Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 7, Episode 3

"Stripping down to my gitch in front of a total stranger and then hitting the sack with him soon after doesn't necessarily mean I'm promiscuous. Oh shit...maybe it does."

"A Mate For Life"
Original airdate: 9/4/1996

Episode summary: Joan's daughter Lily arrives in L.A. for her mom's/Nat's wedding and hits the sheets with Brandon. Kelly continues her volunteer work at the Friendship House and hits it off with an upbeat AIDS-afflicted resident named Jimmy. Joan goes into labor during her wedding ceremony and is rushed to the hospital, where she delivers a baby boy.

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Recap: It's the day before Nat's and Joan's wedding, and Brandon and Steve have arrived at LAX to pick up Joan's daughter. Steve holds up a sign that has L. Diamond written on it, and a few seconds later an attractive young woman with a short blonde 'do approaches them and says they must be Steve and Brandon. She introduces herself as Joan's daughter Lily, then sassily tells Steve she's dying to go body surfing...but when he mentions that he has a girlfriend, she swiftly turns her attention to Brandon and tells him she only brought carry-on luggage 'cause all she packed were bikinis and skimpy clothes. Thanks for sharing. She links her arm through Brandon's and the three exit the airport.

The Peach Pit. David is exiting the diner just as Donna pulls into the parking alley. She's dressed in a tight crop top and tight jeans...and yikes, she is definitely one emaciated looking gal. David tells her he's not living in no stinking dorm room this year; he's moving in with Mark in a swanky Hollywood Hills party pad. Donna scrunches her face, clearly wondering how he can afford to live in the Hills, and he acknowledges that the rent is steep but is optimistic he can get some filming gigs. She asks him if they're still on to shoot Nat's wedding video, and he chuckles condescendingly and says, "I don't do weddings anymore." (Pardon us, Fellini.) She reminds him that he promised Nat he'd do it, and he snarks back that she promised they'd have a partnership, but then bailed out on him. He bitchily adds that Nat understands his sudden, dickish change of heart, and arranged for his cousin to fill in and film the blessed event. Donna insists she still wants to film it and asks him if she can at least borrow his fancy video camera. He agrees, then gives her the address to his new pad so she can swing by and pick it up before the wedding.


Inside the diner, Nat tells Joan she should eat something, and she complains that she doesn't have any room for food in her oversized baby belly and moans about how fat she is. Nat tells her she only has two weeks to go and should stop whining and hang in there. Donna arrives and fawns over Joan's pregnancy glow, then tells Nat she's filming his wedding, and he just kind of shrugs and goes, "OK, whatever." Donna assures Joan that everything is covered for tomorrow's ceremony...and then Steve and Clare arrive, and Steve tells Joan that Lily arrived safely and is freshening up at her hotel. Joan is thrilled that at least one of her children was able to make the wedding, then gushes over Lily, her "precious angel".


Next door at the After Dark, Valerie tells Kenny about her plans to improve the floundering club: provide more seating and install a computerized bar. She then wants to book some big names, do a marketing blitz, and sell the place while it's hot. Kenny argues that that's short-sighted and thinks she might have something special in the After Dark - as in, a potential franchise. He tells her he has good instincts about this sort of thing and has taken it to the next level for other businesses. Valerie is impressed with his confidence and tells him she'd like to proceed, and he takes that to mean she wants to proceed with the two of them having an affair. Blech.


Bel Age Hotel. Lily and Brandon check out her hotel room. She's pleased with it and, without warning, strips down to her gitch and says she needs to take a shower. Brandon's all, "Wuh?!" and Lily looks fake apologetic and says she's not very modest at showcasing her lithe body to whoever might be interested in leering at her, and thinks it's adorable that her near nakedness is making him blush. She tells him to chillax, so he sits down and makes small talk about how Joan told him she was a dancer. She tells him she was trained in the classical tradition, then twirls around the room and throws one leg straight in the air to needlessly demonstrate her high level of flexibility.


Friendship House. AIDS-afflicted resident Jimmy cheers up the other residents with magic tricks while Kelly clears up the dishes in the kitchen. She cheerfully tells Hal, a resident who's at the sink washing the dishes, that she can take care of the after dinner chores. He turns around and shoots her the stink eye and snarks, "You people come and go...and I'm just going" and Kelly gets upset and scurries out of the room.


Hollywood Hills. David is moving into his new home, which I already love 'cause it has an awesome pool in the backyard. He tells Mark they could make a lot of money if they offered the use of the house as a filming location, and Mark definitely likes the sound of that.


Brandon and Lily arrive at the wedding venue on the beach, and he introduces her to Donna and Clare. Lily says she just came from visiting her mom and is surprised at her hugeness. Steve, meanwhile, wheels in a few cases of Spumante Bambino, and he and Brandon huddle together and gabble about how hot Lily is, and then admire her taut backside. Steve wonders what her story is, and Brandon saucily says he'll let him know. Clare comes over and asks them what they're talking about, and they wisely fib and tell her they were just admiring the decorative canopy she put up. She thanks them and grumps, "That's about the closest you'll see me to getting married." Steve scrunches his face in bewilderment and asks her if she's using reverse psychology on him 'cause she actually really wants to get married, and she assures him she truly has no desire to get married, like ever. He tells her she's throwing him a curve and advises her to never say never about anything in life, but she doesn't really get why he's so wigged out, since they have no immediate plans to get married. True enough...and the issue is especially moot since she eventually ditches Steve to move to Paris with her daddy.


Valerie arrives at the wedding venue with flower centerpieces for the tables...and then notices Kenny several feet away, sitting at a table with his family. For some mystifying reason, she goes over to say hey to him and introduces herself to his wife. The wife seems a tad suspicious of her friendly rapport with Kenny, and when she ambles away to tend to her son, Valerie snarkishly tells Kenny the three of them look very cozy together. Kenny scrunches his face and goes, "What are you doing?" and she points at the wedding band he still wears on his ring finger and coldly says, "Go ahead and do your thing." Not sure what that was supposed to mean.


Donna arrives at David's new pad and unhappily watches as he frolics around the pool with a gaggle of bikini clad women. David notices her standing there, then packs up his fancy video camera for her. He breezily says, "See you at the wedding!" and she looks annoyed as she heads back to her car...but first sneaks another peek of him flirting with a girl roasting weenies on the barbecue.


Friendship House. Jimmy tells Kelly he noticed what a jerk Hal was being to her earlier, but she just shakes her head and says she was out of line and isn't in his shoes. He disagrees about her being out of line and commends her for her volunteer work. He asks her why she chose to fulfill her course requirement at this "death house", so she tells him she thought it would be life-affirming...then scratches that and says she really doesn't know why she's here. He tells her to stop rationalizing her choices and also to avoid coddling the residents, and just be mindful and do whatever needs to be done. He then asks her if she'd like to play gin rummy, and she's game...but suddenly his "medication time" alarm goes off. He pulls out his many bottles of pills, and she stares down at the potpourri of medication and remarks on how much healthier he looks than anyone else at the hospice. He wryly tells her that looks are deceiving and that he's sitting at death's door.


Strip club. Lily takes Brandon to a strip club where a friend of hers works...and Brandon finally twigs onto the fact that Lily isn't really a ballerina. She tells him she makes big bucks as an exotic dancer named Tiger Lily, and Brandon correctly assumes that Joan has no idea, and Lily confirms that and says she'd definitely like to keep it that way. Brandon gasps in horror when he suddenly spots Nat and Steve seated across the bar, and Nat seems mortified that his future step-daughter has just caught him in a strip club. Lily tells him not to worry, and that if she were a guy she'd take him to a place like this too. Suddenly, Lily's stripper friend spots her, greets her enthusiastically, and asks her if she too dances here...and if not, they're hiring and have excellent medical benefits! LOL. Steve and Nat stare over at her in shock as they both suddenly realize she shakes her naughties at strange men for a living.


Friendship House. Kelly comes by Jimmy's room to collect his dinner dishes, but he's not quite done eating. She tells him she's going to a wedding tomorrow...and he kind of perks up and asks her about the happy couple, so she tells him the whole boring story about how Nat and Joan used to date, then were reunited later in life, hit the sheets without practicing birth control, and now have a baby on the way. Jimmy tells her he was once married to a wonderful man, but then pauses and looks sad and says he doesn't want to elaborate any further at this time. Kelly tells him she has a feeling they're going to be good friends, and he ruefully replies, "Lifelong pals."


Brandon escorts Lily back to the Bel Age Hotel and thanks her for a memorable evening. She asks him if he thinks Nat will tell her mom about her unseemly career as an exotic dancer, but Brandon points out that if he did that, he'd then have to admit that he was at a strip bar. He's curious why she doesn't just come clean with Joan, and Lily says that in her mother's eyes she's a precious little angel - plus, with her wedding day and due date rapidly approaching, it isn't the right time to tell her. She then stares at him curiously and says that typically when a guy finds out his date is an exotic dancer, he expects a vigorously lustful night in the sack...but Brandon appears to have no expectations of her. At least none that he's openly exhibiting. She leans in and gives him a long smooch and says she's willing to give him a little somethin' for being such a restrained gentleman.


The Walsh house. Steve staggers into the kitchen, hung over from his night of strip club debauchery with Nat. He tells Valerie that Clare is proving to be unpredictable 'cause of her sudden pronouncement that she never wants to get married, but Valerie doesn't give a rat's ass and just hands him a bottle of aspirin. He tells her that Brandon never came home last night, and Valerie scrunches her face in puzzlement and says the last she saw of him was when he was squiring Joan's daughter around town. Steve grins and says he likes the way the word squire sounds.


Beach house. Donna gets a call from MZA, telling her they're officially dropping her and David...and after she hangs up, she remarks to Clare and Kelly how worried she is how David will take the news. Kelly and Clare are like, "Whatevs" and announce that they're off to run some last minute errands for the wedding.


The Peach Pit. Steve pulls into the parking alley and runs into Brandon. He asks him what happened between him and Lily last night, and Brandon says it was all a blur and mercifully leaves it at that. Inside, Nat is stubbornly working the breakfast rush, and Willie the Cook orders Brandon and Steve to get him out of there so he can prepare himself for his nuptials. Brandon forcibly drags Nat into the back room, kicking and screaming...and I don't know if we're supposed to take this to mean that he has cold feet or just can't tear himself away from greasy diner food.


Beach house. Lily and Clare are helping Joan primp for her wedding ceremony. Lily tells her mom she and Nat had a nice chat last night and thinks he's a great choice for a husband. (I think she mostly likes him 'cause he didn't tattle on her for making a living as an exotic dancer.) Clare tears up as she combs out Joan's rat's nest and says it's at times like this when she misses her mom the most. Joan clucks sympathetically and says she heard about how she lost her mother at such a young age, so then Clare gabbles about how her mom always used to make a big deal out of her wedding day, so she now feels like she can't get married now that her mom's not around to see it. Joan points out the obvious, which is that her mom wouldn't want her to deny herself the happiness of marriage.


Wedding venue. Kelly is shooting Lily the stink-eye from across the room when Valerie sashays over and says, "Joan's daughter is pretty striking, huh?" Kelly agrees she's very lovely, and Valerie gleefully adds that she and Brandon seem to have really hit it off, and - oh yeah! - he didn't come last night 'cause they were probably doinking until dawn. Kelly snorts derisively at Valerie and stalks off.


Donna's setting up the video camera on a tripod when David comes over and tells her he got a call from MZA informing him he's been officially dumped. She tells him she got the same call, then cocks her head sympathetically and says she knows how much it meant to him. Nat and Joan arrive, and the ceremony promptly begins. Suddenly, Joan gasps loudly and shrieks, "My water just broke!" and everyone's like, "Ack!" and helps rush her to the nearest hospital.


Hospital. Joan's on a gurney, being wheeled toward the delivery room as a doctor screeches, "She's crowning!" Joan suddenly orders him to stop, and then says she doesn't want to give birth until she's officially a married woman. Er, OK...but shouldn't she have thought about that before scheduling her wedding during the middle of her ninth fucking month of pregnancy?? The minister appears from out of nowhere and quickly performs the ceremony, and the two say their I dos and exchange rings. The minister pronounces them husband and wife, everyone claps, and Joan shrieks again before she's rushed into the delivery room.


The wedding guests decide to move the reception to the hospital waiting room. Kelly stares across the room at Lily as she fondles Brandon and cattily remarks to Clare that Joan's daughter seems to be one fast-moving skank. Clare seems uninterested in getting involved in that fray and just says she knows that Joan's very proud of her daughter. Kelly ignores that and just continues to glare at her.


Lily tells Brandon, "I want you to know I'm not promiscuous" and Brandon somehow manages to not burst out laughing and replies, "Now what would ever make me think that?" Nat bursts into the waiting room and bellows, "It's a boy!" and announces that they're naming him Frankie (after Nat's father). He then stands on a table and thanks the 90210 gang for bringing Joan into his life and rescuing him from his sad, lonely, sexless life with no friends his own age. Clare gets upset and flees, and Steve rushes out after her and tells her he knows how emotional weddings can be for people. Clare tears up and says she can't help thinking about her mom and now realizes that her aversion to marriage is just an irrational fear of losing another loved one. Steve babbles something about letting love lead them, then kisses her forehead. Yeesh...these two are fast becoming the dullards that Ahn-drea and Jesse degenerated into during Season 5.


LAX. Brandon drops off Lily at the airport and mumbles something about wanting to see her again, but she tells him that even though they had a "delicious weekend", it's probably not the basis for any kind of relationship. She tells him she was once married for three weeks before she figured out that monogamy didn't suit her 'cause she's one of those loose "free spirit" types. She gives him a kiss goodbye, checks in with her boarding pass, then smiles at him as she twirls her way onto the plane. What a wacko.


Kenny drops by the After Dark to see Valerie, but she doesn't look at all happy to see him and accuses him of playing games. She asks him if he and his wife are really getting a divorce, and he assures her they are, but doesn't want to give his wife any "ammunition" for their upcoming "divorce". He then caresses her face and tells her he's falling in love with her.


Hospital. Nat and Joan display little Frankie from behind the glass of the nursery, and the gang coos at them while Donna catches the precious moments on videotape. David shuffles toward Donna and sheepishly tells her he's been on edge lately with the whole MZA thing, and she reminds him that she's not the enemy and therefore he doesn't always need to behave like such a giant douchebag toward her. Brandon and Steve discuss their thoughts on having children one day, and both agree that it's important to find love and help populate the next generation.


Friendship House. Kelly serves the residents leftover wedding cake...and it looks delish. Hal eagerly cuts into the cake, and Jimmy prompts him to thank Kelly for bringing it for them, but he ignores that cue and just shamelessly chows down. Later, Jimmy asks Kelly how the wedding went, and she tells him that the ceremony had to be moved to a nearby hospital 'cause the bride unexpectedly went into labor. Jimmy asks her if she brought a date to the event, and she tells him she's not dating anyone at the moment...then gets into her relationship history with Brandon and says she was displeased at seeing him and Lily all over each other. She also snarks about her arch-frenemy, Valerie, who made sure she was well aware of the fact that Brandon and Lily spent the night together. Jimmy astutely points out that she lets Valerie win whenever she lets her get to her this way, and advises her to avoid melancholy and love life more. As if that's going to happen. 

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