Recap: Valerie and Kenny are in his car, driving somewhere after a successful meeting with prospective After Dark investors. Valerie remarks that the investors spent most of their time staring at her skirt, and Kenny cheekily points out that she was maximizing her assets. He pulls up to a swanky apartment building and tells Valerie he has a surprise for her, and she's all, "Wha-a?" and asks him who lives in the building. He replies, "A client of mine who's about to become very rich" then hands her the keys and announces, "It's yours! Well...ours." He says he leased it in her name with the option to buy, and that they can use it for business meetings or "other purposes". Ew. Valerie loves her posh new digs and coquettishly asks him if this means she's a kept woman, and he tells her it's the best he can do until they can be together without sneaking around. Kenny gathers up a bottle of champagne and two glasses, and the two head over to the bedroom to christen their new pad. Ew again.
California University. It's Spirit Day - yay! Brandon and Tracy arrive to cover the made up event for CUTV...and as the camera guys set up their equipment, Tracy complains to Brandon about how boring Spirit Day is. Chancellor Arnold takes the stage and welcomes everyone...and in a secret, undisclosed location, Steve and a few of his bonehead KEG brothers are stripping off their clothes and covering their faces and genitalia with shaving cream. Steve gets them all pumped up to perform the naked prank, and a few seconds later, they interrupt the Spirit Day festivities by running past the spectators and mooning the chancellor. The crowd laughs and cheers...but the nonsensical prank suddenly goes awry when the lawn sprinklers are activated and the shaving cream on the KEGers' naughty parts gets washed away.
Kelly joins Donna in the Student Union and tells her about the spectacle she just witnessed, but Donna's too busy poring over the list of prospective Alpha recruits. She furrows her brows and complains that there are just no good options. Suddenly, a tall blonde girl comes over to clear their table...and Kelly quickly recognizes her from a photo in The Condor that accompanied an article about a basketball playing transfer student. She introduces herself as Dani, and Donna asks her if she'd be interested in rushing a sorority...and when Dani doesn't look totally horrified at the notion, Donna urges her to give the Alpha Omegas a try.
CUTV. Brandon, Mark, and Tracy are looking over the video footage of the mooning prank. Mark calls it "gold" and wants to air it on their pretend news show, but Brandon is reluctant...but then eventually agrees with Mark that Spirit Day being hijacked by a bunch of bare asses is probably 100x more interesting than anything else that happened on campus that day.
David is in the registrar's office, complaining to the clerk that he didn't get a single course he wanted. The clerk sassily tells him it's the best he can hope for, considering he failed to register on time. Valerie enters the office and asks David whassup, so he whines to her about his registration woes...and then she tells him she's there to drop her 8:00am classes 'cause she's getting "life credit" for her work at the club. That sounds like a made up policy - but then, CU is a made up university, so I guess I can buy it. The two get caught up on their lives before Val rushes off to bone her man-child again in their new love shack. Ew. Meanwhile, the sassy registrar clerk suddenly realizes she made a mistake on David's course schedule and snatches it from him so she can sign him up for another class that's totally irrelevant to his degree. Incidentally, what is David's major? David mutters, "What does it take to get a class you want around here? What do you have to win: a gold medal or something?" As chance would have it, this line is a perfect set-up for a retort by Kerri Strug, who just happens to be standing at the clerk's desk a few feet away. She chirps [in her disturbingly stunted-sounded little girl voice even though she's nineteen years old here], "Doesn't hurt!" and David just grunts, but then does a double-take when he realizes who she is. He goes, "Aren't you Kerri Strug?" and she kind of shrugs and says, "I guess so." I guess so? David giddily asks her if she has her gold medal on her, but she tells him she doesn't generally wear it as she goes about her life 'cause that would look pretty silly. That it would, Kerri Strug. That it would. David tells her if he won a gold medal, he'd have it bronzed - womp womp! - then calls her "incredible" and tells her he hopes they have some classes together. She chirps, "Me too!" and thus ends the superfluous, pointless cameo.
Friendship House. Kelly asks Jimmy if he has any interest in going to the Hillel House to celebrate Jewish New Year, then explains that David mentioned to her that they're having services all week. Jimmy scrunches his face and is like, "Meh.." and tells her he's not a very devout Jew...but a few minutes later, he changes his mind and agrees to go.
Alpha House. Dani is pledging to become an Alpha (God knows why), but the snooty selection committee doesn't look impressed with her dowdy clothes and unstylish 'do. She tells the snoots she can't stay long 'cause she has to get back to her job, and Donna walks her out and assures her she did great. Dani scrunches her face and says she doesn't think she did so well - and she really must not have done well, 'cause Ellen, the snootiest snoot on the selection committee, sarcastically thanks Donna for wasting their time. She says that Dani can't decide if she's a jock or a nerd; therefore, there's no possible way she could ever become an Alpha. Donna says she thinks Dani would be a great addition to the sorority, but Ellen makes a blech face and says she has no desire to share a bathroom with the athletic type, then bitchily adds, "If you know what I mean." Donna snarks back that she should give the poor girl a chance and points out that not everyone has to look like her, and Ellen snidely retorts, "Not everyone has to be an Alpha." That they don't, Ellen. That they don't. The committee is about to vote on Dani's fate as an Alpha (or not), but Donna halts the process and asks them to postpone the vote until Dani can interview a second time. Ellen rolls eyes and is all, "Whatever" and tells Donna she's planning to vote to dump the lesbian jock after the second round of interviews.
Chancellor Arnold and Clare are in his office watching CUTV's coverage of the mooning. Dean Shaw calls, and the chancellor sheepishly assures her that he had no prior knowledge of the prank...nor did he realize that it was being videotaped for CUTV. During the call, there's a knock on the door and Clare answers it and finds Steve...and she glares at him and snarks at him for having the nerve to show up after he humiliated her and her father. Steve pretends to not know what she's talking about, so she tells him she recognized his dong when the sprinklers washed off the shaving cream and says, "Streaking is soo '70s." He wails that he didn't have a choice: Muntz challenged him! Clare rolls her eyes and calls him stupid, and the chancellor can be heard yelling, "What were those idiots thinking?!" right before he appears in the doorway. Steve pretends to agree that the prank was a disgrace, but then says it was also kinda funny. The chancellor sternly retorts that he does not think it's funny - nor does Dean Shaw, who has built a career on uptight political correctness. In fact, she has such a long stick up her butt that she wants the entire Inter-fraternity Council charged with sexual harassment. Steve wails, "But it was a harmless prank!" but the chancellor disagrees and says that since the nefarious deed has been broadcast on CUTV, the issue isn't going away. He gives thanks to Brandon Walsh, who has video evidence of the mooning, which will be invaluable in finding out who's responsible for this abomination.
Love shack. Valerie's pissed off when it becomes clear that Kenny has stood her up for dinner. She tries to reach him at his office but gets the answering machine, so she calls his car phone...and we see that he's driving somewhere with his wife and son. He answers the phone and pretends it's his mother and tells "mom" that they took Michael out for ice cream after his game. Valerie snarls that he should put his wife on the phone so she can tell him what a bastard he is, and Kenny sheepishly apologizes for not calling and keeps the ruse going by saying that Michael did great in the game. Val sarcastically thanks him for the romantic celebration and slams the phone down. I really can't feel sorry for the man-child; he made his bed when he threw professionalism out the window and put a whole lot of effort into wooing Valerie despite his marital status.
Beach house. Donna tells Kelly that their snooty Alpha sisters didn't like Dani because she's not super pretty or stylish, and then complains about how stuck on appearances they are. Kelly says that's a big reason she no longer wants to spend time at the Alpha House anymore...and Donna looks contemplative and says she'd like to shake things up at the sorority before she graduates. Meanwhile, Steve calls for Clare, but Clare refuses to take the call and tells Donna to instruct him to grow up. Like that's going to help.
The Walsh house. Brandon laughs at the mooning prank gone awry, and Steve earnestly explains that it was just supposed to be a joke that would be easily forgotten. Brandon runs through the History of Steve Pranks that ended badly, and reminds him about the time he broke into Professor Randall's office to steal a baseball, and also when he broke into West Beverly and accessed the computer system to try to change his grades. Meanwhile, Kenny rings the front doorbell and looks flustered when Brandon answers. He pretends he needs Valerie's signature on some papers, and Brandon eyes him suspiciously for a few long seconds before going upstairs to fetch Valerie. She refuses to come downstairs and tells Brandon to tell Kenny that she left to get some frozen yogurt...and assures him he'll know what that means. Brandon's all, "Wha-a?" and asks her if there's anything gross or unholy going on between them that he should know about, but Val just tells him to deliver her cryptic message.
Gymnasium. Donna drops by as Dani is practicing hoops. She apologizes to Dani for how catty the Alphas behaved toward her, then says she's been invited for a second rush interview. Dani groans and says she has no interest in putting herself through that horror a second time, then explains that she's never been good at being a girly girl and has learned to live without being thought of as "a babe". Donna perks up, thinks, "Project!" and offers to give her style-challenged new friend a makeover.
CUTV. The chancellor demands to have the mooning videotape...but Brandon is reluctant to hand it over, since if he does, it's Steve's ass. Like, literally. He manages to keep a straight face when he tells the chancellor that for him it's an issue of journalistic integrity, but the chancellor argues that the tape is the property of CU and therefore must be turned over. Brandon mulls that over and agrees to hand it over - if, in fact, they still have a copy of the bare ass footage and didn't "accidentally" tape over it. The chancellor glares at him and says, "No tape, no station" and stalks out. Mark glares at Brandon asks asks him whassup, since of course they still have a master copy of what they filmed on Spirit Day. Brandon explains that he's covering for a good friend, but Mark doesn't give a rat's ass 'bout that and makes it clear that he's not willing to risk losing the university's fake TV station for the sake of protecting Brandon's bonehead friend. Fair 'nuff.
Hillel House. The Jewish New Year's service has just ended, and on their way out, David and Jimmy explain to Kelly about atonement, the Book of Life, blah blah.
At a campus cafe, Steve assures his KEG buddies that Brandon will fix things so that, as far as the chancellor is concerned, their bare ass prank never happened. By scripted coincidence, Steve spots Brandon approaching the cafe and rushes over to him...but Brandon is all cranky bitchy and tells Steve he may not be able to save his bacon after all. Steve whines about taking the fall, then blames Brandon for airing the footage of his bare ass and the bare asses of his KEG cohorts on CUTV. Brandon snarks at Steve that this time he may have to clean up his mess himself. Fair 'nuff.
Kenny's office. Valerie drops by unannounced and admonishes her man-child boyfriend for standing her up last night. He snarks, "What were you thinking?" (I assume he's referring to her calling his car phone) and she sassily retorts, "You owe me for last night, and I'm here to collect." He tells her he tried to apologize last night, but she refused to see him...so then Valerie says she'll decide when and how he gets to apologize - and has decided it's right now! She plops herself, along with her ample bosom, in his lap and coos, "Do you want me?" and he's like, "Well, d'yuh" and the two start smooching.
Beach house. Kelly and Donna give Dani a makeover. Kelly wryly remarks that they're setting the feminist movement back by several decades and thinks the Alphas should accept Dani on her own terms...but Dani insists that she really does want a prettier, fresher look. Donna puts Dani's hair in pigtails to match her own grisly pigtails, and Kelly's all, "Ack!" while Donna just grins over at her like a maniacal mental patient.
The Peach Pit. Steve apologizes to Clare for streaking during Spirit Day, and Clare's all sarcastically bitchy and tells him he should be apologizing to her father. Steve wrings his hands worriedly and wonders if the prank will mean the end of KEG House...or the entire Greek system?! Egads! Clare snarls, "Leave it to you to bring down an entire institution." I don't know why Clare continues to date someone she so strongly feels is an assclown.
CUTV. Tracy brings Brandon some coffee and tells him she admires the stance he's taking regarding the offending videotape. She doesn't believe they should have to hand it over to the chancellor, then gives him a mischievous smile and says she has a nasty magnet that can do serious damage to videocassettes. Brandon tells her not to do anything that will get them into any more trouble - wink wink - then wearily says that tomorrow is the day of reckoning...and that they'll have no choice but to hand over the tape to the administration.
Friendship House. Kelly arrives at the hospice with some groceries...and when she doesn't see Jimmy hanging in the living room, she asks the other residents where he is, but they just ignore her and look sad. Hal appears and tells her she'd better to talk to Linda...which she does, and learns that Jimmy has taken a sudden turn for the worse and may not last the day. Kelly hustles it over to his room, and - yeesh - Jimmy definitely looks a very sickly shade of grey. She tells him she's shocked he's so ill, then tearfully moans that she doesn't want him to die. He tells her it's all good and thanks her for being his first real friend since [his boyfriend] Gordon died...then urges her to go forth and live life, find love, and have babies.
Steve enters the chancellor's office area and tells his receptionist that he has something to confess. She tells him he's going to have to wait, 'cause the chancellor is busy punishing someone else right now...and we see that Brandon and Mark are in the chancellor's office, and all three are getting ready to watch the videotape of the mooning prank. The chancellor presses play on his VCR, but the only thing on the tape is static. Mark and Brandon both scrunch their faces in confusion, and the chancellor just kind of shrugs and goes, "The tape is blank. I guess that's that." He tells Brandon and Mark that the dean wanted to expel the mooning students, but since there's no video proof...oh well. Brandon and Mark look puzzled at the chancellor's sudden lack of interest in the matter, go, "Er...OK", then bicker amongst each other about how the tape mysteriously got all static-y. They run into Steve in the waiting area, and Steve insists to Brandon that he wants to come clean about his role in the mooning, but Brandon assures him it's no longer necessary and that he should go home. The chancellor comes out to see what Steve wanted to confess, and Steve flails around for a few seconds for something plausible to say, and invites him to a KEG House barbecue. The chancellor accepts the invitation.
Alpha House. The Alphas vote in favor of allowing Dani the privilege of pledging their awful sorority, and Dani sweeps into the room wearing a pretty blue dress and a flattering 'do. Ellen chides her for not showing this kind of poise during the first meeting, so then Dani retorts to Snooty Snoot that she just joined a different sorority - one that doesn't mind her being a ponytail wearing basketball player. She then gives them all a polite fuck you grin and leaves the room. This inspires Donna to abruptly resign as rush chairman, and she hurries out after Dani. She tells her she just quit the selection committee, wishes her luck at her new sorority, and gives her a goodbye hug. That subplot was about as pointless as the Kerri Strug cameo.
Student Union. Steve is thrilled that the videotape ended up being unwatchable...and then he and Brandon exchange apologies for their part in bare ass-gate. Steve marvels at how he almost told the truth for no reason, and somehow Clare is turned on that he almost confessed to the prank for her sake...and the two rush off to find somewhere private to bump uglies. Tracy shows Brandon the giant magnet she used to ruin the videotape, then says she did it 'cause she likes Steve, as well as him (Brandon)...and the two exchange chaste kisses on the cheek. Run, Tracy! Run!
Beach house. Kelly is lounging on the deck, looking at a photo of Jimmy and weeping. David arrives, extends his condolences, and gives her a special candle that Jewish people light for the dead. Kelly tells David she's very sad...but also angry at Jimmy for leaving her 'cause somehow his disease and death are all about her. David assures her that she gave him a lot during their short friendship, and she says she'll try to forgive him for dying on her. She dries her eyes and lights the candle, and then she and David pray for the soul of Jimmy Gold.