Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 6, Episodes 31 & 32

Gorgeous princes with sweet dispositions and endless sums of cash should probably aim higher than Clare

"You Say It's Your Birthday? (Parts 1 & 2)"
Original airdate: 5/22/1996

Episode summary: Prince Carl throws Steve a lavish birthday bash on the Queen Mary...and declares his feelings of love for Clare. Susan accepts a job in D.C. working for the '96 political campaign, which effectively ends her relationship with Brandon. Donna and David decide to start dating again, and Valerie gets help from a hot FBI agent to track down Colin.

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Recap: Nat asks Valerie whassup regarding the search for Colin, and she tells him there's been no progress in locating him. Nat glumly says that the longer the search goes on, the worse it is for them...then mutters that for all they know, the douchebag could be in Mexico by now. Valerie says she can't believe he'd just leave them high and dry, but Nat remains skeptical. She tells him she put a call in to Jonesy 'cause he owes her a favor (after he got her arrested for prostitution, I guess), and is hopeful that he can work his weird brand of magic and help them find Colin.

The Peach Pit. Valerie finds Kelly sitting at the counter and tells her how worried Nat is about losing the diner. Kelly snarks that she seems to attract disaster wherever she goes, so Valerie reminds her that she's the one who "invented" Colin. Kelly haughtily retorts, "The minute I found out what a jerk he was, you moved right in." Please. It took longer than a minute for you to dump Colin's ass after you finally caught on that he was regularly snorting the white stuff - four full episodes, in fact. Not to mention that you then started snorting the white stuff herself. Valerie nonsensically points out that she knew Colin long before she (Kelly) ever met him, so then Kelly decides that she (Valerie) is the one who's to blame for "inventing" Colin and bitchily snaps, "He's all yours." Shut up, both of you.


Strip club. Colin's sitting at the bar, leering at the scantily clad stripper dancing in front of him. A grizzled guy sits on the stool next to him and tells him he can smuggle him aboard a freighter - if he has enough dough, that is. Colin says he's working on it, and the guy replies, "You'd better hurry up."


Newsroom. Susan is packing up her office and passing along instructions about the running of the paper to the flunky who will be the acting editor-in-chief over the summer. Considering that most of the students will be away on summer holidays, does The Condor actually need to be published during July and August? She tells the flunky that she and Brandon are spending two months on the road "seeing America", and he says that that sounds great, then asks them if they heard anything about the big birthday blowout this weekend: apparently some royal prince is throwing a KEG guy a party on the Queen Mary in Long Beach. Brandon grins at Susan and says they may have heard something 'bout that. The flunky predicts that every Greek from CU will be there on Saturday night...and Brandon pretends to look contemplative and says, "I wonder who that lucky KEG guy could be..?"


Long Beach. Carl, Steve, and Clare are scoping out the Queen Mary in advance of the big party. Steve looks around the luxurious venue and exclaims, "This is awesome!" Carl tells him they'll be taking over the entire ship as they celebrate at his 21st birthday-palooza, then says that there are still a lot of details that need to take care of.


Motel. Colin calls Claudia from a pay phone and tells her he really needs the money she owes him, but she claims he forfeited it when he broke their contract and refused to doink her anymore. She mockingly asks him if he's run out of women to take care of him. Um...kinda. He insists that she owes him $10,000, and she caustically retorts, "And to what prison should I send it?" so he wryly gives her the address of a Western Union station to which she can wire the cash. She correctly assumes he's trying to skip the country...then promises to send the money, but tells him not to ask for more since she doesn't want to be aiding or abetting a fugitive. Even though that's exactly what she's doing by agreeing to wire the $10,000.


Queen Mary. Steve checks out the main ballroom and exclaims, "What a place for a party!" then jokes that it's definitely elegant enough to celebrate his 21st birthday. Carl ambles off to ensure that the stage meets the band's specifications, and then some random person walks by carrying a huge cardboard cut-out of Steve. Clare tells Steve she's hungry and wants to get some lunch - but Steve is worried that leaving would be rude and thinks they should probably stick around and help Carl. She rolls her eyes and accuses him of brown-nosing, then warns him that Carl might pull a Godfather and expect a big favor in return for throwing him this bash. Steve says that Carl isn't like that...and besides, if he had Carl's dough and could afford to throw a bash like this for a bonehead like himself, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Clare suddenly softens and says, "You would, wouldn't you?" and gives him a hug...and then Steve frolics around the ballroom like a giddy four year old.


The Walsh house. Brandon invites Kelly to stay for dinner, but she declines 'cause she has plans with her mom. He tells her that he and Susan are headed out to Long Beach tomorrow, and Kelly says she's catching a ride with David and Donna...and that she's going to the party stag. Brandon remarks that Prince Carl has inexplicably outdone himself for Steve's birthday, and Kelly mulls this over for a few seconds and says, "Steve always lands in the roses. It's been like that his whole life." She then picks up a pair of Steve's sneakers 'cause she's having them bronzed for him as a birthday gift (wait - what?) just as Valerie enters the kitchen. Kelly says goodbye to Brandon and Valerie...and Brandon quips to Valerie about how he has fresh hope for Planet Earth 'cause of how she and Kelly are warming up to each other. Valerie rolls her eyes and says that Kelly seems to be enjoying her suffering a little too much...but Brandon points out that since the police are now involved in the search for Colin, they're sure to find him. He ambles off, and Valerie dials her voicemail and listens to a message (on speaker) from Jonesy, who's currently in Thailand. He tells her he's on the case of Colin the Fugitive and assures her that her bond troubles will soon be over. He then needlessly mentions that he found out Dylan has been chillin' in London. After she hangs up, she notices that Brandon has been eavesdropping from the doorway. Valerie asks him if he knew that Dylan was in London and most likely shacking up with Brenda, and Brandon says that Brenda never said anything 'bout that - but then, she's been on tour in Scotland. She must really be wowing the UK with her acting abilities. Valerie snidely remarks that she's only sorry Kelly left before hearing "the good news". Meow.


MZA. Donna and David enter Eric's office...and yikes, it looks like Donna had a self-tanning mishap and went too heavy on the orange tint. Eric tells them he heard about a big party on the Queen Mary and that the Goo Goo Dolls are performing (yay!). He looks wistful and says he'd really love to attend that party, so David tells him that that could be arranged...and then Donna chimes in and offers to get him in, and explains that the birthday boy is one of their best friends. Eric is called away for a minute, and David chides Donna for giving Eric the wrong signal and that it's clear he totally has the hots for her. Of course he does. Donna is the world's most beautiful, desirable, sweetly delicate cherub whose charms no man can resist. Even when she's turned herself orange. Donna denies giving Eric the wrong message and says that he probably just wants to attend the party so he can watch the band perform.


Beach house. David shows Donna the photo of the two of them and Eric in the newspaper when they officially got signed with MZA and proudly says, "We have arrived." LOL. He adds that they shouldn't let it get to their heads, so they need to stay focused and should probably work while they're aboard the Queen Mary this weekend. Kelly emerges from her room with her luggage, and David jokingly tells her that Donna is bringing a date to the party (Eric) but Donna insists that she was just being nice. A delivery for Donna arrives, which ends up being a letter from Dylan...and Donna whispers to David that the return address is where Brenda's currently living in London. From the kitchen, Kelly asks what the delivery is, and Donna tells her it's just something from work.


Queen Mary. After Eric has checked in, he asks the clerk if his room is anywhere near Donna's, and the clerk breaches whatever security and/or privacy policy the ship has and tells him it's right down the hall. He looks pleased and goes, "Excellent!" Brandon, Susan, Nat, and Joan arrive...and Joan announces that she's not feeling well and needs to go to the can. Nat tells Brandon he thinks she's just tired. The two check in, and the clerk needlessly remarks that the entire bill is being footed by Prince Carl. The clerk then hands Brandon a letter to pass along to Susan, and Brandon quickly deduces that it has a return area code for Washington D.C. Susan and Joan return from their bathroom trip, and Brandon hands Susan the message, but she barely glances at it and tells him it's probably from a woman [she recently met at a conference] who runs political campaigns. She shows no interest in the message and tells Brandon she just wants to find their bed and get busy. Oh give it up, already. You two are never going to have any damn chemistry.


Valerie is getting settled in her cabin when she gets a visit from a hot FBI agent, who was sent to her by Jonesy. He dazzles her with his in-depth knowledge of The Colin Case and says he's confident he can find Colin and help wrap up this tedious storyline before the credits start rolling.


Carl finds Clare suntanning on the deck. He sits down to chat and tells her that their mothers traveled on Queen Mary's last voyage, and that he has a photo of the two women standing on the deck. Clare scrunches her funny looking doll face and goes, "Really?" and says she'd love to see that photo. Steve arrives, wearing bright red swim trunks and nothing else (ew), and Carl rushes off to prepare himself for tomorrow's polo match.


Valerie tells the hot FBI agent that the police think Colin is already out of the country. He says that that's possible, though it entails acquiring fake ID, which can be costly. He asks her if there's anyone he'd hit up for cash, and she tells him she can't think of anyone she hasn't already alerted the police about. He asks if Colin has any old girlfriends, and Valerie sees Kelly across the room and points her out. She calls Kelly over and introduces her to the hot FBI agent...and Kelly tells him that Colin might possibly get in touch with his art dealer and former sugar mamma, Claudia. Valerie perks up at this tidbit and is visibly delighted when she learns that Colin was two-timing Kelly while they were dating.


David gets off the elevator and runs into Eric, who tells him he's headed to Donna's room. David asks him if she's expecting him, and he cheekily replies, "Where's the magic in that?" David informs him that Donna just got out of a relationship and that she might need a little space, so Eric asks him if he's implying that he doesn't have a chance with her. David's like, "D'yuh" and outright says that neither he nor his penis have a snowball's chance in hell of getting lucky with Donna.


Donna looks surprised to see Eric, then invites him in. She tells him she was just about to go downstairs and meet her friends for dinner, but he just kind of ignores that and shows her the bottle of champagne and two glasses he brought with him. She tells him she has a bad history with champagne (as evidenced during the infamously awesome prom episode), but Eric ignores that too and uncorks the bottle and pours them each a glass. David calls her room and tells her to tell Eric she's meeting her friends, so she loudly says in Eric's direction, "OK. I'll be right down." Eric proposes a toast to her "wonderful smile" and says he was thinking the two of them could have their own private dinner. She tells him she already has plans and then half-heartedly invites him to join her and her friends...and, to her dismay, he eagerly accepts her invitation.



Restaurant. Brandon says he's going to keep his birthday toast to Steve short, then says, "I love you, man" and leaves it at that. Donna and David reveal their special surprise for the birthday boy - which is, of course, a special birthday video. It's a series of clips, which include Happy Birthday wishes from Mama and Papa Walsh from "Hong Kong", and Steve's halfwit half-brothers, who joke about how bummed they are that they weren't invited to the weekend bash.


A woman wearing a flowy flowery dress arrives at the Queen Mary and is directed to the private dining room where Steve's birthday dinner is taking place. After a few seconds we see that - ack! - it's Ahn-drea.


Steve's birthday video continues, and we see more filmed good wishes from Rush, Samantha, Ahn-drea, Monika Schnarre (er...OK?), Mrs. Teasley, and Donna reading aloud Dylan's letter. Everyone applauds as Ahn-drea makes her grand entrance...and they all rush over to gush over her special guest appearance and hug her hello. After that, a waiter wheels in Steve's customized birthday cake: a big-headed replica of Steve sitting inside a red Corvette. Everyone sings Happy Birthday as he blows out his candles.


Later, the partygoers head up to the deck of the Queen Mary and start boogying the night away...and everyone toasts Steve, who then starts enthusiastically jigging with Ahn-drea. He introduces her to Carl, then wonders aloud where Clare is...and Carl perks up and offers to go look for her.


Kelly asks David about the letter from Dylan, so David explains that he emailed Brenda to see if she wanted to send Steve a video message for his birthday...but I guess she bitchily blew that off without an explanation and had Dylan send a letter instead. David tells Kelly that he and Donna didn't tell her about it 'cause they were worried she'd get upset and go on a coke bender if she knew that Dylan and Brenda were a couple again...but Kelly just pretends like it doesn't bother her. David glances across the deck and notices Donna gyrating in front of a very touchy-feely Eric and decides that she needs rescuing. He enlists a dorky extra to tell Eric he has a fake emergency phone call...and when he rushes off, David goes over to Donna and takes credit for getting rid of Eric. She's exasperated with Eric's persistence and says she doesn't know what she's going to do with him. Meanwhile, the hot FBI agent finds Valerie and tells her that Colin recently phoned up an art patron and tried to peddle some of his shit-tastic paintings, but the patron wasn't interested in throwing his money out the window. The phone call was placed from L.A., so there's a good chance he hasn't skipped town yet.


Joan still isn't feeling well, so she and Nat turn in for the night. Susan tells Brandon she hasn't gotten in touch with the D.C. woman who left her that message 'cause they've been playing phone tag.


Clare and Carl carry a drunk Steve to his room. Clare thanks the prince for throwing the lavish party, and also for being such a good friend. He invites her to take a walk with him on the deck - but she glances over at Steve, who's passed out cold, and tells him she'd better not. He nods amiably, then wishes her good night and leaves. How is it possible for her not to be attracted to this delicious, well mannered young prince?


Eric is strolling along the deck with Donna and David, thanking them for inviting him to Steve's weekend bash. David suggests that they all turn in, but Donna says she's OK with him going to bed and leaving her alone with the horny cretin...so David shrugs and ambles off. Eric puts his arm around Donna's bare shoulders, and she glares over at his arm and tells him there's something he needs to know...and that something is that she's a virgin and determined to stay that way (until she finally agrees to doink David at the end of Season 7). He's all, "Wha-a?!" and she assures him it's true, and that her virginity makes her life much less complicated. Kelly suddenly appears and tells Donna she's heading to bed...and Eric correctly assumes that she's way too loose to still be a virgin, so he dashes after her and asks her if she'd like to have a nightcap.


The next morning, Kelly is breakfasting with Ahn-drea and looking through boring baby photos of Hannah. She asks her how Jesse is doing, and Ahn-drea just says he loves his work. Kelly briefly recaps Season 6 for her and tells her about her drug fuelled benders and how she ended up in rehab and now feels as though her life is going nowhere. Ahn-drea's sage advice is to be good to herself and make smarter choices than snorting coke. Steve interrupts to tell them that the bus that's transporting them to the polo game is loading.


As the gang boards the bus, Susan looks over the fax she just received from D.C., and it looks like a job offer for her to work for the '96 presidential campaign. Take it! Eric has given up on Donna and is now relentlessly hitting on Kelly...and she looks less than thrilled. Donna jokingly advises her to tell him she's a virgin, and he'll back right off. Heh. Valerie urges the hot FBI agent to come along to the polo game...and as he mulls that over, she grabs his beeper and threatens to hold it hostage until he boards the bus with her.


Polo game. The gang pretends to understand the game of polo as they watch Carl play. Eric, meanwhile, has found an extra to sit beside and flirt with, and David looks happy 'bout that. Ahn-drea asks Kelly who the babe sitting with Valerie is, so she tells her he's an FBI agent who's trying to track down Colin. Suddenly, the hot FBI agent's beeper goes off, and he tells Valerie it could be about Colin, then rushes off to make the call.


Susan shows Brandon the fax she got, and it's a job offer for her to serve as youth adviser for the upcoming political campaign. She pretends like she's not interested, since taking the job would mean she'd have to drop out of school and work over the summer...and Brandon ignores her wistful expression and goes, "Phew! For a second there, you had me worried." LOL. She promises him she's not going anywhere, but then continues to stare wistfully into space. Take it!


Steve tells Clare that Carl seemed like he was in a really bad mood earlier. Clare has no idea why this would be, but Steve insists that something major is bothering the guy. He asks her if anything happened last night after he passed out, but she says he just bid her goodnight and left. She then shrugs disinterestedly and tells Steve not to worry about it.


Steve makes a toast to his friends and thanks Carl for his generosity. The hot FBI agent returns to the table and tells Valerie that he's been tracking Claudia (the art dealer) and found out that she placed a call to a pay phone in San Pedro this morning. He says it's the ideal place where one might try to smuggle oneself out of the country on a freighter. Valerie grins at her hot new friend and coos, "You're good." Mmm hmm..


Eric has resumed flirting with Kelly, and she tells him that she recently got out of rehab and is in recovery. This blatant hint doesn't seem to register in his tiny brain, and he tells her he'd like to get to know her better, then starts fondling her knee. She stabs his roving hand with a fork, and he finally gets the message and flees the table. Donna, who caught the entire exchange, gives her two approving thumbs up.


Steve asks Carl what's wrong, so Carl just comes right out and confesses that he's in love with Clare. Steve thinks he's kidding around and starts chuckling...but then quickly realizes he's not kidding and goes pale. Carl reminds him that he recently said he wasn't super serious about Clare and that he has no definite future plans with her. He then asks Steve's permission to express his feelings to Clare, and Steve just scrunches his face in confusion.


Later, Steve recounts the conversation to Brandon. He's annoyed by the situation, but also confident that Clare loves him and that Carl will just end up making a fool out of himself. Brandon just grumbles that Carl deserves a punch in the face. The two run into Valerie, who tells them that a bunch of rowdy "Greeks" are in the lobby...and Steve perks up and wonders if they brought him presents, then dashes down the stairs to go see.


It's the main event! Steve takes the stage and welcomes everyone to Stevestock! He then introduces the band everyone came to see: the Goo Goo Dolls! Yay! John Rzeznik and the rest of the Dolls appear on stage and start singing Long Way Down - which is awesome - and everyone grooves dorkily to the beat. I'm thrilled the DVD version didn't edit out their performance.


Colin is walking along the harbor in San Pedro, looking around nervously. He meets up with the grizzled freighter guy, who tells him that the plan is all set: Dock 32 at 5:00am. Colin hands him a package that contains the $10,000 he got from Claudia, and the guy wishes him good luck.


As the Goo Goo Dolls continue to perform, the hot FBI agent tells Valerie they're making progress with Operation Capture Colin, and says he may have news for her later. Susan, meanwhile, heads back to her cabin to make a phone call...but when Brandon tries to tag along, she tells him she wants to make the call in private, and this leaves him confused and miffed. He runs into Ahn-drea, who has just come off the elevator, and she asks Brandon whassup. He just shakes his head and mutters, "Women. Can't live with them." Ahn-drea assures him he'll figure it out (or not - who cares?), and the two return to the party.


Steve and Clare are slow dancing all romantic-like when Carl asks to cut in. Steve looks pissed off, but says OK...and since Clare is clueless about Carl's feelings for her, she just shrugs and says, "Fine." She and Carl exchange inane chitchat for a few minutes, and then he comes right out and says, "Clare, I've fallen in love with you." She just stares at him, and is mortified when she learns that he's already cleared all this with Steve. Carl tries to explain that it's all good, but she storms off the dance floor and pulls Steve into a private room. Steve tries to explain that Carl just wanted a chance with her - which, of course he couldn't blame him for, but Clare just stares at him like he's nuts and rips into him about how willing he was to just let her go. Steve says he couldn't very well punch a royal prince...but when Carl suddenly appears and asks the two if everything is OK, Steve punches him square in the face. Clare shrieks and asks him what the hell's wrong with him, then admonishes him for breaking the prince's nose. She shoots Steve the stink-eye as she assists Carl to wherever the hotel doctor is located.


Brandon enters the cabin, and Susan is sitting on the bed, looking tense and contemplative. He correctly guesses that she took the campaign job and immediately gets all pissy about it. She explains that she applied for the position long before they met and didn't think she'd ever get it, then calls it a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity she can't be expected to turn down. Brandon retorts, "Like the job I got offered in Boston?" (No one held a gun to your head, Brandon. That idiotic decision is on you.) Susan acknowledges the double standard, but says that this job could mean great things for both of them. He continues to look pissed off and barks, "Have a nice night" before storming out.


Eric is in the throes of desperation and has resorted to hitting on Ahn-drea (yes, really). She tells him she's a married mother of a two year old, and is on track to go to medical school...and Eric visibly deflates at this news, but for some reason asks to see photos of her daughter, so the two head off for a walk. David and Donna just shake their heads and laugh, then decide to take a walk themselves.


Steve and Brandon gripe about their women. Brandon says he wants to go somewhere disgusting, so Steve suggests hitting a seedy strip club in San Pedro that Muntz once told him about...and Brandon definitely likes the sound of that. I think we can all guess where this storyline is headed..


David drunkenly tells Donna he was thinking about kissing her, and she drunkenly tells him she was thinking about kissing him. He puts his arm around her, and the two continue to drunkenly banter about whether or not they should kiss. Donna then jokes about wanting to pour her glass of champagne all over his face, then actually pours a full glass of the bubbly over his head and laughs fake hysterically. She's quite a dumb drunk.


Clare gives Carl a painkiller for his punched nose. She tells him she's no longer sure about anything regarding her relationship with Steve, then looks at Carl suspiciously and asks him if he threw the party for Steve just to get close to her, but he says, "Nah, you just kind of snuck up on me when I wasn't looking." He then asks her to open the top drawer of his dresser...and she finds a framed photo of their mothers standing on the deck of the Queen Mary. Carl tells her he had it delivered overnight and would like her to have it, and Clare studies it carefully and says she's never seen it before. He insists that his feelings for her are real and that there's a real connection between the two of them. He declares, "I could make you happy" to which she replies, "I am happy." He asks her to think about it...aboutthem...and about what her mother once said about wanting them to marry someday. Clare looks contemplative for a few seconds and says she should go. He leans in for a kiss...and after a few seconds of smooching, she pulls away and says she'll talk to him in the morning.


Valerie runs into Nat and Kelly and tells them that the hot FBI agent told her he thinks Colin might be in San Pedro, trying to smuggle himself aboard a freighter. The authorities are on standby to pick him up if he tries to board. Nat just shrugs and says he'll believe it if it actually happens.


Strip bar. Steve and Brandon enter, and Steve is still grumbling about Clare and Carl possibly hooking up. Colin's sitting at the bar, and looks panicked when he sees them. Steve gets into an argument with a weird guy sitting next to him at the bar...and somehow things quickly degenerate into a big bar room brawl. When Colin makes a break for the exit, Brandon spots him and yells to Steve that he just saw Colin.


David walks Donna back to her room, and the two lay on her bed for a little while. David idly wonders if Eric got lucky with some unlucky female, and Donna asks David why he never acts like a sleaze and hits on girls like that. David tells her it's not his style, and Donna says she likes his style and that she always felt safe with him...except of course when he doinked Ariel in the limo. But even that lapse in judgment didn't fundamentally change the things she likes about him. David forces himself to get up from the bed and says he should get going before he does anything that might endanger her sainted virginity.


Police station. Steve and Brandon are released from police custody without getting charged. They meet up with Valerie and Kelly, who have been sitting in the waiting room, and Brandon informs them that he saw Colin at the strip club. Valerie tells him that Colin must have gotten spooked, since he didn't show up at the freighter as expected...but the hot FBI agent plans to check out the dock area later.


Colin asks the grizzled freighter guy for another opportunity to smuggle himself aboard a ship. The guys tells him that there's another freighter leaving tonight, but he'll have to pay another $10,000. Colin's all, "Wha-a?!" 'cause there's no way he's going to be able to come up with any more dough.


Steve, Brandon, Kelly, and Valerie are driving along when Steve suddenly spots Colin walking down the street. Brandon abruptly stops the car, and he and Steve chase Colin into a nearby shipping yard. It's an exciting cat and mouse game (not really) for several minutes, but eventually they corner him after Valerie and Kelly box him in with their car...and then the police finally arrive. Colin accepts defeat, and a few minutes later the cops take him into custody. Valerie snarks, "Have a nice life, Colin" and Colin hangs his head in shame and says he's sorry, and Kelly snaps, "No you're not!" The hot FBI agent shows up and congratulates the gang on doing the job that he was supposed to have accomplished, then invites Valerie to lunch. Valerie thanks Kelly for her help, and Kelly bitchily says she wishes she could say it was a pleasure, and the two give each other the stink-eye before parting ways. Brandon puts an arm around Kelly and jokes about how this experience has brought her and Val closer together. I really don't get why Kelly insists on being so unnecessarily bitchy to Val.


Queen Mary. Ahn-drea is about to leave for the airport - yay! - when the four sleuths pull up. They tell her how they helped the FBI capture Colin, and then bid their old friend adieu with hugs and kisses.


Brandon finds Susan on the deck, staring contemplatively out at the water. Brandon snarks that he's surprised she's still here, so she tells him she couldn't leave without saying goodbye. She acknowledges the double standard of their respective situations and says, "You gave up your job for me, and now I won't do the same thing for you" and he barks back, "Exactly!" and then she starts babbling about women getting ahead in this world, blah blah, but Brandon isn't really listening and continues to act all hostile. She begs him to come to D.C. with her, but he firmly declines and bitchily says that if he ever finds himself in D.C. maybe he'll look her up. Ouch. Susan starts crying and asks him to kiss her goodbye, and he gives her a quick peck before stalking off. Thank God that chemistry-free relationship is finally over.


Clare and Carl are sitting out on the deck together. She tells him she was up all night, thinking...and decided that she loves Steve. She knows he's a moronic bonehead and everything, but for some inexplicable reason she wants to settle for him instead of taking her chances with a charming, handsome, wealthy prince who could give her an advantaged life most people dare only dream of. Go figure. Carl looks disappointed - but says he understands, and promises that this won't affect his friendship with Steve...though it hardly matters, since this is the last we ever see of this delicious prince on Beverly Hills, 90210. Steve suddenly appears and starts railing about how he got into a bar fight last night...then glowers at Carl and says he'd like to get into another one. He then declares that Clare is the woman he most loves in the world, and Clare shuts him up by announcing that she's choosing him over Carl. Steve looks stunned - as well he should 'cause as if - and Carl wishes Steve and Clare a safe trip back to L.A. and says maybe they can all get together for dinner sometime. Steve thanks him for the party, and Carl just kind of nods sadly as he shuffles off dejectedly.


Nat and Joan are shocked to learn that they're expecting a baby. I'm pretty shocked too, considering how long in the tooth Joan has to be in terms of childbearing years. Nat's freaked out that he's going to become a father, and Joan says they're going to have to announce the news to everyone. This is definitely a storyline I could do without.


Nat and Joan meet up with Brandon in the parking lot. Brandon explains that Susan left without him 'cause they just broke up...and he doesn't really want to talk about it. Nat announces that he and Joan have some news and wants Brandon to be the first to hear it...but then he pauses, flails around for a few seconds, then says that he and Joan are getting married. Joan's like, "Wuh? We are?" and Brandon gives Nat a funny look and is like, "Congratulations...I think." As Nat continues to act weird about his impending fatherhood, Joan discreetly tells Brandon that she had no idea they were getting married.


After Dark. Valerie brings the hot FBI agent to the club, where they have malts and flirt some more. He tells her that he applied for reassignment to L.A., and she definitely likes the sound of that. They share a kiss, and he says he has to head to LAX to catch his flight. He promises to call, and she goes, "You'd better!" but unfortunately, this is the last we ever see of this hottie.


Beach house. David and Donna are on the deck, staring out at the ocean. They both agree they had a really nice time this weekend, and after rambling and bantering back and forth, blah blah, the two agree to try their luck at dating...as in, each other. Oh joy.


The Walsh house. Kelly drops by to see Brandon 'cause she didn't want to be alone. She tells him she got a letter from Dylan, informing her that he's currently hanging in London with Brenda. She asks Brandon if he thinks there could ever be a chance for them again, and he's like, "Sure. If you want there to be." He then points out that they're both currently on the rebound and says they probably shouldn't rush into anything. He invites her to stay for dinner, but she declines...and the two share a quick kiss before she heads out again. Valerie, who's been eavesdropping in the next room, asks Brandon if he and Kelly are getting back together. He tells her not to jump to any conclusions - but that, yeah, it could happen. As soon as he's out of earshot, Valerie contorts her face and mutters, "Not if I can help it."

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