Recap: Everyone at the Beverly Hills Beach Club is gearing up for an annual volleyball tournament. Brandon is busy setting up the registration table and chairs, and Steve is doing his usual loafing around. He chatters to Brandon about how eager he is to check out all the "hard bodied babes" who will be competing in the tournament, and that he's looking forward to shopping early at the "meat market". God he's a scuzzy pig. He suddenly gets distracted by the sight of a cute girl with long curly hair...so he gets up, struts over to her, and starts laying on the schmooze. The girl introduces herself as Nikki Witt and tells Steve that she's looking for her aunt's cabana. At that very moment, the ghastly sound of David's electronic keyboard fills the air...and Nikki looks intrigued. Steve dismissively tells her that it's just some geek pretending to be a musician and that his keyboarding drives everyone at the beach club nuts. No doubt, but for some inexplicable reason Nikki finds herself drawn to it. She tells Steve that she wants to meet the keyboard playing geek and starts walking in the direction of David's cabana. She then delivers a blow to Steve's ego by haughtily telling him that she hates sports. I guess this means she's a no for the volleyball tournament.
Cabana. David is keyboarding and gets so into his "music" that he whirls around in a dorkish spin. OMFG. When he comes out of it, he notices Nikki standing in the doorway. She looks impressed and tells him that he really knows how to move. Bwahaha! She then stares at him questioningly and asks, "I want your sex?" David mistakenly thinks she's inquiring about a naked ride on his baloney pony...and then feels stupid when she clarifies that blurting out "I want your sex" was a contrived way of asking him if he knows how to play the George Michael song, I Want Your Sex. Fortunately, he doesn't...though there's no way David could ever pull off a song like that without completely butchering it and making a giant ass clown of himself. And I would thoroughly enjoy that hilarious spectacle. Nikki tells David that he sort of reminds her of George Michael, and he chooses to take that as a compliment.
Paris. Brenda, Donna, and Maggie are walking along the fake cobblestone streets of Little Europe. They stop to take in the performance of a juggler, and then some random blonde guy approaches Brenda and starts hitting on her. As the two banter flirtatiously in French, Maggie interjects with an embarrassing remark, and a red-faced Brenda drags her and Donna away from the crowd. Maggie accuses her of being hot for the blonde guy, which Brenda flatly denies...and soon the two girls are giddily practicing their French on each other. Donna, who still hasn't learned any French, feels left out and asks them to switch back to English. This annoys Brenda, and she lectures Donna about how speaking French as often as possible is the best way to learn the language. Donna sighs and walks ahead...and from afar, a mysterious woman wearing a beret is staring at Donna.
As Brenda and Donna stroll to a nearby cafe, Donna theorizes that her learning disability is what's preventing her from learning how to speak French, so Brenda encourages her to make more of an attempt to use what little French she knows in everyday encounters. Donna looks unsure about that advice, but decides to give it a try. The girls enter the cafe, and the two cashiers working behind the counter are chit-chatting in French. Donna tentatively approaches the counter and starts mumbling unintelligibly, so the bitchier of the two cashiers glares at her and starts snapping at her. She rolls her eyes in annoyance as Donna struggles to order a pastry. In the background, the mysterious Beret Woman is closely watching the exchange. When Donna tries to ask how much her pastry costs, the bitchy cashier impatiently snatches the bill out of her hand and mutters angrily as she makes change. She tells the other cashier what an imbecile and idiot Donna is. Donna stares back at her in shock and starts ranting about how sick she is of all the rudeness she's encountered in Paris, and proudly declares, "Je suis American." And since that's pretty much all the French she knows, she has to lapse back into English to cap off her retort: "And if you don't like it, too bad." She then grabs her shopping bags and flounces toward the door.
Brenda rushes after her and exclaims, "You did it!" And Donna's like, "Wuh?" so Brenda points out that her French has clearly improved by leaps and bounds because she was able to understand the rude cashier when she called her an imbecile and an idiot. Well, no duh; the words imbecile and idiot sound almost exactly the same in French as they do in English. Nevertheless, Donna is pleased by the compliment and holds her pastry in front of her snout and takes small, dramatic bites. While she's doing that, Beret Woman takes several photographs of her, and a few seconds later she approaches Donna and hands her a business card. She tells Donna that her employer would like to meet her, and then asks her if she has any modelling experience. Donna just stares down at the business card, dumbfounded. As she should be, because she is definitely not model material.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Dylan joins the line of people waiting to register for the volleyball tournament. He runs into Kelly, who's surprised to see him. He asks her if she's planning to team up with Kyle, but apparently he went out of town for the summer...and so the two of them decide to pair up. Brandon and Steve are manning the registration table, cackling about how lucky they are to be charged with this fun task. Steve tells Brandon he's sure that they'll be able to find "a couple of honeys" in the bunch. Suddenly, a pretty blonde girl is standing in front of the table, looking at Steve expectantly. Her name is Brooke Alexander and she claims to be a very skilled volleyball player. She tells Steve she's looking for someone equally as skilled to be her partner in the tournament, so naturally Steve offers up himself. She laughs and tells him she's taking this seriously because she wants to win the trophy, so Steve demonstrates his prowess on the volleyball court via a torturous montage of slow motion footage that features him spiking and hitting the ball over the net. After several impressive plays, Brooke is convinced that he's worthy of being her partner.
Steve and Brooke sit at the juice bar and share a drink so they can get to know each other better. Brandon happens to walk by, so Steve introduces him to his pretty new friend. Unfortunately - well, for Steve - Brooke and Brandon have instant chemistry and hit it off. They also squeal excitedly when they realize they're both from Minnesota. A few minutes later, Brooke has to rush off, and a dismayed Steve warns Brandon to keep his hands off of her. Brandon assures him that he has no intention of moving in on his "territory".
Paris. Donna is at a photo shoot, looking totally ridic as she models a variety of terrible outfits. The photographer, Pierre, gushes about how fantastic she is, and that she could be the next big supermodel. In other words, he's a shameless liar and most likely up to no good. When the shoot wraps, he hands Donna a red rose and kisses her cheek.
Kelly's house. Kelly reads to David a letter from Brenda, which details Donna's sudden and completely implausible entry into the world of French fashion modelling. Kelly remarks on all the attention Donna's getting this summer and infers that she's probably going to meet a lot of suave Frenchmen. David asks her why Donna would want a suave Frenchman when she has him, so Kelly mocks his dorkiness and calls his music stupid. LOL. He then counter-retorts that he recently acquired a groupie, but doesn't elaborate further. Kelly glares at him suspiciously.
Cabana. David is performing a dreadful song called Precious for Nikki...and she's dazzled by his breathy, girlish voice and tells him she'd love to get a copy of his demo tape. She then tells him how her boyfriend once had a demo tape, but he and his band (Waste Management) burned the master when the record companies turned them down. Sounds like a real winner. David is taken aback to discover that Nikki has a boyfriend and asks her if he'd be jealous if he knew that the two of them were hanging out together, so Nikki assures him that she and her volatile beau have "an understanding", then flirtatiously non-sequiturs that keyboard players are hot.
Paris. Brenda, Donna, and Maggie are at the hotel, waiting for a bus to take them to Versailles for the day. Maggie is being really sarcastic about how Donna is on a first name basis with Pierre and implies to Brenda that there's something sexual going on between the two of them. Suddenly, Madame Dubois appears with a large bouquet of flowers and hands them to Donna. They're from Pierre - quelle surprise! - and the attached note indicates that he needs Donna for an emergency photo shoot. Donna excitedly rushes off to do Pierre's bidding while Maggie rolls her eyes derisively. Brenda looks less than thrilled that Donna has bailed out on their day trip at the last minute.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. The annual volleyball tournament is in full swing. Dylan and Kelly win their game and stroll over to their loungers to drink some water and relax. He asks her if she wants to go out later to celebrate their win, but Kelly tells him she can't 'cause she promised her mother she'd babysit Erin. She jokingly asks him if he wants to join her, and to her surprise he says sure. She offers to rent a movie, and he immediately suggestsCasablanca. She tells him she's not really into old movies, but he convinces her to give it a chance.
Steve and Brooke are kicking ass in the volleyball tournament. Kelly and Dylan join Brandon and Ahn-drea in the bleachers to watch them play. Steve and Brooke win the game and are clearly the team to beat. A euphoric Steve invites Brooke to go to the Peach Pit with him later and she accepts. Brandon happens to walk by, so she invites him to join her and Steve at the Pit. Steve looks annoyed at the prospect of being a third wheel on what he probably assumed would be their first date.
The Peach Pit. It quickly becomes obvious that Brooke is totally into Brandon. When she steps away for a minute to check out the jukebox, a dismayed Steve accuses Brandon of coming onto his girl. Brandon denies it...but doesn't want to argue, so he announces that he's leaving. Just as he approaches the door, Brooke stops him and tries to convince him to stay. He tells her he can't because he has to be at work early in the morning, so Brooke coquettishly invites him to give her a call sometime.
Dylan's house. Brandon drops by to get Dylan's advice on the best way to handle the Brooke situation. Dylan tells him to consider his friendship with Steve, and emphasizes that the bond between them should be more important than a pretty girl. Brandon argues his case, which is: a) he really really likes Brooke, b) she's hard to resist, and c) she has zero romantic interest in Steve. Dylan weakly counter-argues that Steve met Brooke first...but then leaves it there 'cause he's at the precipice of creating his own complicated love triangle. He tells Brandon he's heading out to "visit an old friend".
Kelly's house. Kelly hands a fussy Erin to Dylan while she goes downstairs to prepare a bottle. He looks unsure about handling a crying baby, but quickly gets the hang of it and starts cooing to her. Unbeknownst to him, Kelly is in the kitchen, listening to him via the baby monitor...and smiling to herself. Dylan then informs the baby about how badly the world sucks, and that the only person she'll ever be able to trust is herself. Kelly furrows her brows and looks pensive.
Paris. Brenda and Maggie are in an outdoor cafe, sharing a bite to eat. Brenda tells her that she's concerned about all the time Donna's been spending modelling at Pierre's bogus photo shoots. Maggie still thinks there's something sleazy going on between Donna and Pierre, but Brenda insists that Donna is devoted to her boyfriend, along with her sainted virginity. Maggie says if that's really true, and Donna continues to hang out with Pierre so much, then she's about to get a rude awakening...'cause at some point he's going to want her to take her clothes off. Ew. During this scene, Maggie has been smoking a cigarette, and an intrigued Brenda asks her if she can bum one. She lights up, takes a few puffs, coughs, and tells Maggie it's really good. LOL.
Late that night, Donna sneaks back to the hotel. The commotion awakens Brenda, so Donna tells her the exciting news that she was offered a multi-year modelling contract. Unfortunately, however, the document is written entirely in French, so the dumbass doesn't know for certain what's actually in it. Pierre told her that he wants her to sign with an agency, so she's planning to drop out of high school and stay in Paris while she pursues a modelling career. Brenda tells her she thinks that's a stupid idea, but Donna's too tired to discuss it further. She climbs into bed and tells Brenda they can talk about it more in the morning.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Steve is reclining on a lounger beside David, who for some reason is telling him that he and Donna have never doinked. Steve mocks their undefiled relationship and flippantly encourages him to get it on with Nikki. He points out that Donna isn't going to want an inexperienced bozo in the sack when she's finally ready to get her cherry popped...and also reminds him that Donna is in Paris and would be none the wiser if he indulged in a little action on the side. Thankfully, Brooke interrupts this scuzzy conversation to summon Steve for their next volleyball game.
Kelly and Dylan play against Steve and Brooke and end up losing badly. Brooke tells Steve that she definitely chose the right volleyball partner, so he uses the compliment as an opportunity to invite her out. He tells her his mom is out of town, but that he knows where she stashes the Dom Perignon. Brooke looks uncomfortable, then gives him the "you're a great guy, but..." speech, and Steve gets all mopey and correctly guesses that she's interested in Brandon. She confirms it, and he dejectedly tells her it's OK and that he'll see her at the tournament finals. He stalks off, and Brooke watches him with a guilty look on her face.
Paris. Brenda tells Donna she feels like she doesn't know her anymore. Donna accuses her of being dramatic, so Brenda retorts that being dramatic is running away to become a French fashion model. Donna tells Brenda she just wants her to be happy for her, but Brenda is so shocked that she would even contemplate dropping out of high school for something so risky. Donna argues that if this modelling thing works out, she'd be able to earn her own money and would therefore be more than just a slow-witted blonde who can't keep up with her smart friends. When Brenda brings up David, Donna gets defensive and denies that Pierre is interested in her romantically. He's married after all. Brenda reminds her about Felice's slutty affair last season and points out that being married doesn't necessarily stop people from cheating. This gets Donna all riled up and she snarls at Brenda for throwing her mother's affair in her face, then storms off.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brooke runs into Brandon and gripes at him for not calling her last night. She boldly invites him to take a drive up the coast, and he just blushes like a schoolgirl and does his nervous laugh. He tells her that Steve is his best friend and is very smitten with her - but she just shrugs and tells him that she isn't into Steve at all and has made it perfectly clear to the oaf that she has no interest in dating him. Ever. Brandon looks thoughtful as he mulls it over...and after about three seconds, he agrees to go for a drive with her.
Cabana. Kelly accidentally walks in on David and Nikki kissing. She flashes David a pissed off look, grabs a couple of things near the door, and storms out. David extricates himself from Nikki and runs after Kelly to explain. Kelly tells him that Nikki is nothing more than a tramp, and David weakly explains his infidelity by telling her that Nikki thinks he's sexy. Kelly snaps that monogamy is what's sexy, and that he's got a lot to learn about women.
Brandon and Brooke return from their drive up the coast. She tells him she had a great time, and then leans in to kiss him...but he turns away. She laughs caustically and informs him that usually she's the one fending off the guy's kisses. My my...someone certainly thinks highly of herself. She then jokes to Brandon that he should start dating Steve, which prompts Brandon to grab her by the hair and plant a giant smooch on her lips.
Paris. Donna is at a party that's being hosted by Pierre. She tells him she wants to go somewhere and talk (about the modelling contract, no doubt). He blows her off and tells her they can talk after the party. Beret Woman, who's also in attendance, looks over at Donna concernedly. When the party ends, she asks Pierre if she should drop Donna off at her hotel, but Pierre tells her that he'll take care of that. He then looks across the room at Donna, who's dressed in a ridiculous orange tutu skirt, and is clutching her hands together, trying very hard to pass herself off as a sweetly innocent, doe-eyed lass.
Once they're alone, Pierre offers Donna some food and wine, but she declines. She thanks him for throwing the party and tells him that he makes her feel beautiful when he photographs her...and he feeds her a schmaltzy line about how she's on the brink of womanhood and that he's honored to witness it. He then moves closer and starts caressing her face, but she backs away and tells him she has a boyfriend and reminds him that he has a wife. This gross interaction is so nauseating on so many levels. Pierre continues his caressing, so she barks at him to stop. He then tells her that she needs to read "between the lines" of the contract...which I found funny 'cause Donna doesn't know enough French to read the actual lines of the contract. When Pierre realizes that he and Donna are not going to hit the sheets, he derisively calls her a baby, and Donna responds by sniffling and heading toward the door. As a last ditch effort to get into her pants, he warns her not to be stupid and throw everything away...and as soon as Donna hears the word stupid, she stops in her tracks, turns around, and gives Pierre a weird smile. She slowly walks toward him...and the scene abruptly ends.
Donna returns to the hotel the following morning. Brenda apologizes for her cunty behavior the previous night, and Donna tells her about Pierre making a pass at her. She gleefully adds that she threw red wine on him, but then sighs and says she's now going to have to go back to being ordinary Donna Martin. Brenda lays on the bullcack about how Donna's not ordinary at all...she's unusual. Er, OK. She also compliments her on how far she's come since first arriving in Paris. She has? To me she seems just as numb-brained as she always did. Donna thanks Brenda in French for her kind words and gives her a hug.
The Peach Pit. Nikki is seated at the counter, waiting for David. When he arrives, he tells her they need to talk. He confesses that he has a girlfriend who's spending the summer in Paris...and that they don't have any kind of "arrangement"; therefore, he doesn't feel right about fooling around behind her back. Nikki, in turn, confesses that the only arrangement she has with her creepy boyfriend is that when he fools around on her, she gets to feel like dirt. Sounds like an immediate break-up is in order there. Nikki sighs and laments not having a boyfriend like David, and he responds by saying he's no big bargain. No duh. As a parting gift, he hands her a copy of his demo CD, and she gives him a final wank when she tells him his song is sure to be a big hit someday. If she's talking about Precious then she really needs to get her hearing checked.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Steve and Brooke are playing in the final game of the tournament. Steve is very grumpy and screws up a few plays, and then acts dickish toward Brooke when she urges him to concentrate. Brandon, who's watching the game from the bleachers, correctly assumes that Steve is sulking because of Brooke being more into him. During a break in the game, Brandon goes over to Steve and tells him that no girl is worth deliberately losing a volleyball game for. Steve acts all pissy until Brandon offers to stop seeing Brooke if really upsets him so much, so Steve gives in and tells him it's OK if he continues to date Brooke. He moans about how girls always like Brandon more than they like him...and, unable to deny his dreaminess, Brandon encourages him to go back onto the volleyball court and do his best to win. Steve somehow manages to pump himself up, and gets back in the game with steely determination to beat the other team. Brooke is thrilled that he has regained his focus...and soon they're doing much better - and win! Everyone congratulates them, and Brooke walks over to Brandon so the two of them can smooch. Steve forces himself to be a good sport about it, and tells them he's A-OK with them hooking up.
The scene then cuts to Kelly and Dylan. She teases him by calling him Pokey, and tells him how great the summer is turning out to be. When she quotes a line from Casablanca, they edge closer and stare at each other longingly.
A little later, Kelly is dressed in a pristine white shorts suit. She runs into David, who shows her the postcard he just received from Donna. She says she's happy for him, and David thanks her for setting him straight on the merits of being a faithful boyfriend. He calls her a great sister, and the two hug. Kelly then steps inside her cabana and does not look at all surprised to find Dylan there. Her mouth curves into a sexy smile, and she walks toward him as the screen fades to black.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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