Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 3, Episode 3

"What do you think? Should we
say we're from Cleveland?"

"Too Little, Too Late/Paris, 75001"
Original airdate: 7/29/1992

Episode summary: Dylan's felonious father is up for parole but it gets denied. Brandon is suddenly hot for Ahn-drea when she gets a boyfriend. Brenda and Donna arrive in Paris and accidentally order veal brains for dinner.

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Recap: It's a beautiful day at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, and Brandon is getting buried in sand by Ahn-drea's day camp kids. He pretends to plead to Ahn-drea for help, but she ignores his faux pleas and just laughs at his predicament. Nearby, a little blonde kid is watching all the fun the day camp kids are having. He's sitting beside his mother in front of their cabana, and it soon becomes apparent that he's deaf. It also becomes apparent that he'd much rather be playing with the day camp kids than hanging out with his mother.

Henry Thomas strolls over and pretends to look for Brandon. He jokingly calls him a lazy bum and orders him to get back to work. Ahn-drea announces to the kids that it's lunch time, so Brandon gets up and shakes all of the sand out of his clothes. He starts to ask Ahn-drea if she has plans later, but she cuts him short when she spots Jay Thurman and quickly runs over to kiss him hello. Mama Walsh suddenly appears, notices Ahn-drea canoodling with Jay, and remarks to Brandon how happy Ahn-drea looks with her new boyfriend. Brandon, however, does not look happy...the implication being that Ahn-drea's interest in another guy has caused him to suddenly develop the hots for her. Just as Mama Walsh exits the scene to go play Gin Rummy with Papa Walsh, Steve enters with a newspaper in his hands. He informs Brandon that Dylan's father is up for parole and that the story made the front page. Brandon is surprised by this latest development and wryly says that Dylan would be better off if his father remained behind bars.


Prison. Jack McKay enters the visitors' area and is happy to see Dylan waiting for him. He tells his son that he has a parole board hearing coming up and that he needs some help in "the image department". In other words, he wants Dylan to write a glowing letter about him so the parole board won't think he's been a negligent, deadbeat father for the past seventeen years. Dylan clearly doesn't want to do it and grouses, "You never change" but when Jack becomes insistent about him writing the letter, Dylan mumbles that he'll see what he can do. This pleases Jack, and he changes the subject and asks Dylan how his girlfriend, Linda, is doing. Dylan corrects him and says that her name is Brenda...and then it's off to Little Europe we go.


Brenda and Donna have landed in Paris...and by Paris I mean the "Little Europe" backlot of Universal Studios. I probably didn't need to point this out, since the streets and buildings look way too fake for anyone to believe that these "Paris" segments could have been shot on location. But it's no big deal; having to frequently suspend reality is all part of the campy charm of Beverly Hills, 90210. Brenda and Donna are in a fake French cab, on their way to their fake Paris hotel. Donna, who's been bellyaching about summering in France since the season premiere, is bitching that she's tired, has a sore stomach, and suffers from a scratchy throat because of all the smokers on the plane. She warns Brenda that if she smells one more cigarette, she's going to hurl...and naturally, the cab driver takes this as his cue to light up. While Donna tries to prevent herself from vomiting, Brenda asks the cabbie in her limited French to please put out his cigarette. At first he ignores her...but then he becomes so enraged at being told to "butt out" that he stops the cab, dumps all of their luggage on a street corner, and orders them to get out. That seems like kind of an overreaction. A bewildered Brenda tries to apologize and tell him that he can smoke in the cab if he wants to, but he's too busy nattering at the voices in his head to hear her. Once everything has been unloaded from the cab, he drives off and leaves the two girls stranded.


Brenda and Donna hoof it the rest of the way to their hotel, which ends up being only five blocks from where the cab driver dumped them. Donna sullenly declares that she wants to go home, and Brenda retorts that she just dragged their luggage five long blocks...so they're staying. Donna quickly backs off and attempts to be less of a pill by telling Brenda she's sure that everything will be fine once they get to their room. Across the large foyer, a man and woman are descending a staircase together. It kind of looks like the woman is busting the man's hump about something, but since they're both speaking French, I can't be sure. The woman notices Brenda and Donna standing in the foyer, and walks over to greet them. She introduces herself as Madame Dubois, and starts nattering at them in French. Brenda interrupts her to ask if she'd switch to English. She explains that after a long day of traveling, she and Donna aren't quite ready to immerse themselves in the French language.


Madame Dubois escorts them upstairs and shows them to their room...and Donna is horrified that the room isn't close to being as lavish as her bedroom in the Martin McMansion back in Beverly Hills. Brenda tries to lift her spirits by raising the window blinds so they can check out the view, but the only view it provides is the brick building next door. Donna's horror intensifies when Madame Dubois points out the smallish armoire and tells her it's the only thing in the room that resembles a closet. This proves to be too much for Donna, who suddenly becomes so lightheaded that she needs to sit down...and is re-horrified when she discovers that her bed is lumpy. Madame Dubois breezily points out that they're not going to be spending much time in their room because they'll be too busy partying. Three American girls suddenly appear in the doorway, and the most talkative one, Maggie, confirms what Madame Dubois just said about the partying. When everyone except Maggie leaves, Brenda and Donna introduce themselves. As Donna continues to sulk about their sub-par accommodations, Brenda announces that she's in the mood for a relaxing bath. Maggie tells her that the bathroom is on the third floor...and looks amused as she informs Brenda that the water heater takes tokens. Now Brenda can't hide her disdain as she mutters, "Oh my God." Donna says she wants to go call David, but Brenda admonishes her and points out that calling home will only make her more homesick. Maggie, who's staring at the two of them curiously, asks where they're from. Brenda hesitates, then glances shiftily at Donna before she squeaks out, "Los Angeles." Maggie probes further, and they reluctantly admit they're a couple of spoiled brats who live in Beverly Hills. Maggie chuckles and says, "I knew it" then drapes herself across a chair and asks if either of them has a cigarette.


Pub. Ahn-drea and Jay are on a date, chatting about their summer jobs. Jay is an intern at CNN covering the Republican convention, and he asks Ahn-drea if she'd like him to look into getting her an internship there as well. She likes that idea and makes a remark about how she'll be able to keep an eye on the "enemy", meaning the Republican party. Jay instantly gets all prickly and informs her that he's a Republican. Ahn-drea thinks he's kidding and reveals to him in her usual haughty manner that she's "a card carrying Liberal". Thankfully, it's a short-lived conflict, 'cause soon the two are chuckling about their respective political leanings. And to demonstrate his open-mindedness about dating a Liberal girl, Jay gives Ahn-drea a very public and nauseating kiss for everyone in the restaurant to see and retch over.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Two of the day camp kids notice the deaf kid signing with his mother. Ahn-drea sees them staring and explains to them that a) he's deaf, b) using sign language is how he communicates, and c) it's not polite to stare. Ahn-drea then walks over to the deaf kid and his mother. Using the sign language she picked up during some volunteer stint in the Valley, she introduces herself. The mother is impressed that Ahn-drea knows sign language and introduces her to her son, Cameron. Ahn-drea encourages her to register Cameron for day camp, but his mother tells her it wouldn't work out and thanks her for offering. She then announces that it's time for the two of them to get out of the sun. As Cameron and his mother walk toward their cabana, Ahn-drea stares after them, no doubt contemplating exactly how she's going to re-insert herself into their lives.


Paris. Brenda and Donna stroll along the fake cobblestone streets of Little Europe. Brenda gushes about how excited she is to be in such a historic city, while Donna gripes that her feet hurt. Apparently the numb-nut didn't think to pack a comfortable pair of walking shoes for her six week stay in Paris. They take a short break so Donna can rest her sore feet, and Brenda blathers about all the landmarks she wants to see. Donna brings up David again, but then agrees to tough it out for awhile before she calls home. The two then continue their walk, and Brenda decides on a sudden new quest: find Balzac's House (Maison de Balzac). She then starts berating Donna for acting like a princess, and holds herself up as a shining example of someone who's eager to immerse herself in everything Paris has to offer. She rambles about how Donna should go back to Beverly Hills if all she wants to do is live her princess life. Donna, meanwhile, is trying to get a word in edgewise so she can tell her cunty, self righteous friend that they're standing in front of Balzac's House - but the joy is short-lived when they realize it's closed for the day.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Ahn-drea is romping around with her day camp kids when Jay stops by. He tells her that he was able to get a summer internship for her at CNN - in Houston! Hurray! She hugs him as Brandon watches from afar, looking pensive. A bit later, Ahn-drea and Jay are making out and Brandon gapes at them as he wheels a laundry cart past. Steve appears out of nowhere, notices Brandon's gawking, and tells him that Ahn-drea only hooked up with Jay to make him jealous. Yeah...I can buy that. Brandon, however, doesn't buy it, so Steve warns him that if he wants to make a move on Ahn-drea, he'd better do it before it's too late. Brandon stares at the kissing couple once more and gets that pensive look on his face again.


Cameron tells Ahn-drea that his mom gave him permission to join day camp. She's delighted and immediately introduces him to the kids before barking at them to run into the water. A few minutes later, Cameron's mother comes running over in a panic...but then calms down when she sees that Cameron is safe. She tells Ahn-drea that Cameron disappeared and that she was frantically searching for him. A confused Ahn-drea tells her that Cameron told her he'd gotten permission to join day camp. She then starts lecturing the mother about how Cameron can have fun with other kids, despite his deafness - but the mother argues that when a deaf child gets lost, calling his name won't help find him. Fair point. Ahn-drea counter-argues that it's unfair to isolate the kid more than he already is, but the mother still isn't convinced that day camp is right for her son. Ahn-drea urges her to let Cameron give it a chance, and eventually she gives in. Cameron grins excitedly.


Paris. Brenda and Donna are sitting in a restaurant, ready to enjoy their first Parisian dinner. They're both wearing dressy outfits, and Donna has some pretty scary cleavage going on. The waiter promptly comes to the table to take their order, and rolls his eyes when Donna expresses dismay that the entire menu is in French. Brenda uses the few French words she knows to order herself fish. Donna, however, knows no French, so she haltingly says to the waiter in English, "I. Don't. Want. Fish." She then gets out her dictionary, looks something up, and points to an item on the menu, then haltingly adds, "S'il. Vous. Plait." Donna assumes that she has just ordered something resembling a veal cutlet, but unfortunately - well, for her - Cerveaux de Veau is veal brains. Ew. Brenda decides that she would also like a veal cutlet, so she impulsively changes her order by holding up two fingers and telling the waiter to "make that deux". LOL. Despite Brenda's embarrassing butchery of the French language and Donna's inability to string two French words together enough to order a meal, the two idiots look extremely pleased with themselves.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Ahn-drea is teaching her day camp kids the finer points of volleyball when Brandon comes over and eggs on the kids to throw water balloons at her. Haha! After they pelt her a few times, she orders them to run into the water. Again. This seems to be her favorite activity for them. Brandon remarks that he heard about her CNN internship, then guilts her about leaving Henry in the lurch and abandoning the day camp kids...especially the deaf one. Ahn-drea is offended that he would dare suggest that she doesn't care about the kids and/or Cameron, and angrily stomps off.


Paris. Brenda and Donna are waiting for their dinner to arrive. Donna glances around the restaurant and thinks she sees David, but it's just some guy who kind of looks like him. When she tells Brenda about it, Brenda condescendingly tells her that she has Dependent Woman Syndrome, then lectures her about being a clingy female. Brenda praises her own independence and rewrites history when she self righteously explains to Donna that she came to Paris to be her own woman...not daddy's little girl or her boyfriend's woman. This made me laugh very hard for a number of reasons:

1. Papa Walsh's money is financing this summer jaunt to Paris
2. The trip itself was Mama Walsh's idea in order to give the family some breathing space after Brenda kept defying her parents for the sake of a guy
3. If Brenda hadn't been rewarded with a summer trip to Paris for her bad behavior, she'd probably still be shacked up with her rich boyfriend and sponging off of him indefinitely

Their food finally arrives, but it doesn't look very appetizing. Donna's dismayed by the pile of mushy white stuff on her plate, so she tries to explain to the waiter that she ordered veal...and that this doesn't look like veal. He just nods - oui - and repeats that it's Cerveaux de Veau, just like she ordered. Haha! This waiter is tres awesome. After he saunters off, Brenda admits that their food looks really weird, but points out that since it's being served to them in a restaurant, it must be edible. They each take tiny bites of the white mush, and soon a curious Brenda is reaching for her dictionary so she can figure out exactly what the hell she's eating. Once she realizes what it is, she quickly reaches for a napkin and spits it out. She discreetly tells Donna that they're eating veal brains, so Donna opens up the hatch and spits out the mouthful of brains onto her plate. She then washes away the yucky taste with a glass of water.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Dylan is hunched over a table, agonizing over his father's parole board letter. Kelly walks over, looking adorable in a black bikini and wrap, and jokes about how he'd better be recycling all of the crumpled paper on the table. He tells her what the letter is for, so she immediately offers to give him privacy - but he declares that it's time for a break, so the two decide to get sodas. Kelly tells him about how the Jake thing didn't work out, and he lets her know that he warned Jake not to mess with her. This seems to flatter her, but she does regret the shameless way she threw herself at the Melrose Place handyman. She declares that she's done with guys for awhile, which is ironic considering what starts to happen between them during the next few episodes. The two then reminisce about how they've known each other since kindergarten...but eventually the topic shifts back to the parole board letter Dylan is having difficulty writing, and Kelly tells him that if he can't think of anything nice to say, the only thing left to do is lie.


Brandon tries to get a moment with Ahn-drea, but she's in a hurry to meet up with Jay for another one of their dates. Brandon says he doesn't want her to leave L.A. for the summer 'cause he'll miss driving to work with her in the mornings and seeing her at the beach club all day, then leans in and plants a kiss on her lips. True to form, Ahn-drea gets all pissy and demands to know what the hell that was. Brandon tells her that the kiss represents how he feels, so she accuses him of insulting her, and that the only reason he's remotely interested in her now is 'cause she's seeing someone else. Well d'yuh. That is, in fact, the only plausible explanation for this implausible storyline. Brandon denies this, so she asks him where he's been for the last two years...and when he has no real answer, she tells him she has a date with Jay. He sullenly orders her to break it, and she snarkily asks him what makes him think he's so damn irresistible before storming off. Hmm...I'd say it was his dreamy blue eyes, full pouty lips, and perfectly sculpted 'do.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. The day camp kids are playing Red Rover, and once again Brandon is lurking nearby, staring at Ahn-drea. He remarks to Steve that he wants the one girl he can't have. OMFG - this storyline is so far beyond nauseating, I just can't even. After the kids finish their game, Brandon walks over to Ahn-drea and tells her that he thought a lot about what she said to him the night before. He apologizes and assures her that he didn't mean to offend or upset her. Surprisingly, she accepts his apology without further analysis and the two declare each other friends again. 


Paris. Brenda and Donna are in their room, getting dolled up for their first party in the City of Light. Donna laments her inability to speak French, so Brenda assures her that flirting is a universal language. Donna, however, doesn't like the idea of betraying her pubescent boyfriend, so Brenda points out that she could just limit her flirting to chatting with hot Parisian guys. When Donna keeps moaning about how she misses David, Brenda sanctimoniously tells her that she misses Dylan...but she's not obsessing over it. I don't know why Donna isn't getting fed up with her relentlessly uppity attitude. There's a knock on the door and it's Maggie and Lynette, a fellow American with an exaggerated Texas drawl, who have arrived to accompany Brenda and Donna to the party. 


Party. Brenda looks unsure of herself as she circulates among the partygoers. For some reason, a delectable French guy is wasting his time talking to Donna. She can't understand a word he's saying, so she utters the only French phrase she knows, which is, "Where is the toilet?" She then ambles over to the dessert table and makes a pig of herself with the pastries. Brenda, meanwhile, gets hit on by a good looking guy...but she's not into it, so she shuts him down and walks away. She then thinks she sees Dylan and excitedly rushes up to him...but when she gets closer she realizes it's just a guy who looks a lot like him. She turns away, embarrassed.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly's hanging in the cabana with David, but his keyboard music playing is grating on her nerves so she decides to go elsewhere. Just as she steps out of the cabana, she runs into Dylan, who's on his way to prison to attend his father's parole board hearing. She wishes him good luck.


Prison. Jack is thrilled with the letter Dylan wrote to the parole board on his behalf. He reads some of it aloud, but Dylan just brushes it off as lies, and accuses him of not really being there for him while he was growing up. Like not teaching him how to read, for example. Jack begs to differ, so he starts quoting from a Dr. Suess book. I'll assume he did that in order to provoke a childhood memory that proves that he actually did teach his son how to read. Jack assures Dylan that he's glad he's here, and Dylan wishes him luck at the hearing.


Paris. Donna is raving to Brenda about how tasty the French pastries are, but Brenda just looks morose. She tells Donna she thought she saw Dylan, and that she wishes she could share the experience of being in Paris with him. Donna apologizes for all of the whining she's been doing, so Brenda apologizes for being such a bitchy bossy boots. Donna tells her that she's glad the two of them are in Paris together...and thinks that if Kelly had opted to come, she would have been the whiny one and she (Donna) would have been the one who would have had to cheer her up. That's highly debatable; I could see the two of them being equally annoying in their collective whininess. Brenda tells her that they're going to find out what it's like to be on their own (well, not really), while having the time of their lives. The two then race toward the nearest pay phone to call home.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. The day camp kids are playing charades, and Cameron is clearly enjoying himself. His mother is pleased to see him so engaged with all the group activities, and Ahn-drea compliments her by telling her what a great kid he is. The mother then tells Ahn-drea that she heard about her CNN internship and is disappointed that she'll be leaving the beach club. Ahn-drea looks contemplative as she watches Cameron happily playing.


Kelly's cabana. Kelly is suntanning when Dylan drops by. The parole hearing didn't go in Jack's favor, but he'll be up for parole again in six months. That seems like a really short time period - but then I'm a recapper, not an expert in parole waiting times. Dylan also tells Kelly that Brenda called him last night, but that she seemed very far away, so he decided not to get into the whole Jack-parole thing over the phone. Kelly jokes about how the two of them are stuck in L.A., miserable, while Brenda and Donna are having the time of their lives in France. But then they realize they're not miserable at all...and they smile at each other because it's so obvious that they're totally going to hook up.


Ahn-drea approaches Cameron and his mom. Cameron is sad that Ahn-drea is leaving the beach club, so she asks to speak with him in private so she can explain the situation to him. The camera pans out, and all we see is them signing to each other, so we don't actually know what she says to him. Brandon notices them and later remarks to Ahn-drea that it must have been tough saying goodbye to the kid. She then tells him that she changed her mind and is staying at the beach club after all. Noooooooooo!!! Apparently, she couldn't bring herself to leave Cameron and tells Brandon that he needs her more than CNN does...or Jay for that matter. Brandon asks her if he had anything to do with her sudden change of heart, and she insists that he didn't and calls him a conceited jerk.


Beach. Jay and Ahn-drea take a walk along the water. Since they won't be interns at CNN together after all, they won't be seeing much of each other over the summer. And since he attends university in Illinois during the rest of the year, they won't be seeing much of each other...well, ever. Just as I assumed that a breakup would be the best option for them, Ahn-drea suggests that they start a long distance relationship. Jay says he's game and tells her he's relieved that the reason she decided to stay in L.A. was Cameron, and not Brandon Walsh. Yeah, you keep believing that, Jay.


Kelly's cabana. Steve comes by to recruit Kelly and Dylan for the day camp tug-of-war. Ahn-drea and the kids need more participants, so the three of them go. Both sides pull and tug, but Kelly and Dylan are on the losing end, and they tumble to the ground and somehow become entwined in each others' arms. Steve jokingly calls them "lovebirds", and when the game's over, they awkwardly brush off the sand, get up, and stare at each other longingly. Mmm hmm..

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