Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 6, Episode 1

"Dear Jim and Cindy, Today I met a really clingy redhead.."

"Home Is Where the Tart Is"
Original airdate: 9/13/1995

Episode summary: Kelly returns to L.A. after spending the summer modelling in New York...and she's got a new fella. Dylan is obsessed with finding out who killed his father and tries to involve Kelly and Brandon in his plot for revenge. Brandon returns home after a summer in Boston, gets continually hit on by Valerie's friend Ginger, and is dismayed when his trashed house falls out of escrow.

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​Recap: Kelly (who now has shorter, cuter hair) is sitting in the first class section of a plane. A young guy we've never seen before saunters over and asks her if he can sit next to her, and she's like, "Mmm, OK." Their friendly chit-chat soon turns brazenly flirty, and the other passengers stare over at them, clearly admiring the guy's chutzpah. He and Kelly suddenly start making out...and when they finally unlock their lips, he asks her if she's a member of the mile-high club, then gets up, tells her it's easy to join, and heads over to the lavatory. A few seconds later, Kelly joins him in the most spacious airline bathroom I've ever seen, and the two giggle about the "show" they just put on for the other passengers. Apparently, they're not actually strangers; they just spent the entire summer together in New York. The two make out again...but a second later, the flight attendant announces that the fasten seat-belt sign has just been illuminated, and the two lovebirds are forced to return to their seats.

Brandon arrives at Casa Walsh in a fancy new convertible...and from the looks of the for sale sign on the front lawn, the house is currently in escrow. He goes inside, notices that all the furniture is gone, and calls out Valerie's name. When he doesn't get a response, he heads up to his room and plops himself down on a mattress. Out of nowhere, a redhead rolls toward him, mounts him (!), and purrs, "You must be Brandon." He stares at her, wide-eyed, and asks what she's doing here, and she asks, "Does it matter?"...and he decides it doesn't, 'cause the two start kissing. Valerie appears in the doorway, rolls her eyes warily, and introduces Brandon to Ginger: her slutty BFF from Buffalo. Apparently, she and Val have been hanging out at the house for the last few weeks. Ginger crawls off of Brandon and declares that she's taking a shower, and Valerie tells Brandon it's nice to have him home again.


Beach house. Kelly and her new fella arrive home from the airport. After they make out again, he looks around the apartment and makes fun of the tacky art on the walls. Clare emerges from her room, hugs Kelly hello, and gets introduced to Kelly's boyfriend, whose name we learn is Colin Robbins. He's apparently an artiste - and it appears as though Clare has actually heard of him, 'cause she quotes something she once read about him in an art magazine. Bwahaha! As if. Colin announces that he's off to meet his new landlord and pick up the keys to his Venice Beach loft...and once he's gone, Clare nods approvingly and tells Kelly he's a beautiful, beautiful man. Too bad he soon turns out to be a douchey, douchey douchebag.


Pier. Ray and Donna are aboard the Martins' yacht, gabbling about what a great summer they've had. Donna tells Ray he's been so great to her, and he says he loves her a lot and is trying to make up for angrily shoving her down a flight of stairs during last season's finale.


The Walsh house. Brandon is eating a sandwich and chatting with Valerie about his summer job at the Boston Herald. Ginger flounces into the kitchen and announces that she's off to the gym, then coquettishly invites Brandon to exercise with her. He declines and says he needs to get some sleep after driving all night, and Ginger coos, "I hope you won't be lonely without me." Once she's out of earshot, Brandon mutters to Valerie that her BFF is "a piece of work". She's definitely a piece of something. Valerie puts her sad face on and tells Brandon how bummed she is that the furniture is all gone, and that the house will be officially sold next week. She still has no idea where she's going to live, which is so dumb 'cause didn't she have the entire summer to figure out her living arrangements? As Brandon heads upstairs to get some shut-eye, Valerie asks him what happened between them at the end of Season 5. Brandon tells her he doesn't want to pick up where they left off, then reminds her that as soon as they took their clothes off, they started laughing uncontrollably. He quickly assures her that she's definitely gorgeous and sexy, but because she's almost like a sister to him, the idea of them having sex is just too weird. She agrees and says she just had a really sucky summer...then tells him that she dated a baseball player, but things didn't work out when he got relegated to the minor league. On top of that, she hasn't been in touch with the gang all summer, except for Steve. Brandon explains that everyone usually goes their separate ways during the summer hiatus, but is confident that they'll all come together once university starts up again. Valerie tells him she's contemplating returning to Buffalo, but Brandon begs her not to, since she's the only family he has left in L.A. She looks very touched by that, and the two share a wholesome hug.


Beach house. Clare is very impressed with Kelly's modelling photos and is amazed that she even wants to go back to school...but Kelly sanctimoniously tells her that she doesn't want to be just another pretty face. Dylan drops by unannounced, and he and Kelly get caught up on their summer vacays. He tells her he went on his 'round-the-word trip alone, but for some reason is still obsessed with finding out who killed his father. To that end, he's headed to a storage facility where Jack's things are and would like Kelly to go with him. She doesn't look thrilled by the idea, but agrees to accompany him.


The Walsh house. Brandon, Ginger, and Valerie arrive home with some groceries. Brandon goes right over to the computer that's perched atop the kitchen counter to see if Jim and Cindy sent him any email, but their only message is "please call". Steve and David burst in to say hey, and Ginger remarks on how cute David is. Er...OK. David tells Brandon and Steve about a luxury apartment on Wilshire they could somehow rent for "nearly nothing", and Brandon instantly perks up, and the three head out to check it out. When they reach the door, Candace (the real estate agent) arrives to tell Brandon that the new owners of Casa Walsh are planning to tear the house down...and this means he can totally trash the place if he wants to. Steve likes the sound of that and suggests they have a party and tear the house apart...and then he and Brandon engage in a lengthy homo-erotic romp much like they did in a swimming pool during last season's finale.


Storage facility. Kelly looks around with dismay at all the boxes and tells Dylan that maybe the police should be going through this stuff. LOL. Dylan's like, "Yeah, but they're not" then opens one of the boxes and starts looking for "clues". Kelly grumbles that they should just leave well enough alone, but Dylan keeps bugging her to help him, so she reluctantly opens a box and starts sifting through it.


Brandon's driving David and Steve to the apartment on Wilshire, and tells them that the fancy new car was a gift from Jim and Cindy, who felt bad for leaving him in L.A. all alone. Despite him being a grown man. The three banter about their alleged womanizing over the summer, and Brandon assumes that Dylan doinked a woman in every port on his 'round-the-world trip. They arrive at a swanky building, and Brandon's car is immediately attended to by two overeager valets. The three boneheads look up at the skyscraper where their future penthouse apartment is located, and none of them seems to realize how completely implausible it is that they could afford such swanky digs in a city as expensive as L.A.


Storage facility. Dylan and Kelly are looking through Jack's bills and paperwork. Dylan finds a notebook his dad kept while he was in prison and suddenly gets the idea to visit his former cellmate. He tells Kelly that whoever took Jack from him is going to pay, and she tenderly tells him to be careful. Dylan leans in to kiss her, but she stops him and says there's someone else. He retorts, "There's always someone else", but she insists they're definitely over. For now.


The Martin yacht. Papa Martin and Felice are hosting a party for their rich friends, as well as Donna's friends. Donna walks over to Clare, and the two spot Valerie and Ginger making their way on board. Clare scrunches her weird looking doll face and wonders aloud what those two are doing here, and Donna tells her she didn't invite them, but doesn't want to make a scene at her mother's party. Valerie makes a beeline over to Donna and says she hopes it's OK that she and Ginger crashed the party, and Donna tells her it's fine. Ginger cackles to Valerie about how hot Brandon is and wants to take "a real shot" at him, and Valerie gives her her seal of approval, which is just ew. Elsewhere on the yacht, Brandon, David, and Steve toast their new luxury digs, and Donna walks over to inform them that Kelly couldn't make it 'cause she had to help Dylan with something related to his faux deceased father. Brandon just shrugs and pretends he couldn't care less.


One of Felice's snooty rich friends, Mrs. Corman, angrily reports that her ring has just been stolen. She accidentally left it in the bathroom when she took it off to wash her hands, and now it's gone. Egads! She describes it as an emerald and diamond cocktail ring (there's such a thing as a cocktail ring?) and wails that it was an anniversary gift from her husband. Ray ambles over and asks whassup, and when he hears the sad tale, he tells her he didn't see any ring in the bathroom. Felice assures her troubled friend that they'll find her missing jewelry, and the friend's husband overhears her and bitchily snaps, "We'd better."


Prison. Dylan arrives to talk to Jack's old cellmate and give him some paperbacks to read. The cellmate greets Dylan cheerfully and, to quickly move Dylan's revenge storyline forward, offers up the name of Jack's killer: a private businessman named Anthony Marchette. The cellmate warns Dylan not to do anything that could get himself killed, and world weary Dylan is like, "Yeah, whatever." I guess he didn't learn his lesson from the nonsensical Tom Rose storyline from the previous season finale.


The Martin yacht. Papa Martin is calling the cops to report the stolen ring, which annoys Felice, but he explains that the Cormans can't file an insurance claim without a police report. Felice grumps to Donna about how much she hates this boat, then points out that Ray was in the bathroom right after Mrs. Corman. Donna tells her that her boyfriend did not steal the ring, but then looks worried and contemplative.


The Walsh house. Brandon's at the computer, emailing his parents. Ginger flounces into the kitchen, canoodles him from behind, and starts typing the Walshes an email about how hot she finds their son, then hits send. She then starts fondling a shell-shocked Brandon until Steve bursts in with a box of spray paint cans. He rushes over to one of the walls, picks up a can and spells out party...and Brandon gets wigged out by the graffiti until Steve reminds him that the new owners plan to tear the house down. Brandon mulls that over and realizes how liberating it could be to completely trash his house, so he picks up a can and squirts a little paint over where Steve sprayed party. Ginger strides over, grabs the can, and draws a big heart around the word party...and then Steve and Valerie head out for a beer run.


Beach house. Ray arrives to pick up Donna for Brandon's party. He asks her why Felice has been giving him the stink-eye lately, and correctly assumes that she thinks he stole Mrs. Corman's ring. Donna unconvincingly tells him it's not true, then shuts him up with a kiss.


Colin's apartment. As Kelly helps Colin move his stuff into his new loft apartment, he asks her if she thinks Dylan is over her yet...and she's like, "Um, no." Kelly asks Colin about his relationship with his dad, and he tells her his pa is great, but he still doesn't understand what he (Colin) does for a living. To illustrate his artistry, he smears Kelly's face with brown paint before smearing his own face (?) and the two start making out.


The Walsh house. The party's in full swing, there's a lot more graffiti on the walls, and the guests are dancing dorkishly. Brandon, meanwhile, is moping in his bedroom and staring at the ring he gave to Kelly last season. Ginger interrupts him and saucily asks him if he can help her with her zipper...and mercifully he zips her dress up and not down. Kelly arrives at the party and ambles upstairs to say hello to Brandon, and the two hug and ask about each others' summer. He then introduces her to Ginger and says she's a friend of Valerie's...and Kelly glares at her with disdain and bitchily retorts, "Any friend of Valerie's..." and just leaves it at that. After she stalks out of the room, Ginger remarks to Brandon that she felt a cold chill just now, then starts fondling him again.


Nat arrives to deliver a super long sandwich, and also to make a superfluous appearance in this episode. This character really has worn out his welcome ever since the high school years ended. Valerie, who for some reason dressed herself in a lumpy pair of overall dungarees, greets Kelly and asks her if she's seen Brandon or Dylan. Kelly gives her the stink-eye and snarks that she (Valerie) hasn't changed, but she (Kelly) has. She warns, "The gloves are out. Watch out" - LOL - and Valerie tries not to laugh as she replies, "I'm quaking." Kelly snaps, "Good! I'm not playing anymore...not with you, anyway." Me-ow.


The house is getting thoroughly trashed as David and Muntz do more spray painting and a group of KEGers messily slosh beer around. Donna remarks to Kelly that she didn't think Brandon would allow things to get this wild, and Kelly tells her that Steve probably had a lot to do with that. Dylan slouchily arrives at the party, and Valerie rushes over and gives him a big hug. He's like, "Is Kelly here?" and Valerie looks put out and snaps, "You never learn." Dylan slouches out to the patio and finds Kelly sitting by herself...and Brandon quickly joins them...so after a few seconds, Kelly quickly hightails it back into the house. Dylan asks Brandon if he knows who Tony Marchette is, and Brandon says he knows that the guy is involved with land development, casinos, and big business. Dylan blurts out, "Murder!" and says he's the man who killed Jack, but no one wants to do anything about it. He adds that Kelly wants nothing to do with this, then asks Brandon if he wouldn't mind being dragged into a perilous revenge storyline...and Brandon's like, "Um. No..?"


Ray cheerfully tells Donna that her friends seem to like having him around lately, and she's like, "D'yuh" and plants a big smooch on his lips. As Dylan heads out, Kelly tells him she's worried about him, and he coolly replies, "Don't be." Ginger finds Brandon, fondles him some more, and invites him to take her upstairs for a doink...but Brandon notices Kelly glaring over at them, so he declines and tells Ginger they should stay and mingle. In response, she pouts, "Party pooper." Nat informs Brandon he's leaving - hurray! - and disapprovingly says it's a disgrace the way he's allowing his home to be trashed. As Brandon mulls over that admonishment, Candace drops by, looks at the spray painted walls in horror, then tells Brandon that the house fell out of escrow. Brandon stares back at her in shock...and in the distance we hear the sound of something very large crashing to the floor.


The gang congregates on the patio, and everyone promises to help Brandon repaint/repair the house. Donna gets chilly and asks Ray if she can borrow his jacket...and when he gets up to go get drinks for everyone, Donna sticks her hand in one of the pockets and pulls out what appears to be Mrs. Corman's stolen ring and shows it to everyone. Ray returns, and when he notices that everyone is suddenly giving him the stink-eye, he looks confused and asks whassup. Donna tells him she found the stolen ring in his pocket, and Steve orders Ray to tell them the truth. Ray insists that he didn't steal it, and Steve says he believes him...but Ray assumes he's being mocked, so he shoves Steve away from him and tells everyone they can go pee up a rope if they believe he's a thief. After he storms out, Brandon announces that the party is officially over.


Early the next morning, Brandon's sitting on the floor, staring at his wrecked house. He tells Valerie how badly he feels about allowing it to be trashed, then announces that he's off to bed and will clean up everything later. He tells her that he's going to talk Jim and Cindy into not selling the house 'cause he'd like to keep living in it. He looks around nostalgically and says he loves his home and doesn't want to go anywhere...despite the strong likelihood that Jim and Cindy would probably want to cash in on their most valuable asset now that they're living in one of the world's most expensive cities on the other side of the world.  

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