Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 5, Episode 6

"What would you say to a quick roll on a hay bale behind a stack of pumpkins?"

"Homecoming"
Original airdate: 10/12/1994

Episode summary: Kelly, Valerie, Griffin, and Steve kidnap the giant bear mascot from a rival university. Ray Pruit takes Donna to a pumpkin patch on their first date. Brandon takes a stand against the President of Selanesia: an accused torturer, who's also Chancellor Arnold's closest friend.

---

Recap: Kelly, Donna, Griffin, and Steve are on the campus of Southern California University as part of a "fact finding mission"...which is part of a larger plot to kidnap the school's mascot, Bruno the Bear, on the eve of the big homecoming game. Kelly and Donna buy a couple of gold colored SCU t-shirts so they can invade enemy territory without being detected...and afterward, the foursome heads over to SCU's Student Union to view the gigantic stuffed bear. He's roped off in the center of the room, and someone remarks that he's under guard 24/7.

President Ferdinand "Nando" Quintero, of the made up country of Selanesia, arrives in L.A. under heavy security to visit Chancellor Arnold. At the Arnold estate, he's warmly greeted by the chancellor and Clare...and for some reason Brandon has merited an invitation. The chancellor introduces him to Nando as CU's student body president - and Clare's boyfriend (say wuh?). When the chancellor and Nando amble into another room, Brandon asks Clare whassup with her dad telling people he's her boyfriend, and she chuckles and says she can't help it if the dolt lives in a fantasy world. She tells him about how her dad and Nando met at Wharton, and that he introduced her parents to each other. She adds that he's currently in the States to get treated for liver cancer, and that her dad is hosting a reception for him later. For some reason, Brandon is expected to attend.


The Peach Pit. Kelly, Donna, Steve, and Griffin are devising a plan to kidnap Bruno the Bear. Valerie enters the diner, and Steve immediately calls her over to help them brainstorm. Valerie tells the group about a successful mascot kidnapping that occurred at SUNY Buffalo. She warns them that the tactics that were used were a little cruel, but this seems to pique everyone's interest. Kelly invites her to join their table and share the details.


Ahn-drea's/Jesse's apartment. Ahn-drea puts Hannah down, then tries to lure Jesse, who's trying to study, into taking "a little catnap" with her. Blech. She canoodles him from behind, but he's not in the mood and tells her he wants to use this quiet time to get some work done. She gets pissy and snarks that he can turn on the charm for the women at the bar, but not for his wife. Well d'yuh. Jesse explains that a good bartender always flirts with women so they'll tip well, but Ahn-drea haughtily tells him it's a seedy way to earn cash. He says his flirting doesn't mean anything, so then she rants about how they never have any time to doink because he's always studying. Jesse lets out a long, deep sigh and reminds her how super busy they both are, and that her horny urges are just bad timing. Ahn-drea looks despondent and says she's worried about their relationship, and he absently brushes off her concern and insists they're OK...then goes back to his studying. Ouch.


California University. Brandon's filing something in his office when he gets his first visitors as student body president: Kaye and Ben. They're friends of Josh's, and also representatives of the CU chapter of Human Rights International. They inform him that President Quintero of Selanesia is in town, and Brandon's like, "Duh, I know. I met him last night." Ben looks appalled that he "pressed flesh with the butcher", and Brandon just stares back at him blankly. Kaye informs him that last year there were 450 incidents of government sanctioned torture in Selanesia, and adds that Quintero is an enemy to his people. Brandon says he doesn't know anything about the state of affairs in the fictional country, but that Quintero seems like a good enough egg. Kaye assures him they know what they're talking about, but Ben just snarls that Alex Diaz was right: Brandon really is the chancellor's lackey. Gaaa - that stupid nickname is really starting to grate.


Campus TV. Donna's working on a promo video for the admissions office when Ray drops by. She shows him what she's working on and remarks that she likes to showcase the prettiest areas of campus...so Ray tells her she should just take photos of herself, since she's the prettiest thing on campus. Blech. Donna hmm giggles and calls him smooth. He tells her he came to say goodbye, since he and his crew have finished retro-fitting the campus for the next earthquake...and she looks disappointed and says she was getting used to him being around. Ray asks her to give him her phone number, but she hesitates and tells him she already has a boyfriend...so Ray goes, "Lucky him" and asks how serious a boyfriend the guy is, and Donna says she doesn't know yet. Ray says he doubts the guy has too much of a lead on him, then asks for her phone number again. Donna smiles at his persistence and writes down her number.


Mustang. Brandon's driving with Clare somewhere, and he asks her what she knows about the torture occurring in Quintero's country. She rolls her eyes and says the very notion that he's a Saddam-esque torturer is absurd and that there's no truth to the allegations. She tells him she practically watched Nando install democracy in his fictional country, and saw all the reforms first-hand. LOL. Plus, there's no way her dad would be friends with a "butcher". Would. Is.


Dylan's house. Valerie has just showered and is strutting around in a towel. She jokes to Dylan about how it would blow Jim and Cindy's mind if she didn't come home until morning, then chuckles, "They're so wholesome and Midwest, it kills me." She gives him a smooch and tells him she's working with the homecoming committee on a caper, then wryly says, "Very apple pie of me, don'tcha think?" She then decides that she shouldn't stay at Dylan's all night, since she's not quite ready to shatter her fake nice girl image to the Walshes just yet. She asks Dylan if she should come over at the same time tomorrow, and he mumbles that he doesn't want them to get into a rut. She reminds him that neither of them is looking for love, then asks if he was in love with Brenda and/or Kelly. He ignores her question and tells her not to go falling in love with him (someone likes flattering hisself), and she assures him again she's not looking for love. He grumps about how irked he is that they're already so cozy, and that she knows waay more about him than she should...and Valerie shrugs and says it's not that big of a deal that he lost his entire fortune and doesn't get why it has to be such a big secret. Dylan tells her he wants to keep it that way and that it's his bidness. Valerie promises to keep mum about his finances and he tells her she should go on home, but she says, "Not yet"...and the two start going at it again.


Chancellor's house. The reception is in full swing, and Nando and the chancellor are mingling and tooting each others' horns about their respective contributions toward getting democracy installed in Selanesia. LOL. Suddenly, the secret service flunky comes over to tell Nando that there's a demonstration outside: twelve CU students and two signs. Egads! The chancellor looks embarrassed and apologizes to Nando for the nuisance, but Nando jokes that a twelve person demonstration is so piddling he must be losing his edge. He tells Arnold he's tired anyway and wants to go to bed. Across the room, Brandon stares out the window at the protesters and looks contemplative.


Student Union. Clare tells Brandon she knows the students have every right to protest, but she's bummed that they ruined poor Nando's first night in L.A. Kaye and Ben come over to their table, and Brandon sarcastically says they put on quite a show tonight. Ben snaps that he should have joined their demonstration the way Josh would have. Brandon says he was there, meaning at the reception inside the house, and this causes Ben to let out a caustic laugh...and he tosses a piece of paper at Brandon and says it's the latest report on the various human rights abuses occurring in Selanesia. Clare says she doubts there's any truth to the report and insists Nando is the best leader the country's ever had. Brandon says he wants to hear out both sides of this disagreement, but Kaye tells him he can't do that - he needs to make a hard choice...meaning: if he's not with them, he's against them. Brandon promises to read the report, but says he needs actual proof in order to become a true believer. Kaye promises to get it for him.


The beach house. Donna's on the phone making a date with someone. Kelly's baking brownies, and as soon as Donna gets off the phone, she asks her if she was talking to Griffin. Donna tells her it was Ray, and that they're going out tomorrow night...and Kelly looks surprised and reminds her that the mascot caper is going down tomorrow night. Donna promises to be there for the actual bear-napping, but asks Kelly to cover for her during the afternoon. Kelly looks amused and tells her she's being very naughty, then warns her to be careful of Ray; for all she knows, he could be a mass murderer. Donna assures Kelly she knows him well enough and trusts that he's not a deranged killer.


University library. Ahn-drea runs into Brandon, who's reading up on Human Rights International. He asks Ahn-drea what she knows about this group, and she says they're excellent. He tells her they have very damning things to say about Selanesia, and lists the various methods of torture Quintero's government is accused of inflicting on dissidents. Ahn-drea urges him to take what they say seriously, since they have no other agenda aside from protecting life. Brandon stares at the article and looks contemplative.


Chancellor's house. Nando's in the kitchen cooking, while Clare sits at the counter chatting with him. The secret service flunky pops in to announce the arrival of Sir Brandon Walsh, and Nando greets him and asks him how he likes being president of the CU student body. Brandon looks thoughtful for a few seconds and tells him the most difficult thing about it is not being able to please everyone...and Nando nods in agreement and says this is also true of his presidency. He says that a good leader needs to have a thick skin.


Ray is driving Donna to wherever they're going on their date. He asks her to put a cassette in the glove compartment...and when she opens it, she sees a big knife and gets all wigged out. He tells her to shut her eyes, 'cause where he's taking her is a surprise. She closes her eyes, then remembers Kelly's warning about him possibly being a mass murderer...and is pleasantly surprised when they pull up to "Pruit Family Pumpkins". Ray opens the glove compartment and pulls out the knife, which Donna now realizes is for carving pumpkins.


California University. Brandon runs into Steve, who tells him about the plot to kidnap SCU's mascot. He asks Brandon if he wants to come along, but he's too busy dealing with the matters of state of a pretend country. At his office, he finds Kaye waiting for him with her "proof": a shy little gardener who works on campus - whose name sounds something like "Quasimodo". The three go into Brandon's office, and Quasimodo tells Brandon that he's Selanesian - a Selanesianer? - and that his brother used to write critical stuff about Quintero's regime. Because of this, the president's henchmen tortured his brother, then snatched him for questioning...and when he refused to testify against his brother, they repeatedly beat him. When he could endure it no more, he agreed to testify against his brother, and this resulted in him getting shot him in the head. Brandon looks shell-shocked by the story and mutters, "I can't believe it." Quasimodo then takes off his shirt, revealing some nasty looking burn and whip marks all over his back. Brandon looks thoroughly appalled, and when Kaye asks him if he's ready to help them, he asks, "What do you want me to do?"


The Pruit Pumpkin Patch. Donna is carving a pumpkin when Ray comes over to check her progress. He says he wants to show her the petting zoo - in particular a newborn goat that needs feeding.


KEG house. Operation "Kidnap Bruno the Bear" is in the final stages of planning. The brownies have been baked, the gold colored t-shirts are ready to be changed into, and Muntz has some wood thing that will be integral to the success of their nefarious plot. Donna is MIA (she's busy feeding a baby goat), but Kelly says she's a reluctant spy anyway, so Steve suggests that they launch the mission without her. Muntz picks up a brownie and stares at it longingly, but Steve warns him that eating it will give him "the squirts" all night so Muntz wisely passes.


The Walsh house. Brandon shows his parents the federal subpoena he got from Kaye, which is for a civil suit that Human Rights International is filing against Quintero on behalf of Quasimodo. It will keep him in the U.S. to face charges of various human rights abuses. Brandon explains that Kaye gave it to him because she knows he has access to Quintero. Papa Walsh looks concerned and says this request goes way beyond helping a campus organization, so Brandon tells him he saw Quasimodo's scars and believes they're real. Mama Walsh is anxious about him getting mixed up in matters of a made up state, but Brandon tells her if he doesn't do what's right, maybe he really is the chancellor's lackey. Arg. Mama Walsh is like, "That's crazy! You're just a student!" but Brandon insists he can still take a stand, the way students did in real life places like Tienanmen Square and East Berlin.


Laundromat. Ahn-drea tries to get change out of the machine, but it's not working, so she approaches a dorkish redhead and asks him if he has change for a dollar, and he happily gives it to her. She sees him reading a medical journal and asks if he's pre-med, and he tells her he's "med" and works at UCLA. She grins and says she's studying to be a doctor...and after some boring chit-chat, he walks over to Hannah's stroller, gushes over the tot, and makes the assumption that Ahn-drea is babysitting. Ahn-drea doesn't correct him. He introduces himself as Peter and says that since they have washing/drying cycles to wait out, they could pass the time talking.


Southern California University. Operation "Kidnap Bruno the Bear" is officially in its implementation phase. Kelly and Valerie are wearing the gold colored t-shirts, and Kelly is carrying a plate of the tainted brownies. They approach the guys who are guarding the mascot and tell them they deserve a reward for taking such good care of Bruno...and Kelly adds that they were just at their Alpha meeting discussing their vigilance. Neither of the guys looks too smart, but the dumber looking of the two goes, "Hey...my girlfriend is an Alpha, and she didn't mention any meeting tonight." Valerie looks panicked for a few seconds, then tells him they accidentally baked the brownies for a meeting they thought they had tonight...and that it would really hurt their feelings if the guys didn't at least try the delicious dessert. Kelly thrusts the plate of brownies at them, and both guys take a couple and start chowing down.


The Pruit Pumpkin Patch. Donna is sitting on a bench, cuddling a cute baby goat. Ray joins her, and she gushes about what an amazing time she's having and that she doesn't ever want to leave. She adds that she's not at all sorry she missed out on Operation "Kidnap Bruno the Bear". Ray leans in and kisses her.


Beach house. David sourly asks Clare when he's getting his invitation to dine with a world leader and/or when he's finally going to meet her father. Considering that the chancellor chooses to believe that Brandon is Clare's boyfriend, he probably shouldn't hold his breath on that second thing. Brandon comes over to the beach house all serious-like and tells Clare they need to talk...so the two go out on the deck. In the next scene, Clare is furious that Brandon wants to ruin the career of a man who's done him no harm - not to mention that he has terminal cancer. Brandon says he has to do this, so she reminds him that Nando is her family's closest friend...and that if he does this, she won't ever speak to him again. That actually seems like more of an incentive to deliver the subpoena...and Brandon must agree 'cause he says, "Then I guess we won't be speaking." Clare angrily storms off.


Ahn-drea's/Jesse's apartment. Ahn-drea returns home with Hannah and is stunned to find Jesse sitting at the table with flowers, lit candles, and a bottle of wine. She jokingly asks if she's in the wrong apartment and says she thought he was working tonight, so he tells her he had the urge to stay home tonight and "make eyes" at her. As he picks up Hannah to put her to bed, Ahn-drea surreptitiously pulls out the piece of paper that has Peter's phone number on it...and throws it away.


Southern California University. Bruno the Bear's bodyguards are starting to feel the squirts come on, so they both make a run for the men's room. Kelly and Valerie signal to their comrades that the coast is clear...so Muntz uses the wood thing to jam the bathroom door, and Steve and Griffin rush in, move the velvet ropes aside, and whisk away Bruno (whose stuffed feet are conveniently mounted on wheels).


Chancellor's house. Brandon makes it past the secret service flunky and enters the house. He greets the chancellor, who's pissed off at him for involving Clare in all this...and Brandon pulls no punches and accuses him of being friends with a murderer. The chancellor chuckles condescendingly and says it's not that simple. Mmm...if the guy's sanctioning torture, it is, actually, and he starts blathering nonsensically about how democracy is a bigger cause...than torture, I'll assume he means - but he doesn't elaborate further, so I really have no idea where he was going with that. At that moment, Nando enters the room and tries to school Brandon in the ways of nation building. He tells him there's always a price to pay for democracy, so then Brandon points out Selanesia isn't a democracy. No duh - it sounds more like an oppressive dictatorship. Nando changes the subject and says he heard Brandon has something for him, so Brandon pulls out the federal subpoena and hands it to him. Nando thanks him and says, "See? That wasn't so hard." Brandon needlessly apologizes and Nando tells him he was just doing what he had to do...then draws a muddled comparison to his own presidency and how there's stuff he had to do...like order the torture and execution of all those pesky dissidents, for example. He looks at Brandon and ominously says, "There's always a price." Whatever, weirdo. It's still not OK to torture people.


Beach house. Ray walks Donna to her door and tells her he won't be calling her again. She looks disappointed, so he explains that he wants to hear from her. He then gives her his phone number and the two kiss.


The Walsh house. Valerie is primping to go out and tells Mama Walsh that she and Steve [Dylan] are going to celebrate [doink] a little longer [once again]. Mama Walsh looks puzzled and says she just saw Steve leave...so Valerie fibs and tells her that Steve needed to get back to the KEG house, then asks if she can borrow the car.


When Valerie arrives at Casa Dylan, he answers the door a crack and tells her he can't do it tonight. She's all, "Wuh? Why not?" and he tells her to, "Figure it out." Valerie peeks through the partially open door and sees a blonde skank restlessly lounging on his couch. Valerie glares at Dylan and snaps, "Thanks a lot!" so he reminds her that they were never a steady thing...and she barks back that he likes reminding her of that every chance he gets.


The Walsh house. Brandon and Papa Walsh are watching the news in the kitchen. The news anchor reports that Ferdinand Quintero is stepping down as President of Selanesia, and also that he's being treated for liver cancer. Papa Walsh is surprised that there was no mention of the federal subpoena, so Brandon surmises that since he doesn't have very long to live, the outcome of the trial is a moot point. In other, more important, news, the SCU mascot has mysteriously disappeared before the big homecoming game!


California University. Steve and Kelly introduce the presence of "a very special transfer student" and unveil Bruno the Bear, who's decked out in CU paraphernalia. The band starts playing, and everyone cheers and dances. Amid the festivities, Griffin tells Donna he missed her last night, and the two kiss. Kelly admits to Valerie that she has been hard on her...but after her role in pulling off the mascot caper, she's advocating for her to become an honorary Alpha member. Brandon arrives at the Student Union and congratulates Steve on the successful bear-napping...and a few seconds later, Clare arrives and says hello to Brandon, then tells him that since Nando is still talking to her dad, she can forgive him. Er, OK. After everyone rushes off to catch the kick-off of the homecoming game, Quasimodo meekly approaches Brandon, compliments his bravery, and thanks him for acting in support of the oppressed citizenry of Selanesia. 

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---