Recap: Valerie arrives at the jailhouse to visit Colin, who's looking very unhappy in his blue prison jumper. He gripes about being locked up for the last two weeks and demands to know what the hell's going on. She tells the whiny douchebag she's doing the best she can to scrape up the necessary 100K for his bail (yikes), but it's proving difficult 'cause she has no hard assets. He sourly retorts that there's gotta be equity in the After Dark, so she explains to the ingrate that she doesn't own the building, just the business...and apparently bondsmen consider nightclubs to be too "fly by night" to be used as collateral. Colin says his family can't be of any help 'cause they're broke...plus they don't give a rat's ass about his incarceration. Colin whines that he's in hell, so Valerie earnestly assures him she's doing her best to put the money together. He ignores that and wails, "I'm not going to make it!" and Valerie promises she'll have an answer regarding bail this afternoon. He tells her she's all he has, and before he gets led away by the guard, he shoots her the stink-eye and barks, "Get me out!" I'm guessing that right about now, Valerie's kicking herself for hooking up with this loser just days before he got busted for cocaine possession.
The Peach Pit. Joe has had his heart surgery, and he tells the gang it was a catheter surgery and that he has no scars. That's nice - no one cares. Clare announces that she's off to the beach apartment to get the place ready for Kelly's post-rehab homecoming. She suddenly spots Joan (Nat's ex-girlfriend), and suddenly Joan and Nat are heading their way. They say hello, and after Joan bids Nat adieu and exits the diner, a bummed out Nat tells the gang that things just haven't been clicking between him and Joan this time around. Unlike when they were together in the old days, the magic is gone...and Nat has no idea why. As he shuffles off dejectedly, Susan says they should do something to help the hapless twosome rekindle their flame. Brandon looks as disinterested as I would be in that idea and thinks they should just leave well enough alone.
Rehab. Kelly's packing up her stuff, while Tara twitches nervously and says she's worried about getting a new roommate and/or having no roommate at all. Kelly assures her she'll be fine, then gives her the cashmere sweater she's been loaning her. Greg (the almost doctor) drops by to wish Kelly good luck and to make sure she has a ride home. Kelly says her mom and David are on their way to pick her up, and Greg nods approvingly and offers to take her bags downstairs. Kelly then hugs Tara goodbye and promises they'll see each other soon. On her way to the elevator, she chats with Greg about how she wants to focus on catching up on her classes. He flirtily tells her she's come a long way in the last three weeks...and the two eye each other appreciatively. Seems like kind of an inappropriate flirtation for him to be engaging in considering this is a rehab center, but OK.
Susan and Clare launch Operation Get Nat Laid, and head over to the lamp store where Joan works. Susan pretends she's in the market for a new desk lamp, and tells Joan that Nat suggested she drop by. As Joan shows her the available inventory of desk lamps, Susan remarks that Nat hasn't been the same since she left this morning...then nosily wonders if they had a fight. Joan tells her that things between her and Nat used to be magical, but not so much anymore. She thinks neither the time nor place is right and that they can't repeat the past. Susan puts her sad face on and admits that she and Clare didn't really come by to buy a lamp, and Joan's like, "No duh", wishes them a great day, and tells them to say hey to Nat for her.
Valerie's meeting with the bondsman to sort out Colin's bail situation, and he asks her if she's really sure she wants to go through all this for such an obvious deadbeat. Hee! Valerie says she is and hands him a check for $10,000 (scraped together from After Dark earnings). The bondsman takes the check and says he hopes Colin doesn't fly the coop, and Val agrees that that wouldn't be in anyone's best interest.
Beach house. Donna and Clare are sprucing up the house when Kelly arrives home with David and Jackie in tow. She's happy to be home, but gets miffed when she notices that Clare and Donna took down the hideous birthday cake painting Colin doodled for her, and snipes that she can do her own redecorating. Her mood brightens when David shows her the small aquarium he got her...and as she feeds her new fish, David cautions her to feed them only a little at a time 'cause they'll die if you feed them too much at once. (This will be an important detail after psycho Tara temporarily moves in.) She asks David if he's heard anything about Colin, and David chuckles that he's a jailbird who can't make bail...and that he's for sure going to serve prison time. Kelly doesn't like that he's so amused by Colin's current situation and says, "He's been humbled enough." [Mmm...no, I really don't think he has.] David tells her not to worry about Colin, just herself...and suddenly the phone rings and - surprise! - it's creepy Tara. Kelly puts the call on hold for a second to tell David she wants to rest in private. David heads out to the living room to tell everyone that Kelly's resting and chatting with Tara...and they all agree that Kelly just needs a day or so to get used to being home again. The phone rings again, which Kelly answers, and it's Colin calling from jail. He welcomes her home and tells her he's getting out on bail later. He asks if he can see her, but she says no and abruptly hangs up.
Jail. As Valerie waits around for Colin to be released, she encounters his court appointed public defender. He informs Valerie that Colin is going to have to plead the charges down but will still face jail time, and she's all "Wha-a?!" and calls that unacceptable. He just shrugs and is like, "Whatever."
Colin's loft. Colin and Valerie arrive home, and Colin whines that he still has the "jail stink" on him and wants to shower and hit the sack. Valerie advises him to hire a decent lawyer since the public defender is the shits, but Colin says he's broke and can't afford one. Valerie offers to pay for one (bad idea), and Colin mumbles that he's taking a shower now. What a rude ingrate.
Susan's in bed with Brandon, wondering aloud why Nat and Joan broke up. Brandon, who understandably doesn't give a rat's ass about Nat's love life, tries to get her to make out with him, but she ignores his canoodling and keeps rambling on and on about how she can't get her mind off of Nat/Joan. Much the same is happening over at Casa Walsh...with Clare laying in bed, sadly ruminating over Nat's no more magic situation. Steve looks as bored by the issue as Brandon did and says that maybe Nat and Joan had their time together and it's now gone. Back at the dorm, Susan tells Brandon she wants to do something about rekindling the dormant romance 'cause she feels bad that Nat has been alone and sexless for so many years, and that Joan is divorced with her kids living nowhere nearby. Brandon doesn't see how they can really do anything, but Susan suddenly brightens and suggests they set up a triple date...meaning her, Brandon, Clare, Steve, Nat and Joan. I voteno to that 'cause it sounds like an unbearably boring storyline.
Beach house. The next morning, Kelly enters the kitchen and finds Jackie preparing a scrumptious breakfast for her. Kelly tells her it felt great to sleep in her own bed again, and the two enjoy a lovely mother-daughter chat. Tara calls at that moment to needlessly report to Kelly what the rehab hospital just served for breakfast, and Kelly tries to cheer her up by encouraging her to "go along with the program" and then promises to drop by later with a yummy treat. Tara says she misses her, then apologizes for calling so much, and Kelly assures her it's OK for her to call as often as she needs to (bad idea). Donna enters the kitchen and asks how many times Tara has already called today, and Kelly gets all prickly about the remark and snarks that she hasn't been keeping count. Jackie tries to diffuse the awkwardness by asking Kelly if she's going to school today, but Kelly gets all sullen and says she needs another mental health day, then heads back to her room. Donna rushes after her and apologizes for the Tara comment, so Kelly tells her she has to be more understanding about how hard things are for Tara, and that she (Kelly) is the only person the weird little moppet has. That's...a bit of a red flag. Donna looks suitably chastened and says that Tara's lucky to have her as a friend.
California University. Clare and Susan are excitedly babbling to Brandon and Steve about their upcoming triple date with Nat and Joan. Ugh.
The Peach Pit. Nat tells Brandon and Steve he has no interest in going on a triple date, then snaps at Brandon, "It's not your problem!" Ex-ACTLY! Brandon explains that while he couldn't give two shits about another man's love life, Susan and Clare are determined to help him and Joan rekindle their former magic...and if he and Steve ever hope to get sex from their girlfriends in the foreseeable future, they're going to have to proceed with the triple date. Nat rethinks his no and says if Joan agrees to it, he's game.
Valerie arrives at the Pit to pick up some takeout, and runs into David on her way out. He tells her he heard Colin made bail, then says he hopes she was smart enough to not put up her own money for it. She snaps back that it's none of his business and accuses him of being jealous of Colin, which is just dumb. She then declares her love and loyalty to the cokehead and says she refuses to turn her back on him. David rolls his eyes and sneers, "When you play with dirt, you get dirty."
The Walsh house. Susan's on the phone with an over-anxious Joan as everyone does their final primping for the triple date. Clare is dressed and ready to go, and she and Steve babble about the 1970s...or something. The limo arrives, and Brandon announces he's off to wherever he's going, in order to set up everything in advance.
Video rental store. Kelly and Donna are looking for a movie to rent when they run into Greg. Donna quickly excuses herself to give him and Kelly a chance to talk...and Greg tells Kelly he's been thinking about calling her to ask her out. Kelly says she's into the idea, so he smiles and says he's looking forward to it. Um, isn't it kind of unprofessional of him to date her, considering she was a patient in his rehab unit, like, a day ago? After Greg ambles off, Donna returns and asks whassup, and Kelly says he just asked her out. Donna grins and says he's perfect for her.
Limo. Everyone (sans Brandon) arrives at a drive-in, the site of Nat's/Joan's first date. They load up on junk food and champagne and toast to happiness, love, and staying young. Nat and Joan regale the others with the story of how they first met, and my brain involuntarily (ok voluntarily) tuned them out.
Beach house. Kelly is making microwave popcorn when Tara calls. Again. She tells Kelly she ran away from rehab 'cause she "couldn't take it anymore" and is currently wandering the streets of Venice. Kelly gets her exact coordinates and says she'll be right there...and a worried Donna offers to go with her.
Limo. Oy. The limo shuttles the triple daters around town as music from the '70s plays in the background. Eventually it stops in front of an empty field, which was once the site of Nat's/Joan's bungalow. Nat looks sad and climbs out of the car to look around at his old stomping grounds. Joan tells the young folk that their parents weren't wild about their relationship - her being Jewish and Nat being Catholic. Joan climbs out of the limo and joins Nat, and the two reminisce and kiss.
Venice. Kelly and Donna are quickly able to locate Tara. She whines to Kelly that she left rehab 'cause she was so desperate and lonely, but Kelly firmly tells her she has to go back. Tara begs her to take her to her place for the night, and eventually Kelly agrees, but says she's calling the hospital to let them know she's OK. Tara gives her a grateful smile and marvels, "So this is what it's like to have friends, huh?"
Limo. The triple daters talk about the most romantic date they ever had, and Steve schmalzily (but wisely) tells Clare that tonight has been his most romantic date ever. Brandon calls the limo to announce to everyone that he's ready for them to arrive at their final destination - thank goodness - and Nat is very excited.
Beach house. Tara checks out the beach apartment and looks very impressed. Donna heads over to the kitchen to make coffee, and Kelly invites Tara to join her on the couch to watch the movie they rented. Tara happily declares that being in this fabulous beach apartment is far better therapy than she could get at the rehab hospital. Kelly tells her not to get too comfortable 'cause she's going back tomorrow, and Tara groans, "I knooooow."
Colin's loft. Colin's having a nightmare about prison, and the horror of it jolts him awake and he's all anxious and sweaty. Valerie assures him that everything will be OK, but he just moans that he's "not going to make it" if he has to go back to prison. Uh oh - this doesn't bode well for all the hard earned cash Valerie scraped together to post his bail. Valerie promises not to let that happen, and he asks her why she's standing by him since he sabotages every decent thing that comes his way. Good question. Valerie says she loves him and will do everything she can to help him...and the two start canoodling and kissing.
The triple daters arrive at their final destination: the defunct Excelsior Hotel. They go upstairs to the Stardust Ballroom, and inside they find Brandon, who welcomes them and starts pouring drinks. He plays some of Nat's favorite tunes, and both Nat and Joan look very happy and nostalgic 'cause apparently the first kiss they ever shared was in this ballroom. The two head over to the dance floor, and they're soon joined by the other two couples...and mercifully their dancing brings this snoozefest of an episode to an end.