prefers dating men with money over men who have no money, and agrees to be his date.

After Dark. As David pores over his club's dismal finances, the landlord of the After Dark building drops by to snarkishy inform him that his rent is two weeks late, and that this is now the fourth month in a row he hasn't paid on time. David apologizes and assures her she'll get it soon, but she doesn't buy it and says he has until tomorrow morning to cough up the dough. David whines about the "dry spell" he's been enduring, but she doesn't give a rat's ass about his problems and reminds him that his lease is up next month and that it'll be increasing by 15%. Haha! She snaps, "Tomorrow morning!" and stalks out. A few seconds later, Donna enters the club and asks who that was, and David fibs and says she was just a wine vendor. Donna excitedly tells him she just got a new client, but that she's kind of a kook.

Boat. Noah's financial adviser, Albert, is trying to get Noah to discuss his portfolio, but he isn't interested and says he'd rather discuss baseball while eating macaroni and cheese directly out of the saucepan. Albert warns him there's a lot of money at stake, but Noah tells him to just invest the cash however he sees fit. Albert gives up and heads out just as Valerie arrives. She asks Noah who "the guy in the suit" was, and he fibs and says it was just some guy who wants him to work on his boat. She then stares derisively at the macaroni and cheese saucepan he's eating out of and calls him a Neanderthal.

The Walsh house. Kelly tells Brandon she's very impressed by the elaborate dinner he prepared for her, and Brandon explains that he's just trying to break up their monotonous routine. She apologizes for her earlier bitchitude 'bout that, then takes a bite of something and says his cooking is very good. She plops herself onto his lap and starts hand feeding him...until the two eye each other hornily, then glance at the table while raising their brows knowingly. Oh no. They suddenly shove all the food, plates, and cutlery out of their way and start getting it on atop the table...cause, yeah, that's a super comfortable surface to bump uglies on.

Beach house. Donna is doing her best to line up a psychic, but none of them specializes in finding lost jewelry...or is even willing to pretend they specialize in finding lost jewelry in order to make some easy money. David, meanwhile, is bellyaching about needing a headliner for the After Dark to boost his club's sagging business - but Donna doesn't give much of a rat's ass about that and reminds him that they're going to the Harvest Moon Ball later. She says he needs to pick up his tuxedo by 5pm, and he's like, "Yeah yeah", promises to take care of it, and heads out.

The Walsh house. Steve stares with dismay at the post-coitus mess in the dining room and asks Brandon and Kelly if they were robbed. The two wink conspiratorially at each other and say no, and Brandon needlessly explains that their horniness prevented them from making it upstairs. Steve doesn't buy it and says he can't imagine them doinking anywhere but in the comfort of their bedroom, and Brandon furrows his furry brows and complains to Kelly that everyone thinks they're Ozzie and Harriet. Please. Even Ozzie and Harriet were 100x more exciting than these two dullards. Valerie and Noah arrive, and a few seconds later Val gets a page from Cooper and rushes upstairs to return the call. Once she's out of earshot, Kelly tells Noah she has an extra ticket to the Harvest Moon Ball, and Noah scrunches his face in confusion and is all, "Wuh? Ball?" Kelly says she's surprised that Valerie didn't mention the event to him, and Noah heads upstairs to ask Valerie whaddup with that while Brandon murmurs, "There could be trouble."

Noah asks Valerie why she didn't mention the ball, so she says she knows he's not into attending formal parties...and he mulls that over and nods in agreement. She tells him she's planning on going, but only 'cause her client gave her a ticket as a tip.

Bank. The loan specialist tells David the bank won't loan him anything 'cause he lacks the financial stability and basic common sense they require. She explains that since he doesn't actually own the After Dark building, he doesn't have any assets that can be used as collateral - and all that electronic equipment inside the club doesn't count. David tells her he has a classic car [that his grandfather stupidly left the ungrateful nitwit in his will], but she looks unimpressed and advises him to sell the thing if he needs a quick infusion of cash.

The Beverly Beat. An attractive woman named Alanna, who identifies herself as a witch, flirts with Steve and says she wants to place an ad in the paper. She offers to give him a free sample of her home-brewed love potion, but Steve declines and brusquely tells her he'll get back to her with their advertisement rates. After she leaves, Brandon teases Steve about how admirably he restrained himself from hooking up with the hot witch, and remarks that Hilary Swank must have really gotten to him. 

Beach house. Donna loans Hilary Swank a black evening gown with spaghetti straps for the ball. Hilary Swank thanks her, then natters about how she had to drop out of college 'cause it was too hard to attend classes and take care of a one year old. No duh. This is generally why birth control is so popular among the early twenties crowd.

Kelly calls Brandon at The Beverly Beat and tells him she can't stop thinking about their doinkfest last night. She jokes that he should "cook" for her more often, and he's like, "Can do." The two make plans to rush home asap to get it on again, since apparently the writers have abandoned giving these two anything resembling a storyline in this episode.

After Dark. David arrives at his club to find a red Notice of Eviction on the door, which also has a giant padlock on it. He's all, "Noooooo!!", rips off the red notice, and scrunches his stubbly face in misery.

The Beverly Beat. Kelly drops by to dry hump Brandon, and Steve makes a face and asks whassup with their relentless horniness. Donna, meanwhile, complains about how hard it is to find a psychic who specializes in lost jewelry, and Steve suggests she call Alanna the Good Witch. Donna perks up at the lead, calls the witch, and books her for a Friday night seance.

Garibaldi house. Donna is dirty and ragged from searching the house for her client's missing diamond bracelet. Alanna pretends to summon the ghost of Mortie Garibaldi, who promptly "channels himself" through her so he can inform his widow that the bracelet is in the pool drain. Mrs. Garibaldi says she's never put anything there, but her fake dead husband insists that she search there. Donna puts her foot down and says she's not diving into the pool to check the drain, and instead asks Mrs. Garibaldi about the last time she wore the bracelet. Mrs. Garibaldi thinks hard and recalls that she wore it to a wedding...and that the clasp broke, so she put it in her purse. Donna is thrilled about helping solve The Mystery of the Lost Bracelet, but is less than thrilled to learn that Mortimer "Mortie" Garibaldi isn't the same person as Morton Garibaldi, the famous fashion designer. Turns out Mortie Garibaldi was just the owner of a chain of dry cleaning shops. Womp womp!

Steve arrives at Hilary Swank's apartment to pick her up for the ball and has cute banter with Zack. Hilary Swank emerges from her bedroom decked out in Donna's sleek black evening gown, and Steve gives her an appreciative once-over and is all, "Wow!" She tells him they need to drop off Zack at her mother's place, just in case they're "out too late". Mmm hmm..

Boat. Valerie is decked out in her evening gown, and Noah tells her she looks hot, but reiterates that he's definitely not a black tie kind of guy. She shoots him a long, meaningful stare and asks him if he's in this for the long run, and he vaguely tells her he doesn't have any plans to go anywhere and gives her a big smooch.

Beach house. Donna urges a despondent looking David to put his tuxedo on and get ready for the ball. She hands him a jewelry box and explains that Mrs. Garibaldi gave her a bonus for helping her find her bracelet. David opens it and is annoyed by the expensive looking cuff links inside and bitches at her for blowing her money on something so frivolous. Donna looks offended and explains that she was merely trying to put him in a better mood, so he snaps, "You shouldn't have!" then mumbles something about how he's got stuff to handle. He says he'll meet up with her at the ball and abruptly leaves while Donna stares after him looking sad.

Harvest Moon Ball. Brandon and Kelly are in the hotel's elevator, making a spectacle of themselves as they lock lips and rub up against each other. Get a damn room.

David paces around the beach house, glaring at the red Notice of Eviction he pulled off the After Dark door. He spots Donna's checkbook on the kitchen counter and a horrible idea begins to formulate in his tiny brain. He removes a blank check and forges Donna's signature to it. 

In the next scene, David meets up with his landlord at the After Dark and gives her the forged check to cover the rent. The landlord looks at it warily and asks, "Who's Donna Martin?" but then accepts it and grants him a temporary reprieve. She warns him that if next month's rent is even one day late, she's pulling the plug on his lease.

Harvest Moon Ball. Steve and Hilary Swank chat with Brandon and Kelly...and they all gush about how awesome each other looks, blah blah. Kelly notices Valerie dancing with Cooper and remarks how surprised she is by their coziness. Cooper tries to plant a smooch on Valerie, but she dodges his lips and says she's in the mood for some champagne. As he toddles off to get some, Donna arrives at the ball and runs into Noah, who has decided to surprise Valerie by showing up unannounced.

Hilary Swank tells Steve she needs to leave the ball, like pronto, because Zack has been vomiting non-stop. She tells Steve she'll call a cab, but he gives her a funny look and insists on going with her to pick up the tot and then take them both home. 

Noah finds Valerie standing on the dance floor and kisses her bare shoulder just as Cooper returns with a bottle of champagne. He introduces himself to Noah, who doesn't look pleased that Cooper Hargrove isn't the 80 year old man Valerie claimed he was. Noah glares at the diamond necklace around her neck and snappishly says to Cooper, "It must have cost you a lot" and Valerie just sheepishly stares into space as Noah angrily storms off. Cooper asks who that was, and she weakly replies, "No one" but Cooper retorts, "He certainly looks like someone. A major someone." He says he has no interest in taking second place to any man and stalks off, leaving Valerie standing alone on the dance floor.   

Steve accompanies Hilary Swank to her apartment...and after she tucks Zack into bed, she and Steve canoodle on the couch for some bland chit-chat. Steve says he loooves how devoted she is to her bowl-shaped hairdo kid, and she says she loooves him more than anything in the world. Yawn. These two are almost as exciting as Brandon and Kelly in this episode. Speaking of whom..

Kelly and Brandon are in bed, going at it again...baum chicka baum. Ugh. Enough already.

Beach house. David is lounging on the patio, guzzling a beer, when Donna returns home from the ball. She glares at him, then bitches about how he didn't show up at an event that was very important to her. He explains that he has a [failing] business to run - but she argues that his business is running his life and that they're never on the same schedule anymore. She advises him to sell that wretched money pit and make her a priority in his life...and when he doesn't retort, she shoots him the stink-eye and angrily flounces inside. Breakup: imminent. Hurray!