Recap: David and Valerie wake up spooning, and she gushingly calls him a rock star and jokingly asks if she can have his autograph. When the alarm goes off a few seconds later, David's craptastic song that Jasper's Legend played at the After Dark during the previous episode is playing. David's all, "Wha-a?" and says he's surprised the song is already in the rotation on radio stations. LOL - I'm surprised 'bout that too, Davey. Valerie suddenly looks miffed, but fake assures him she's not still upset that he wrote "Baby, it's you girrrrrl" for Donna (and not her).
Boat. Donna and Noah are going at it when Donna hears David's song on the radio. Noah shuts it off (haha!), and an annoyed Donna turns it back on...so Noah hands her the phone and tells her to call David since he knows she's dying to. When he disappears into the bathroom, Donna dials David's number - but when Valerie answers the phone, she hangs up. An irked Valerie dials *69 and hands the phone to David...and when Donna sheepishly answers, she congratulates David on his musical success.
Wyatt Clinic. Kelly invites Jeff to attend David's housewarming party with her...and when Jeff jokes about how crushed Brandon will be to see her there with another man, she says he hasn't called her in several days and assumes he's moved on. Jeff asks her if she's OK with that, especially with Valentine's Day coming up, and she assures him she'd like nothing more than to spend it with him.
The Beverly Beat. The new issue is in - and Janet shows Steve and Brandon the cover, which features a photograph of Jasper's Legend below the headline: "The Rise & Rise of David Silver". Bwahahahaha!! and WTF??!! I wonder how lead singer Jasper and the other two original band members feel about this brazen display of nepotism. Janet asks them if they have any plans for Valentine's Day, and Brandon and Steve complain about what a stupid, fake holiday it is...but admit they'd be singing a totally different tune if they were in relationships. Janet says she has a super hot friend she can set one of them up with - and after Brandon wins the round of rock, paper, scissors, he eagerly asks, "What's her name?"
After Dark. Noah's brother, Josh, makes a surprise, unannounced visit to the club. Noah scowls at him and snarks, "The bar's closed." When Josh tries to let him know where he's staying while he's in town, Noah declares that he's dead to him, then bitchily stalks out of the room.
Housewarming party. Brandon and Steve give David a framed copy of the Jasper's Legend photograph on the cover of The Beverly Beat. David thanks them and jokes that he'll forget them all if he becomes a superstar, and everyone chuckles...'cause, yeah, as fucking if. Valerie joins Noah, who's sitting on the front steps of David's apartment glumly staring into space. She gabbles about the trauma of her father's suicide, blah blah blah...and then Noah tells her that he and Josh are half brothers 'cause Josh's mother had an affair with his father, which ended his first marriage. Josh used to relentlessly tease him about not being a real Hunter, and he tells Valerie that he just can't bring himself to reach out to the dickwad. Valerie advises him to try, 'cause if he ever dropped dead like her father did after he blew his brains out, he'll wish he had.
Donna offers to set Steve up with a model who just broke up with her boyfriend, and Steve perks up and says he likes the sound of that. She then apologizes to Valerie for hanging up on her this morning, and Valerie bitchily says the problem is that she called at all and snarkishly asks her if Noah likes her frequent calls to David. Noah tells David that Valerie is worried about his growing closeness with Donna and asks him if there's anything to that, and David assures him there isn't. Elsewhere in the apartment, Brandon and Kelly engage in awkward chit-chat, and she tells him that Jeff is taking her somewhere special for Valentine's Day. Brandon tells her he's going on a blind date...and when he notices it's after midnight, he wishes her a happy Valentine's Day. A few seconds later, Jeff ambles over...and for some weird reason, he and Kelly engage in a blechy smoochfest right in front of Brandon.
After Dark. Josh comes by to try to make nice with Noah again. He tells Noah he's engaged to a rich society girl to cement an alliance between their families and that he's looking for a best man. Noah's like, "No way in hell" and says he has no intention of going back and risking getting trapped working for the family company. Josh admits that, yeah, he feels totally trapped by his looming nuptials - but he doesn't have the balls to make any waves. He tells Noah he admires the way he's distanced himself from the family to have his own life...and Noah softens and invites him to stay in LA for awhile so they can reconnect as brothers.
David and Donna are out shopping together to buy Valentine's Day gifts for their significant others. Suddenly, David's like, "Ack!" 'cause he spots Valerie heading towards them...and quickly steers Donna over to a giant pillar so they won't be seen. Donna says it shouldn't have to be like this, and David agrees, but then reminds her how insecure and bitchy Valerie can get.
As Donna drives David home after the shopping trip, they get into an accident when a car slams into them from behind. David asks Donna if she's OK, and she scrunches her big face and says, "I'm not OK."
Police arrive on the scene...and Donna is treated by a paramedic for an injured back, but declines a visit to the ER. David wryly tells her they're busted, since he didn't show up for his planned dinner date with Valerie.
After Dark. Valerie complains to Noah and Josh that she got stood up by her boyfriend. David and Donna arrive a few minutes later, apologize for their lateness, and explain that they were just in a car accident. When Valerie and Noah get miffed about the fact that they were riding around in a car together, Donna explains that they were buying Valentine's Day gifts for them, snarkishly tells Noah she hurt her back, then snaps, "Thanks for asking."
The Peach Pit. Nat informs Steve that he arranged a blind date for him without bothering to tell him in advance. Someone please explain to me why this nosy restaurateur is still involved in these people's lives. Brandon's date, a vapid looking blonde named Stephanie (who was also Steve's real life wife in 1998), enters the diner and squeals happily at the prospect of hanging out with Steve until her blind date arrives.
Kelly and Jeff are walking together, hand in hand. He tells her he's just been offered a job in San Francisco - but says he won't go if she's at all interested in starting something up with him.
The Walsh house. Brandon makes several phone calls to Kelly, rambling nonsensically about how much it sucks that she's moved on with Jeff...and how much he wishes that they were spending Valentine's Day together.
After Dark. Steve is sitting at a table with his official blind date (aka, the woman Donna set him up with) when he spots Stephanie ambling around the dance floor, looking dazed and confused. Or maybe that's just her default facial expression. When Steve goes over to see whassup, she tells him she's tired of waiting for Brandon, then grabs him and forces him to dance with her.
Donna is sitting with Noah, complaining about her sore back, while Noah drunkenly rambles on and on about her closeness with David and how he doesn't believe she's not still hung up on the wienie. Steve, meanwhile, runs into Jenny, the woman Nat needlessly set him up with...and a few seconds later, he's surrounded by Jenny, Stephanie, and his date. To get himself out of the pickle, he points at David across the bar and exclaims, "Hey look! It's David Silver!" and the three woman all rush over to get close to the music world's latest phenom...'cause, yeah, as fucking if. Steve is suddenly smooched by a gorgeous woman who orders him to walk with her toward the exit and look like he's her boyfriend. Turns out she's trying to avoid a pesky man who's seated at the bar. She explains to Steve that she got fixed up with a loser for Valentine's Day.
Brandon is still dialing Kelly's number and leaving ridiculous messages on her machine...and during his final call, he bids her a mournful goodbye.
Valerie is rambling incoherently to Josh about the tedious David/Donna/Noah/herself love quadrangle. Josh stares at her with creepish intensity and assures her she's a great girl, and that David's a moron if he can't see that. He then pours her a drink...and when she knocks over her purse and bends over to pick it up, he slips something into her drink. When she pops back up, Josh makes a toast "to trust" and Valerie takes a few gulps while he stares at her all sinister-like.
Jeff and Kelly are in a hotel room, tearing each others' clothes off and knocking over lamps and things. In mid-foreplay, Kelly abruptly stops and whimpers, "I can't." A perplexed Jeff asks if her sudden change of heart is Brandon-related, and she nods and goes, "I'm sooo sorry." Jeff warns her that he'll probably cheat on her again, but Kelly just shrugs helplessly and says she's in love with the dolt.
After Dark. A roofied Valerie is slumped over in her bar stool, barely able to ramble incoherently anymore. A drunk Noah stumbles over and starts railing about Donna and David being together...and a few seconds later, Josh's fiancee calls him on his cell phone. As he steps away from the bar to take the call, he's dismayed when Noah steers Valerie upstairs...and the two spill into his office, then flop onto the couch and start making out.
The next morning, Valerie stirs when Noah wakes up and quickly gets dressed. He tosses her clothes at her and snaps, "This never happened" and warns her not to breathe a word about this to anyone. Valerie mumbles that she feels really sick, which is weird 'cause she only had one drink last night...and Noah's just like, "Yeah, whatever" and rushes off to meet up with Donna. David arrives at the After Dark soon after and finds Valerie still sacked out on the couch. He apologizes for spending so much time with Donna lately...but Valerie is barely listening as she shivers uncontrollably and moans about how ghastly she feels. A concerned David helps her to the nearest toilet.
En route somewhere, Brandon tells Steve that he spent the evening repeatedly calling Kelly, and Steve tells him that of all the women he could have hooked up with last night, he's most intrigued by a mysterious stranger who kissed him to avoid interacting with her loser date. A few seconds later, a cop pulls him over for running a stop sign...and by scripted coincidence, the cop is the mysterious stranger! The two look pleased to see each other again, and she tells Steve she'll let him off with a warning for running the stop sign...then gives him her phone number.
Medical clinic. The doctor tells Valerie it looks like she was given a roofie. Valerie scrunches her face in confusion and says she doesn't remember having sex last night, but yet woke up naked, shivering, and in the presence of a man who quickly got dressed and then beat a hasty retreat. The doctor advises her to agree to a rape kit, should she choose to prosecute. Valerie moans, "Noah would never do that" - but the doctor looks skeptical and says there's a reason they call roofies the date rape drug. Valerie carefully mulls that over and agrees to the rape kit.
The Walsh house. Kelly comes over and tells Brandon she listened to all of his rambley messages, and asks him if he was serious when he said goodbye. He glumly asks if he has a choice in the matter, then goes, "Has anything changed?" Kelly says she still can't get her brain around his decision to hit the sheets with a skank like Emma, and Brandon fervently promises it'll never happen again. Kelly says she believes him, and when Brandon asks her why, she says, "Because I love you" and the two hug.
Boat. Noah arrives home and finds Donna there, decked out in a boob baring top and setting up his belated Valentine's Day gift: a new stereo system. Noah apologizes for acting like a drunken ass last night, and Donna apologizes for secretly shopping with David, and explains that she only kept it from him 'cause she didn't want to upset him. Josh returns after his morning jog and asks Donna how her back is doing, and she says it still hurts, then goes off to the bathroom. Josh and Noah discuss Noah's drunken dalliance with Valerie last night, and Noah asks him to keep a lid on that 'cause he doesn't want Donna to find out. Donna, meanwhile, studies her bottle of pain meds and takes two more pills as she stares concernedly at herself in the mirror. When she rejoins Josh and Noah in the living room, David suddenly bursts aboard the boat, points at Noah and shrieks, "You're dead!!" Valerie appears behind him and tearfully accuses Noah of raping her, prompting Noah and Donna to stare back at her in confusion and be all like, "Wha-a?!"
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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