Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 6, Episode 8

"How would you feel about a good ass-kicking, pumpkin boy?"

"Gypsies, Cramps and Fleas"
Original airdate: 11/1/1995

Episode summary: When Donna becomes smitten with football quarterback Joe Bradley, Ray reacts badly...and when he starts to get violent with Donna, he receives a much needed ass-kicking from Joe. Steve and Clare hit the sheets after ingesting love potion from a loopy fortune teller named Madame Raven. Toni is upset when she learns that her pa ordered the killing of Jack McKay.

---

Recap: Donna awakens to thumping noises on the beach house deck. When she goes outside to investigate, she encounters Ray, who's hauling in a large load of pumpkins. She asks him what the hell he's doing, so he tells her it's her anniversary present. She reminds him that they have nothing to celebrate on account of she dumped his ass two episodes ago, but he seems unfazed by this and tells her it's a new year and therefore a new beginning. He asks her if she's going to the Halloween party at the After Dark, and she tells him she is. He offers her a ride to the club, then self-piteously points out how hard he's trying, and Donna softens and says, "I know you are." [Bad response, Donna.] He tells her he'll be at the party in case she wants to talk or dance with him, and she mutters, "We'll see." [Bad answer, Donna.] He then wishes her a happy anniversary and heads out.

Dylan's house. Toni returns from a shopping trip with a bag full of Halloween stuff. I've noticed that Dylan is uncharacteristically upbeat whenever he's in her presence, and this scene is no exception, as he instantly becomes enthusiastic about the holiday. She hands him a fake skeleton to hang on the front door, and he's startled to find a tiny black kitten on his doorstep. He calls it "trouble" just as Toni rushes over and coos over it. She picks it up and tells Dylan she's the perfect Halloween pet...and Dylan weakly objects, but to no avail since it's pretty clear that this woman already has him wrapped around her finger.


Beach house. Clare is toying with a deck of tarot cards, and Donna and Kelly tease her about her future romantic relationship with Steve and whether or not they're ever going to hit the sheets. Blech.


California University. Susan tells Brandon that she'll meet him at the party since she wants her costume to be a surprise...and she hints that it's of the feminist nature. Shocker. Steve and Donna are watching a portly football player eat an insane amount of food - and the team's yummy quarterback, Joe Bradley, walks over and casually joins the conversation. Joe explains that the team has been on a winning streak and that all the players are very superstitious about following certain rituals. He tells Donna that, for example, he doesn't change his underwear before a game, then calls her "incredibly cute" and teases her for being so gullible. She blushes and tells him she has to get to class, and he brazenly asks her when he'll see her again. She asks him if he's going to the Halloween party at the After Dark, and he quickly replies, "I am now." [You're a quarterback, Joe. You can do better than Donna.] Donna blushes at his implausible interest in her and then flounces off to class.


Elsewhere in the Student Union, Steve joins Clare at her table to discuss their near-doink. He tells her it's probably a good thing it didn't happen 'cause he had nightmares about it all week. Ouch. Clare masks her hurt feelings by snarking about his many shortcomings...and when Steve gets up and leaves, she reaches into her bag, pulls out the tarot card entitled "The Lovers", and rips it up.


The Peach Pit. Valerie is annoyed at the giant camper parked in the diner's lot, and David explains that Nat is helping out a fortune teller named Madame Raven. She's standing by the counter with Nat, stirring something in a giant steaming pot, and she seems like a fairly loopy broad. Valerie marches over, and Madame Raven grabs her palm and gives her an impromptu reading, noting that she's a very busy woman. Valerie looks unimpressed and tells Nat they have a busy night ahead and the fortune teller has to go. Nat warns her that it's bad luck to turf a fortune teller...and a seemingly oblivious Madame Raven expresses her excitement about the upcoming party. She says she'd like to tell fortunes to the party-goers in exchange for cash, but Valerie rudely turns her down.


Valerie heads over to the After Dark where Colin is cleaning up all of his painting supplies now that the mural is finished. Oh joy. She remarks that he seems distracted, and he concurs that he has a lot on his mind. She tells him the mural is beautiful (it's grisly - but we'll get into that later), but he blurts out that he has money problems and needs to get paid. She promises to cut him a check by the end of the day.


Madame Raven has set up a tent in the Peach Pit's parking lot, and she's doing a reading for David. She tells him he's in love, but "senses" uncertainty. She offers him a little bottle of love potion, and he stares at it, intrigued.


Beach house. Kelly's sitting on the deck, carving one of Pumpkin Head's pumpkins, when Colin drops by. He asks her if she's OK, and she stares at him glumly and caustically retorts, "Fine. Never better." Colin tries to explain the gigolo/sugar mama dynamic he had going with Claudia by saying that he somehow believed that if he had a job, it would mean he's not really an artist. Kelly refrains from laughing at the adorableness of that mindset and points out that most living artists don't make a living with their art. Colin says he wanted to be the rare exception, then begs her to attend the grand unveiling of his mural at the After Dark. Kelly tells him she'll "consider considering it", then brusquely thanks him for stopping by.


Dylan's house. Dylan and Toni attempt to give the tiny flea covered kitty a bath, but it scratches Toni when she puts it in the water. Toni heads over to the bathroom to get a bandage and pulls out the first aid kit...and is stunned to find a gun inside. She calls out to Dylan, and his face falls when he realizes she's found his gun. She demands to know why he has a gun in the house, then adds that guns make her nervous. (As well they should.) She correctly assumes he has a gun because of his conflict with her father, then says, "I thought you gave up on this revenge business." Dylan says he has, but can't be assured that the same is true of Tony. Toni doesn't seem to care very much 'bout that and orders him to get rid of the gun, and Dylan meekly promises.


After Dark. Donna tries to get it through Ray's thick pumpkin head that she's going to want to "circulate" at the Halloween party. He asks her if she has a date, and she tells him she doesn't...so he asks her if there's someone else. She says she's not sure yet, but would like to explore the option without him creepily watching her all night. He looks put out and asks, "Is that the way I make you feel?" and she's like, "Well, d'yuh." He says he "gets it" (he gets nothing; he's delusional) that she wants to cool things off, but then formally declares his intention to win her back.


Dylan's house. Bruno has dropped by to check up on Toni, and she insists she's fine. He tells her her pa is pretty broken up about their rift and that he wants to meet so they can talk face to face. Dylan arrives home with bags of cat supplies (aww!), eyes Bruno, and asks what's going on. Bruno takes that as his cue to leave and hugs Toni goodbye. She tells Dylan that her pa wants to talk and thinks it's maybe his way of declaring a truce...but Dylan just stays mute on the subject.


The Peach Pit. Susan and Brandon pull into the Peach Pit parking lot - and Madame Raven accidentally splashes Susan with water, which causes her to drop all of her stuff. Madame Raven rushes over to help and notices a letter in Susan's possession with "Jonathan Casten" from Seattle written on the return address. She states that Susan has a secret, and Susan jokes that indeed she does: she's hungry. Madame Raven then offers Susan and Brandon a bottle of her love potion, and Brandon tells her they're doing fine on their own...and then Madame discreetly asks Susan, "Does the other boy think so too?" Susan stares back at her in shock, then follows her to her tent to explore this further. Madame Raven stares into her crystal ball and blurts out Jonathan's name...and Susan sheepishly admits that, yeah, he's still on her mind. She gabbles about how she and Jonathan were so similar, while she and Brandon are polar opposites, blah blah...then gives the Madame another $10 to continue her "reading".


Inside the diner, Brandon tells Toni he's impressed with how she and Dylan have made their relationship work, and that he's happy they're so happy together. Tony Marchette arrives for a face-to-face with his daughter, and Brandon leaves them alone to talk. Tony takes a seat, greets Toni, and admits he behaved badly. He tells her if she comes home, they can just forget the whole thing. She makes a face and reminds him that she's not a child anymore and he can't just order her around. He tells her she doesn't have to settle for slouchy Dylan, since there are other men in the world (a fair point)...but she insists that, for whatever reason, Dylan is the one she wants. She then stares straight at her pa and orders him to tell her the truth: did he kill Jack McKay? Tony's like, "Um. No.." so she asks him if he had Jack killed, and Tony evasively replies, "What a question!" LOL. Toni looks alarmed and calls him out on his non-answer, and he warns her not to delve into this further, since she doesn't know anything about Jack McKay or why he was killed. Toni tears up and asks him again if he had anything to do with the man's death, and Tony just looks flustered and stays mute. Toni tears up and glares at her pa, now that it's confirmed he's a murderer.


Dylan's house. Dylan is playing with the tiny kitten (aww!) when Toni arrives home looking distraught. He asks her whassup, and she starts crying and falls into his arms, then tells him he was right about her pa.


After Dark. Everyone's dressed up in costumes and boogying to the music. Brandon's dressed up as "Godfather" Don Corleone and sounds ridic when he does a Marlon Brandon impersonation. Donna's decked out in a super skimpy (what else is new?) devil's costume, and Clare came as Jeannie (as in I Dream of Jeannie). Susan arrives wearing a Pocahontas costume - and she annoyingly emphasizes that she's portraying the historical Pocahontas, not the dumbed down Disney version. Brandon suggests that they get their fortunes read by Madame Raven, who was somehow allowed to set up her tent inside the club (I thought Valerie put the kibosh on that?). Ray is lurking around the After Dark like the creepster he is, and puts on a smiley face mask so he can stare over at Donna and Joe undetected. Meanwhile, inside Madame Raven's tent, Brandon asks the fortune teller about the future of his/Susan's relationship, and Madame tells him that there's something standing in their way: the truth. Also chemistry.


After Brandon and Susan exit the tent, Susan breaks down and tells him about Jonathan Casten, the former Condor editor. She says they used to date and that it didn't end well, blah blah, and Brandon kisses her and tells her he's happy she told him the truth. Meanwhile, Valerie has brought Colin on stage for the grand unveiling of his mural (until now it's been hidden behind a curtain). He announces the mural's title, Kelly's New York, and then - voila! - the curtains are pulled away...and, oh my. The mural is a bizarre collection of cartoonish looking cut-outs of skyscrapers and yellow cabs. It's probably a "love it or hate it" piece of art, and I'd definitely put myself in the "hate it" category. Kelly, who showed up in a cowgirl outfit, seems to like it very much and looks touched. When Colin ambles over to her, she tells him the mural is "nice", and the two start dancing.


Dylan's house. Dylan's rare good mood continues as he hands out candy to trick or treaters, while Toni mopes on the couch and tells Dylan she doesn't want to answer the door anymore. He points out that they still have two full bowls of candy, so she suggests just putting them out on the porch. She's still wrecked about learning that she has a murderous pa and tells Dylan she's so ashamed of him. Dylan tells her she can't blame herself for the actions of her pa and to let it go and "join the living". Oh the sad irony. The doorbell rings, and Toni puts on a witch's hat and tries to get back into the spirit of the holiday.


After Dark. David pours love potion into his and Valerie's drinks. He brings the two drinks over to where Valerie, Clare, and Steve are gathered...and naturally the drinks get all mixed up. Steve hotly denies that his naval officer's uniform is a Major Nelson costume, and vehemently insists that it wasn't intended to complement Clare's I Dream of Jeannie costume. This causes him and Clare to start bickering, which is annoying, and David and Valerie wisely flee the area. Ray, meanwhile, is staring over at Donna and Joe on the dance floor...and when he can take the sight of her with another man no longer, he strides over and makes a total ass of himself. He snarks at Donna for not wasting any time, warns Joe that she'll rip his heart out, then storms off. A mortified Donna tells Joe how embarrassed she is and asks him they could forget that that just happened...and Joe's like, "Can do" and offers to take her home. Joe is awesome.


Steve and Clare are sitting next to each other, and they both murmur that they feel "weird". Clare says they should go get some air, so Steve suggests sneaking into the dressing room and cranking up the AC. He gives her a suggestive look, and she smirks back at him. Yeech.


Valerie writes a check to Colin for his odd mural as Kelly supervises their interaction from the doorway. Colin tells Kelly he's going to need to earn some cash pronto, and says he'll take the teaching assistant position at CU that was previously offered to him. Kelly's impressed by how grown-up her boyfriend has become - and Colin tells her that his sudden maturity is all due to her influence.


Dressing room. Steve and Clare act all hot and bothered as they turn on the AC. They both admit that they're attracted to each other, insult each other, then start to go at it. These two make a weird couple.


Beach house. Joe walks Donna to the door, and he remarks on how beautifully decorated the deck is with all the carved, lit pumpkins - no doubt this was Pumpkin Head's doing. He then tells her she's beautiful (which was nauseating), but he thinks he should back off after what just happened with her nutty ex. He wonders aloud if it's really the best time to start something up. (It's not, Joe. Flee!) He apologizes, gives her a chaste kiss, and leaves. Donna looks deflated and then alarmed when Ray suddenly emerges from the apartment. He apologizes for behaving like a douchewad at the party, and Donna snaps at him and demands to know: "What's wrong with you?!" Hee! She tells him he doesn't seem to grasp that their relationship is over, so Ray nonsensically retorts, "You're the one out there acting like a little slut tonight!" and tells her they belong together. She tries to flee into the apartment, but he grabs her arm and she shrieks at him to let her go. He says he refuses to leave until she listens to him...and then Joe suddenly appears and rushes onto the deck and orders Ray to let her go. Ray tells him to take a hike, and Donna cries out, "You're hurting me!" so Joe leaps toward Ray, grabs him by the shoulder and slams him into a row of pumpkins. Bwahahaha!!! I soo enjoyed that. He glares at Ray with disdain and asks, "How does it feel to be on the receiving end?" Ray retaliates by lunging at him, but Joe easily shoves him in the opposite direction, and Ray goes flying across the deck and lands on his ass. Bwahahaha!!! Ray winces and clutches his shoulder as he gets up...and as Joe throws him out, he bellows, "This isn't over!" Joe then turns his attention to Donna, gives her a tender hug (which was nauseating), and soothingly tells her it's over.


Afterward, Joe makes Donna a cup of tea, and she thanks him for giving Pumpkin Head the much needed ass-kicking. He tells her he's glad he came back, and explains that he changed his mind about wanting to give her time and space to work things out with her ex. He admits that that was his fear talking, and he's now decided he wants to get to know her. Oh Joe..


The Peach Pit. Over breakfast, Steve tells David and Valerie that Clare stayed over at Casa Walsh last night...and that he doesn't quite understand what got into them (the love potion, perhaps?). Brandon and Susan enter the diner and ask Nat where Madame Raven went, and Nat grimly says she hit the road without paying her bill. By scripted coincidence, a police officer enters the diner and shows Nat and everyone a mug shot of Madame Raven and asks if anyone can recognize her. They all glance at the photo, but no one admits to having seen her. After the cop leaves, everyone agrees that it's too sad to arrest a fortune teller on Halloween. Nat then needlessly shows everyone the bottle of love potion he got from the fortune telling phony, and Steve eagerly tries to buy it from him, but Nat refuses...and I don't even want to contemplate what Nat could possibly have in store for a bottle of love potion.


Dylan takes Toni to the pier where Jack pretended to blow himself up in Season 3. Dylan says he had to see the fateful parking lot one last time before letting it all go. He tells Toni they'll have to move somewhere else and suggests Hawaii, where his mother and faux sister live. As they stroll toward the water, he assures her that she can enroll in the nearest university - but says he won't enroll; instead, he'll try to find something to fill the hours of his pointless, aimless life. She asks him if he can really let it all go, and he mulls that over and pulls out the gun he had been concealing in the back of his pants. He stares down at it, then throws it into the water. This makes Toni happy, and she tells him she's ready to move to Hawaii...and the two start smooching. 

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---