Recap: Colin's withdrawing money from an ATM to continue to fuel his and Kelly's wretched cocaine habit. He returns to the car, where Kelly's waiting for him. She asks him to drop her off at the Peach Pit 'cause she and her mom have plans to meet...and when Colin makes a face, she explains that Jackie's worried about her. Colin sneers, "And I'm worried about getting us some blow" as the charmer he is. He tells her he doesn't want to risk standing up his drug connection, Danny Five (bwahahaha - what a fun "street" name), but Kelly insists that she promised to meet Jackie, so Colin goes, "Fine. Just don't come crying to me when you're coming down." Colin seems to become a gianter dickwad with each passing episode, and I don't think it's all just due to the coke.
The Peach Pit. Valerie asks Susan whassup with Jackie, David, and Brandon sitting together and wringing their hands worriedly...and Susan tersely replies, "Kelly." Valerie shakes her head and says that some people have to hit bottom before they realize their life is a total mess - and Susan concurs, but advises Valerie to give people a chance. Valerie cheekily asks her if she's giving Jonathan a chance, and Susan says she's not and is glad Brandon forgave her for all that...but she really hopes that Jonathan has finally gotten the message. Me too. I'm sick of him popping up all the damn time just to keep this boring love triangle storyline alive. Valerie suggests that maybe Jonathan needs another woman to distract him, and Susan likes the sound of that idea. She asks Valerie if she has anyone in mind, and Valerie looks contemplative and says, in fact, she does: a certain redheaded, petulant ex-friend of hers who just breezed into town.
Jackie admonishes David and Brandon for waiting so long to tell her about Kelly's drugging...then chastises herself for taking so long to notice. David tells her that Kelly told him she's only using on weekends - LOL - and Brandon snaps, "And that makes it OK?" Jackie tells them that when Kelly arrives, they'll all need to discuss the issue calmly, 'cause she'll be more likely to listen to them. Suddenly, Nat ambles over to inform Jackie that Kelly just called to say she can't meet with her after all...and Jackie grimaces and looks upset.
Colin and Kelly arrive at Danny Five's house, and Colin rushes into the drug den to buy a fresh stash of coke while Kelly twitches restlessly in the car. After a few minutes, Colin exits the house with Danny Five, who's a scraggly, pimpy looking, disheveled mess. Colin introduces him to Kelly, and Danny appears to look a tad smitten (!) and suggests they all hang out some time...then reminds the two to be discreet and not pass along his phone number to just anyone. After he stumbles off, Colin grins at Kelly and goes, "Nice guy, huh?" and Kelly's like, "Um, yeah" and asks Colin to take her home so they can start snorting their new stash o' blow pronto.
California University. Donna's announcing the Alpha house Valentine's Day pajama party at the After Dark, which is also part of a "sex out" the sorority is advocating. Donna explains that students can voluntarily opt to take a vow of celibacy for twenty-four hours in order to bring awareness to safe sex and abstinence. I'm pretty sure that by 1996, people were already highly aware of those things. One of the frat guys asks her to define abstinence, and she tells him that only hanky panky above the neck will be considered acceptable. The guy mulls that over and says, "You can count me out" (haha!) and everyone boos him. Steve reminds his frat brothers that it's a pajama party, with lace and sexy lingerie...and that they should think of it as twenty-four hours of foreplay. Steve then declares he's on board and takes a pledge card...and once the crowd starts to disperse, Clare chuckles at him and says she doubts he has the willpower to stick to it. She informs him she has no intention of taking any "no-sex" pledge, then bets him that she'll be able to seduce him during the abstinence period. He shakes his head smugly and retorts, "Take your best shot."
Valerie brings Ginger to a restaurant so she can meet and fall in love with Jonathan, and Ginger snarks that the guy better be cute - as in, at least as cute as David. Valerie spots Jonathan sitting at a table and points him out, and Ginger checks him out and murmurs, "Not bad." Valerie then goes over to Jonathan and points out Ginger, and he looks impressed and goes, "Wow!" Valerie tells him that Ginger's available...and by available she means slutty and eager, and Jonathan seems to really like the sound of that. LOL. He introduces himself to the tart, and they both compliment the others' good looks. Jonathan tells her that Brandon and the gang can't stand him, and Ginger chuckles and says they have that in common. Now that the date has been successfully set into motion, Valerie beats a hasty retreat.
The Walsh house. Clare and Steve are in the kitchen, cutting up vegetables for dinner. He tries to canoodle with her, but she shoves him away as part of her strategy to keep him as horny as possible, thereby increasing her odds of winning the abstinence bet. Steve complains that she's rigging the bet, and Clare just shrugs and says she wants him to beg for sex. Incidentally, they do all this right in front of Brandon and Susan, and Brandon looks amused by Steve's plight until Susan informs him that she too took the abstinence pledge. I realize that these people are supposed to be twenty-somethings in their sexual prime, but Is it really such a monumental challenge to abstain from sex for one damn night??
Colin's loft. Colin and Kelly are entertaining two of Colin's druggie friends: a weird looking looking couple with piercings and ugly tattoos. The foursome is high on coke, and they're about to crack open some more beers when the doorbell suddenly rings. Kelly waits until Colin discreetly hides the coke in a drawer and hustles his friends out onto the balcony before she opens the door. It's Donna, who has dropped by to deliver Kelly's mail...and she informs Kelly that there's a letter from her dad in the pile. Donna urges her to come home and tells her she doesn't belong here. She wants her to hang with her friends again and do sorority stuff with her, but Kelly insists she's content living in her boyfriend's creepy drug den, and says she's with friends. Donna tells her that she's here for her if she needs anything, and the two exchange stilted I love yous before Donna departs with her sad face on.
Dorm. On the morning of Valentine's Day, David brings Valerie a dorm style breakfast in bed, along with a card. She's touched by the sweet gesture, and he opens the card and reads aloud the poem he wrote for her. She then gives him his present: a leather bracelet. She tells him it's a friendship bracelet, then explains that he's the only man she's ever hit the sheets with who turned out to be an actual friend.
Student Union. Donna meets up with Joe and shows him one of her Sex Out 1996 red t-shirts. Naturally he approves of the prudish message, then hands her $10 to buy it...and she babbles at him about how all the t-shirt proceeds are going to charity. He tells her he has a meeting with the football coach later and wants to take the opportunity to thank him for his support during the whole boring "defective heart" storyline. Poor, unsuspecting Joe.
Susan arrives at her Condor office, pleased to find a large bouquet of roses. She reads the card and bellows at Brandon to "get in here!"...then practically leaps at him and aggressively smooches him. Nope, still no chemistry there. She then gives him some framed thing with Woodward/Bernstein letters in it, and he gives her a far less aggressive thank you kiss. A few seconds later, a deliveryman arrives with another large bouquet of roses for Susan, and Brandon wryly says he probably doesn't have to ask who those are from. Er...no. Arg.
Colin's loft. Kelly's in the bathroom looking very strung out, while Colin searches the apartment for coke. He barks, "Where's the coke, Kelly?!!" and she tells him to check his little wooden box. He says he already checked there, as well as all the usual hiding places...so then she suggests that maybe his tattooed friends did it all last night. He ignores that strong possibility and admonishes her for snorting her way through an entire gram by herself, and she snaps, "Give me a break, would you?!!" and slams the bathroom door shut. He immediately re-opens it and snarls, "You're really a selfish bitch, you know that?" She points out that it was her money that paid for the drugs...and by her money, she means her daddy's money, and Colin snarks that she's not going to be able to wrap him around her little finger like she does with her father. She yells at him to shut up, and that he doesn't know shit about her and her dysfunctional non-relationship with her deadbeat dad. Colin's like, "Whatever" and tells her that from now on, she's going to have to score her own drugs. Yeesh...the bloom is definitely off the rose in that relationship.
California University. Joe is dismayed when the coach informs him he's actively searching for a new quarterback. Apparently, word of Joe's possibly defective heart leaked out, and the coach wants to find a more heart healthy athlete. Joe looks crushed that he's no longer on the team, but graciously thanks the coach for the opportunity to play.
Kelly arrives at Danny Five's house to stock up on some more coke. He looks happy to see her and invites her inside, where she encounters a spacey, doped up woman named Sherry. When Danny disappears somewhere, presumably to retrieve the coke, a creepy looking guy with an unbuttoned shirt enters the room and tells Sherry he's waiting for her in the bedroom. He then points at Kelly and goes, "You!" which was weird. Danny reappears with the coke and dumps the white powder onto a mirror and prattles on and on about the greatness of the stash. He hands Kelly a snort stick and urges her to sample it, which she eagerly does.
After Dark. It's the Valentine's Day Pajama Party! Donna looks ridic in her little girl pink babydoll outfit, while Clare's decked herself out in a sexy black teddy. She sways seductively in front of Steve and urges him to go with her into the club's private dressing room, but he just looks tortured and slips a blindfold over his eyes. Meanwhile, Ginger and Jonathan enter the club, and Valerie looks less than thrilled to see her cunty, blackmailing ex-bestie. She storms over, pulls Ginger aside, and demands to know what she's up to...and Ginger grins, and in her annoyingly phony exuberant way assures Val that everything will be just fine.
Danny Five's house. Kelly and Danny are having a good time together getting high...and then they start making out. Ew. Sherry appears in the room again and sits on the couch while the two are going at it, and whines at Danny that she wants more blow. He tries to ignore her, but she refuses to go away...so he tells Sherry he'll get her some coke, but that there's "no free ride". She goes, "I know" and starts fondling him...and I really don't want to visualize the direction in which this ungodly transaction is heading. Danny sighs and tells Kelly to stay put, and assures her he'll be back once he "takes care" of Sherry. OK...gross. Kelly hastily puts her coat on and swiftly heads for the door - but suddenly the other creepy guy appears and tells her she can't leave until she pays her bill...plus he wants to hang with her for awhile. Kelly gets freaked out and screams for Danny Five, but Creepy lunges at her, covers her mouth and drags her, kicking and screaming, over to the couch. He orders her to knock it off, and she bobs her head up and down in agreement, looking totally terrified. He tells her he wants them to get along, then starts kissing her neck...so then she suggests they drink some wine to get in the mood. Creepy hands her the wine bottle (heh, big mistake), and Kelly trembles and looks wild eyed as she pours herself a glass. When Creepy turns away for a second, she smashes the [sugar glass] bottle over his head and races toward the door. She flings it open, then runs toward her car...and Creepy can be heard inside the house yelling "You bitch!"
After Dark. The club is filled with a lot of white people, blandly jigging it up on the dance floor. The gang (Brandon, Susan, David, Clare, Steve, and Valerie) is sitting together, staring over at Ginger and Jonathan. Valerie explains that she set the two up to keep Jonathan out of Susan's hair...and across the room, Ginger informs Jonathan that they're being watched, so he gives her a long wet smooch, then explains he wanted to give the gang (meaning Susan) "something to think about". Susan tells Brandon she's delighted that Jonathan is otherwise engaged, but Brandon says he thinks the set-up with Ginger is making her jealous. Susan denies it, and the two dullards bicker about that for awhile, blah blah.. Donna then saunters past their table in her stupid pink babydoll and tells Brandon and Susan that she's concerned about Joe, who hasn't shown up at the party yet.
Dorm. Joe's laying in bed, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. He ignores the ringing phone (Donna) and looks sad as he reminisces about his football playing days of yore.
Dance contest time! The jigging on the dance floor suddenly becomes more energetic. Donna tells Valerie and David that she's heading out to check on Joe, since it's not like him to just bail out on her without calling. Meanwhile, the DJ is walking around the dance floor, assessing everyone's moves, and disqualifying those who aren't up to muster. Ginger suddenly fakes an ankle injury, and the DJ tells Jonathan he's going to have to find another partner if he wants to stay in the contest. Jonathan makes a beeline over to Susan and tells her they can "win this thing", but she makes it clear she's not into it. He proceeds to grab her arm, and she hauls off and punches him square in the face, which I enjoyed immensely. The DJ looks incredulous and then starts laughing...and Jonathan slinks off, embarrassed. Susan tells Brandon how good that felt, and he offers to get her some ice for her hand. Valerie, meanwhile, joins Ginger at her table...and Ginger's annoyed that Val set her up with a guy who's so totally obsessed with another woman, and complains that she wanted a date with real relationship potential. Valerie says she thought Jonathan would be so overcome by her charm he'd forget all about Susan, and Ginger petulantly retorts, "Let's see how charming David thinks I am." Elsewhere, Brandon and Susan are about to leave the After Dark when suddenly Nat intercepts them and discreetly tells Brandon that Kelly's in trouble with a capital T. Brandon relays the news to Susan, and she insists on going with him as he rushes to the aid of his druggie ex.
Valerie ushers David into the privacy of her office, then puts her serious face on. She prefaces the conversation by reminding him how hard it was for her to finally be accepted by the 90210 gang...then confesses the scam that she and Ginger perpetrated in the Buffalo Gals episode to make herself look like a hero. David naturally looks shocked. She tells him that Ginger is now trying to blackmail her with an audio tape of them talking about the scam, and is demanding $50,000 - otherwise she'll play the tape for everyone. David shrugs and tells her to just pay Ginger (which I think is really dumb advice), but Valerie tells him there's a second option: Ginger is willing to leave L.A. for good if he agrees to a one time romp with her. David looks startled by the disturbing request, and Val assures him she loves him, but begs him to help her and wails, "What else can I do? I could lose everything." David mulls it over and says he wants to sleep on it, but Val tells him he can't; he needs to agree to this lunacy by midnight or the offer's off the table.
Brandon finds Kelly parked at the side of the road, twitching inside her car. He knocks on the window a few times and calls out her name until her coked out brain finally comprehends that he's standing there. She opens her window, starts crying, and pitifully moans, "Help me.." He leans in, hugs her, and assures her that everything will be OK.
Dorm. Donna arrives at Joe's dorm room and finds him packing his stuff. She asks him whassup, so he tells her he got kicked off the football team and is quitting school. She gets upset at him for wanting to just slink off in the middle of the night, and he bitterly tells her to go back to her little party. She self-piteously asks, "What about me?" and he's like, "I dunno" so she reminds him that he doesn't really even know what's wrong with him yet, and urges him to get a proper diagnosis. He agrees that that's probably a good idea, then tells her how sad he is that the one thing he's worked hard for his entire life has just been taken away from him.
The Walsh house. Valerie's alone in her room, looking mopey and sad. She finds the Valentine's Day card David had given her earlier and re-reads the poem...and once again we're forced to listen to David's voice narrating it.
After Dark dressing room. The next morning, the clock strikes 8:00am, and Steve announces to Clare that he made it through a whole night of abstinence. Wow, Steve. Bravo. Clare urges him to collect his "winnings", so then he runs over to where she's stretched out on the couch and leaps at her. She suddenly starts cackling and tells him he didn't really fulfill his pledge 'cause she set the clock forward. Steve giddily retorts that he set the clock back, and Clare looks despondent as he smooches and ravishes her. Incidentally, it remains unclear why these two slept in the After Dark dressing room instead of in the comfort of his bedroom at Casa Walsh.
Hotel. Valerie meets with Ginger in the hotel restaurant, and she smarmily hands her the offending audio tape. Valerie snidely asks her if she made any copies, and Ginger chuckles and retorts, "Honor among thieves..?" She happily says she got what she wanted, then announces that she's off to catch a flight, and flounces off. A few seconds later, David arrives and joins Val at the table. She sheepishly tells him she's really sorry and that he must be totally disgusted with her. She tells him that last night was the worst night of her life - as she got icked out by the mere thought of him touching Ginger. David informs her that nothing happened...apparently, he told Ginger he was in love with her (Valerie) and had no interest in doinking another woman. Valerie looks surprised and tells David that Ginger gave her the audio tape back, and David wearily tells her that Ginger didn't actually want to sleep with him, she just wanted to hurt her. Valerie nods tearfully and apologizes for dragging him into this bizarre situation...and he agrees that it was totally fucked up, then says he can't be with her anymore. She implores him not to break up with her, saying, "I had no choice", but he's like, "There's always a choice." He gets up, takes off the leather friendship bracelet, and tosses it onto the table before stalking off. Ouch.
Hospital. Kelly is in a hospital bed, getting some much needed fluids pumped into her. She tearfully apologizes to Jackie for her drugging, and Jackie assures her that everything is going to be A-OK. Brandon tells her she's in good hands, and that her friends/family will all be there for her. Jackie tells Brandon they should probably let her get some sleep...but Kelly asks Brandon to stay behind for a minute. She tearfully tells him she feels like such a loser (well, d'yuh), and he says she's only human and made a mistake. He adds that all that matters now is that she take proper care of herself. She blurts out, "I still love you!" and Brandon shifts around awkwardly and goes, "Yeah...look. Better get some sleep." LOL...awkward. Kelly tears up and tells him she's scared, and he holds her hand and tenderly smooths back her hair.
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