Recap: Mariah, of the Remember the Alamo episode, is in town for a superfluous guest appearance. She tells Brandon she's surprised he even remembers her, so he's all, "Wha-a? Meeting you was the highlight of my summer." We get a black and white refresher/flashback of the backwater town of Hadley City, and then Mariah and Brandon reminisce about all the personal stuff they shared with each other in so short a time. She tells him that so much has happened since that day: she moved to New York, wrote a book about angels and instantly became a mega-successful author...and, naturally, she attributes her success to Brandon's awesomeness. She recalls that when they met last summer he spent a lot of time talking about a girl named Kelly, then asks him if he's seeing anyone. He tells her he is - but it's not Kelly. The two enter Casa Walsh and are greeted by Steve, Clare, and Tracy...and a few seconds later, Kelly appears out of nowhere (dunno why she'd be there) and gushes to Mariah about how much she loooves her angel book, and Mariah gushes back about how much she loooves being gushed over. As everyone happily skips to the kitchen for tea, Tracy pulls Brandon aside and snarkishly tells him it's obvious from Mariah's reaction to Kelly that he poured his heart out to her about their relationship. Brandon glares at her in annoyance, snaps, "Be an angel" and stalks off. Just end it, Tracy.
Valerie and Jason Lewis are strolling the streets of Hollywood, gabbling excitedly about the premiere of his movie, Adam's Children. He says that Hollywood feels like the end of a rainbow, then tells her she's doing a great job as his business manager. He's anxious about the film's reviews, but she tells him it's all good 'cause the buzz has been very positive. [Spoiler: after the premiere, critics unanimously agree on how badly it sucks.]
The Walsh house. Tracy's frying up eggs for breakfast when Brandon saunters into the kitchen. She tells him that Mariah and Kelly went off to the beach...then changes the subject and says she was just thinking about their trip to Hong Kong and how much she liked getting away and meeting his dad. Somehow she's under the illusion that the trip brought their relationship to a whole new level.
Beach house. David and Donna are studying...and David keeps sneaking flirty peaks at Donna, prompting her to stare at him quizzically and go, "Wha-at?!" Clare enters the room and asks Donna if she has any blank disks (hee! I remember floppies!), so Donna goes to her room to check. David takes the opportunity to needlessly tell Clare that he wants tomorrow night to be a special evening for him and Donna, and wants to do something especially nice for her - but doesn't know what. She suggests he cook her a nice meal, and he mulls that over and agrees it's a good idea. Donna, meanwhile, returns from her room empty-handed and tells Clare she's all out of disks, and when she catches David flirtily peaking at her again, she screeches, "Wha-at?!"
Kelly and Mariah arrive at the beach house. Mariah tells her how lucky she is to live near the ocean, but Kelly just kind of shrugs and says she misses the "amazing energy" of New York and that she's thinking of moving there for graduate school. She complains about how Beverly Hills can feel like a small town: same people, same regrets. Yep, that's generally what happens when one stubbornly refuses to outgrow one's circle of high school friends.
Hollywood Hills. Valerie arrives at Jason Lewis' house with a designer suit for him to wear to the premiere...and she finds him refinishing a chair and listening to the radio. By scripted coincidence, the radio DJ starts talking about Adam's Children and jokes that while Jason Lewis is hot, the movie is not. Jason Lewis gets irked and shuts the radio off, and Valerie tells him to chillax, points out that the DJ liked him in the movie, and that he's going to have to develop a thick skin if he wants to make it in this business. Jason Lewis spreads out his hands for her to examine and tells her he's got lots of scars and callouses (I assume 'cause he likes to do handyman stuff) and somehow thinks this translates to him being thick skinned against scathing reviews from movie critics.
California University. Mariah is talking to a group of CU students about angels and pedaling her new book. She tells the story of how she got mugged shortly after arriving in New York, and then had her belongings promptly returned to her by a large man/guardian angel who vanished a few seconds later. Kelly and Brandon both look moved by the implausible story while Tracy derisively rolls her eyes. After the talk, Mariah invites Brandon, Tracy, and Kelly to attend a New Age type concert tomorrow night. Kelly and Brandon nod and look enthused while Tracy rolls her eyes again and looks like it's the last thing she'd ever want to attend.
Donna tells David she won't be able to make their dinner date tomorrow night 'cause she's behind in one of her classes, and David gets irked and says he doesn't get why she's getting so wrapped up in "a stupid fashion course". Donna indignantly retorts, "It's not stupid to me" and asks him why he's being so dickish about it, and he just snaps, "Forget it." Donna stops him from storming out and promises to do her best to make it to dinner, and he smiles and sheepishly nods.
Movie premiere! The red carpet, paparazzi, and stars of Adam's Children are out in full force to celebrate the film's premiere screening. Jason Lewis arrives in a limo and casually saunters toward the theater with Valerie on his arm. Steve calls Clare and urges her to come out for the premiere, but she tells him she's on a roll working on her term paper. He begs and pleads with her to reconsider and suggests a sexy dress he'd like to see her in - and as she mulls over the possibility of getting all dolled up for a night on the town, she accidentally knocks over her mug and spills hot coffee all over her CPU. She wigs out, barks, "You idiot!" at Steve and abruptly hangs up on him.
Jason Lewis is moping in the lobby of the theater looking pensive and upset. Valerie rushes out after him and asks whassup, and he grumbles about how the moviegoers are snickering at the shittiness of Adam's Children. Valerie tells him not to let "those jerks" spoil the evening - and a few seconds later, the movie ends and everyone starts filing out. The general consensus is that the movie sucked, but that Jason Lewis was good in it. Brandon remarks to Tracy that the movie "kind of dragged", and Tracy snidely says, "Kind of like you and me lately?" I'm confused...wasn't she just gabbling about how their relationship was brought to a whole new level 'cause of the Hong Kong trip? Whatever. Just break up already.
The producer/director/whoever of Adam's Children tells Jason Lewis that he has a bright future in the acting business, but that this movie has no hope in hell of any box office success. He tells him that after tonight's stinky premiere, they're going to have to rethink the nationwide release and maybe just release it straight to video. Ouch.
Beach house. Clare is trying to fix her CPU by blow-drying it, and admits to Donna that she has no clue what she's doing. Well, d'yuh. Donna suggests calling CU's computer department to see if there's a geek on hand who can help her retrieve her lost files, but Clare says she already tried that and was told they don't have a geek to spare. When the phone rings, she snatches up the receiver and barks, "Yeah? What?" and it's Steve, who somehow still isn't put off by her bitchitude. He greets her with, "Hey, sexy!" and she snarls that she's not finished her work yet, and then sneers, "I loathe you right now." Steve cluelessly replies, "I love you too" so she bitches about how she's been in computer hell for the last two hours - thanks to him and his stupid interruptions. Steve asks, "You backed it all up on disk, right?" and Clare wails that she didn't have any disks...and now seventy-five pages of her report are gone. Steve murmurs, "Sorry.." and when she bitchily mimics his sorry, he looks hurt and says, "You don't have to get hostile." Clare growls, "And you don't have to call anymore, do you?" and hangs up. Someone please explain to me why these two are still dating.
After Dark. Jason Lewis grumbles to Valerie that he doesn't want to talk to the press, so she urges him to just talk about how exciting the movie-making experience was and that he's looking forward to future projects. Seems like sensible advice. Jason Lewis dejectedly asks, "Just move on, huh?" Um, yes..? One of the reporters (if you can call entertainment news "reporting") asks Jason Lewis why he thinks the movie ended up being such a bag of shit, and he argues that it's a great movie and that nasty comments like that hurt all the people who worked very hard on the project. He then gives the reporters the what-for for getting pleasure out of tearing down other people's work, and angrily storms out.
The Peach Pit. David's cooking in the diner's open kitchen, making a fiery mess as he prepares the food for his special dinner with Donna. He gets a call from Donna, who says she needs to cancel their dinner 'cause she was so busy helping Clare blow-dry her computer that she didn't get around to doing her own work...and a crestfallen David gets snippy and hangs up on her.
The Walsh house. Mariah tells Brandon she likes his friends...and after spending so much quality time with Kelly, she concludes that they're being pulled toward each other by powerful cosmic forces. Brandon insists that he and Kelly are just good friends, but Mariah grins and says, "Maybe it's not the end of the story." He reminds her he's trying to make a go of it with Tracy and chides Mariah for stirring things up, and Mariah looks faux innocent and says, "Who? Me?"
Hollywood Hills. Valerie drops by Jason Lewis' house and finds him scouring the papers for a positive review of Adam's Children - but since it sucked such giant rhinoceros turd, there aren't any. He announces he hates this town, isn't cut out for this business, and is packing it in and returning to Indiana. Thank goodness. He's very delicious to look at, but his constant bellyaching about stardom was really starting to grate. Valerie pleads with him to reconsider, then bitches about all the work she put in for him over the last few weeks...and he gets all prickly and accuses her of being one more person who wants a piece of him. Valerie reminds him that he was the one who asked her to be his manager and that they have a contract. She barks, "You're not going anywhere!" but he declares he's leaving, and then fires her. She shoots him the stink-eye, growls, "Go to hell!" and storms out.
Beach house. Clare is despondent about her fried computer, while Donna wrings her hands about David and says she's worried he's going off the squirrelly deep end again. Steve suddenly bursts in and says he comes bearing gifts and holds up a removable hard drive. Apparently, he spent half the night with a bunch of geeks learning how to use it, along with software that can help recover lost files. He types in the name of Clare's document and a few seconds later - voila! - the paper reappears on her giant '90s monitor. She shrieks happily - but Steve, who's still pissed, tells her she can find herself a new punching bag. Yay, Steve! Too bad this breakup is so short-lived.
CUTV. Brandon arrives at the station in time to see footage of the latest newscast, on which Tracy is disparaging the New Age festival and belittling Mariah's angel book. Brandon says he disapproves of her negativity and thinks she went out of her way to slam the festival and Mariah. Tracy denies that and explains that she wanted to avoid slanting her reporting to bolster Mariah's book sales just 'cause she's his friend. Brandon asks her if she's jealous that Mariah and Kelly have been spending so much time together, and Tracy admits she feels like the two are ganging up on her...then recalls how Kelly told her flat out that she's still in love with him.
Beach house. Clare tells Donna how happy she is that her paper is finished, and Donna advises her to apologize to Steve for the extreme bitchitude she demonstrated during the crisis of her own making. David phones, sounding all frentic-like, and pleads with Donna to meet him at the After Dark, like pronto. She assumes he's close to losing his mind and tells him she'll be right there.
The Walsh house. Brandon invites Valerie to attend the New Age concert with him tonight, but she declines and says she's too bummed about her breakup with Jason Lewis.
After Dark. Donna arrives and finds the club decked out with lit candles everywhere. David emerges from the diner carrying two huge plates of food (Donna's definitely not going to eat all that), and Donna sighs with relief and says she was worried about his fragile mental state. He reminds her that today is the fifth anniversary of the day he told her he loved her...and the two coo about how much they love each other and start smooching. The hell? Since when does the first utterance of I love youwarrant its own anniversary celebration?
New Age concert. Brandon and Steve arrive at the harp/violin concert and sit with Kelly. Brandon tells her that Tracy isn't feeling well, and when she asks where Clare is, Steve snaps, "Who cares?" He says he's had it with her cunty behavior and is thinking of becoming a monk. A few seconds later, a delivery man brings a giant bouquet of flowers for Steve. He reads the I'm sorry note, then looks behind him and sees Clare standing in a grisly belly baring dress, smiling at him. He gets up and goes over to where she's standing, and when she admits to acting like a jerk, he hands her a rose and they quickly make up. Brandon grins and remarks to Kelly, "Now that's what I call an apology." One person's apology is another person's chronically dysfunctional relationship, I guess.
The Walsh house. Jason Lewis drops by to apologize to Valerie and say goodbye. Valerie squeaks, "What about us?" so he asks her if she'd be with him if he were just a carpenter, and she shakes her head and mumbles, "I dunno." That seems like a suitable end to their superficial hookup. Bye, Jason Lewis. See ya on Sex and the City.
Mariah pulls a no-show to the concert, since she had to return to New York, which...well, whatever. Steve and Clare rush off to indulge in a makeup doink, leaving Kelly and Brandon alone together. She shivers and says she's cold, so he gives her his jacket...and then the two stare longingly at each other and kiss. A few seconds later, Brandon winces and says, "I shouldn't have done that." The two part slowly, stare back at each other, then finally leave the concert separately.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
3/8/2017 09:42:05 pm
I was searching online to watch this episode, which poptv decided to skip for some reason. I was so entertained by your review that I don't need to watch it after all. Loved it all! Probably more entertaining than the actual episode! 😎👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
3/9/2017 04:11:36 am
Thanks! I hope you stick around the site and continue to read and enjoy!
3/9/2019 10:47:28 am
These recaps are everything
8/16/2019 01:31:57 pm
Mariah is so gorgeous. I wish she had been on more episodes.
2/17/2021 12:18:01 pm
I actually watched this episode on HULU, but I needed to see how you would describe Clare's outfit when she showed up to the new age concert....no disappointment here 🤣🤣🤣
12/23/2021 08:16:24 am
HA honestly same
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