Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 6, Episode 3

"I'm going to pretend I can't stand you - then suddenly realize I really dig you, 'cause that's how TV couples like to hook up."

"Must Be a Guy Thing"
Original airdate: 9/20/1995

Episode summary: Kelly is dismayed when she discovers that Colin and Valerie know each other from when they traveled to Europe as part of a teenage tour group. Dylan stalks Tony Marchette's spawn and learns that Toni Marchette is his daughter...and that she's hot. Brandon wants to write for The Condor, but clashes with the paper's snarky editor. 

---

Recap: Valerie, Donna, Steve, and Clare are hanging at the Peach Pit, lamenting the end of summer...and everyone (except for Clare) is bummed about school starting up again soon. Kelly and Colin enter the diner - and, by incredible coincidence, it turns out that Valerie and Colin know each other! Apparently, the two traveled through Europe as part of a tour group when they were teenagers. They hug...and Kelly looks less than thrilled at their past connection and shoots Valerie the stink-eye.

California University. Brandon runs into Dylan on campus and teasingly (sort of) asks him if he's actually going to do something constructive with his aimless life. Dylan says he's only on campus to connect with Tony Marchette's son - also named Tony - and plans to just show up at his economics lecture. He admits to not really having a plan, other than he still wants to kill Tony Marchette Sr. He's such a lame weirdo.


Elsewhere on campus, Steve and Valerie arrive together and chat about the fact that she and Colin know each other. She tells Steve that nothing ever happened between them, but admits to having had a big crush on him...and that she still sorta digs him. Yay! Drama!


Clare and Donna are gossiping about Colin and Valerie, and they both wonder aloud if anything...er, "happened" between them during their European travels. Kelly comes upon them, clears her throat, and orders them to stop gossiping about her boyfriend who, she fervently prays, has never ever had any sexual contact with Valerie.


Economics lecture. When the professor takes attendance, Dylan discovers that Tony Marchette is really Toni Marchette - and that she's a smokin' hot chick. He stares over at her with incredulity and is all, "Wha-a?!" and after class, he follows her outside and deliberately bumps into her, causing her to drop her books. As he helps her pick them up, he offers to buy her a cup of coffee, but she coldly declines and saunters off.


Student Union. Steve proudly shows Valerie, David, and Brandon his dumbed down class schedule: no classes Mondays or Fridays, and nothing before 11:00am during the week. However, he's concerned because his academic adviser requested a meeting...and considering it's Steve, it's probably not good news. Kelly, Clare, and Donna (OMG - the latter two are wearing horrific crop tops) make an appearance, and then everyone starts discussing their class schedules. Brandon announces that he wants to get into journalism this year, particularly after spending the summer interning at the Boston Herald. He says he'd like to write a regular column for The Condor, so then Kelly and Donna warn him that the current editor enjoys writing a lot of anti-male stuff and may not like him. They open the current issue of The Condor and read aloud her latest editorial, which focuses on the boorish behavior of male college students. Colin then makes an appearance, and as he and Kelly smooch each other hello...and Valerie gets so wigged out by the sight of their lips locking that she spills her coffee everywhere.


Steve's academic adviser has finally twigged onto the fact that Steve barely passed math in high school, and that his math grades at CU for the past two years have also been pretty dismal. He sternly informs Steve that he's going to have to attend remedial math classes five mornings a week - and Steve just stares back at him in horror.


Kelly drops in on Colin, who's working on another grisly painting in the art studio on campus. He steers Kelly toward a nearby bench and asks her to sit down so he can do an impromptu sketch of her. He tells her he just got offered a teaching job at CU, but doesn't like the idea of regular employment, since he wouldn't then be able to focus on his own art twenty-four hours a day. How adorable. Kelly informs him that her friends are giving her a hard time 'cause he and Valerie know each other from their European travels, but Colin explains that they were just kids back then...plus, Valerie was kind of a chubby uggo in those days. Colin finishes his sketch and shows it to Kelly, and she marvels at his artistic skill, and the two share another smooch.


Brandon drops by The Condor's newsroom and encounters Susan Keats, the paper's male-hating editor. He tells her he's interested in writing a weekly column, but she bitchily snarks back that she hates everything about him and his ilk, isn't interested in publishing anything he writes, and that he can go pee up a rope. I guess this means they'll be dating soon.


Ray, who's suddenly become a welder (?), gets a call at work. It's Donna, calling to inform him that the husband of the woman whose ring Donna "found" (when everyone thought Ray stole it) is the president of a record company. That's an unbelievable coincidence. Donna has convinced the couple - the Cormans - to attend Ray's next performance at the After Dark, and if all goes well, Jerry will love his music and instantly offer him a recording contract. LOL. Ray looks thrilled by this improbable new hope for his music career.


The Peach Pit. Valerie runs into Colin, who's seated at the counter, and natters about how she owns the nightclub next door...and then offers to give him a personal tour. The two reminisce about their European travels, and he remarks on how much hotter she is now than when she was fifteen...and she informs him that she totally crushed on him back then. Once they're inside the After Dark, Colin stares fixedly at the wall and says he sees it as a canvas that's in desperate need of a mural. Meanwhile, Kelly enters the Peach Pit and asks Nat if he's seen Colin, and Nat wryly directs her next door. Inside the After Dark, Colin is trying to convince Valerie to commission him to paint a mural on the club's wall, and she quickly agrees that it's a super idea. The two shake on it just as Kelly enters the club, and she looks none too pleased at their hand-on-hand contact. Colin hastily explains to Kelly that soon the nightclub's wall will be an original Colin Robbins - oh joy - and then strolls over to her for yet another smooch. As they leave together, Valerie stares after them with her sad face on. 


California University. Dylan pretends to run into Toni by sheer coincidence, and she remarks that he didn't make it to economics class that day. The two introduce themselves to each other, and he offers her a ride - but she points at a car (and the thug who's standing beside it) and says she already has one. She adds that her father thinks she needs special protection, which is why she gets chauffeured everywhere. Despite strong objections from the thug (Bruno), Toni invites Dylan to join her inside the car, and the two head off for lunch.


The Condor newsroom. Brandon returns to the newsroom to submit a sample of his writing, which is a tongue-in-cheek article about "the college female", but when Susan reads it, it's clear she doesn't like it...and the two bicker annoyingly before she rips his column in half. He asks her what her problem with him is, and she explains that she assumes he has a giant ego 'cause he used to be the student body president...and then the two bicker about that for awhile, blah blah. Brandon proposes that they join forces to write about the boorish behavior of both men and women, and invites her to the After Dark to people-watch...and she reluctantly agrees. Ugh. These two already have no chemistry as a couple.


After Dark. Colin's staring at the wall again, trying to flesh out the type of mural he's going to paint...and Kelly is sitting cross-legged on the floor, envisioning a mural of New York. Colin declares, "That's brilliant!" and promises to bring New York into the heart of Beverly Hills. Fantastic. David arrives for his shift, and Valerie suddenly appears on her little office balcony thingy and bitches at him for being late and not getting Ray's sound-check and stage prep done yet. David snarks back that he's on it, and an appalled Kelly marches straight up to Valerie's office to give her the what-for for her rudeness. She barks at her for being out of line with David just now, and explains that he was late 'cause he's in the process of moving his mother from a halfway house to an apartment. Val's like, "Duh, I had no idea" and then asks her if the real reason she's mad is 'cause she hired Colin to paint a mural...or something. I dunno. I kind of checked out during this scene.


Restaurant. Dylan and Toni are eating lunch and engaging in some getting-to-know-you chit-chat. Toni admits that it's kinda hard to go out on dates with Bruno hovering over her all the time, and says that her overprotective father has a wild imagination about all the dangers that could possibly befall her. Dylan asks what her father does, and she describes his line of work as "high finance". Dylan tells her he doesn't actually attend school, and that he showed up on the first day and dropped in on a class he wasn't registered for for no real reason. Toni, who for some reason doesn't peg him as the lazy weirdo he is, contentedly says she had fun on their lunch date and would like to go out with him later...to a little club she likes called the After Dark. Dylan smirks ironically to himself and agrees to meet her there.


The Walsh house. Steve tells Brandon and Valerie that he may not be able to make it to the After Dark 'cause he's too busy lining up a tutor to help him pass remedial math. A few seconds later, his first prospective tutor arrives - a dorky looking guy - and he's suitably appalled when Steve tells him he'll be expected to just do his work for him. After that, he interviews a pretty airhead who thought she was the one signing up for tutoring, and then a hapless Asian guy who can barely speak English.


After Dark. Brandon arrives at the club and notices Susan Keats standing in line behind the velvet rope. He's stunned by how hot she looks in her little black dress and invites her to ditch the line and enter the club with him under his special VIP status. Valerie, meanwhile, apologizes to David for her cunty behavior earlier and offers to be a sounding board for his problems, and explains that she has lots of experience dealing with crazy parents.


Ray is in his dressing room, mentally preparing for the evening's performance. Donna drops by with the Cormans and their young daughter Jessica. After Donna introduces everyone, Mr. Corman informs Ray that the person he'll have to impress most is Jessica (say what?), and the little brat lets out a dramatic yawn to emphasize her extreme boredom.


Brandon and Susan are hanging out when some random guy approaches Susan and delivers a sleazy line about wanting to get into her pants. She gives him a snarky retort and sends him on his way, and Brandon admits that men can be scum.


Steve tells Clare about his remedial math woes and complains that he can't find a tutor...so then Clare offers him her services. Yawn.


Colin finds Kelly in the crowd and saucily asks her if she wants to go to his place and get naked. She purrs, "So much" and they quickly head out. Valerie, who was creepily watching them from across the room, puts on her sad face. Brandon saunters over to her and congratulates her on the great turnout, then puts on his concerned face and tells her not to let Colin's/Kelly's frequent public displays of canoodling get to her.


Toni has managed to elude Bruno and arrives in front of the After Dark in a cab...and Dylan greets her and tells her he'd rather not go inside. He tells her he used to co-own the place 'cause he's rich, blah blah...but she doesn't give a rat's ass and insists on going inside and meeting his friends. He reluctantly agrees and introduces her to Valerie and Steve, and then brings her over to the table where Brandon and Susan are seated...and when Brandon hears that her name is Toni Marchette, he furrows his brows and glares over at Dylan. Valerie takes the stage and introduces Ray as the headliner of the evening, and unlike in the Season 5 DVD set, I was forced to listen to his raspy, breathy voice for the duration of an entire song. Blech. Everyone at the club is very impressed with his crooning, and there's a lot of dorkish head bobbing to the limp, undance-able beat...and somehow even little Jessica Corman looks enthused and gives Ray's performance a thumbs up.


Across the club, Toni reaches for Dylan's hand - a move which Brandon notices and prompts him to glare disapprovingly at Dylan again. Dylan stares back at him sheepishly.


At the end of the evening, Brandon escorts Susan to her car, and the two banter about the boorish behavior of men, blah blah. She thanks him for the escort and wishes him a good night.


The Peach Pit. Clare outlines her ground rules for Steve as her newest tutee: he must do his own homework, complete her practice problems, and pay her $20 an hour. Donna and Ray appear, and she excitedly tells everyone that Ray performed so awesomely for the Cormans that a record deal is imminent. LOL - I'll start holding my breath now. Toni gushes about how fun it is to hang with all of them, then reiterates how nice it was to meet each of them, proving that she's waay too sweet and sincere for this crowd. Dylan excuses himself to go to the cash register to pay for their snacks, and Brandon (who's looming beside the cash register) tells him he's headed for a tragic ending. Thanks for the spoiler alert, Brandon.


Marchette mansion. Dylan pulls up in front of Toni's house, and he and Toni start making out in the front seat. Meanwhile, her father is creepily staring at them from inside the house, and then orders Bruno to check out his daughter's new boyfriend.


Colin's loft. After cooking Kelly a lovely looking breakfast, Colin wakes her with a kiss and tells her he's off to the After Dark to get started on his Colin Robbins original mural. LOL. After he leaves, Kelly gets up and ambles around the apartment. When the phone rings, she takes a message from some woman named Claudia (from New York) and the camera dramatically zooms in on the notepad that Kelly uses to jot down the woman's name.


The Condor newsroom. Susan informs Brandon that she's giving him a weekly column...and he's thrilled and invites her out for dinner - but she declines, tells him they have nothing in common, and the two start up with their annoying bickering again. After he leaves, Susan remarks to one of her staff members that Brandon has a cute butt, 'cause that's a totally appropriate thing to say in a quasi-workplace.


Colin runs into Valerie as he's carrying his painting equipment into the After Dark, and once again the two rehash the boring details of their European trip. She tells him she often dreamed about kissing him...and Colin responds by leaning in and kissing her. Miraculously, no one's lurking nearby to witness the indiscretion (or whatever the hell that was). A blushing Valerie thanks him for the kiss and says she'll never forget it.

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---