Recap: Tracy and Brandon are about to leave for the airport to jet off to Hong Kong, and Tracy gabbles to Valerie about how super excited she is about the trip. Brandon tells Tracy that his dad is really looking forward to meeting her, and Valerie assures her that both Jim and Cindy are going to looove her. She then shifts the conversation to herself and mentions that she's hosting a star-studded party for Jason Lewis at the After Dark this weekend...and that she's in such a good mood about it she even invited Kelly.
Beach house. Kelly's hanging on the patio, wearing frumpy dungarees as she refinishes an old chair. Clare urges her to come to the After Dark with her and Steve, but Kelly says she has zero desire to attend Valerie's party. Clare says she gets that it hurts knowing that Brandon decided to take Tracy to Hong Kong, but Kelly insists she doesn't need a distraction from Brandon's/Tracy's relationship and says she really would prefer to spend the evening refinishing a decrepit chair. Clare gives up and goes inside, and Kelly fingers the ex-engagement ring Brandon gave her (that she now wears on a chain around her neck) and stares contemplatively into space.
Hong Kong. Jim picks up Brandon and Tracy from the airport and brings them to his/Cindy's apartment, and explains that Cindy won't be in this episode 'cause she's in "London" taking care of Brenda, who conveniently came down with mononucleosis. Well that's a shame. I hope it doesn't negatively affect her career as a UK stage actress. Tracy asks them how long it's been since the family was all together, and Brandon recalls Shannen Doherty's firing at the end of Season 4 then says, "Quite awhile." Tracy heads off to the guest room to unpack, and Jim remarks that she's a very enthusiastic, perky person then asks Brandon why he's never mentioned her before. Brandon replies, "There are things I like to keep to myself" and Jim nods approvingly and compliments his maturity.
Hospital. Papa Martin is recovering well from his stroke, but remains paralyzed on the right side of his body. Donna sits at his bedside, gabbling about how much she's looking forward to him coming home - while Felice is nearby, talking to a doctor about arranging for Papa Martin to be shipped off to a rehabilitation facility. Donna overhears the tail end of that conversation and tells her mom she thinks it would be better if Papa Martin recuperated at home - but Felice disagrees and says he's not ready for that. Donna insists that he'll make the most progress being in the loving bosom of his family, but Felice looks aghast at the idea of taking care of a sick person, even if it's her own husband.
Hollywood Hills. Valerie and tasty Jason Lewis wake up, spooning on a mattress in the middle of the living room floor. Buy some damn furniture, already. He tells her he just wants to hang out in his unfurnished dump, but Valerie reminds him that they're both expected to attend the star-studded After Dark party in a few hours. Alan (Jason Lewis's manager) calls Valerie on her cellphone to ask if they're all set - I'll assume he's referring to getting Jason Lewis to agree to do the terrible movie he wants him to do - and she snippily tells him they are, and he snippily retorts that he doesn't need her snippy attitude. She ends the call and pretends to Jason Lewis that she was talking to a salesman about renewing a subscription, then gets out of bed and tells him that they should start getting ready for the party. He moans that he'd much rather lay on his mattress all day, so she reminds him that the purpose of the party is to promote his latest movie and that he still needs to prep for media interviews. Jason Lewis gets irked and accuses her of wanting a piece of him, and Valerie snaps, "I'm not Alan. I care about you" and Jason Lewis quickly apologizes, then gives her a kiss.
Hong Kong. Brandon tells Jim that Valerie, Steve, and Donna all looove Tracy - and Jim notes that he didn't mention Kelly, then asks him how she's doing. Brandon just shrugs and goes, "Fine, I guess." Jim asks him if Kelly's seeing anyone, and when it's clear he's stepped on a nerve, he apologizes for his probing questions. A few seconds later, Tracy bounds into the room and announces that she's ready to go sightseeing.
Beach house. Kelly's still in her dungarees, refinishing the decrepit chair. Steve arrives to pick up Clare for the After Dark party...and Clare once again urges Kelly to join them, and Kelly once again insists she doesn't want to. While she's not looking, Steve sits in the chair she's refinishing and it smashes to pieces under his weight...and Kelly stares at it, looking momentarily crushed. Clare breezily says the ugly thing needed to be thrown out anyway, and Kelly shrugs and agrees that she now has nothing holding her back from spending the evening at the After Dark, and heads off to her bedroom to change.
A stretch limo pulls up in front of Jason Lewis's house. Alan climbs out of the back seat and introduces Jason Lewis to a vapid looking blonde named Heather, and tells him she'll be his date for the evening. Jason Lewis gets irked and tells Alan he's going to the party with Valerie, but Alan assures him it's just business and that surely Valerie will understand. Valerie shoots Adam the stink-eye, then grits her teeth as she agrees, "Business is business." She tells Jason Lewis she'll see him at the party, and he reluctantly climbs into the limo with Heather. Alan grins smugly and says to Valerie, "They make a cute couple. Professionally speaking, of course."
The Peach Pit. Donna gabbles to David about how she really really wants her dad to recuperate from his stroke at home, blah blah..
After Dark. Kelly is hanging at the club with Clare and Steve. Some hot guy approaches Kelly and asks her if they've met before, and she bitchily retorts, "Yeah, in your dreams" and he shoots her a WTF? expression, goes, "Sorrrry" and stalks off. Kelly whines that she's not having fun, so Clare tells her to shut up and try to fake it. Jason Lewis arrives at the club with Heather and politely introduces her to Kelly, Clare, and Steve...and a few minutes later, Valerie arrives and asks the three if they've seen her hot beau. Kelly gleefully tells her he's standing over by the bar with Heather, then remarks on how awesome Heather looks in her gold mini dress. Valerie snidely retorts, "Yeah - it's a lot like the one Tracy took to Hong Kong." Hee! Good zinger.
Hong Kong. While ambling around an outdoor market, Tracy gushes to Jim and Brandon about how super excited she is to be in Hong Kong, and I get the feeling her enthusiasm is starting to grate on Jim. She comes across a table of books for sale and starts browsing through a fable book. The seller gives her the whole backstory of the fable, which is about a prince who was in love with two princesses and is unable to decide which of them he should marry...so he ends up literally drowning in his indecision. Subtle, show.
After Dark. Jason Lewis is giving interviews to the press as Heather stands off to the side and admires his hotness. Valerie sidles up to her and tells her that something important has come up and urges Heather to follow her. She tells the dimwit that Cameron Crowe wants to meet her, and Heather's all, "Wha-a?! Really?" and lets Valerie steer her out the back door and into a waiting limo. Valerie discreetly slips a wad of cash to the driver to get stuck in a lot of traffic.
Hong Kong. Jim takes Brandon and Tracy to a fancy restaurant for dinner, and the three talk about the communist takeover of Hong Kong. Jim claims he's not at all worried 'bout that, while Brandon admits he's totally stressed about his post-college plans. He asks his dad for some much needed parental pearls of wisdom - but Jim just shrugs and tells him that everything will fall into place once he figures out what he wants to spend his life doing. Tracy smiles giddily and stupidly says, "I think everything falls into place once you find someone you love" and Jim nods and replies, "Well said." Brandon stares down at his plate uncomfortably, trying to hide his lukewarm feelings for her and his burning desire to dump her like a sack of dirt, two episodes from now.
David's house. Donna drops by to gabble some more about how much she wants her dad to recuperate at home instead of going to rehab. David shows her a box full of products and equipment he assembled for her, which make everyday tasks easy for stroke victims. Donna exclaims, "This is perfect!" and thanks him profusely, blah blah...I still don't care.
After Dark. Kelly walks up to the guy she so rudely brushed off earlier and asks, "Haven't we met before?" and he calls her out on her bitchitude. She jokes that that was her evil twin, then apologizes for the rude blow-off and introduces herself - and finds out that his name is Pete. She starts nattering about wanting to make her enemies miserable, then raises a toast to "broken chairs that happily stayed broken" and Pete drinks to the nonsensical toast instead of fleeing to a different area of the bar.
Alan is peeved at Valerie for getting rid of Heather and reminds her that she recently made a lot of money off of him and that he calls the shots. Valerie reminds him that he needs her to convince Jason Lewis to do terrible movies he doesn't want to do...and Alan gets annoyed and storms off. Jason Lewis comes over and asks Valerie if everything is OK, and she says that Alan was confused about a few things, but they got it all straightened out. He apologizes for arriving at the party with Heather, but she assures him it's already forgotten and hugs him while glaring smugly over at Alan.
Hospital. Donna tells her dad about all the equipment/products that David assembled, which are designed to help him function when he comes home, but he announces that he'll be recuperating in a rehabilitation facility. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and insists that he won't be a burden, blah blah.. Please resolve the conundrum of John's recuperation off-camera.
After Dark. Kelly is officially drunk. Clare suggests they head home, but Kelly says she's having too much fun forgetting about how hung up she still is on Brandon (even though she's the one who coldly rejected him when he proposed) and continues flirting with Pete, who still refuses to get a clue.
Valerie asks Alan, "Any word on Heather?" and Alan irritably replies, "Not a peep" so Jason writes her off as a flake and tells Alan, "You sure know how to pick 'em." He orders his manager to apologize to Valerie for letting Heather move in on her territory, so Alan apologizes for being a snake - but says Valerie is way worse. He snarls, "She'll cut your heart out and make you think she's doing you a favor." Valerie says she'll take that as a compliment - LOL - so Alan tattles on her for accepting $10,000 from him to convince him (Jason Lewis) to do terrible movies. Jason Lewis scrunches his face in confusion and asks Valerie what he's talking about, and Valerie gets flustered and shoots Alan another stink-eye. She admits to Jason Lewis that, yeah, she accepted $10,000 to get him to sign a deal to do the terrible movie, but then claims she did it only to reveal what a sleaze Alan is. Jason Lewis gets pissed off and fires Alan on the spot...and when Valerie tries to elaborate on why she took the bribe, he angrily stomps away from her.
Hong Kong. Brandon and Jim are hanging at a bar, enjoying a candid, father-son chat. Jim admits to being scared shitless of the impending communist takeover, then changes the subject and wryly remarks that Tracy seems to dig him a lot. Brandon says he digs her too, then admits that he digs her a bit less than she digs him. Jim advises him to tell Tracy that he's not really into her, then says it's painfully obvious he'd much rather be with Kelly. Brandon tells him that after Kelly turned down his marriage proposal he kept the engagement ring for awhile, then finally returned it to the jeweler. Jim says he's worried he's going to make a huge mistake, but Brandon assures him he knows what he's doing.
After Dark. Kelly's still hanging out with Pete, drunkenly blurting out incoherent nonsense while Clare stares over at her disapprovingly. She wants to intervene, but Steve tells her to let Kelly be, and that it's none of her business. Pete bugs Kelly to tell him her last name, but she refuses to since they're never going to see each other again after tonight. When he leans in for a kiss, she suddenly freaks out when she realizes that her necklace with her ex-engagement ring is gone. She drops to the floor to look for it, and Clare and Steve rush over to see whassup. Pete, meanwhile, finally decides that Kelly's too weird for his liking and beats a hasty retreat. After searching the floor for a few minutes, Steve finds the ex-engagement ring and hands it to Kelly, and she tearfully thanks him.
Hospital. Felice is irked at Donna for telling Papa Martin he'd be better off recuperating at home than at a rehabilitation facility, and sheepishly adds that she doesn't think she can handle taking care of him. Donna assures her she's strong enough to face this crisis, blah blah.. I've lost the will to even write bitchy things about this storyline anymore.
A sheepish Valerie arrives at Jason Lewis's house carrying a single rose, and he answers the door looking smokin' hot in a wife beater shirt and jeans. He glances at the rose and says, "You're going to have to do better than that." She apologizes and promises never to take bribe money behind his back from Alan again...then somehow insists that she didn't actually violate his trust 'cause she only accepted the $10,000 to demonstrate to him what a jerk Alan is. (It remains unclear exactly when or how this demonstration was to take place - LOL.) Jason Lewis buys her implausible story and offers her the job of being his manager - the fuck? - but Valerie surprisingly balks at the idea and says she'd rather not mix business with pleasure. He tells her he'd much rather give the 10% to her than some shark, and Valerie doesn't point out that she's probably way more of a shark than Alan could ever be, accepts the job, and the two hug and canoodle. Poor, dumb Jason Lewis. He's lucky he's so pretty.
Hong Kong. Brandon meets up with Tracy in the outdoor market, and she tells him she bought the fable book and says, "It kind of struck a chord." Brandon looks irked and says, "I though we were past all this" and she looks sad and tells him the wound is still healing. She then looks at him earnestly and says, "Tell me I'm not tiding you over until someone else comes along" and Brandon insists he's not, even though she's totally just tiding him over until he gets back together with Kelly two episodes from now.
Martin house. Donna's making some last minute adjustments, readying the house so that her father can begin his period of recuperation. I guess he decided to recuperate at home after all. Fantastic. David assures her that she did a superb job of making the place livable for a quasi-invalid...and a few seconds later. Papa Martin arrives home in a wheelchair with Felice at his side. He gushes to Donna how perfect everything looks, and the two hug...and Felice shoots David a grateful smile.
Beach house. Steve wakes up Kelly, who's hung over, and says they need to have a little chat. He tells her she should probably give up on Brandon, then assures her that no one but he and Clare know that she's been wearing her ex-engagement ring around her neck. He asks her how she got it back, so she tells him she bought it from the jeweler after Brandon returned it. Steve stares at her blankly and goes, "Why?" so Kelly says, "I didn't want anyone else to have it." He advises her to stop wearing the thing and put it away somewhere...and as soon as he leaves, Kelly carefully places the ring in a special memory box in her closet, then stares at the box sadly.