Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 2, Episode 5

"You're not a philandering cocksman
by any chance, are you?"

"Play It Again, David"
Original airdate: 8/8/1991

Episode summary: Kelly is aghast when her mother hooks up with David Silver's father, and Ahn-drea ropes Brandon into becoming a Big Brother to a troubled kid who's being physically abused by his mother.

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Recap: Drama class is over for the day, and Ahn-drea is stressing to Brenda and Donna about the giant arse she just made of herself...and is worried that Young Elvis thinks she's a total idiot. Apparently, he made her quack like a duck in front of everyone as part of some bogus acting exercise, and now she's paranoid that maybe he thinks she resembles a duck...or some such stupidity. Kelly arrives at the school, looking adorable in a dark blue crop top and matching skirt. She's there to pick up Brenda and then drive over to the beach club where they're meeting her mom for lunch.

Beverly Hills Beach Club. Today we get some abbreviated footage of curvy women sunbathing before we're directed to Kelly's BMW pulling into the parking lot. Ahn-drea has tagged along with her and Brenda because apparently she needs to hassle Brandon about something. Brenda and Kelly find Jackie, who's already seated at a patio table and munching on chicken salad. Minutes later, Brenda has a daydream about Dylan running toward her and kissing her as they lay together on the beach. He tells her he misses her before Kelly and Jackie snap her out of her reverie.


Ahn-drea apologizes to Brandon for interrupting his work day, but she has an issue of vital importance that couldn't wait. She's recently become acquainted with a ten year old pain-in-the-ass kid named Felix who's in dire need of a Big Brother. Brandon argues that he doesn't have time for this because of his busy work schedule, but since Ahn-drea doesn't understand boundaries, she has all but committed him to the Big Brother program without bothering to clear it with him first. She also informs him that it's only for one afternoon a week until the end of this episode...after that, Felix's storyline will be dumped like yesterday's news. Brandon's good with that and agrees to be a temporary Big Brother. He tells Ahn-drea that he'll go see Felix tomorrow since it's his day off, and she responds with her trademark assholish smugness and says that she knows tomorrow is his day off because she's already checked his schedule with Henry. Gaa..what a self-righteous, presumptuous, pompous, meddling troll she is.


As Jackie is lunching with Kelly and Brenda, she breaks a tooth on a chicken bone in her chicken salad. Out of nowhere, a dark-haired man with a receding hairline and glasses appears and rushes over to aid with the dental emergency. He's very flirty with Jackie and because she's been badly craving the company of a man since she went off to rehab during the middle of Season 1, she's totally into it. The man identifies himself as an oral surgeon and sends Brandon on a funny wild goose chase for some crazy glue so he can glue Jackie's broken tooth back together. LOL. He then tells Jackie that he won't charge her for dental work if she agrees to go out to dinner with him. Kelly looks very icked out by the whole interaction and advises her mother to turn down the man's dinner invitation, but Jackie is hopelessly captivated by this helpful stranger. A punked Brandon returns to the table with a tube of rubber cement because he was wasn't able to find any crazy glue. Haha! This gets a hearty laugh out of the dentist, who tells Brandon that he was just kidding about the glue. He then introduces himself to Jackie as Dr. Mel Silver, and remarks to Kelly that since she goes to West Beverly High she probably knows his son, David. Kelly's eyes grow wide with horror, torment, and panic...and she stammers that she only vaguely knows who David is.


The Walsh house. Brenda's on the phone talking to Kelly, who is mortified that her mother is about to hook up with David Silver's father. She makes Brenda swear not to tell anyone, then abruptly hangs up the phone so she can go heave over the toilet again. Brandon comes downstairs and announces to his family that stupid Ahn-drea has roped him into becoming a Big Brother to a troubled kid named Felix. Papa Walsh cautions him not to spread himself too thin. Good advice, Jimbo. But tell it to Ahn-drea since she's the one who got him into this thing.


Brandon arrives at a low budget apartment complex and meets Felix's mother. She seems happy to meet Brandon, invites him inside the apartment, and calls for Felix. Mom and Brandon chit-chat for a bit, but after a few minutes Felix still doesn't make an appearance, so she bellows out his name before lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag. Uh oh: bad parent alert! The mom then makes a bad first impression even worse when she starts bitching about what a total deadbeat Felix's father is, and how he got remarried and moved to Phoenix. There's a shocker. Felix finally makes an appearance and greets Brandon with a sullen declaration that everything sucks. No doubt life with a joyless, bitter mother such as his would suck quite a lot. His mom warns him to behave, and discreetly informs Brandon that her son can be kind of a pill.


Beach. Brandon is trying to keep up with Felix, who's motoring down the paved pathway along the beach on rollerblades. He's dangerously close to crashing into pedestrians, and Brandon warns him to slow down. When they stop for a break, Felix tells him he hates being a charity case and wants to know why Brandon is hanging out with him. Brandon fake assures him he's hanging out with him because he wants to.


Kelly and Donna are sunbathing when Steve strolls over and tells Kelly that he knows tonight is "the big night"...meaning that Mel and Jackie are going out on a date that evening. Steve crudely ponders aloud whether or not Mel will "bag her" on the first date, and Kelly snaps at him to take a hike, and looks like she's going to start retching again. Donna remarks that David really isn't as horribly dorky as he seems - something she discovered when they had to work together on a Romeo and Juliet scene for drama class during the Summer Storm episode. But Kelly insists that the way David stares at her as though she's naked still creeps her out, and she's determined to do something that will derail the budding relationship between Jackie and Mel.


Brandon brings Felix to the beach bar for a glass of lemonade, then makes a beeline to the nearest pay phone to call Ahn-drea and blast her about what a foul tempered little nuisance Felix is. Felix overhears his end of the conversation and apologizes for his bad attitude, and goes on to tell Brandon how much he likes the beach club. He asks Brandon if he'd still be willing to hang out, and Brandon tells him he's OK with that.


Kelly's house. Mel arrives to pick up Jackie for their date, and he's brought with him a lovely bouquet of flowers. He makes small talk with a perturbed Kelly, then gushes about how much of an idolizing fan she has in David. Jackie makes her grand entrance, looking totally fabulous in a fitted blue dress. She's impressed with the flowers and breezily asks Kelly to put them in some water.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon is busy doing his cabana boy thing while Felix attempts to be helpful...but he just ends up getting in the way. His presence there is clearly starting to annoy Henry...and I'm starting to get annoyed by this tedious storyline, which is swiftly heading into after-school special territory.


The Walsh house. Brenda tells her mother that word on the street is that Mel and Jackie hit it off on their date. Mama Walsh is thrilled and remarks how happy Kelly must be for her mother to have found someone nice. Brenda tells her that Kelly isn't so much happy as she is freaking out. And Mel really isn't so nice, as we discover when he cheats on Jackie in Season 3. But Mama Walsh is an eternal optimist and tells Brenda she's confident that somehow things will work themselves out...and then her words blend into another of Brenda's hallucinations about Dylan. He's suddenly standing in front of her, asking if things between them will work out. In a word, Dylan...no. Run far and fast.


Brandon brings Felix home with him and introduces him to Mama Walsh and Brenda. Brandon invites him to stay for dinner, and Mama Walsh fits him with an apron so he can help her deep fry some potato slices to make French fries. Brandon pats Felix on the back, and suddenly the kid has a full body spasm and potato pieces go flying everywhere. He repeatedly apologizes, much like a physically abused child would apologize. The Walshes look a little puzzled by his behavior, but assure him that they can always cut more potatoes. Mama Walsh suggests to Felix that he go call his mother and let her know he's having dinner with them. He goes over to the phone, but holds down the switch hook and only pretends to dial and speak to his trash-talking, tobacco addicted mother.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is sunbathing again, looking very glamorous in a blue bikini and black sunglasses. David approaches and stands over her, blocking her sun as he tells her that he heard their parents had a pretty swinging time last night. Ew. Kelly tells him that's not what she heard, and David goes on about how cool it would be if they became step-brother and and step-sister. Kelly just looks grossed out by the idea of being related to David and decides that she's going to have to do something besides just look nauseated every time someone mentions Mel and Jackie in the same sentence.


Kelly's house. Jackie and Mel have just returned from another wonderful date. They both agree they had a fantastic time, and then kiss each other. Mel asks her out again for tomorrow night, but Jackie tells him she already has plans with Kelly...so Mel invites himself and David along. Jackie likes that idea and tells him that he seems too good to be true, and then asks him if there's anything "weird" about himself that he's hiding. Well, if you consider being a serial womanizer "weird", then yeah...there's something very weird about Mel, so get out of this relationship now, Jackie. Mel, of course, doesn't admit to his penchant for cheating on women and just jokes about being an ego-maniacal monster. After he leaves, Kelly comes downstairs to get a post-date summary. To her dismay, Jackie tells her that she had a lovely evening and announces that Mel and David will be joining the two of them for dinner tomorrow night. Kelly is not thrilled by the change in their plans, to say the least.


Beverly Hills Beach club. Felix is enjoying hanging out at the club, but he's quickly wearing out his welcome...particularly with Henry. The cheeky little imp has been helping himself to French fries, scamming free sodas from the beach bar, and telling the club staff that he's Brandon's younger brother. At the behest of Henry, Brandon has an uncomfortable conversation with Felix, and ends it by telling him he's going to have to run along home now. As Brandon escorts Felix to the gates of the beach club, he promises to hang out with him tomorrow since it's his day off.


In another corner of the beach club, Steve offers unhelpful counsel to Kelly regarding the relationship between Mel and Jackie. His take is that things could be getting really serious, now that they're inviting their children to have dinner with them. He even thinks it's possible that the couple might declare their love for each other right there at the table! Steve is such an idiot. Kelly lapses into another panic attack and asks Steve to advise her on how she can put a stop to this madness...and he suggests that she do her best to scare Mel off. Show this dentist that she's the step-daughter from hell, and that life anywhere near her isn't worth living. Why, that plan is just crazy enough to work!


Restaurant. The party of four arrives at a swanky restaurant, and Kelly immediately puts Steve's stupid plan into motion. She starts off by complaining about Mel's choice of restaurant, and then tells Mel that to know her is not to love her. Good to know. Once they're seated at their table, she starts ragging on David and his video camera, accusing him of being a scuzzy voyeur against whom she's contemplating getting a restraining order. Jackie tries to deflect her daughter's bitchy insults and suggests that they order - but Kelly declares that she's lost her appetite. Mel suggests they start with drinks, and Kelly goes completely off the rails, barking about how he should never say the word drinks in the presence of a recovering alcoholic. Jackie snaps at her to shut up, and Mel kicks himself for not using the word beverages. Kelly gets up and storms off and Jackie follows her. She chastises Kelly for humiliating and embarrassing herself, which makes Kelly tear up and tell her mother that she's acting up because she wanted to spend quality time with her post-rehab mother...not share her with some guy. Jackie assures her that they'll spend time together, and the two hug it out. Kelly now feels like a moron for her horrible behavior toward Mel and David, but Jackie is somehow able to convince her to swallow her pride and return to the table.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's Brandon's day off, and he and Felix had arranged to hang out, but the kid is nowhere to be found. He goes to Felix's apartment complex and finds him sitting at a table outdoors, looking sad and gloomy. Brandon sits beside him and starts scolding him for standing him up...but abruptly stops when he sees a shiner on the kid's face. Felix eventually confesses that his mom hit him, and he also shows Brandon some nasty welts across his back. He looks fearful and wants Brandon to swear he won't tell anyone. Brandon of course can't make this promise, but does tell him that everything will be OK and then gently hugs him.


West Beverly High. Brandon drops by the school to talk to Ahn-drea. He tells her that there's a problem with Felix, and as usual Ahn-drea doesn't shut her trap and listen, but instead rambles on and on about how she knows that he's a difficult kid, blah blah blah. Brandon cuts her off and bluntly tells her that Felix has bruises all over him because his mom has been beating him. Ahn-drea doesn't want to believe it and tells Brandon that this is a serious accusation, and that it could end up with Felix being placed in foster care. But she doesn't really know what the right answer is, and neither does Brandon. She does know of a social worker she met at the community center in the Valley, and Brandon tells her he's going to talk about this with his parents.


The Walsh house. Kelly is over, telling Brenda and Mama Walsh about her extreme rudeness at dinner the other night. She admits that this silly strategy backfired, and Mama Walsh advises her that when love is meant to be, there's nothing a spoiled teenager with a rotten attitude can do about it. The phone then rings, and it's Dylan. He's in Hawaii, soaking in a hot tub or something near a waterfall and tells Brenda that he still...well, we'll never know 'cause the phone cuts out and the call is disconnected.


Brandon arrives home and tells his parents that Felix is getting beaten up at home. They're shocked, and Brandon wonders aloud if he should report the abuse. Yes, Brandon...yes, you should definitely report the abuse. He asks if Felix can stay with them, but Mama and Papa Walsh waver not only because of the self-contained nature of this storyline, but also because a boy at such a young age needs a safe, permanent place to live. Beyond their obligatory sympathy for the kid, Mama and Papa Walsh are fairly useless in properly advising Brandon of the best way to handle this delicate but serious situation.


Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly runs into David at the beach bar and offers to buy him a soda. She apologizes about being such a bitch at dinner the other night. He says that just because she's Kelly Taylor, she assumes that he's happy about their parents getting together. Well d'yuh, David. I refer you to an earlier scene, during which you said to Kelly, "Wouldn't it be cool if we ended up step-brother and step-sister?" David then starts whining about his parents' divorce and tells Kelly he wishes they'd get back together again. Kelly sympathizes with him and says she understands where he's coming from. She knows how hard it is to realize one's parents are probably never going to get together. They both acknowledge that Mel and Jackie really like each other, then declare a truce and shake on it.


Felix's apartment. Brandon shows up to confront Felix's mother. She answers the door and acts all nice until he brusquely tells her that he's seen Felix's bruises and knows she's a degenerate child beater. She denies it and wants him to leave, but he continues rebuking her until she admits that she drank a little too much and hit him - but not that hard. Jesus. She confesses that she sometimes takes things out on Felix when things get too tough. She can't afford counselling, but now that her abusive tendencies toward her own child have been uncovered, she thinks maybe she should get some help. Good idea, Mommie Dearest. Tearfully she tells Brandon that she's sorry, ashamed, and isn't that kind of mother...even though she clearly is that kind of mother.


Children's Residence. Brandon pays a visit to Felix, who's staying at a special residence until his abusive-when-drunk mother can get her head screwed on straight. Felix is hostile because he misses his mom...and he's mad at Brandon for ratting her out. He also has hurt feelings because he thought Brandon forgot all about him, but Brandon explains to Felix that he stayed away because he wanted to give him some space. Felix is easily appeased and thanks Brandon, and the two of them walk toward the cafeteria together, chatting about what's new in their lives. 

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