Recap: David and Donna are DJing at the campus radio station during one of their graveyard shifts, and they're desperate to get some listeners to call in. Donna announces to whoever's out there (which is no one) that she wants real listeners, as in not their Beverly Hills high school friends. As she names their friends one by one, the phone abruptly stops ringing. Disheartened, she complains to David that no one is listening to their show. Of course no one's listening - it's the middle of the damn night.
KEG house. A group of Neanderthal fraternity guys are amusing themselves by rating the physical attributes of female passersby on a 10-point scale. The girls who have scored well actually look flattered, and one of them goes so far as to blow the guys a kiss. Yeesh, writers. Down the street, Donna, Kelly, Brenda, and Ahn-drea are sitting in Donna's BMW, putting the final touches on their makeup before venturing out to Sorority Row. The plan is for all four of them to pledge the same sorority so they don't drift apart during their college years. Their first stop is the Gamma house, where a group of nauseatingly perky sorority sisters dressed in matching red and white outfits are singing in a never-ending loop:
We are the Gammas
The mighty mighty Gammas
Everywhere we g-o-o-o
People want to kn-o-o-o-w
Who we are, so we tell them
(repeat chorus 800X)
Brandon and Steve are playing football with a couple of the KEG frat guys. Brandon scores the winning touchdown, which impresses the KEG president, Charlie. He encourages Brandon to hang out for awhile, but Brandon declines and tells him he has to hit the showers then head over to the Student Union. John Sears, another KEG brother, looks bewildered that Brandon would pass up the opportunity to hang out with them...and Steve discreetly pulls Brandon aside and rebukes him for blowing off a personal invitation by the KEG president. Brandon explains that he has people to meet and doesn't really give a rat's ass what the KEGers think, so Steve tells him he has the wrong attitude. Brandon says he has no interest in spending the rest of the day leering at and judging the hotness of sorority girls...however, he assures his insecure little friend that he'll be at the KEG's '70s theme party tomorrow night.
The sorority girls walking by are starting to look less amused at having their bodies rated by a bunch of boneheaded frat guys, so John and Charlie quickly rush over and put an end to their insultingly sexist game. John then spots Kelly ambling down the street and sprints across the lawn to say hello to her...but she gives him the stink-eye and rudely blows him off. Steve has witnessed this interaction from afar and asks John if he knows Kelly, so John tells him he once asked her out in the ninth grade but she turned him down. Steve stares after Kelly looking contemplative.
Student senate meeting. Brandon and Josh Richland are sitting in a richly appointed room on campus when a woman rushes in and introduces herself as Angela Rhodes. She invokes Brandon's role in the infamous Donna Martin graduates! protest and explains that they have an opening for a Progressive Party freshman representative. Brandon is definitely interested, so Angela asks him what he's "all about", needlessly snarking that it had better be more than rallying schoolmates to defend a drunken prom girl. Brandon assures them that he's definitely a man of substance, and declares that he doesn't just want to coast his way through college. Angela brusquely thanks him for his time and says they'll let him know if they deem him worthy enough to be a candidate. He's surprised by the briefness of the meeting, but gets up and leaves...and Josh looks over at Angela and grins.
The second stop on Sorority Row is the Alpha Omega house, where the sorority sisters are dressed in matching pink dresses and all look like future Stepford wives. The president, Leslie Sumner, strides over to Kelly, Brenda, Donna, and Ahn-drea and gushes about how they're "the fab four from Beverly Hills". She tells them that everyone has been talking about their various accomplishments - camp counsellors, elementary school charity, Spring Queen, valedictorian - and jokes that they could practically start their own sorority. One of the pink clad sisters walks by and rings a little bell, which signals the end of the visit. Leslie excuses herself from "the fab four", thanks everyone for dropping by, then joins her sisters as they wave mechanically to their prospective pledges and chirp, "Hasta la vista, baby!" They looked really weird doing that. Outside, a breathless Donna exclaims that the Alphas are perfect! Kelly, however, is displeased that the Alphas' brother fraternity is KEG, which is the frat John Sears belongs to. Brenda asks her whassup with her strong dislike of the guy, so Kelly tells them she went out with him in the ninth grade during her "walk all over me" phase and spent a regrettable evening with him and his parents' champagne...and the next day, John told everyone all about their date and added a few lurid details of his own. Kelly moans that a bad rep is "the kiss of death" and that if John Sears opens his mouth, she'll have doors slamming in her face up and down Sorority Row.
Ahn-drea's dorm room. Dan runs into Ahn-drea as she arrives back at the dorm. He tells her she's looking exceptionally fine today, so she explains that she's all dressed up because she's been rushing sororities. Dan looks surprised by that and asks her which house she likes best, so she tells him she and her friends like Alpha Omega. He looks puzzled by her top choice and tells her he assumed she would have zeroed in on the Jewish sororities. She looks offended by being religiously stereotyped, so he quickly tells her he didn't invent the system, cites the "birds of a feather flocking together" theory, and predicts that she'll eventually find herself in a Jewish sorority. Ahn-drea snarks back that he's a cynic, then goes inside her room and shuts the door.
Student Union. Brenda runs into Dylan and tells him that she's been rushing sororities. Dylan grimly retorts that he's heard all about it from Kelly, and has had all the sorority talk he can handle...so Brenda changes the subject and starts whining about how she didn't get the classes she wanted. Dylan, however, is uncharacteristically happy 'cause he got every class he wanted, and the two discover that they're in the same poetry class. She then tells him she has to rush off and meet the girls for a Rush Week Recap, and Dylan derisively asks her if she's really into that phony bullshit. She sighs and tells him she's trying.
Brandon runs into Josh and Angela, who announce that they've officially deemed him worthy, and are giving him the green light to run for the Progressive Party as the freshman representative. Their next task will be to get him elected, so they'll all need to meet, talk strategy, and finalize the party platform. They warn him that he'll be very busy, but he says he's pleased to hear that. Suddenly, he spots Steve and John Sears across the room and calls over to them. John ignores Brandon's greeting and glares suspiciously at Josh and Angela, then turns to leave and orders Steve to obediently trot along behind him. Brandon is surprised by the snub, and makes a weak joke to Josh and Angela about how they must still be mad about losing the football game earlier that day. Josh asks him how he knows those guys, so Brandon tells him that Steve is a buddy from high school. Angela snidely retorts, "Well, you're not in high school anymore, Brandon." No duh - and whassup with the prickly bitchitude, lady?
The Peach Pit. Brenda arrives for the Rush Week Recap in time to open her first round of sorority invitations with Kelly, Donna and Ahn-drea. They nervously open their envelopes and are simultaneously thrilled to discover that they all made the first round of cuts for Alpha Omega. What a huge relief! Have I mentioned yet that I think sororities and the entire pledge process is really really dumb?
The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is all puffed up with pride when he hears that Brandon is running for a position in the student senate. He declares that Brandon could be the next Jack Kennedy, and reminds his son that the student senate is how a lot of important people got their start in politics. Brenda enters the kitchen and says that the only issue she plans to lobby for is getting a better parking spot on campus. Mama Walsh asks Brandon what the Progressive Party's platform is, so Brandon tells her that they're against all the bad "isms", like racism, sexism, and chauvinism. Brenda asks him what the KEG doofuses will think of his involvement with the Progressives, and he just shrugs and says he's sure it'll be A-OK with them.
It's 2:00am and Brandon's in his room, reading a book and listening to The Donna & David Radio Show. Donna is half asleep, muttering about how exhausted she is. She orders David to play some music, and then the two start arguing about why the CD player is empty again. David tiredly declares that he's just going to play whatever's already on the turntable, and it ends up being an obscure, slow sounding oldie...and Brandon stares at his radio, puzzled by the choice of music. The phone then rings and it's Steve. He tells Brandon he's outside his front door, so Brandon goes downstairs to talk. It seems that Steve has been worrying his silly little head about whether or not Brandon is really coming to the '70s party at the KEG house the following night. He's also troubled by the way Brandon insists on hanging out with the political types who have it in for Greek life. He warns Brandon that John Sears doesn't like it one bit - oh no! - so Brandon tells him he doesn't care what the KEGers think of his extracurricular activities. Steve anxiously blurts out, "I thought we were going to stick together!" Geez, man. Cut the cord. He then orders Brandon to make a choice between the frat and student politics, but Brandon argues that he doesn't have to, especially not at 2:00 in the morning. He then assures his anxiety-ridden little friend that he'll definitely be at the '70s party tomorrow night.
Alpha Omega house. During the second visit to Alpha Omega, Ahn-drea remarks to a bored Brenda that everyone in this sorority is so perfect looking. A few seconds later, Kelly strolls by and stresses the importance of mingling and impressing. Leslie approaches Ahn-drea, links arms with her, and asks her if she's narrowing her choices of sororities. Ahn-drea tells her that she loves the feel of this place, and Leslie assures her that the Alphas really are like a family...and they're looking for people who might fit in. She shares with Ahn-drea that she too was the editor of her high school paper, and strongly encourages her to "think Alpha house".
Beach house. David turns up the stereo and dances dorkishly to the music. Donna emerges from her bedroom looking cranky and exhausted. She turns the music down and tells David she's trying to get some sleep before the '70s party later. David grumps about her decision to pledge Alpha Omega, which makes her pout and complain that he's not being very nice. He swiftly apologizes and hugs her in order to try to cop a feel...but all she wants is to go back to sleep. She semi-consciously rebuffs his advances and heads back to her room.
Kelly's on the phone with Dylan, discussing the '70s party. She asks him if he wants to go, and he basically tells her he wouldn't be caught dead attending a stupid frat party. She graciously accepts his hell no for an answer, and the two exchange I love yous before hanging up.
'70s party. Everyone is dressed up in really bad '70s clothes, dancing to '70s music. Steve is in very festive spirits, while an exhausted Donna forces herself to keep circulating around the room so she can stay awake. Leslie is chatting with John Sears about Kelly, and she tells him that Kelly is pledging Alpha house. On the other side of the room, Steve tells Kelly that John has been talking about her, and Kelly worriedly asks what he's been saying. Steve relays that John apparently had a thing for her a few years ago, but she wasn't interested. This stuns Kelly, who assumed he had been talking trash about her. Elsewhere in the KEG house, Brenda is leaning against a wall looking very bored. Brandon saunters into the room, and she tells him how weird it is that she isn't having any fun at the party. Brandon derisively tells her that partying this intensely is "a way of life" for these frat guys/sorority sisters. Brenda tells him she's no longer interested in joining Alpha Omega, and Brandon shares that he has no interest in joining KEG. Charlie suddenly appears and mistakes Brenda for Brandon's girlfriend...and an amused Brenda sets him straight and high-tails it out of there. Charlie remarks to Brandon that his sister is cute, and an icked out Brandon tells him to not even think about it if he wants to dodge a bullet.
Leslie tells Kelly she's surprised that she (Kelly) knows John Sears. Kelly quickly gets it on the record that she hasn't said a word to John in more than three years...and suddenly John walks over, and Leslie discreetly leaves to let them get reacquainted. He tells Kelly he's glad she made it to the party and asks her if she's having fun...and she says she's surprised that he's being so nice to her, and reminds him that he's the guy who once tried to ruin her life. The two then go outside to talk, and he assures her that he's grown up a lot since his high school days, and apologizes for behaving like such a douchetard all those years ago. A few minutes later, Donna comes outside to tell Kelly that she and David are about to leave to head over to the radio station. Kelly tells her she's decided to stick around after all, now that she and John have some catching up to do. Donna glares suspiciously at John before bidding Kelly good night.
Brandon is shooting pool with Charlie, and Charlie is gushing about how supportive his frat brothers are, and lays it on like molasses about how they always stick by him. He tells Brandon that Steve talks about him all the time, then brings up the issue of Brandon running for student senate. Charlie assures him that no one is going to pressure him into anything, but makes it clear that universes would collide if he joined the frat and ran for student office. He strongly urges Brandon to think about what he might be passing up.
Leslie tells Ahn-drea that they pretty much party like this every Friday night, and informs her that she might not find a lot of Jewish guys at their parties. She asks her if that's a problem, and Ahn-drea looks slightly miffed and asks, "Why would it be?" (Warning: This brief exchange will lead to a tedious over-analysis by Ahn-drea a few scenes from now.)
The Peach Pit. Brenda enters the diner and finds Dylan hanging out. She admits that she had a crappy time at the '70s party, and tells him she definitely has no interest in rushing anymore...but is afraid she might lose her friends. Dylan tells her that Kelly seems to enjoy doing vapid sorority things, but thinks it's probably harmless. He advises Brenda to do what she feels is right for her, and assures her that the rest will take care of itself.
Radio station. Donna is once again bitching about how no one ever calls during their 2:00am-6:00am time slot. Shocker. She then goes on a rant about how guys know nothing about how it feels to wait for someone to call, and shares with her non-existent listeners that David was all over her earlier that day. She compares him to a dog who excitedly paws her when he sees her, and when David objects to being compared to a dog, Donna snaps her fingers and sasses, "Honey, if the fur fits, wear it." She hastily puts on a song and gleefully remarks to an annoyed David what a cool 'bit' that was.
Kelly and John are still at the '70s party, listening to the radio show and chuckling at Donna's dog bit...and Kelly laughingly explains that Donna is more than a little off her rocker 'cause she hasn't slept all week. John suddenly gets flirty and starts stroking her hand, so Kelly quickly informs him that she has a boyfriend. This doesn't faze John and he asks where this boyfriend is...then says that if she were his girlfriend, he'd be with her at every party just to keep creepy guys like himself from crawling all over her. He slyly suggests that maybe Dylan isn't totally into her, so Kelly abruptly decides that the party's over. John asks her if he can call her...and she tells him she'd rather he didn't, but he looks undeterred and says he might call her anyway.
Dylan's house. Kelly has kicked her shoes off and is huddling against Dylan's front door. When Dylan arrives home, she tells him she didn't have anybody to go home with after the party, so she decided to stumble over to his place. She says she missed him all night, then asks him why he can't be more like everybody else. He answers her by asking if that's really what she wants, and she decides it isn't...and the two start nuzzling.
Student Union. David is still annoyed about the dog bit Donna did on the radio the other night. While they're arguing about it, Brandon and Steve enter the Union and publicly ridicule David by barking at him. Donna sarcastically thanks them and rushes after David to beg for forgiveness. Steve asks Brandon what he thought of the '70s party, and remarks that his (Brandon's) membership in KEG is pretty much a sure thing...if he wants it, that is. Josh Richland suddenly appears to remind Brandon that they have a meeting scheduled to go over the finer points of the Progressive Party's platform. Bo-ring. Brandon introduces Josh to Steve, but neither looks remotely impressed with the other.
Ahn-drea's dorm room. Ahn-drea is nattering to Dan Rubin, over-analyzing the comment Leslie made about there not being any Jewish guys in the KEG house. She wonders if maybe Leslie meant something deeper by it. Dan clearly couldn't care less about her faux dilemma, and - incredible as it sounds - only seems interested in getting her to go out with him. But when Ahn-drea shows no signs of giving up on the issue until she gets his input, he half-heartedly suggests that maybe Leslie secretly wants to know if being Jewish is something Ahn-drea is willing to check at the door. Ahn-drea tries to sound coy (or maybe mysterious?) when she tells him that if that's the question, then she knows how to give the answer.
Student Senate meeting. Brandon is going over the party platform with Josh and Angela. He's startled to see that one of the items on the list is banning all sororities and fraternities from the university. Brandon thinks there are better priorities for the party to focus on, so Josh and Angela start bitching about how so much of the students' activities fees are spent on pointless floats and candlelight ceremonies, when the money could be better spent on cultural projects or daycare for single mothers, for example. Josh snarks that the Greeks are elitist and racist and he'd like to see them wiped off the face of the earth. Brandon is dismayed to discover that he disagrees with much of the Progressives' platform, and Angela bitchily snaps that he's holding up the meeting. Brandon suddenly springs up from his chair and retorts that he can't run this platform, and that he's done with this. He barks, "Find yourself another fair-haired boy." You go, girl.
Ahn-drea's dorm room. Ahn-drea is all gussied up in a fancy black dress and has on a Star of David necklace. Leslie suddenly pops by, and Ahn-drea tells her how much she enjoyed the candlelight ceremony. Hmm...weird. I guess the DVD version of this episode had the candlelight scene edited out for some reason. Anyway, Leslie is angry at Ahn-drea for wearing the Star of David necklace at the ceremony, and tells her that the other girls had been ready to accept her as one of their own. She then reveals that she too is Jewish and her sorority sisters are OK with her Jewishness, but only as long as she doesn't flaunt it. Ahn-drea bitchily asks her what she tells her sisters on the High Holy Days, then bitchily declares that she's withdrawing her name from consideration because she no longer wants to be part of Alpha Omega. Ahn-drea storms over to the door and opens it wide, and Leslie beats a hasty retreat.
Radio station. Donna enters the booth with a cute little dog and tells David that it belongs to her aunt. She then goes on the air and tells her non-existent listeners that she's conducting a live comparison between a dog and her boyfriend. When she successfully gets the dog to sit, she declares that the dog is way smarter than the guy. David thinks this is a dumb bit, so Donna tells him she's just trying to lighten things up. And just as hope fades that anyone is actually out there listening to campus radio at this ungodly hour, the phone lines start lighting up! Donna is pleased that her bit has struck a chord with...well, anyone, and in all the excitement, the little dog affectionately licks her nose. Donna remarks that the guy - David - is definitely a much better kisser than the dog.
Student Union. Ahn-drea is talking to Brandon about her Jewish issue - which, it's soon discovered, was always a complete non issue - and tells him she's decided not to join the Alphas. Brandon, in turn, tells her that he somehow has to break it to his father that he might have just thrown away his future life in politics...plus he definitely doesn't want to join KEG with Steve. Leslie appears and tells Ahn-drea she'd like to talk to her. She tells her that all the girls were very upset when she withdrew her name from the pledge hopefuls. It turns out none of them gave a rat's ass about her being Jewish, and so Leslie admits that she's the only one who appears to be hung up on the fact that she's Jewish. No duh. Brandon very badly wants to excuse himself from the awkward conversation, but Ahn-drea insists he stay and then introduces him to Leslie.
KEG house. Brandon shows John and Charlie a copy of the Progressive Party's platform in an effort to warn them that the party is pretty intent on dismantling the entire Greek system at CU. What a blabber-mouth. John Sears is flattered when he thinks that he and his brothers have been referred to as "the elite", so Brandon corrects him about how the Progressives think they're elit-ist. John and Charlie aren't fazed by any of this, and they tell Brandon that the Progressives try to do away with Greek life every year...but since the Greek alumni contribute so much money to the school, the initiative never actually goes anywhere. Steve is overjoyed that Brandon has displayed so much loyalty to his frat boyfriends, and proudly calls him a KEG man...but Brandon finally lowers the boom and tells him that he won't be joining the fraternity. Ever. Steve's face falls and he says, "You're GDI, Walsh." As he walks away sadly, a puzzled Brandon tries to decode the acronym. John explains that the "I" stands for independent...and the "GD" is an expletive he'll have to guess for himself. Charlie then tells Brandon that even if he doesn't pledge the fraternity, he'll always be considered an honorary KEG member for what he did for them...and this he cannot turn down.
When this episode originally aired, I remember there being a final scene with Brenda, Kelly, Donna, and Ahn-drea at the Peach Pit, talking about Alpha and singing Que Sera Sera. Not sure why that scene also got cut from the DVD version, but oh well. Que Sera Sera..
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