Recap: This episode opens with a nostalgic montage of baby pictures, which we soon learn are of Kelly. She was adorable! As Jackie flips through the old photo album, she remarks to Kelly that she can still remember how sweet it was to hold a baby in her arms...but moans that she's too old for that now. Nonsense, Jackie! You are a very spry forty-something. Jackie mentions that she has a doctor's appointment that day to confirm the pregnancy, and when Kelly asks her what Mel has to say about all this, she evades the question. When Kelly calls her out on evading the question, Jackie sheepishly admits that she hasn't yet told Mel she's pregnant. She knows he's happy that David is all grown up (sort of), and assumes that he's not interested in raising another child from scratch. Kelly still insists that Mel needs to know he knocked her up. The scene ends there, and I got the distinct impression that Jackie was seriously contemplating abortion.
West Beverly High. Now that Donna finally has a boyfriend (David...bwahaha!), she declares Valentine's Day to be her favorite new holiday. Dylan has made romantic plans for Brenda and himself but wants to keep them a surprise, much to Brenda's annoyance. Much to my annoyance, Brenda spends much of her airtime this episode wearing Dylan down by continually pestering him to reveal these romantic plans. For now, though, she's willing to settle for a clue, so he relents and tells her that their Valentine's Day plans will involve lying down. Dreamy Donna imagines them spooning, so she chimes in about how sexy these plans sound. Dylan then gives Brenda a quick kiss and rushes off to class. Kelly, meanwhile, has been noticeably uncommunicative and mopey during the entire scene. When Brenda asks her what she thinks Dylan's romantic Valentine's Day plans could be, Kelly tells her narcissistic little friend that she really couldn't give a rat's ass. Hee!
The trio amble over to Kelly's locker when David suddenly bursts into the scene. He reminds Kelly that he and his dad are coming over for Valentine's Day dinner and asks if it's OK to bring Donna along. Kelly gives both him and Donna a look of irritation and tells him no, it's not OK. In fact, she doesn't even think there's going to be a dinner. David is confused, but doesn't have time to pursue whatever's pissing Kelly off 'cause he has a radio show to do. After he leaves, Donna starts bitching at Kelly for always being so mean to David. Kelly tells her she has her reasons, and then looks so glum that Donna and Brenda order her to tell them what's irking her. Kelly gives in, but makes them pinky swear not to tell anyone what she's about to divulge. Donna and Brenda cross their hearts - which soon proves to be a completely meaningless gesture - and Kelly tells them that Jackie is pregnant.
DJ booth. Donna enters and apologizes for Kelly being so weird. David tells her he knows why Kelly is acting so strangely. After asking Donna if she can keep a secret (she's just proven she can't), he tells her that Mel is planning to propose to Jackie on Valentine's Day. Donna gushes about how romantic that is, particularly under the circumstances. David looks at her blankly, so Donna says he doesn't have to play dumb because Kelly already told her about the baby. David (who's really not the sharpest knife in the drawer) still doesn't clue in and demands to know what's going on. Donna whines that Kelly will kill her because she had promised not to tell this secret to anyone...but then proceeds to tell David that Jackie has a bun in the oven, after making him swear that he won't tell anyone. David looks confused, which prompts Donna to lament letting the cat out of the bag. David is sure there must be some kind of misunderstanding, since his dad didn't mention anything to him about a baby. Donna suggests that maybe Mel doesn't yet know about the pregnancy. No he doesn't, and this would be a really good reason to now shut up about the whole thing.
The Peach Pit. Steve tells Brandon that he hasn't decided whether or not to send Kelly a Valentine's Day card. He's interested in her, of course, but doesn't want to look as though he's been pining for her...even though anyone who knows him knows full well that he's been pining for Kelly since before the pilot episode. Ahn-drea is seated at the other end of the counter and notices that Nat is studying horse racing forms in the newspaper. When she asks to look at them, Nat hands them to her...and she marvels about how much money people can win by betting on horses. Nat tries to decipher the forms for her so she can make an informed choice when picking a horse, but Ahn-drea just randomly picks one based on its name. By this time, Brandon and Steve have joined the conversation, and Steve contends that winning horses can't be chosen on the basis of their names alone. Ahn-drea just shrugs and tells them she has a feeling, and that she's confident about her pick. Nat shares that he once had a girlfriend who could pick winners, but he never listened to her and has always regretted it. He doesn't want to make the mistake of ignoring a woman's intuition again, so he goes into the back room to place the bet. Brandon then asks Ahn-drea the name of the horse she picked, and she tells him Lovesick. Brandon says he knows she's lovesick for him, but right now he just wants to know the name of the horse she picked. Haha!
Dr. Silver's dental office. David stops by to see his dad and gets ensnared in an annoying conversation with the overly interested receptionist about how much he's grown. When David finally manages to extricate himself from her stupid chatter, he goes to the back rooms to look for his dad. Mel is surprised, but happy to see his son and the two step into one of the examining rooms to talk privately. David asks him if everything is OK, and Mel tells him he couldn't be better. He shows David the ring he bought for Jackie, admitting that it's pretty extravagant, but says she's worth it. David just looks morose and sarcastically remarks that they're all going to be "one big, happy family". A puzzled Mel asks him if anything is bothering him, but David just says he wanted to be sure everything is all right with him. Mel assures him that he's very happy, and that this marriage is exactly what he wants.
Kelly's house. When Donna tells Kelly that she opened her big fat mouth and told David about Jackie's pregnancy, Kelly gets angry and has a freak-out. Donna's weak defense is that she thought David already knew that Jackie was pregnant, but Kelly reminds her that she had been sworn to secrecy. As she stews, Donna betrays David's confidence and reveals that Mel is planning on proposing to Jackie on Valentine's Day...and Kelly's all, "Wha-at?!" Donna thinks it's incredibly romantic, and assumes that the two will live happily ever after. Kelly, on the other hand, moans that Mel's impending proposal has just made everything so much worse than she ever could have imagined.
The Walsh house. Brenda proves herself to just as indiscreet as loudmouth Donna when she blabs to her entire family that Jackie Taylor is pregnant. She follows it up with "you didn't hear it from me", even though they did just heard it from her. Mama Walsh is thrilled for Jackie and wants to give her a congratulatory phone call, but Brenda stops her 'cause the pregnancy is supposed to be a secret...and the brazen irony of that statement flies right over her head. With her best friend's confidence now fully betrayed, Brenda puts the focus back onto herself and begs Brandon to reveal Dylan's Valentine's Day plans. Brandon refuses, and smugly tells her that when his friends ask him to keep a secret, he knows how to keep his mouth shut. She continues to bug him, but he just stares blankly at her and smiles.
Kelly's house. Jackie is furious that Kelly told Donna and Brenda about the bun in her oven. Kelly apologizes, but points out that she's going to have to tell Mel eventually anyway. Jackie snipes back that she wanted to be the one to tell him...not have him hear about it through the West Beverly grapevine. And speaking of the West Beverly grapevine, Kelly blabs the secret that Donna had been sworn by David to keep quiet about, which is that Mel is planning to propose to her on Valentine's Day. Jackie is stunned, and then complains how this situation is even worse than she originally thought. She now assumes that Mel only wants to marry her because he feels obligated to. Kelly feels bad about telling her friends about the pregnancy, but Jackie ultimately takes the blame. She declares that she got herself into this mess, but she's now going to get herself out of it.
The Peach Pit. Nat excitedly announces to Brandon and Steve that Ahn-drea's horse pick, Lovesick, won...and in the process refers to Ahn-drea as Brandon's girlfriend. She wishes. Brandon is adamant about Ahn-drea not being his girlfriend, and Nat tells him maybe he should reconsider that. I think maybe Nat should shut up and not give anyone any terrible ideas. Ahn-drea enters the diner and learns that the horse she picked won the race. Nat has made a handsome profit off of her intuition and wants her to pick another so he can make even more money. Ahn-drea studies the racing forms and makes her selection: Unrequited. Nat hustles into the back room to place the bet.
Dr. Silver's dental office. Jackie shows up at Mel's workplace to dump him. She gets into an argument with the receptionist, but eventually gets fed up with the overly attentive woman and barges past her. Mel is in an examining room with a patient, performing a root canal. The receptionist follows her, but when Mel tells her that the "intruder" is Jackie - as in, his girlfriend - she mutters an embarrassed apology and returns to her reception desk. Mel asks Jackie if she's OK, and she answers by telling him that she knows he knows. Of course, he doesn't know and just stares back at her in confusion. Jackie tells him that while she appreciates what he's doing, she can't let him go through with it. She declares that their Valentine's Day dinner is off, and that he should be thanking her for letting him off the hook. She insists she's not going to marry him just because he feels some sense of obligation, and starts blathering about a woman's right to choose. She then informs him that she's made the decision to have the baby, but that she'll raise the child on her own because she doesn't want to see him anymore. Mel is completely bewildered at the mention of a baby and just stares at her, speechless. Jackie caps off her Three's Company-esque rant, heavily laden with numerous misunderstandings, by telling him she loves him, but that their relationship must now come to an end. She then leaves as abruptly as she arrived.
The Walsh house. Brenda and Dylan are studying together. She starts hassling him again for details about their Valentine's Day plans, so he drops another clue: red and warm. Brenda guesses a red sweater, but Dylan tells her that what he has planned for the two of them is far more intimate than a sweater. A red woolen bra, perhaps?
The Peach Pit. Nat's in a daze 'cause Ahn-drea's second horse pick has won! He tells Steve and Brandon that she has something very special. Steve, however, is skeptical about Ahn-drea's specialness...as am I. He proposes that they all go to the track together so that Ahn-drea can try picking the winning horses while Nat places their bets. Nat's reluctant to take them because they're minors, but when they scale down their bets to just $25 per person, he easily relents and agrees to do it...but only if they don't tell anyone.
Kelly's house. Jackie's laying down, curled up with a teddy bear as she recounts for Kelly how the conversation with Mel went. Not that it was really a conversation in the "conversing" sense. She's upset that he just stood there and didn't try to stop her as she dumped him. Kelly suggests that maybe their breakup is for the best, but then asks her mom why she's willing to lose Mel for a baby she doesn't even want. Jackie tells her that she does want this baby, and that it's part of her. Kelly still doesn't get it, so Jackie tells her that several years ago, when she was a coke snorting party-girl, she got herself knocked up by a guy she barely knew, and opted for an abortion...and she doesn't want to go down that path again. Kelly says that she always used to wish for a brother or sister, and Jackie wryly tells her that she's finally gotten her wish.
Race track. Nat, Ahn-drea, Steve, and Brandon arrive at the track. Ahn-drea looks over the racing form, but doesn't know which horse to pick. Nat sees an old friend, a creepy bookie named Duke who talks with a fake sounding New York accent...and the two hug hello. Eventually Ahn-drea chooses a horse named Grande Amore (translation: Grand Love), and creepy Duke wishes them luck.
Dr. Silver's dental office. David arrives to talk to his dad again. He finds Mel in an examining room, slumped on a dental chair, deep in thought. He recounts for David how Jackie marched in and broke up with him...and that she's pregnant. When David tells him that the baby thing is old news, Mel is shocked and irked that he wasn't the first to know. He admonishes David for not telling him about it as soon as he heard...and his dismay deepens considerably when David tells him the full story about spilling the beans to Donna about the marriage proposal...
Who then divulged this news to Kelly,
Who then divulged it to Jackie,
Who was upset that Kelly had revealed her pregnancy to Donna and to Brenda,
Who went home and blabbed it to the entire Walsh family,
Who all live in the house that Jack built.
Despite having his personal life tangled up in the grapevine of a blabby high school clique, Mel isn't as angry as I'd expect him to be. But he does now realize that Jackie thinks he only wants to propose to her because she is pregnant, so he's ready to beg her not to break up with him.
Race track. Ahn-drea's pick wins again, and everyone hoots and gives her a hug. She's now picked three winners in a row! Duke stops by to congratulate them, and then he and Nat go to the cashier to collect their winnings. A gleeful Ahn-drea can't explain how she keeps picking winners, even though it doesn't take a genius to deduce that all of the horses have names that could be used to describe her relentless, yet futile crush on Brandon. By this rationale, if there's a horse at the track named Pathetic Loser, Nat should place a bet on it.
Kelly's house. Kelly answers the door for Mel, who's there to see Jackie. Jackie appears at the landing on the top of the stairs and barks at him to go away. She tells him she's having this baby whether he likes it or not, and then disappears into labyrinth of the second floor of her spacious home. A bewildered Mel asks Kelly what Jackie's problem is, and Kelly explains that her hormones are all out of whack. Mel tells her he doesn't want to lose his baby mama, and Kelly snaps that she's really mad about her world falling apart because the two of them couldn't keep their pants on. Hee! Mel admits that they should have been more careful, but insists that he loves Jackie. Kelly bitchily retorts, "Then send her a Valentine...but then again, I guess you already did." OK, what? That was a really nonsensical retort, but maybe Kelly's hormones are out of whack too.
David and Donna are out riding bicycles together. David is quiet, still upset about the breakup of Mel and Jackie. Donna tells him this whole thing is her fault. Well, d'yuh. Of course it's your fault, idiot. If you hadn't told David about Jackie's pregnancy, and then later told Kelly about Mel's plans to propose to Jackie, none of this would be happening right now. Inexplicably, David tells her there's no reason for her to apologize, and that it all would have come out sooner or later. Donna doesn't grasp why everyone is so miserable about this. After all, babies are wonderful! She also thinks that since Mel and Jackie love each other, they should be together.
Kelly's house. Kelly answers the door to David, who wants to talk to Jackie. Kelly tells him she doubts her mom will want to speak to him, but Jackie suddenly appears in the foyer and says she'll talk to David...and the two go off to have a private conversation. David tells her that when his dad was planning to propose to her, he was happier than he'd been in a long time. Jackie insists that she's not trying to hurt Mel, but she knows that he has plans that don't include raising any more children...and she doesn't want him to feel as though he has to marry her. David points out that Mel wanted to marry her long before he knew about the baby, a revelation which startles Jackie. Confused, she asks who told Mel about the pregnancy, and David tells her she revealed it to him herself when she went to his office and ranted at him like a lunatic.
The Walsh house. It's finally Valentine's Day, but it's early evening and Brenda is once again getting on Dylan's case to tell her about his secret romantic plans. He still refuses to tell her what they are, which is totally fine with me since I still couldn't give even a tiny shit. Mama and Papa Walsh enter the kitchen, looking all dolled up for an early dinner on the beach. When Papa Walsh expresses concern that Dylan's secret Valentine's plans for his daughter may be illegal, Dylan assures them they're on the up and up, and that they'll be in a public place. He then tells Brenda he'll pick her up at 7:00pm and hastily makes a run for it.
Race track. Ahn-drea can't figure out which horse to pick as the next winner...and Nat says he'll only place a bet if Ahn-drea is sure. She looks over the paper, and suddenly gets a fit of the giddies. Cupid's Wing! Hmm...no, that name does not fit into her proven logic for choosing winning horses. Steve and Brandon are so excited they want to throw in all of their earnings. Nat goes off to place the bet, while Steve and Brandon go off in search of food. Ahn-drea sees Duke standing nearby, so she goes over to talk to him. She tells him that she chose Cupid's Wing, and Duke tells her in confidence that it's a sucker's bet because the filly is supposedly a real loser. I don't know that I'd trust a word out of this shady man's mouth, but Ahn-drea immediately doubts her horse-picking ability and runs over to Nat to stop him from making the bet. She urges him to bet on a different horse. Nat looks conflicted as he goes to the cashier to place a bet...on which horse, we don't know.
During the race it looks like Cupid's Wing is doing well...but then another horse swiftly takes the lead. Steve and Brandon get upset for betting on Ahn-drea's pick. Nat tells them to stop giving her a hard time because it turns out that Ahn-drea had actually chosen the winning horse! I guess that means he didn't bet on Cupid's Wing after all. Steve and Brandon look confused as Nat and Ahn-drea cheer victoriously. Mercifully, this dopey storyline wraps itself up when Ahn-drea's advice to all of them is to quit while they're ahead. Amen to that.
Dr. Silver's dental office. A sheepish Jackie comes by to see Mel. Incidentally, she's looking fabulous in her tailored pink suit. She tells him she spoke with David and now realizes what a total ass she made of herself when she ended their relationship. Mel makes it clear that he's not opposed to having more children, and reminds her that they have a baby on the way who's going to need both of them. Jackie falls into his arms, happy at last. Mel then calls out to his nosy receptionist and asks her to get the small box from his desk. The ring! Mel falls to one knee and proposes to Jackie, and she happily accepts.
The Walsh house. It's Valentine's Evening, and Dylan arrives bearing flowers and a gift. He tells Brenda he's taking her to a very romantic play called Love Letters. This confuses Brenda, since the clues he gave her about their evening together don't match up with going to a play. He then reveals that they'll be making a stop before they go to the play...but doesn't yet specify where they're going.
Kelly's house. Kelly is showing Donna the Valentine's card that Steve sent her, and Donna ooohs and thinks it's sweet. Jackie enters the room to announce that dinner is almost ready, and Mel makes a toast: to new beginnings! To babies borne of love! Donna tells Kelly that it looks like everything will work out after all...and then makes the disturbing observation that when Mel and Jackie get married, Kelly and David will be brother and sister. Well, step-brother and step-sister. Kelly looks stricken and mutters, "Oh my God." Oh my God indeed.
Hospital. Dylan's romantic Valentine's Day plans have now revealed themselves to us. Oh joy. He has brought Brenda to the hospital to give blood. The clues make sense now! Brenda, however, looks pretty disappointed until Dylan tells her the story behind their blood giving. When he was a little kid, he was in a terrible car accident and needed a lot of blood to save his life. And so he made a promise that when he got older, he'd give back...in the form of donating blood. And the reason they're doing this on February 14 is because the accident occurred on Valentine's Day. Boring mystery solved.
In the final scene, the two are lying on cots next to each other. Brenda concedes that their blood giving is really romantic. They hold hands and wish each other a happy Valentine's Day. Fade out. The End. Thank goodness.