Recap: As Papa Walsh prepares to leave on a business trip, his family is sitting in the living room watching television. They happen to catch a breaking news story about Dylan's father, who's just been captured by U.S. Marshals and will soon be extradited back to the United States. He's been at large since about the middle of Season 1, and now faces twenty-three counts of federal income tax evasion. Yikes. Papa Walsh disdainfully remarks that it was only a matter of time before the authorities caught "that crook", which prompts Brenda to snappishly retort that he's innocent until proven guilty. As we find out in later episodes, Jack McKay is found guilty for his crimes and gets sentenced to prison. So suck on that, Brenda.
Dylan's condo...or wherever he's living these days. Dylan is lying in bed, also watching the newscast about his felonious father. His phone starts ringing, but he lets the machine pick it up. It's Brenda, who leaves an anxious sounding message, asking him if he's OK.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. After the obligatory, recycled footage of beautiful people tanning and playing volleyball, we hear a warning over the club's PA system that a nearby tropical storm is causing some large, crashing waves. Brandon is on duty at the club and happens to run into Dylan, who's about to go surfing. He tells Dylan that Brenda has been trying to get in touch with him, but Dylan says he's fine...and that his father has the best lawyers in L.A.
Kelly and her mom are hanging out in front of their cabana, and both gals look fantastic in their swimwear. As they check out the male scenery, Kelly zeroes in on a cute little button of a guy playing volleyball. His name is Kyle, and he also attends West Beverly High.
Dylan is standing on the beach, staring out at the turbulent waves alongside a surfing dude who has really luxurious, long hair. The dude remarks to Dylan that any surfer who'd go out in waves like that has to be a mental case. Dylan just continues to stare at the waves, and the scene cuts away.
West Beverly High. Ahn-drea peppers Brenda with questions about the recent arrest of Jack McKay...like when his arraignment is, and whether or not he's going to post bond. As if this is any of her business. Brenda snappishly retorts that she doesn't know anything, and if Dylan wants to talk to her about his father, he knows he can always call her. When they get to drama class, Young Elvis announces that they're now going to shift their attention to Shakespearean plays. He throws out some general questions about the playwright, and Ahn-drea eagerly raises her hand because she's fucking annoying, but also because she can't seem to control her pathological need to demonstrate to everyone that she's the smartest person in the room. When Young Elvis calls on her, she corrects his pronunciation of her name to AHN-drea when he calls her ANNE-drea...and this prompts an eye roll from Brenda. Bwahaha! One of the plays the class will be focusing on is Romeo and Juliet. Young Elvis surveys the room and assigns Donna the role of Juliet...then selects David to be her Romeo. And this, folks, is how the very first seed of the relentless Donna/David relationship was sown.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is sitting in front of her cabana, still ogling Kyle as he plays volleyball. At one point during the game, his ball lands near her lounger, and she grabs onto it and makes him come over to retrieve it. She saucily tells him there's a cost for him to get his ball back...and that the cost is private volleyball lessons. Kyle, who really seems like he just wants his ball back, agrees to tutor Kelly in the finer points of volleyball.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is reminiscing to Brenda and Ahn-drea about how she once played the role of Lady Macbeth (of "Out, damn'd spot!" fame). Mercifully, the phone rings, and when Brenda answers, it's obvious from her end of the conversation that something very bad has happened. When an alarmed Mama Walsh asks Brenda what's wrong, she tells her that Dylan was in a surfing accident and is now in the hospital.
Hospital. Brenda enters the Emergency Room area and finds Dylan lying on a gurney. She hovers over him, and he quickly opens his eyes. She explains to him that the paramedics called the Walsh house because they found Brandon's name and number in his car. Dylan smiles weakly and tells her that the crashing waves were awesome, and then remarks how much Brenda looks like an angel. Poor guy, he's obviously still disoriented from the accident...or meds. Brenda tells him he's lucky to be alive, and that everything will be all right...but for now he needs his rest. She returns to the waiting room, where Mama Walsh is sitting. Mama Walsh has discussed Dylan's condition with the doctors, and learned that he suffered a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs. The doctors told her that because Dylan doesn't have anyone at home to take care of him as he recuperates, he'll need to stay in the hospital. This prompted Mama Walsh to volunteer to take him home with her so that he can be nursed back to health in a loving, wholesome environment with a stay-at-home parent. Brenda's response to her mother's compassion is a bitchy, "Dylan and I broke up, remember?" She doesn't think she can stand having him living in her house. Mama Walsh patiently explains that they can't just leave Dylan alone in the hospital, and points out that he's Brandon's friend too. In other words, the world doesn't revolve around you, Miss Self Absorbed.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is putting the finishing touches on a scrumptious looking dinner for Dylan and asks Brenda to take it to him upstairs - but she refuses to deliver the meal because: a) she didn't want him staying at her house in the first place, b) she has no interest in playing nurse-maid to him, and c) she has a cold black heart with no empathy for other humans. Brenda then pretends to be all confused, and nonsensically bitches about how Mama Walsh was once so adamantly against her and Dylan doinking, but now has him "tucked in" in the next bedroom. She storms out of the house, and I'm wondering if Mama Walsh is as exhausted by her constant prickliness as I am.
Brandon's bedroom. Dylan apologizes to Brandon for taking over his room, but Brandon (the good twin) is pretty easygoing about having to sleep on the sofa. Brandon asks Dylan how the surfing accident happened, and he explains that "Tubes started to close out on me" and that he got "Jacked from behind." I'm not fluent in surfer-speak, so I'll just assume that Dylan had a nasty wipeout in some pretty rough waves. Mama Walsh enters the room with Dylan's scrumptious dinner and sets the tray in front of him. He asks if Brenda's home, and Mama Walsh nervously stammers that she went out. He knows that Brenda isn't too thrilled with his being there, and a moment later they're all laughing about how stubborn she can be. Stubborn is really too mild an adjective for Brenda when there are far more accurate descriptors like inhumane, ill-disposed, beastly, malevolent, and selfish. Dylan tells Mama Walsh how nice it is to have a family to be with when he's hurt and needs help getting back on his feet. Later, he discreetly asks Brandon if Papa Walsh is OK with this arrangement, and Brandon tells him he's cool. Dylan quips that Jimbo is a lot of things, but cool isn't one of them. True that. And speaking of Papa Walsh, he calls home from his hotel room in whatever city his business trip is in, and admonishes his wife for inviting Dylan to stay at their house. He thinks she's just asking for trouble, but Mama Walsh argues that he had nowhere to go in a time of need. Jack McKay is in jail, and his mother Iris lives in faraway Hawaii. Hmmm...Hawaii. Living in Hawaii sounds so much better than bunking in Brandon's stuffy little bedroom with a hostile ex-girlfriend next door.
Later that evening, Brandon stops by Brenda's room and finds her reading Hamlet. She soliloquizes, "To be a bitch, or not to be a bitch. That is the question." Of course, in Brenda's case the question is more like: why are you always so damn bitchy? Brandon tells her he doesn't think she's been a bitch...but then immediately reverses himself and points out that she hasn't said a word to Dylan all day. Brenda explains that she thought she and Dylan could be friends, but that was before he moved in. He hasn't moved in, dumbass. He's spending a few days at your house to recuperate from an accident. Brandon urges her to say goodnight to Dylan, and Brenda snipes that this is between her and Dylan. Exasperated, Brandon remarks that Dylan was right when he referred to her as stubborn.
Brenda stands in the doorway of her brother's room and stubbornly declares to Dylan that she's not stubborn. She sits beside him on the bed and tells him that she's not ready, needs time, has to think things out to be sure of what she wants...blah blah. For some unfathomable reason, Dylan tells her that he needs her to help him get through his latest crises, and goes to far as to say that she's the only person he can trust. What about Brandon? He's not exactly chopped liver in the friend department. Dylan then pulls Brenda toward him, and the two kiss passionately. Brenda's into it for a few seconds, but then breaks away, tells him she can't do this, and hustles out of the room.
Later that night, Brenda and Dylan are restlessly tossing and turning in their beds. She gets up and goes into the bathroom at the exact same time that Dylan enters the bathroom. He's wearing long shorts and tape around his cracked ribs, while she's in skimpy pink PJs...and this adds up to a great deal of awkward sexual tension. Brenda tells him he can use the bathroom first, and swiftly exits.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kyle is finishing up giving Kelly volleyball pointers. She pretends to hurt her wrist, and he rubs it better just before he asks her out on a date for that evening. She happily accepts and proudly prances back to her cabana.
Drama class. Brenda is playing the role of Hamlet's Ophelia, and grimly delivers a monologue to the class. When she finishes, everyone claps enthusiastically. We're warned that David and Donna are scheduled to perform a scene from Romeo and Juliet the next day.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly tells her mom that she has a date with Kyle, and gushes about how much she likes him. Jackie whines about being single, so Kelly encourages her to get out there and work it...instead of just sitting by herself in front of the cabana all day. But Jackie isn't sure how to be charming to the opposite sex without getting sloshed and coked up first, so she wisely decides to lay low. Kelly tells her she's very proud of her.
In a different cabana, Donna and David are practicing their scene from Romeo and Juliet. Neither of them is terribly impressive, but I doubt the expectations for this drama class are super high. Donna suddenly has a strange, sudden freakout and starts ragging on David for being the worst Romeo she's ever heard. He bites back that she's not a great Juliet. She wails that she doesn't want to be humiliated, and declares that she's quitting...which is a pretty cunty thing to do since it means that David will also get an F for the assignment.
The Walsh house. Brenda arrives home from her drama class and finds Dylan lying on the living room couch, watching television. She offers to get him a soda, which leads him to also ask for a sandwich, an apple, a blanket, a book to read...and then finally Brenda herself. The levity of the moment temporarily de-prickles Brenda, and she laughs and mounts him on the couch. They're into some amorous kissing action when Papa Walsh inconveniently arrives home from his business trip. The sight of Brenda and Dylan entwined on his couch (ew!) enrages him and he demands to know what's going on. Brenda springs up and tells him it's not what he thinks, even though it's pretty much exactly what it looks like. The situation gets ugly when Papa Walsh angrily accuses Dylan of taking advantage of their hospitality by dry-humping his daughter in his living room. Papa Walsh continues to rant about his daughter's sexcapades late into the evening, and makes it clear to Mama Walsh that he wants Dylan out of the house within a couple of days. Brenda and Dylan stand in the darkened hallway and stare at each other in mortification. She apologizes for her father's uptight douchebaggery, and he assures her it's not her fault.
Beach. Kelly and Kyle are spending the evening together sitting on the beach. He tells that he's always thought she was the hottest girl at West Beverly High...and also that he broke up with his girlfriend because their relationship was getting too serious. Kelly perks up at that tidbit and says she's up for some non-serious fun...and proceeds to strip off her clothes and run straight into the ocean like a lunatic. Kyle just kind of stares at her with a bewildered expression, obviously not interested in joining her. Awkward. A minute or so later, Kelly runs back to shore, wraps herself in a towel, and starts forcibly cuddling Kyle. Unfortunately, Kyle's totally not into it and tells her she's coming on way too strong. Kelly is embarrassed by his cold reaction, accuses him of playing mind games, and tearfully orders him to take her home.
The Walsh house. Dylan creeps into Brenda's bedroom in the middle of the night to leave a note by her bedside. She finds the note the next morning and quickly heads downstairs to give Papa Walsh the what-for. She calls him a jerk, accuses him of driving Dylan away, and then storms out of the house to start searching for her ex.
Beach. Kyle is minding his own business jogging when Steve suddenly joins him and remarks that he heard all about his hot date with Kelly. Kyle tells him that nothing happened, and that he and Kelly aren't a couple. He then ditches Steve by jogging faster. Shortly afterward, Kyle sees Kelly at the club and tries to talk to her, but she's still embarrassed from the night before and refuses to talk to him. Loitering nearby is Steve, who gleefully observes that her summer fling is over so soon. Kelly tells him to get lost, and it is my strong opinion that Steve really needs to get a life.
David finds Donna suntanning and stands over her, blocking her sun. She's still adamant about not doing the scene from Romeo and Juliet with him, but David has an idea how they can both get an A on the assignment. First, though, he wants an apology for her bitchy horribleness the other day, and an admission that she's just as crappy an actor as he is. Hee! Donna concedes pretty easily, and the two go off somewhere to put David's genius idea in motion.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh, Brenda, and Brandon are racking their collective brains, trying to figure out where Dylan might have disappeared to. They've phoned various friends and contacts, but are not having any luck finding him. Nice going, Papa Walsh.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's very late and Dylan is skulking around the cabana area. He jimmies the lock of one unit and slips inside. He surveys the interior of the cabana with a lighter, then curls up on the couch looking very sad and dejected. He has a flashback to his childhood, remembering how he and his family spent summers at the beach club and how he used to play in the ocean with his father. The memories make him cry...and get me a little misty-eyed, especially the part when his father promised him he'd always be there.
The next morning, Brandon is on duty at the beach club, picking up trash after the windy night. He notices an open cabana door and goes inside to investigate. He finds Dylan asleep on the couch and quickly wakes him, warning him that if Henry sees him there, he'll call the police. Dylan gets up to leave, but first shows Brandon some markings on the trim of one of the doors where his parents measured his height. This was the cabana his family used to rent when he was a tot.
Kyle tries to talk to Kelly again, and this time he apologizes for being turned off by her skinny dipping antics and aggressive canoodling the night before. He assures her that she's beautiful and tells her he'd like to be friends. Surprisingly, Kelly's totally OK with that and agrees to play volleyball with him later.
The Walsh house. Papa Walsh lectures Brenda on how to properly load the dishwasher. She snipes back that she knows how to load a dishwasher, starts crying, and yells at him again for kicking Dylan out of the house. By this point, Papa Walsh has softened on the issue considerably and caves in when he agrees that they'll all take care of Dylan. He explains how tough it's been on him - one minute she's his little girl, the next minute she's doinking a slouchy hipster and taking pregnancy tests. The two hug it out, but aren't able to come to a consensus about whether or not she's still his little girl. She's not, Jim. And blech.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is playing beach volleyball with Kyle. Steve, who's on the opposing team, is being a real dick in the way he keeps slamming the ball right at Kelly. Eventually it pisses off Kyle so much that he runs right into Steve and knocks him to the ground. Steve shoves him off of him and then laughs at him for not being able to make it with Kelly. Not willing to lose her reputation as a loose party girl, Kelly boldly announces that she was with Kyle the night before and that he was wonderful in every way imaginable. Ew. Even though what she's saying is obviously a complete lie, it's somehow still too much information.
Drama class. David's brilliant idea for the Romeo and Juliet scene is to play opposite roles, which means that David is a manly looking Juliet, and Donna is an unconvincing Romeo with hooters. They play it as a comedy, but considering that this play is a tragedy, the scene really isn't very funny...even though the class is laughing heartily. Young Elvis rebukes the two of them for going for the "easy laugh" (if only) and calls the idea of switching genders a total cop-out. Donna of course throws David under a bus and tattles that doing the scene this way was all his idea. Young Elvis wants them to do it again, but this time with the proper genders assigned to the proper roles. Thankfully, it's not a performance we have to watch.
Beach. Kelly and Kyle are walking along the beach together. He wants to tell her a secret he's never told anyone...which is that he's a virgin, and that he has absolutely no desire to sleep with a girl. Kelly asks if he's gay, and he says he doesn't know, but that he wishes he were attracted to girls. Kyle - you're gay. Come out of the closet, be happy and comfortable in your own skin, and thank your lucky stars you live in the relatively gay-friendly state of California. Kyle's confusion over his sexuality is good news for Kelly, who can now breathe a sigh of relief that she wasn't rejected by a guy because of her looks, her behavior, or her shallow personality.
Brandon runs into Dylan at the club and tells him that it's now OK with Papa Walsh if he stays at the house. Dylan has no interest in returning to the hostile vibe of Casa Walsh, but Brandon tells him that if he doesn't return to the house and continue to recuperate, Brenda will never forgive Papa Walsh. I'm not sure why this is any real incentive for Dylan, but he agrees.
The Walsh house. When Brenda arrives home, Mama Walsh tells her that Papa Walsh is having a private talk with Dylan in the living room. The two are discussing Jack McKay, and the reality of Dylan's dire financial situation. At the moment he has no assets, and no cash...just his Porsche. If that's true, then what has this boy been living on since his father absconded the country last season? Papa Walsh can't believe there have been no provisions made for his support, so Dylan 'fesses up that he was supposed to go to Hawaii to live with his mother, who he doesn't like, and who he hasn't seen in three years. Papa Walsh assures him he is welcome to stay with his family until he can get his finances sorted out. Dylan accepts his offer, and Papa Walsh encourages him to reach out to his delinquent father. He also eats a bit of crow and admits to not being very fair to him, but explains how hard it is to watch Brenda grow up. He irrationally treated Dylan so badly because didn't think that any boy would be good enough for his bitchy little princess.
Just before bedtime, Dylan pens a letter to his father. He writes about how disappointed he is in him...but that deep down he still wants a father, and hopes that his father still wants a son. Brenda makes a quick appearance in his room, and they both wish each other a good night. Yep...it's just a matter of time until those two kids get back together.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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