Recap: Brandon and Valerie are hanging at the Peach Pit, watching Nat fuss over his crying baby, Frankie. Valerie picks Frankie up and notices he's wet, so she offers to change his diaper. Kelly enters the diner and seats herself beside Brandon, who's grumbling about Frankie's incessant crying. Kelly looks across the diner and notices Valerie holding the baby and jokes that maybe he's so upset because of the company he's keeping. Brandon admonishes her for sounding like a broken record, so Kelly tells him he's blind...and he stares at her blankly and asks her what she's talking about. She says she's surprised he doesn't already know, then spills the beans about Valerie's alleged pregnancy and abortion. Brandon's all, "Wha-a?!" and Kelly confirms that Valerie cried on Steve's and her shoulder. Brandon asks why Valerie wouldn't tell him any of this, and she says that for some reason Valerie has a problem lying to him...but doesn't seem to mind lying to everyone else.
Beach house. Mel tells Kelly and Donna that David just inherited $250,000 from his grandfather's estate and that he's worried about the effect his sudden riches will have on him. He wryly remarks that his father had a lot more confidence in David than he does. Mark interrupts the conversation by phoning to flirt with Kelly, and the two arrange to meet up on campus later. Mel asks Kelly and Donna to keep an eye on David, 'cause he's really worried his idiot son will get in over his head. Kelly doesn't think David will listen to a word she says, but Donna sanctimoniously vows, "I'll look out for him."
The Walsh house. Brandon finds Steve feasting in the kitchen before his rowing practice. He admonishes Steve for not telling him Valerie's pregnancy/abortion secret, and Steve explains that he only told Kelly 'cause he thought that Valerie needed to discuss her lady problems with a female - plus, he has a really big mouth and couldn't keep himself from blurting out Valerie's personal bidness to literally the first person he ran into after learning about it. He tells Brandon there are a lot of inconsistencies with Valerie's story and that things don't add up...and he's inclined to agree with Kelly that Valerie made the whole thing up. After he saunters off, Brandon contemplatively stares into space.
Student Union. Kelly gets in line behind Valerie at the food court and gleefully informs her that she told Brandon all about her "pregnancy" and "abortion" - and made it clear to him that she doesn't believe a word of it. Valerie shoots her the stink-eye and snarls, "God I hate you" and says she's confident that Brandon will believe it really happened. Kelly says she highly doubts that, and Valerie continues to glare at her.
Harbor. Clare and Dick watch Steve and the KEGers practice. They agree that the team has improved a lot and looks pretty impressive. After the practice, Clare compliments Steve on his team's progress...and Dick taunts him about the upcoming race and their wager: the losing team must serve the winning team dinner for a week. Clare contorts her weird looking doll face and snarks at them both to shut up. It's really mystifying that these two boneheads are fighting so cattily over someone as bitchy as Clare.
CUTV. Brandon is sitting at his desk, looking contemplative again. Tracy ambles over to ask whassup, and he presents her with a hypothetical: if she were pregnant and had an abortion, would she tell anyone? Tracy says she'd definitely tell a friend about the pregnancy, but would never have an abortion. Brandon then presents her with a second hypothetical: if she lied about getting pregnant and having an abortion for the purpose of getting back at the guy, would she tell anyone? Tracy hastily says no, she wouldn't tell anyone that, and Brandon makes a face and says, "That's what I was afraid of." Tracy suggests that if he wants to get to the bottom of a pregnancy/abortion situation, he may need to talk to the guy in the relationship.
Donna meets up with David after class...and holy crap, she's looking more skeletal than ever. He starts nattering endlessly about how much he loooves his class, and Donna seems puzzled that he's not his usual moody self. I guess inheriting 250K cured him of his depression problems. He tells Donna he's headed to the mall to shop for superfluous crap, and invites her along...and she chirps, "Sure!"
Brandon drops by Kenny's office to get the dish on the Valerie/pregnancy/abortion situation. Kenny says he feels bad about what happened (as well he should, since he was the one who initiated the unholy coupling), and laments how things spiraled out of control. Brandon asks him to detail exactly what happened, so Kenny sums up his extramarital philandering by saying he fell in love with the wrong girl. Brandon notes that he's still married to Diane and that Valerie endured her faux pregnancy and abortion alone, but Kenny insists she didn't have to. He says he cared about her (for a little while, anyway), but after she got "pregnant", all she wanted was his money. He tells Brandon she blackmailed him for $100,000 and said if he didn't pay up, she'd tell his wife about their affair. Not that he wouldn't have totally deserved that, the cheating douchebag. He tells Brandon she showed up at his house and dropped off a bag full of diapers, and that he's more than happy to give her the cash to get her out of his life forever. Brandon furrows his brows and asks him if he knows for certain that Valerie was pregnant, and Kenny says no, but that he doesn't give a rat's ass if she was or wasn't - just as long as she's out of his life now.
Mall. David is spending money like a drunken sailor, buying a lot of useless shit he doesn't need. When Donna points out that he's frivolously overspending, he goes on a weird, frenetic rant about how rich he is...and Donna looks mortified to be in his presence and tries to camouflage herself behind her big sunglasses. The two head outside, and they're followed by a mall flunky who's wheeling all of David's purchases on a large trolley. LOL. David suddenly starts nattering about going on a trip and asks Donna if she wants to fly to Egypt, like right now, and she gives him a WTF? look and tells him he's lost his mind. She mutters, "Mel was right" and David's all, "Wuh?" so she explains that Mel has been worried that his newly inherited riches would make him squirrelly, so he asked her and Kelly to keep an eye on him. David gets annoyed and accuses her of spying on him, but Donna insists she's only trying to look out for him. When the valet brings Donna's car around, David notices a scratch near the headlight and completely wigs out. Donna says she's not sure if the scratch was there before she parked at the mall, and David just glares at her and acts all snappish...and I forget why exactly, but this part of the scene didn't make a whole lot of sense.
Student Union. Steve and Dick snarl at each other some more, blah blah.. and Clare tells them she has no interest in talking about the upcoming race because of what a gigantic fucking bore this storyline has become. Steve tells her that, for him, the race is about setting a goal and working to achieve it. He says that originally he set out to impress her, but is now more interested in doing it for himself. Good for you, Steve.
The Walsh house. Brandon summons Valerie into the living room for a somber talking to. He gets all judgey about how she didn't come to him when she "found out" she was pregnant, so she "explains" that she was too embarrassed. He tells her that he talked to Kenny, and her face visibly pales when she realizes that he knows about the 100K. She says, "This isn't about you" - but he insists that it's about whether or not he can trust her (I'd lean towards not). He tells her that Kelly doesn't believe she was ever pregnant, and Valerie snaps, "I don't care what Kelly thinks!" He orders her to give the money back to Kenny, and she widens her eyes in horror and wails, "You're crazy!" He gets all heated and tells her that if she keeps the money, she'll be committing extortion, fraud, and blackmail...then makes it clear that if she refuses to return it, she's going to have to find another place to live. He angrily stalks off as she sheepishly stares into space.
Mark's house. Mark and Kelly are enjoying a romantic dinner. He babbles about his teenage years, then chides her for keeping so much of herself closed off. She insists it's better that way, but he doesn't believe anything she's done could be that bad...and he insists that he wants to know everything about her so he can be close to her (and then finally hit the sheets). She gives in and tells him about the cocaine snorting habit she developed during Season 6, and that her icky relationship with Colin had a lot to do with her self destructive behavior. Mark looks relieved that she's not a serial killer, jokes about how he has an addiction to ice cream, then gives her a big smooch.
The Walsh house. Tracy drops by to deliver some tapes, and happens to catch Valerie as she pretends to move out. Tracy correctly guesses that she's the "pregnant" friend Brandon was talking about earlier...and says she knows a bit of what's going on with her and assures her that Brandon will understand as long as she's truthful about her misdeeds. Valerie snarks that Brandon wants her to be more virtuous than she can afford, but Tracy suggests that perhaps her virtue is worth more than she thinks. Um, not.
Valerie drops by Kenny's house, and he's all, "Wha-at are you doing here?!" She hands him the 100K check and says she now realizes it was wrong to extort money out of him. He says he doesn't want it, 'cause all he cares about is her staying out of his life...and she promises to continue to do that and says she just wants peace of mind (along with Brandon's approval). Suddenly, Kenny's little son comes to the door and asks Valerie who she is. She tells him she's an acquaintance and then shamefully rushes back to her car.
Beach house. David, who's still acting manic, drops by in the middle of the night 'cause he decided to go for a dip in the ocean and forgot to bring a towel. He tells Donna he's taking care of the scratch on her car and got her a rental until it's fixed, and she looks weirded out and says his unrelenting frenetic-ness is scaring her. David's like, "Whatever" and dries himself off and starts babbling about a new club on Sunset, then heads back out to the beach. Donna scrunches her big face with concern and stares contemplatively in the dark.
Later that night, Steve is in the boat house, mentally preparing himself for tomorrow's race. Clare drops by and tells him she's impressed with all that he's accomplished, but wishes he'd done it sooner. Steve just kind of shrugs and tells her he's decided to stop hurting and start healing, and that he feels good about himself.
The Walsh house. Brandon finds Valerie in the kitchen and snarkishly notes that she's still living in his house. She tells him she gave the 100K back to Kenny...and he's happy to hear that, but she's really bummed 'cause the After Dark is on the verge of bankruptcy. That's weird...wasn't it supposedly doing super great after Kenny's accounting wizardry got her access to a credit line? Valerie says she's sick of him preaching to her, and Brandon's like, "Whatever" and asks her if she was really pregnant. She hangs her head in shame and says no, then pleads, "Don't hate me" and he assures her he doesn't, but that she sometimes makes it difficult for him to like her. She tells him she fell hard for the man-child, then mumbles something or other about her dead father (I missed it, but didn't feel like rewinding), and tells Brandon it's too hard for her to live up to his strict, Midwestern values. Brandon assures her she did the right thing by making amends with Kenny, then sternly advises her to straighten herself out before she gets into trouble so deep that no one will be able to save her. Oh Brandon. What fun would that be?
Harbor. Steve wishes Dick good luck, but Dick assumes he's being sarcastic so he acts dickish in return. Steve just shrugs at his hostile 'tude and heads over to his boat, where Clare is waiting to wish him good luck. A few feet away in the spectator's area, Donna tells Kelly she feels like a spy - though, in her defense, she has noticed that David has been acting really manic since he inherited all that money. Kelly retorts, "Who isn't sometimes?" which I thought was a weird reply, considering David's history of bizarre emotional and drug-induced behavior...and Donna reminds her that David's mom is manic-depressive. The race gets underway, and we have to endure watching both teams row and row...and row. The race becomes a real nail biter (not really), and in the end Dick's team wins. Clare's happy to be on the winning side, but looks over at Steve wistfully. Uh oh..
Steve tells his team members that they gave it a good shot, and that they have nothing to be ashamed of. He congratulates Dick, and Dick acts all smugly dickish about his victory. Clare admonishes him for being such a dick (heh), then praises Steve for his effort and says he rowed a good race...and that she's proud of him, which is something she hasn't felt in a long time. Dick and his teammates call Clare over, and they honor her contribution as coxswain by picking her up and tossing her into the water. As she grins and splashes around, Steve looks over at her sadly.
Brandon drops by Tracy's dorm to thank her for her help with Val's faux pregnancy situation. He asks her if she wants to go grab a bite, and she's like, "Sure!"
Beach house. Mark calls Kelly to tell her he's falling in love with her, and she's like, "Er...OK" and makes plans to meet up with him tomorrow.
The Walsh house. Clare drops by to see Steve, and she looks unspeakable with a head full of Sideshow Bob-esque crimped hair. She tells him she broke up with Dick and is ready to reignite their shitty, dysfunctional relationship. Steve's like, "Yippee!" and says he loves her and missed her. He throws her onto the couch and two start making out in earnest. Blech.
After Dark. Valerie's in her office working when David drops by...and he's still at the high point of his manic mood swing. She whines to him about how broke the club is and that she needs an infusion of cash, like pronto. David cockily offers to invest a large sum of money into the club, and Val perks up and looks intrigued. He tells her he'd like to become half owner of the After Dark, and she's stunned to learn that he has that kind of cash. She accepts his offer, exclaims, "Deal!" and hugs him...and soon the two are feverishly making out. Er, OK..?