Recap: Kelly and Brandon are making out on the couch when Noah calls to inform them that Donna overdosed and is being rushed to the hospital.
Hospital. The ER staff is wheeling Donna into a trauma room, and they order Noah to stay in the waiting room while they attempt to revive the nitwit.
Dr. Martin and the 90210 gang have arrived at the hospital. Noah blabs to everyone about how Donna has been mixing uppers and downers...and David gets angry and blames him for not doing anything to stop her. Noah explains that he wasn't aware of her pill popping until very recently, and did plead with her to stop. David snarks back that she was probably self-medicating 'cause of how stressed she was about the rape trial, and Noah tells him that Josh (and not he) was the one who roofied Valerie...but David just glares at him and snaps, "You still cheated on her." OK, Mr. Sanctimonious. I seem to recall you doing some cheating on Donna of your own during the Season 4 finale when she caught you in mid-doink with Ariel Hunter in the back of a limo. So there.
A few hours later, Donna regains consciousness. [Damn you: life-saving medical personnel.] The doctor who worked on her tells her they pumped her stomach, and that since there's no serious damage she can go home in a couple of days. The doctor tells her she'll set her up with drug counselling sessions and prescribe an anti-depressant, but Donna snarks, "I'm not an addict!" Dr. Martin says he'd like her to stay at Casa Martin for awhile so that he and Felice can keep their eagle eyes on her. He then says he wishes she had come to him about her pill popping problem, and Donna explains that she was on a drug-induced rollercoaster ride she didn't want to end...plus, she didn't want him to see how hopelessly strung out she had become. She tells him that Josh kept her supplied with uppers, then admits to stealing pills from the Wyatt Clinic...and Dr. Martin just shakes his head in dismay.
Dr. Martin informs the 90210 gang that Donna is going to be OK, then tells Kelly she's been asking for her. Valerie arrives and checks in with Noah, then tells him she talked to her lawyer about her options regarding the Josh/Roofie Situation. Noah promises to help her in any way he can.
Kelly tells Donna that Noah was the one who found her and called 911 - and were it not for him, she'd probably be dead. [Damn you: quick thinking boyfriend.] She then lectures Donna about how she needs to fully recognize the seriousness of her problem, and Donna once again snarks, "I'm not an addict!" Kelly argues, "Your body thinks you are" and tells her that when she was in rehab, she had to freeze out all the people in her life who were destructive influences (e.g. Cokehead Colin). She says she likes Noah and all, but if she feels the need to do drugs while she's with him, she may want to consider ending that chemistry-free relationship so he can hook up with someone who's far less of a train wreck. Donna stares mutely into space as she mulls that over.
Frank Saunders is trying to convince David to hitch his star to Cue 5 Records by showing him a swanky beach house, aka the first step in his fabulous new life as a rock star. After having seen and heard David perform his "music" many times on Beverly Hills, 90210, it boggles the mind why any record company executive would be working this hard to snap him up. David explains that he's currently in a mopey mood 'cause his good friend overdosed last night, and Frank advises him to focus on himself and his upcoming recording session in front of a live audience. David perks up at that and thanks Frank for all of his support.
The Beverly Beat. A smitten Steve is reading love letters from a woman named Jill to a man named Ted, which continue to be delivered to the newsroom 'cause apparently Ted used to work in the building. This sounds like a subplot that maybe should have stayed on the editing room floor.
Brandon meets with Jasper to discuss the David/Band Debacle, and remarks on how fast things appear to move in the music industry. Jasper says he suspects Cue 5 Records of bribing the radio station to give David's shittastic song a lot of (undeserved) airplay...and Brandon furrows his brows and contemplatively mulls over the total likelihood of that claim.
Wyatt Clinic. Kelly leads a heavily pregnant teenaged Jessica Alba to an exam room. She asks her if there's anyone they can call, and Jessica Alba says there isn't. Kelly promises they'll get her to the hospital pronto, then rushes out to get Dr. Martin, who's arguing with Felice on the phone about their druggie daughter. When he finally hangs up, Kelly informs him that a young girl is about to go into labor - but when the two head over to the exam room, they're surprised to see that the pregnant teen has vanished.
Valerie and David are hanging out on the deck of the swanky beach house, drinking beer and canoodling. When David gets a tad amorous, Valerie flinches and tells him she's not ready for her first post-roofie doink. She wails, "How can I forget a night I can't even remember?!" and hopes she'll be able to get her head screwed on straight before the end credits start rolling.
As Kelly leaves the clinic for the day, she's startled to find a newborn baby, tucked inside a box, sitting on the doorstep. She glances around the empty streets, then picks up the tiny tot.
Beach house. Kelly has taken the infant home with her [which is probably not legal] and is cuddling him when Brandon comes over to deliver a supply of baby stuff. She correctly guesses that the baby is Jessica Alba's, and Brandon's like whatever and implores her to call Social Services, like fucking asap. Kelly insists that Jessica Alba deserves a second chance and doesn't want to involve any government agencies until she's given the teen ample opportunity to reclaim her baby.
The Walsh house. Noah drops by to inform Valerie that Josh was charged with possession of an illegal drug and sentenced to one year in prison. He invites her to come back to work at the After Dark - but this causes her to wig out, and she snaps, "I'm a victim!" and self-pityingly yammers about how she can't just pretend as though nothing happened.
Brandon tells Steve about Jasper's theory regarding David's implausible overnight success as a music icon. Steve says that maybe Jasper is bitter 'cause of how much the radio station liked David's horrible crooning. Janet pops over to deliver another mis-addressed love letter from Jill...and Steve looks intrigued, but says he's bummed that he'll probably never get a chance to meet her. If only this outcome were possible on scripted television.
Donna returns to work and admits to her boss that she stole Danielle's designs while she was strung out on painkillers and uppers. She promises to make it up to him, but he says he can't possibly keep her employed after that admission and that he has no choice but to fire her. Haha!
The Peach Pit. Brandon is interviewing a radio station employee about David's song getting an inordinate amount of airplay, and asks if there was any financial incentive to overplay the grisly tune. The guy shiftily says he wouldn't know anything 'bout that, but then a few seconds later admits it's definitely possible that someone was getting a kickback for giving the song so much attention. He then asks what the problem is, since the frequent airplay helped make his friend into a success.
Wyatt Clinic. Dr. Martin arrives and looks dismayed when he sees Kelly cooing over the abandoned infant. He wants to call Child Welfare immediately, but Kelly urges him to hold off until she can get a hold of the tot's mother. Dr. Martin reminds her that he has legal responsibilities that need to be adhered to, then agrees to give her until 3pm.
Kelly goes to Jessica Alba's house, and it's clear that the teenager's mother knew nothing of her daughter's pregnancy. When Kelly gets a moment alone with Jessica Alba, she implores her to not abandon her baby. Jessica Alba whines that she's only sixteen and didn't want to tell her mother about the bun in her oven 'cause she's a total nightmare and wouldn't have handled the news well. Kelly wails, "This is your son!" but Jessica Alba just shrugs, says, "Sorry", and darts back into the house.
David is at a club somewhere, setting up his equipment for his upcoming performance. Brandon drops by to tell him about all the shady goings on with the excessive amount of airplay his craptastic song got so soon after it was recorded. Frank overhears his allegations and denies any wrongdoing - and Brandon ignores him and tells David he needs to know what kind of people he's getting into business with. A random groupie comes over and gigglingly asks David if he'd give her his autograph on her navel...which, OK. Brandon glares at Frank and tells him he can run the story without or without his input, and Frank points out that if he runs it, it might ruin his friend's career.
Kelly tells Dr. Martin she called Child Services, and he credits her for giving the matter her best shot, illegal as her efforts may have been. Kelly says she'd like to press charges against Jessica Alba (say what?!), but Dr. Martin nixes that nonsensical idea and tells her that people sometimes let you down in life - e.g. his druggie daughter - but it doesn't mean you should completely give up on them. Kelly's former boss at the Foundation arrives at the clinic, explains that she now works for Child Welfare, and says she's here to collect the baby. She informs Kelly that the birth mother will have up to one year to claim the child - and if she chooses not to, the foster parents will have the option to adopt him or put him into the pool for open adoption. Kelly accusingly snarks about how horribly that process sucks, and that she's not giving the baby's rights as much weight as those of his deadbeat mother. Don't bitch at the messenger, moron.
David tells Valerie how bummed he is about Brandon's accusations, and she breezily reminds him that tonight is his big night and that he should just put it out of his mind. He thanks her for being so supportive and leans in to smooch her, but she gets all skittish again and says that intimacy continues to be a big deal to her.
The Beverly Beat. Steve tells Brandon he doesn't think it's that big of a deal if David benefitted from a radio station who was bribed to overplay his craptastic music. Brandon disagrees and says (with a straight face) that David doesn't need that kind of help 'cause of how talented he is - bwahaha! - and worries that there will always be a "question mark hanging over him". Janet delivers another letter from Jill - arg - and Steve rips it open, reads it, and says it looks like Jill is going to be in Los Angeles tomorrow. He says that, based on her letters, she could be the woman he's been searching for his whole life. Yay! I'll start to hold my breath now.
David is on stage, scrunching his face in deep concentration as he performs his low energy "hit"... and naturally all the women in the audience are going wild, gyrating as if it's something they can reasonably dance to. A cocky Frank declares to Valerie, "He's arrived" - LOL - and a few seconds later the young girl who got her navel autographed gets trampled on as she tries to edge closer to the stage. She cries, "Help me!" and David immediately stops performing and jumps off the stage to come to her aid.
Beach house. Donna rifles through her drawers and finds a bottle of painkillers just as someone starts rapping on the door. She huffily answers it...and when she sees that it's Noah, she snaps, "Not a good time" and barks at him to leave. He refuses to do that, and she bitterly guffaws and says, "Welcome to hell." She informs him that she got fired from her job for stealing someone's designs...and he's like, "Sucks to be you" and refuses to leave until she hands over the bottle of pills she's clutching. She throws it at him and screeches at him to leave, and he responds by dumping all the pills down the kitchen sink, which is probably going to clog up the plumbing.
Frank tells David that the girl he rescued during his performance has a broken arm - and adds that it's super awesome publicity. A bummed looking David asks him if Brandon was right about the bribery allegations, and Frank says he doesn't want to get into it - but admits that without him giving the radio station financial incentive, he'd never have gotten his big break. David angrily tells him he can give his deal to someone else, then storms out in disgust. I really don't think that David is in any kind of position to be squandering music-career related opportunities...but what the hell do I care?
Beach house. Dr. Martin drops by to check up on Donna and tell her how proud he is of her. Not sure for what. Pill popping? Overdosing? Getting fired for plagiarism?
David drops by the newsroom and asks Brandon if he's running the story about his faux road to fame, and Brandon says he's passing 'cause he doesn't want to stand in the way of his musical success. David says he appreciates that, then informs him that he turned down Frank's contract. He urges Brandon to print the story as a cautionary tale to budding musicians about the perils of overnight success.
Valerie shows up at the boat and tells Noah she needs an honest answer, then asks him exactly what happened on the night of her roofie-ing. Didn't we already go through all this in painstaking detail during the trial?? Noah indulges her and recalls that, unbeknownst to him, Josh drugged her...and that while he was on the phone with his fiancee, he (Noah) escorted Valerie up to his office, where she pulled him atop her on the couch. He then pauses, rethinks that, and admits that she may not have pulled him atop her so much as stumbled and then grabbed onto him for balance. LOL. Valerie bitterly mutters, "You thought I wanted it. Like I always want it. Valerie Malone: professional good time." It's funny how she's suddenly pretending as though she doesn't have a long and sordid history of coaxing the majority of her male co-stars to hit the sheets with her. Noah says she smiled at him when he drunkenly kissed her that night, but hastily adds that none of this was her fault. She nods sanctimoniously and concedes that it wasn't his fault either.
Steve is standing in front of a swanky restaurant, clutching a bouquet of flowers and waiting for Jill to show herself. He looks very nervous - until a cab pulls up and a very pretty girl climbs out - then is visibly relieved that she's not an uggo. Jill assumes that Steve is Ted and gushes about how great looking he is...and naturally Steve doesn't clue her in about his identity, and giddily ushers her inside the restaurant.
After Dark. Donna drops by to tell Noah that she wants to "move on with things" and babbles about how she tried to get rid of her back pain by taking pills - but then ended up feeling completely dead inside. He promises to help get her through her post-drugging rehabilitation, and the two hug and kiss.
David arrives home to a romantic dinner that Valerie has prepared for him. He tells her he quit the band, she says, "I know. Brandon told me" and tells him she's proud of him and wants him to be happy regardless of how gigantic an under-employed loser he turns out to be. She tells him she rehashed the roofie storyline with Noah (hopefully for the last time) and realizes that it wasn't her fault - it was Josh's. She then reminds him that she was under the influence of the roofie when she doinked Noah, and David assures her he "gets that", and the two start smooching - this time without any contrived flinching on Valerie's part.
Beach house. Kelly and Brandon pack up all the baby supplies they acquired over the last day. Brandon says he's sure the baby will get great adoptive parents, and Kelly gets a faraway look in her eyes and says their [miscarried] baby would probably be crawling by now. She says she thinks about it all the time, then breaks the news that she wants to be a foster parent to the abandoned infant. When Brandon looks less than thrilled at the prospect, she tells him she'll understand if he wants nothing to do with it. He points out that it was painful to lose their unborn child to a miscarriage - meaning it'll be exponentially more difficult to lose a baby after fostering it for an entire year. Kelly says she's willing to take that risk and firmly insists, "I want that baby."