Recap: It's early morning, and Kelly is vigorously working out on the stairmaster in her bedroom while glumly staring at her reflection in a full-length mirror. As the exercise footage drags on unnecessarily, her face and hair get increasingly sweaty...and it's clear that the key message of this opening scene is that Kelly has officially gone off the rails obsessing about her non-existent weight problem.
After Kelly showers and changes, she heads downstairs for breakfast. She watches as David helps himself to a jelly donut, and then snarls at him for eating so much junk food and never getting fat. David explains that he's a growing boy and needs the sugar rush to get through his morning math class. Jackie, meanwhile, is sitting at the kitchen table feeding Erin. She informs Kelly and David that a bunch of real estate people will be at the house that day, and asks them to please make their beds before they head to school. Kelly picks through the bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter and irritably asks David if he ate the last banana. He admits that he did, so she sarcastically thanks him and tells him she had been saving it for her breakfast. Jackie lightheartedly advises David to ignore Kelly's bitchitude and jokes that she's probably just getting in her last few minutes of immaturity before turning eighteen (the next day). David politely offers Kelly half of his jelly donut, but she snippily declines. Jackie then offers to make her some eggs, but she says no to that too. She insists that she wanted the banana...but then remarks to her mom that she shouldn't be eating anyway. Unfortunately, that giant red flag is ignored when the phone suddenly rings. David quickly answers it, lowers his voice and tells whoever's on the line that he can't talk right now. He really sucks at discreetly plotting birthday surprises. Kelly stares at him suspiciously and asks him what that was all about, but he just gives her an evasive non-answer.
After Kelly wanders out of the kitchen, David tells Jackie that it was Donna who just called, and she wanted to know if they could have Kelly's surprise birthday party at the Taylor house. Jackie tells him that it's not possible, since there are going to be real estate agents and potential buyers trooping in and out of the house over the next several days. However, she tells him that when he finds a venue, she'll be happy to pay for the whole thing.
West Beverly High. Inside the DJ booth, David asks Donna why they can't have Kelly's surprise party at Casa Martin. Donna informs him that Felice isn't going to be out of town as originally planned, and that she's too much of an embarrassment to be on public display to their friends and classmates. David reminds her that they don't have a lot of time to figure out an alternate plan, since the party is that evening. Donna promises David she'll come up with a desirable venue, then rushes out of the DJ booth.
Ahn-drea runs into Dylan and asks him how the piece he's writing for The Blaze's Senior Profile is coming along, and he tells her he's doing pretty well. Donna interrupts their conversation to break the news that they don't have anywhere to host Kelly's surprise party. Dylan grumps that that's a good thing, since he hates surprise parties. Ahn-drea suggests having it at the Peach Pit, but Donna thinks the Walsh house might be a better choice. Dylan blurts out, "Bad idea" just as Kelly appears and tries to join in the conversation. When she asks them what they're talking about, Donna starts stammering gibberish, and Ahn-drea and Dylan announce they have to get to their AP English class. Smooth, guys. Donna then mumbles something about needing to talk to Brenda, and a bewildered Kelly is standing in the outdoor quad all by herself.
Steve begs Brandon to appear with him on a cheesy teenage TV dating show called Love At First Sight. He makes his case by describing how physically perfect the female contestants are likely to be. Kelly eavesdrops from a few feet away, then gives Brandon and Steve a weary look and mutters, "There's no such thing as perfect." As she heads down the hall, she notices Donna and Brenda standing together near the lockers...but she just shoots them the stink-eye and strides past them.
Once Kelly is safely out of hearing range, Donna asks Brenda if they could have Kelly's party at the Walsh house. Brenda, who still hasn't forgiven her former ex-BFF enough to want to throw her a surprise party in her home, whines, "Leave me out of it." She is, however, OK with showing up at the party wherever it ends up being held. Donna sighs with resignation and tells her they'll just have it at the stupid Peach Pit. I wonder if Donna has worked this out with Nat ahead of time...or if she has plans to give him a heads-up that his diner is going to be completely overrun by a large group of teenagers for most of the evening.
Lunch time. Dylan's sitting under a tree, reading a book and eating his lunch. Kelly strolls over and sits down beside him, and asks him if he's noticed how weird their friends have been acting. Since Dylan is well aware of the impending surprise party, he dutifully denies noticing any weirdness. Kelly tells him she gets the feeling that everyone is talking about her behind her back, then pulls her box of diet pills out of her bag. Dylan looks at it disapprovingly and asks her if she's still taking "those things" and advises her to eat something. He then grabs the box from her and reads aloud the contents of the pills, and remarks that they don't sound very healthy. Kelly brushes off his concern and tells him they're just over-the-counter appetite suppressants. He tells her he doesn't want her to starve herself...so to prove she's not starving herself, she grabs a few of his potato chips, dramatically gobbles them up, and snaps, "Happy?" She gets up to storm off, and he swiftly follows her. When he catches up with her, she barks at him to quit hassling her about her diet, and he insists that that's not what he's doing. He then wisely changes the subject and tells her he'll pick her up for her birthday dinner that evening at 8:30pm.
Steve runs over to where Brandon is eating lunch with Ahn-drea. Blech. He now wants a firm commitment from Brandon to appear on Love At First Sight with him. Ahn-drea encourages Brandon to go for it, then suggests documenting the experience in a Blaze article afterward. Brandon reminds Steve that the dating show tapes on the same night as Kelly's surprise party, but Steve assures him that the taping will be over by 7:00pm, and Kelly's party doesn't start until 9:00pm...so they'll have plenty of time. After Ahn-drea ambles off, Brandon tells Steve it's probably not a good idea for them to do something like this together. He gently reminds his boneheaded friend that whenever they've competed for a girl and the girl has preferred Brandon - which is pretty much inevitable - Steve acts like a giant baby, and he cites past incidents involving the twins on the beach last summer, Brooke, and Nikki. Steve brushes off his concern and says it's unlikely they'll even be on the same panel together. Yeah - what are the odds? Brandon eventually gives in and agrees to do the show, and Steve is very excited.
Steve walks over to Kelly, who's standing by herself, brooding. When he asks her whassup, she points at David, Donna, and Ahn-drea, who are walking together and talking. She tells Steve she knows they're talking about her. Steve brushes off her concern and tells her it's just her [starvation regimen/diet pill/paranoia-fueled] imagination, but she insists it's not and demands to know what's going on. He agrees to spill the beans, but first makes her promise that she won't rat him out for opening his big mouth. She agrees, and so Steve blabs that Donna is planning a surprise party for her that evening, and has invited pretty much the entire class. Kelly looks horrified and moans, "Oh God." She says she told everyone she didn't want a party, so Steve reminds her that she has a history of saying that, but then gets pissed off whenever her birthday passes without a party. Kelly mutters that she hates surprise parties, and Steve furrows his brow and remarks that, "This is not the Kelly Taylor I know and love." Ugh. Kelly mutters that she doesn't feel like being Kelly Taylor and decides she's far too depressed to stay at school any longer. Before leaving, she asks Steve if he's going to be at her party, and he promises to show. She then tells him he's the only person she can trust right now and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Kelly's house. Kelly arrives home and dives straight into the refrigerator. She finds a pint of ice cream and wolfs down giant spoonfuls of it right out of the carton...but after a few seconds of pigging out, she realizes what she's doing and dumps the rest of the pint down the garbage disposal. What a waste of perfectly good ice cream. She's startled when she hears realtor Rob Lanze's voice. He enters the kitchen with a potential buyer, Mr. Brower, and Mr. Brower's young son. Rob greets Kelly and tells Mr. Brower that she's a student at West Beverly High, and then goes on about what a great school it is. Kelly glares at him and bitchily retorts that she wouldn't know, since she just dropped out. I suppose if by "I just dropped out" Kelly means "I decided to come home early from school one afternoon", then yeah...I guess she just dropped out. Weird. Rob Lanze chuckles uncomfortably and takes another drag of his cigarette, and Kelly icily orders him to refrain from smoking in her house. She then heads upstairs and finds Jackie showing her bedroom to Mrs. Brower and her teenage daughter, Becky. The two are checking out Kelly's closet, and when one of Kelly's sweaters slips off of its hanger, Mrs. Brower catches it and she and Becky admire it and contemplate buying something similar. For some reason this enrages Kelly, and she sarcastically invites Becky to try it on while she's in her house. Jackie attempts to save the awkward situation by pleasantly asking Kelly what she's doing home so early. Kelly snaps back that this is still her house, and Jackie shoots Mrs. Brower a hopeful look and remarks that it might not be theirs for much longer. Mrs. Brower tells her it's a beautiful house, so Kelly snarls that they should take advantage of the cheap price and buy it. After that cheeky remark, the situation completely deteriorates when Kelly starts pelting Becky with pieces of clothing, taunting the girl to help herself to her closet. After that, she angrily offers her some music CDs she recently bought, along with the possession of her slouchy boyfriend, since they're haven't been getting along so well lately. Ugh - I'm sure Becky could do better. Jackie finally snaps and yells, "That's enough!" as Mrs. Brower ushers her traumatized daughter out of the room.
TV studio. Steve and Brandon have arrived at the studio where Love At First Sight is taped, and they're sitting with the rest of the male contestants. A lively Contestant Coordinator gives the guys a brief orientation, along with some useful tips on how to give clever answers to the questions the female contestants tend to ask. He demonstrates some practice questions on Steve, and Brandon thinks the whole thing is lame and leaves to use the bathroom. In the hallway he encounters a very attractive young girl who asks him if he knows where the ladies room is. He looks totally smitten when she introduces herself as Celeste Lundy and tells him she's also a contestant on the dating show. Steve suddenly appears to tell Brandon that the Contestant Coordinator is about to split everyone up into different groups. He then stares at Celeste in the same besotted way that Brandon is staring at her. Surprisingly, she doesn't get creeped out by their drool and politely wishes the two of them luck on the show. Brandon and Steve stare fixedly at her rear end as she sashays down the hall.
Kelly's house. Kelly enters the kitchen and sheepishly asks her mom if the Browers made an offer on the house, and Jackie crisply informs her that they did not and that it's highly doubtful she'll ever hear from that family again. Kelly apologizes for her bitchitude during the Browers' visit and Jackie snaps, "You should be." Kelly explains that seeing total strangers rifling through her closet made her totally lose her marbles...and she also doesn't appreciate Rob Lanze smoking in their house. Yep, I'm kind of with her on the no smoking thing. Jackie says she's tired of her cunty attitude and the constant snide remarks...and Kelly gets tearful and whines about how her life is a total mess and no one understands. Jackie sympathizes, but reminds her that they're all going through a rough time with the divorce and the impending move. She tells Kelly that since she's about to turn eighteen, she needs to start learning how to cope with life's changes without throwing tantrums. The doorbell suddenly rings, and when Jackie exits the kitchen to answer the door, Kelly retrieves her box of appetite suppressants and swallows several pills.
TV studio. Now that the girls are present in the studio with the guys, the Contestant Coordinator starts dividing everyone up in different panels. By scripted coincidence, Steve and Brandon end up on the same panel as Celeste and two other girls. Brandon lets out an ironic chuckle.
The Walsh house. Brenda's in the kitchen, wrapping Kelly's birthday present. When Mama Walsh asks her what it is, Brenda tells her it's a sweater...which Kelly will probably return. She mentions that Donna had asked her to host the party at their house, and Mama Walsh tells her it would have been fine with her...but since Brenda's a champion grudge-holder, she says it wouldn't have been fine with her. She then changes the subject and tells her mom that she recently thought about her best friend from Minneapolis, Darla Hanson, and how she regrets the way she dumped her like yesterday's news once she moved to Beverly Hills. She predicts that Darla is preparing to go to the University of Minnesota, just like the rest of her Midwestern friends...then grins and tells her mom that she might just give Darla a call sometime.
Kelly's house. When Dylan arrives to pick up Kelly for her "birthday dinner", Jackie grimly informs him that she's been getting dressed for the past hour. When they enter Kelly's room, they find her still wearing her bathrobe and frantically searching her closet for a missing red shoe. She becomes so frustrated by her failed search that she sullenly declares that she's not going out, and physically shoves Jackie and Dylan out of her room and slams the door shut.
The Peach Pit. Donna and David are busily decorating the diner when Brenda arrives. Donna looks surprised to see her there so early, so Brenda explains that she wanted to come by early in case they needed any help setting up for the party. How uncharacteristically thoughtful of her.
TV studio. Steve, Brandon, and a cute third guy are seated on one side of the stage, while Celeste and two girls are on the other side. During the moronic Q&A portion of the show, Celeste asks Steve, "If you could take just three things to a desert island, what would they be?" and Steve looks thoughtful and answers, "Sunscreen. Cellular phone. You." Everyone around them claps, and Celeste looks impressed. Following that, she asks Brandon a stupid sexist question about what he thinks the perfect woman should look like, and he says he'd just create a replica of her. When the filming pauses for a commercial break, Brandon and Steve start arguing about how they're hot for the same girl. When the taping resumes, the Contestant Coordinator announces that it's time for the final lightning round. Oh joy.
Kelly's house. Jackie tells Dylan she was able to locate Kelly's missing red shoe, and so her badly behaved daughter is finally in the final stages of getting dressed. Kelly's in her room primping in front of her mirror, looking dissatisfied with her appearance. She scarfs down a few more diet pills just as Dylan knocks on the door. He assures her that she looks perfect in her red dress and matching shoes. They leave the room, but the camera remains and zooms in on her box of diet pills while ominous music plays in the background. Oh no!
The Peach Pit. The diner is filled with dozens of extras for Kelly's surprise party, and some of them are wondering why the guest of honor hasn't shown up yet. A couple of minutes later, everyone gets the announcement that Kelly and Dylan have left the Taylor house and will be arriving at the Pit in about ten minutes.
TV studio. The panelists are in the process of choosing potential matches for their dream date. Brandon and Steve both choose Celeste, and Celeste chooses Steve....God knows why. Brandon just grins at the outcome, relieved that Steve has finally found an attractive girl who wasn't instantly turned off by his brazen inanity. The Contestant Coordinator announces to the audience that Steve and Celeste are about to go on their dream date. Celeste is disturbingly giddy about the prospect of going out with Steve, and she gives him a big smooch right there on the stage. However, when Steve finally twigs onto the fact that he's expected to go on the date right now, he explains to the Contestant Coordinator that he has an emergency birthday party to get to! The Contestant Coordinator breezily reminds him that he signed a release form and swiftly escorts him and Celeste out of the building and toward a waiting limo. When Steve continues to protest, the Contestant Coordinator brusquely informs him that his job is on the line, and then orders him to shut up, get in the car, and go on his fucking dream date.
Dylan's Porsche. Kelly complains about feeling flushed and breathless due to an abnormally high heart-rate, and Dylan tells her it's probably from taking all those diet pills. She then lets on that she knows they're on their way to her surprise birthday party, and Dylan looks irked and asks her who the blabbermouth was. Kelly protects Steve and fibs that she figured it all out on her own. She then asks him if Brenda's planning to make an appearance, and Dylan confirms that she's definitely on the guest list.
When Kelly and Dylan step inside the Peach Pit, the party guests bellow, "Surprise!" and Kelly does a pretty good job pretending to look surprised and happy. She gives Donna a hug, and Brenda walks over to wish her a happy birthday and the two hug awkwardly. Kelly then asks Brandon where Steve is, and then looks totally dejected when he tells that Steve is on a dream date. It's very weird how Steve is suddenly the most important person in the world to her.
Limo. Steve is bummed out that he's missing Kelly's birthday party...and Celeste tries her best to make conversation, but Steve isn't feeling very chatty. When Celeste turns on some music, he immediately turns it off and tells her he's not in the mood. When he finally explains that he's missing his best friend's birthday party to be on this date, Celeste is immediately understanding about his plight and tells him she'll do her best to help shorten the evening so he can still make most of the party. Steve immediately perks up.
The Peach Pit. Football bonehead Tony Miller approaches Brenda, who's sitting at the counter alone. He shyly tells her he's wanted to ask her something for two years, but she was always with Dylan. She wryly says that times have changed and asks him what he's been wanting to ask her...so he asks her to dance, and she accepts. Ew, I wonder if she has any idea that his gonads have probably shrunk to the size of raisins due to his 'roid use in the Competitive Edge episode. Across the diner, Kelly is sitting at a table with Dylan. He asks her if she wants to dance, and she declines and tells him she needs to go to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. While she's in the bathroom, she looks faint and unsteady...and some random girl we've never seen before stares at her concernedly and asks her if she's OK. Kelly assures her she's fine, but after the girl leaves, Kelly's vision gets all blurry and she collapses onto the floor and looks kind of dead.
Brenda and Donna are putting the candles on Kelly's cake and are ready to carry it out and sing Happy Birthday. David rushes over and informs them that Kelly is in the bathroom, so Brenda offers to go get her. When she enters the bathroom, she finds Kelly passed out on the floor and immediately screeches at Nat and Brandon to call 9-1-1. She then kneels beside Kelly and orders her to wake up, but Kelly doesn't budge.
Steve and Celeste arrive at the Peach Pit in the limo. He invites her to attend the party with him, but she politely turns down the offer. He promises to call her, and she tells him, "You better!" Sigh. It's really too bad Celeste has no idea that she's far too lovely and sweet for a doltish ass-clown like Steve. They share a long kiss and wish each other good night. When Steve enters the Pit, he's puzzled that there's no party. Nat looks grave and tells him he has some bad news...and the camera pans over to the hospital, where the gang is nervously waiting.
Dylan admits to everyone he knew that Kelly was overdoing it with her diet pills, and Donna says she hasn't seen Kelly eat anything in two weeks. Brandon wonders aloud if Kelly has anorexia or maybe bulimia, but none of them ever saw any binging and purging. Not that they likely would have. Eventually David emerges from Kelly's room and announces to everyone that she's going to be fine.
Jackie asks the doctor how Kelly could have gotten so ill by taking over-the-counter diet pills. He explains that normally these types of pills are harmless, but Kelly overdid her diet regimen by not eating...and taking three times the recommended dosage while drinking an excessive amount of caffeine. He tells her she could have ruined her kidneys or had a stroke, and Jackie berates a shame-faced Kelly for doing something so foolish and dangerous. The doctor recommends that she adopt a balanced, sensible diet and join a support group. Kelly's OK with improving her diet, but she's adamant about not wanting to join a support group with a bunch of "defectives".
Jackie enters the waiting room to tell the gang they can see Kelly for a quick minute, so they all file in. Steve has arrived in the meantime, and Kelly's very happy to see him. When visiting hours end, Brenda asks for a private moment with Kelly...and once they're alone, she tells Kelly that seeing her passed out on the bathroom floor scared her. Kelly weakly jokes that since she's going to live, she (Brenda) can't have Dylan back. Brenda ignores that jab and tells her that she shouldn't feel like she has to punish herself by not eating, and assures her that no matter what has happened between them, she loves her...even if she doesn't always show it. The two hug, and Brenda offers to take her out for some high calorie ice cream once she's out of the hospital.
When Brenda steps into the hall, she immediately encounters Dylan. She reports that everything between her and Kelly is back to normal...and Dylan thanks her for her help and chastely kisses her forehead. He then returns to Kelly's room, where he gives her a tender kiss, turns out the lights, and settles into the easy chair beside her bed.