Recap: It's another busy night at the Peach Pit After Dark, and Steve is gleefully boasting to David that this pseudo nightclub is his vision, his dream, his par-tee! David asks him if Dylan's supposed to be on duty, and Steve says he is - but that he probably has a hot date...with a bottle of tequila. Heh. Steve passes Valerie, gives her a quick hello squeeze, and tells David he's taking it slow with his new gal and keeping things low key. A mildly interested David says it looks like it's working. Steve then finds himself confronted by the fire marshal, who sternly informs him that the building's maximum capacity of 150 people is being exceeded. Steve flashes a stack of money at the marshal and looks at him hopefully...but the lame bribery attempt doesn't work, and the marshal clears everyone out and shuts the club down.
Nat tells Steve that having an attached nightclub isn't good for the Peach Pit, but Steve argues that the club has been raking in lots of dough. Nat retorts that he can't afford to pay the fines whenever the place gets shut down, so David suggests charging more and letting in less people...while Clare suggests taking over the rug store next door, which is going out of business. Nat whines that he can't afford the lease, so Valerie chimes in and says he should ask his partner, Moneybags McKay, to pay for it. That was kind of dickish, since she well knows how broke he is...but I'll assume it's payback for when Dylan "cheated" on her with the blonde skank during the previous episode.
Ray loads up his red pick-up truck and drives the long drive to the ritzy part of L.A. where Donna's beach apartment is located. When he arrives, he presents her with a tiny pumpkin, which she annoyingly coos over, as well as the biggest one the Pruits grew in their patch that year. I'm not sure what he expects her to do with that mammoth thing. He calls the pumpkins an unmatched set (sorta like them, I guess) and then invites himself over that evening to decorate the pumpkins, and Donna likes that idea. Suddenly, Kelly bursts onto the deck to tell Donna something...but when she sees Ray she gives him the stink-eye and an icy greeting. Donna shows her the pumpkins he brought over, and Kelly bitchily replies, "How big of him" and goes back inside. The hell? Ray beats a hasty retreat, and as soon as he's gone, Kelly reappears, tosses the phone receiver at Donna, and tells her if Ahn-drea calls, she's to come to the apartment with Hannah. She (Kelly) has to go to her mom's place to pick up Erin...then says that since Mama and Papa Walsh are going to Palm Springs for the weekend, she's planning to spend the night at the Walsh house. She snidely remarks that Donna can tell Ray she won't be home to bother the two of them that evening...then makes a face and says she does not get what Donna sees in that guy. Mmm...I don't really either, but Ray hasn't actually done anything (yet, anyway) to deserve such cunty treatment.
The Peach Pit. Dylan slouches into the diner and is greeted by Steve, who's eager to show him the available space next door that can house a larger after hours nightclub. Nat fills him in about getting shut down last night by the fire marshal for exceeding capacity. They take a quick walkabout inside the rug store, and Steve gushes about how this could be a real cash cow, then proposes leasing the property and sinking some cash - around 150K - into remodeling. Dylan has a momentary freakout at the mention of 150K, then agrees to put up the money. With that settled, he grumbles about how badly he needs a cup of coffee.
Jackie's house. Jackie's off to an appointment with a local modelling agency to see about doing a photo shoot for a Fabulous at 40 ad campaign, and tells Kelly that she and Erin are slated to do a mother-daughter shoot. Kelly is appalled at her mother for involving little Erin in the cruel world of modelling, so Jackie explains that she needs the cash to pay her mounting bills. She says it's only going to be a one-shot deal, since she's not delusional enough to believe she'd be in demand for any other modelling gigs. She then kisses her daughters goodbye and rushes off to her appointment, leaving Kelly staring after her with an annoyed look on her face.
The Walsh house. When Papa Walsh arrives home, Mama Walsh excitedly tells him that the doctor gave them the green light to try for another baby. The fuck? I thought Papa Walsh shut down that senseless storyline idea two episodes ago. The two start making out just as Valerie and Brandon enter the kitchen and loudly clear their throats. Brandon tells them to leave on their trip already, and Papa Walsh says he'll be ready to hit the road as soon as he checks his fax machine. When he goes to his home office, he finds a fax detailing Dylan's equity loan application for 150K...and in the next scene, the Walshes (and Valerie) try to guess whassup with Dylan's finances. Brandon asks his dad why he even got the fax, so Papa Walsh explains that Dylan never submitted the paperwork that officially severs him from his trust, so he still has to sign off on any transactions involving his house. Mama Walsh tells him to just sign the dumb thing so they can leave for Palm Springs, but he tells her it's nagging at him and he needs to look into it further. Brandon surmises that Dylan spends cash like a drunken sailor, then remarks that he's with a different girl every night. This prompts Valerie to finally let the cat out of the bag and reveal that Dylan isn't just no longer a millionaire - he's flat broke. The Walshes all look startled and confused.
Beach house. Kelly is playing with Erin when Mel arrives to pick her up. Kelly tattles on Jackie about the ill-advised mother-daughter photo shoot, and Mel looks appalled and agrees with Kelly that it's a terrible idea.
The Walshes (and Valerie) are scratching their heads about Dylan's lost millions and theorize that Suzanne and Kevin must have used Erica as a lure for their nefarious scheme. Papa Walsh recalls the episode when he found a balance of $25,000 in Suzanne's bank account, and how Dylan believed her when she told him it came from an insurance settlement. Papa Walsh tells his wife he needs to investigate this matter, which essentially means that their trip to Palm Springs is off. He then barks at Valerie for getting involved with Dylan when he explicitly told her to stay away from him...and Valerie meekly apologizes, then recounts her made up story about him being drunk at the Peach Pit and forcibly kissing her. She insists that there's nothing more between them.
Beach house. Griffin drops by with flowers and plants a big smooch on Donna. He invites her out for the evening, and when she tells him she has other plans, he says he made reservations and won't take no for an answer. He then smarmily asks, "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" Donna acquiesces and goes to her room to change, then tries to call Ray to cancel their pumpkin decorating plans...but gets no answer. She discreetly instructs Clare that if Ray shows up, she's to tell him that something came up and she has to take a rain check. As she and Griffin head out on their date, Griffin saucily tells David not to wait up. Ew.
Modelling agency. Kelly arrives at the agency to drop Erin off, then bitches at Jackie for involving Erin in the photo shoot. Jackie doesn't get why she's so upset about it, and reminds her that the money she'll earn from the modeling gig will go a long way toward paying her bills. She then tells Kelly if she's so worried about Erin, she should stick around to make sure she's treated OK...and Kelly agrees she will.
Griffin is piloting a small plane (yes really), and tells Donna they're headed to Catalina Island. He says he's always wanted to do this, but until Donna he never met the right girl to do it with.
Beach house. Ray arrives to spend the evening with Donna, and Clare answers the door and tells him something came up and that Donna will call him. He tells her he'll just hang out on the deck and wait, so Clare addresses him as "Ray, babe" and bluntly tells him that Donna's out on a date, then needlessly remarks, "So many men, so little time." Ray looks pissed off and snaps, "Thanks a lot. Babe." As he storms off, Clare contorts her weird doll-like face and tells him, to like, not go away mad.
The Peach Pit. Dylan slouches into the diner and wearily parks himself at the counter. A serious looking Nat approaches him and asks him to come to the back room...where Papa Walsh is lying in wait. He tells Dylan he's been made aware of his monetary situation, but Dylan mumbles that he doesn't want to discuss it and bitchily reminds Papa Walsh that he fired him as his client. Papa Walsh explains that the bank contacted him when he applied for an equity loan, so he did some investigating...then abruptly expresses his condolences. Dylan confirms that he is, in fact, broke and has no idea where Suzanne and Kevin absconded with his millions. A second later, he acts like his usual dickish self again and accuses Papa Walsh of being happy about his financial ruin. Papa Walsh snaps back that he can't believe he canceled a trip with his wife for this BS, then storms out.
Beach house. Clare and David are eating a messy watermelon and getting the juice all over their clothes. Clare orders David to take off his shirt so she can throw it into the washing machine, and a shirtless David opens one of her drawers to look for something to wear. He finds a pair of handcuffs (with a little key) and for some reason decides it would be a fun idea to cuff his hands over his head to her headboard. A few minutes later, Clare re-enters her room and is so delighted to see David restrained by cuffs that she mounts him on the bed. He tells her he found the cuffs in her drawer, and she's all, "Wha-at?" and tells him that the little key isn't for the cuffs - it's for her jewelry box. Haha! She promises to call a locksmith...just as soon as she's finished having her way with him. As the two start making out, the doorbell rings...and Clare irritably mutters it'd better not be "that Ray guy again". Hee. Clare answers the door and is shocked to find her father on her doorstep. He tells her his dinner plans got canceled, so he thought it would be fun to drop by unannounced to see her new place. Clare invites her father in and starts flailing about in a panic when he insists on seeing her room. She tells him she has to straighten it up first, then runs back to her room, tells David the sitch, and piles a bunch of blankets, clothes, and pillows on top of him. When she gives her dad the green light to come in, he glances around and admires the photos on her wall. Clare tells him she's staaarving, so he suggests going out for a bite to eat. As soon as he leaves, Clare slips back into her room and takes all the stuff off the bed that she threw on top of David and tells him that the locksmith will be at the apartment in half an hour. He asks her who's going to open the door to let the locksmith in (good question), but doesn't get a response.
Catalina Island. Donna and Griffin are dining on the outdoor patio of a fancy schmancy restaurant. When she orders ice cream for dessert, he vetoes it and changes her order to tiramisu. He then tells her he'd really like to stay the night...and just in case she's also into the idea, he booked a hotel room. Donna suddenly realizes that her sainted virginity could be at risk, so she gets all haughty and uptight and sarcastically retorts that the room probably has "a big old king size bed". Well, d'yuh. Griffin promises not to lay a hand on her and to be a perfect gentleman, but she tells him how royally pissed she is that he arranged an overnight excursion without asking her first and says "a perfect gentleman" wouldn't have put her in this position. She then barks at the waiter to bring Griffin and his deflating penis the check.
The Walsh house. Valerie's on the phone with Steve, telling him she's too tired to get together. Brandon stands in the doorway, shamelessly eavesdropping, and after she hangs up he tells her if she's interested in Dylan, she should cut Steve loose. Valerie tells him there's nothing between her and Dylan, and Brandon says that Steve's a good friend...while Dylan has a perpetual chip on his shoulder and no sense of humor. And lately, zero interest in his personal hygiene. Valerie says maybe he just doesn't understand Dylan and his chronic moodiness, and Brandon derisively snaps, "And you do, huh?" She says she totally gets his lack of humor, then pulls the my dad recently committed suicidecard. She then says she could use some fresh air, and he warns her to be careful.
Beach house. David hears someone enter the apartment, assumes it's Clare, and yells out at her to free him from the cuffs. Donna appears in the doorway and stares at him and his ridiculous predicament...and he tells her there's a good explanation for why he's handcuffed to Clare's headboard.
Modelling agency. The stylist, Doreen, gushes to Kelly about how gorgeous she turned out, then makes a snide remark about how Jackie never could stand sharing the spotlight with her. Jackie comes over just as Claude (the photographer, I presume) stops by to tell them their shoot has been delayed. Kelly gets annoyed and snaps that little Erin is exhausted and practically falling asleep, so he breezily replies that they'll just reschedule for another day. This pisses Jackie off, but Kelly continues her bitchy tirade and demands to know why Jackie didn't ask her to do the shoot. Jackie says she knew she'd say no, and Kelly says she may have...but she still would have liked to have been asked. That's...kind of nonsensical. Kelly grumbles that it would have demonstrated that her mother thinks more of her than just being an on call babysitter, so Jackie angrily retorts that she's sorry for imposing on her precious time...then picks up little Erin and storms off.
Beach house. Donna and David are laying beside each other on Clare's bed, contemplating the shit-tastic way the evening turned out for both of them. He tells her that Ray stopped by, and that he was really bummed about being stood up. He relays that Clare had said something about him being ready to take his pumpkins and go home. Haha! Upon hearing that, Donna rushes out to the deck and realizes that Ray somehow heaved the ginormous pumpkin over the railing onto the deck below where it's all smashed up into tiny pieces. Donna ignores this very disturbing red flag and tells David she has to go find psycho Ray the Pumpkin Killer and explain herself for standing him up. David's like, "Wha-a? Who's going to open the door for the locksmith?!" No one, David. Just save yourself.
Dylan's house. Valerie lets herself in - uh oh, she was warned 'bout that - just as Dylan appears in the foyer, looking his usual unshaven and disheveled self. He snarks that he's got to remember to lock his front door. Yeah, no duh. Valerie asks him if he's alone...and if not, she'll leave. He doesn't really answer and tells her he got a visit from Papa Walsh he could have lived without, so Valerie explains that he received a fax from his bank about the equity loan. He accuses her of telling Papa Walsh about his finances, so she admonishes him for lying about it and says it was only a matter of time before everyone found out anyway. Dylan accuses her of ratting him out because of the skank she caught him with the other night, but Valerie denies this and tells him with a straight face that Papa "Milquetoast" Walsh was so intimidating that he forced her to spill the beans. LOL. Dylan derisively snarks at her for not standing up to him the way Brenda['s inner bitch] did, so Valerie barks back that she'll never be Brenda and doesn't want to hear about Brenda. Dylan accuses her of wishing she were Brenda, and snarls that she obviously likes living in Brenda's house, sleeping in Brenda's bed, doinking Brenda's ex, and having an instant family. Valerie tears up and whimpers, "What's wrong with that?" and Dylan softens and says, "Nothing" then pulls her into a hug as she sniffles.
The Walsh house. Kelly comes over and is surprised to see Mama Walsh not in Palm Springs. Mama Walsh explains that there's been a change in plans, then concernedly asks Kelly if everything is OK...and Kelly asks her if she has any ice cream. In the next scene, the two share a couple of scoops while Kelly unloads on her about the miserable experience she had doing mother-daughter photo shoots when she was a kid, and how Jackie constantly reminded her that the camera adds ten pounds. Eventually she snapped from the pressure and turned into a fatty...and stayed rotund up until high school. Mama Walsh says she can't see Jackie putting Erin through the same thing, and recalls that she first time she met Jackie was at the mother-daughter fashion show in the Perfect Mom episode. Kelly jokes that she must have made quite an impression, and Mama Walsh reminds her that she's come a long way since then. She got married, had a baby, got divorced...and managed to stay clean and sober through it all. Plus, she still looks totally fab! Mama Walsh tells Kelly she's jump at the chance to be in aFabulous at 40 ad campaign if anyone actually wanted to photograph her. Kelly looks contemplative and asks her to tell Brandon she'll talk to him tomorrow...and the two hug goodnight.
The Pruit Pumpkin Patch. Donna looks around for Ray, who appears out of nowhere, shining a flashlight in her face. He asks her what she's doing there, and sarcastically asks how her date went. She tells him it was terrible and that she would rather have spent the evening with him. Ray snarks something about how her boyfriend must have put the moves on her, then turns around so his back is facing her. She apologizes and asks if he can forgive her, and he admits to destroying the huge pumpkin he gave her and apologizes for that, then says he only did it 'cause he cares about her so much. [Red flag warning #2. Take heed.] He assures her he'd never pressure her into doing anything she didn't want to do (get that in writing, Donna) and that he just wants to be with her...and the two kiss.
Jackie's house. Kelly's sitting on the couch, leafing through an old photo album when Jackie enters the living room. She tells Kelly if she's going to bawl her out again can it wait until tomorrow, 'cause she doesn't want red eyes for tomorrow's shoot. Kelly assures her she didn't come over to bawl her out, but rather to admit she now realizes she's been too hard on her. She acknowledges that Jackie's a much better mother than she was years ago...and promises not to put her two cents in anymore. Jackie then confesses that the real reason she didn't ask Kelly to be in the shoot was that she was afraid people would think that she (Kelly) is Erin's mother, and that she was the grandma. She just wasn't ready to be thought of as part of the older generation. Kelly's like, "Phew!" and says she thought Jackie didn't ask her to do the shoot because she didn't think she was pretty enough. Jackie looks horrified at the assumption and tells her she's very beautiful and would be proud to show her off as her daughter.
Dylan's house. Steve and David come over to show Dylan the architect's sketches for the new Peach Pit After Dark. Dylan tries to hustle them out, but Steve won't go and insists they're at the critical planning stage. David glances over toward the patio and sees Valerie sunning herself, and she motions for him not to say anything. David tells Steve maybe they should do this another time, but Steve is eagerly unfolding the large blueprints. He crosses the room, looks toward the patio and sees Valerie, who suddenly bursts into the house. She exclaims, "Steve - don't get the wrong idea or anything!" Bwahahaha! Dylan wryly tells her the gig is up, since there's no way this isn't exactly what it looks like. Steve looks dejected, says he gets it...and that, "The joke's on me, huh?" Well...yeah. He swings his fist in Dylan's direction and punches him squarely in the face. Awesome.