Recap: While honeymooning, Steve brings a breakfast tray to Janet, who's laying atop the bed, still dressed in her wedding gown. Apparently, the zipper wouldn't budge and she didn't want to rip the thing to shreds in case her future daughter has any desire to wear a maternity bridal gown on her wedding day. Steve tells her that the hotel seamstress is coming by soon to remedy the zipper problem...and the two agree that, zipper problems aside, they had the perfect wedding night.
Jackie and Matt are walking through the courtyard of the mall together, discussing custody of Erin and the joint assets she shares with Mel. She barks at Matt to put it on the record that Mel is a liar and a cheat...and when Kelly emerges from the boutique to see whassup with all the snarking that should probably be taking place behind closed doors, Jackie tells her she's going to crucify her philandering pig of an ex-common law partner and make him pay big time. After that, she storms into the boutique...and Kelly tells Matt she hates seeing her mom acting so bitter and vindictive. She blames Gina for her part in the After Hours Stripper-o-rama, then stares at Matt in the judgey way she always does whenever she disapproves of the way he runs his law practice. He stands firm with his balls intact (for now, anyway) and refuses to fire Gina, but says he'll arrange for her to be out of the office whenever Jackie comes by for their meetings.
Inside Now Wear This, Donna tells Jackie she feels badly about her domestic breakup, and apologizes for Noah's involvement in the Stripper-o-rama. Jackie says she doesn't blame Noah as much as she does Gina, and calls it hurtful that she blackmailed Mel and then called her to tattle on Mel for being a paying customer at the Stripper-o-rama. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" ... and when Kelly overhears what Jackie just said, she too looks aghast. Jackie wryly says that perhaps Gina did her a favor, then rethinks that and says it's also possible that she completely ruined her life. It's also possible you might be overreacting just a tad, and should maybe consider having a long hard talk with Mel before running straight to L.A.'s least competent lawyer and turning your eight year old daughter's world upside down.
Beverly Royale Hotel. In the lobby, a beaming David tells Gina that last night's doink was incredible...and she half-heartedly agrees that, yep, it was definitely romantic. David makes it clear he'd like to bump uglies again tonight, tomorrow night, and the night after that...but she suggests they just play it by ear. David, who seems completely oblivious to her cool reaction to their unholy coupling, gushes about how happy he is...so happy, in fact, that he wants to shout about their hookup from the rooftop. OK, calm down, idiot. Gina steps into the elevator, says, "Call me", and flees to her room.
Community Center. Dylan is talking to Patsy, the Center's co-director as well as Andrew's homophobic boss. Dylan tells her that Andrew was beaten up pretty badly and that it would be nice if she welcomed him back to the Center once he's fully recovered. She informs him that due to a sudden "weed out the gays" restructuring, Andrew's job has been eliminated. Dylan stonily asks how much he has to donate for her to un-eliminate it, and Patsy points out that since Andrew's job requires working directly with children, his gayness is "thoroughly unacceptable". Dylan points out that firing someone for being gay is illegal, and argues that his orientation isn't unacceptable. He tells her that if she refuses to hire him back, he'll stop funding the Center...and maybe the next job that gets eliminated will be hers. She shoots him a startled stink-eye.
Kelly, Donna, and Erin are hanging out in a pretty park, feeding the ducks and gabbling about Steve's and Janet's wedding. When David shows up unexpectedly, Donna steers Erin to the other end of the park so that Kelly and David can snipe at each other without her having to hear any of the unpleasantness. Kelly tells David that Gina was the one who told Jackie about Mel being at the Stripper-o-rama - but David refuses to believe that and says he can't imagine his sweet new girlfriend doing such a wretched thing...and manages to keep a straight face while he's saying that.
Steve is lighting the fireplace in the honeymoon suite while Janet poses seductively in the doorway wearing a silky negligee. Steve perks up and produces a bottle of lotion and offers to give her a relaxing foot massage. As he lathers the lotion onto her feet, she asks him if he smells something burning...and a few seconds later, the smoke alarm goes off. The two rush into the living room and find smoke billowing from the fireplace and quickly flee the room.
Beach house. Kelly and Donna arrive home and find Noah and Matt sacked out in their living room playing video games. Kelly calls the scene frightening, while Donna thinks it's totes adorbs. Kelly makes a snide comment about Noah's "positive influence" when it comes to things like running an underground strip club, and Donna says she needs to throw a little more blame for that Gina's way.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan tells Andrew that the Community Center is falling apart without him and that he told Patsy he'd stop funding the place unless she hired him back. Andrew chides him for putting him into the position of having to confront Patsy, 'cause he'd much rather just walk away and find a more gay friendly job elsewhere. Dylan says he won't give his money to a bigot...then puts this tedious subplot on hold to make a beeline over to where Gina is standing. He tells her they need to talk, but she says last time they talked he told her there was zero chance of them having a future. David appears from out of nowhere and stands next to Gina, and an annoyed Dylan tells him to beat it. Gina snarks, "We're done" ... but as she and David step into the elevator together, Dylan growls, "I don't think so." Except that you did think so one episode ago when you came right out and told Gina to give up all hope of them ever ending up like Steve and Janet, and left it unspoken the way you always do that your moody, slouchy disinterest in her has everything to do with your lingering feelings for Kelly, which you also refuse to publicly acknowledge. Jerk.
David tells Gina that Kelly thinks she had something to do with Jackie's and Mel's breakup, and that she's also accusing her of blackmailing Mel. Gina evasively says that Kelly is just upset about her mom and is looking for someone to blame. She reminds David that she should be lauded a hero for helping Mel sneak out the back door of the After Dark when the cops stormed in to raid the place...and David mulls that over and says he's choosing to believe her version of events. He asks her if she told Dylan about last night's doink, and she pretends she's going to get around to that any minute now. The two kiss in front of her door...then grin at each other and go inside and get busy.
With the bridal suite damaged, Steve and Janet have been reassigned to a crappy little hotel room. Janet gets annoyed when a group of musicians start playing their accordions in the hall, so Steve steps out to see whassup. They cheerfully tell him they're a polka band, competing for the national championships. They apologize for the ruckus and tell Steve they'll continue their rehearsal in their room...which just happens to be the room next door to where Steve and Janet are now staying. Womp womp!
Beach house. Kelly goes into the bathroom and finds a naked Noah getting out of the shower. She gets an eyeful of his naughties, then snaps at him to lock the damn door. After she slams the door shut behind her, she makes a face and goes, "Ew."
Beverly Royale Hotel. David tells Gina that Kelly should never have doubted her innocence in the Mel/blackmail situation, and Gina tells him she doesn't want to talk about it anymore in case he happens to stumble onto the truth...which is inevitable the moment he talks to Mel. David gazes at her lovingly as she sits up in bed, calls her sexy, and mounts her. After an intense smooch, he heads out...and mutely saunters past Dylan on his way to the elevator. Dylan knocks on Gina's door and tells her he just saw David by the elevators, and Gina just shrugs and says, "You pushed me away." Dylan looks icked out by the thought of her riding David's baloney pony, coldly says, "See ya", and slouches off. Gina bellows, "I didn't want this. You did" and Dylan stares into space with his blank, soulless eyes.
Jackie is meeting with Matt, discussing custody of Erin and the division of assets. She rails about what Mel's putting her through, even though he promised he wouldn't cheat on her after his philandering was called out in Season 3. She tears up and says she's most sad that Erin now has to endure their acrimonious breakup...and says this as though she hasn't had everything to do with making this breakup so acrimonious.
Now Wear This. Kelly is trying to cheer Erin up by letting her try on some Donna Martin originals. Donna and Noah, meanwhile, arrive with some genealogy software that's designed to track family trees. They bought it as a wedding gift for Steve and Janet, and Kelly squeals excitedly and asks if she can chip in and go in with them for the gift. David drops by and angrily tells Kelly that Gina told him she had absolutely nothing to do with spilling the beans to Jackie about Mel's stripper fetish, but Kelly insists that she's responsible for breaking up their family and urges him to talk to Mel...which David should have just done in the first place in order to get to the bottom of this hot mess. She then snaps, "Don't defend that bitch to me!" just as Erin emerges from the fitting room with a distressed look on her face.
Community Center. Andrew is coaching the kids' basketball team when Dylan slouches over. Andrew happily tells him he got his job back, and that Patsy even managed to squeak out a semi-polite hello. Patsy's son, Henry, struts over to tell Andrew that his mom won't let him play basketball for a gay coach and Dylan glares at him disapprovingly and mumbles, "It's your loss." Andrew looks upset and tells Dylan that this was the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen now that he's been forcibly outed from the closet. When Patsy emerges from the building a few seconds later, Dylan shoots her the stink-eye and tells her that because of her sad attitude, he's no longer funding the Center. Patsy's like, "Whatever" and haughtily tells him they need to keep their "we hate gay people" values intact.
Janet packs up her stuff and tells Steve she wants to go home - but Steve lights a bunch of candles and tells her he has a special treat for her: he's arranged the accordion players next door to play something soft and romantic. When the music starts up and can be heard through the walls, Steve and Janet enjoy a slow dance.
Casa David. Gina drops by to tell David that she told Dylan about the two of them hooking up, but David just stares back at her stonily. He says he talked to Mel and is now livid at her for taking advantage of him and destroying his relationship with Jackie. Gina stammers gibberish as she tries to explain, but he's too angry to listen and just slams the door in her face. Haha! Word of advice: it's probably not a good idea to blackmail the father of the guy you're even semi-interested in dating.
Now Wear This. Kelly tells Donna she's getting really bugged about how much space Noah is taking up at the beach house, and complains that she doesn't feel at home there anymore. She then stares into the courtyard and spots Gina heading toward the stairs, so she rushes over and snarks, "How dare you show up here!" and Gina bitchily reminds her she works here and didn't do anything to Mel, David, or Dylan that they didn't want done to them. Say wuh? She smugly adds, "It's not my fault that the men in this town are so unsatisfied." Um, OK...but blackmailing Mel 'cause you wanted some quick cash and then lying to David about blackmailing Mel is your fault. Jerk.
Community Center. Eight kids have quit the basketball team to protest their gay coach. Andrew rails about it to Dylan, but Dylan insists that him returning to the Center was the right thing to do, and that it's important to show these kids the difference between right and wrong. Andrew argues that the purpose of the Center is to make troubled inner city kids' lives easier and fun...then decides to throw in the towel on the whole blasted thing and marches over to Patsy's office, snaps, "I quit!" and storms out. Dylan shoots Patsy the stink-eye as she smugly smirks back at him.
Steve and Janet are lounging by the hotel pool. She tells him she's glad he convinced her to stay longer, then babbles about how she can't wait for their baby to be born. Steve says he looooves their honeymoon 'cause it's so unplanned, just like their dull-as-fuck lives together are.
Beach house. Donna and Noah have just finished dinner. He tells her he looooves living with her, but she makes a face and says she's fretting about the ways in which their cohabitation is negatively affecting Kelly. Noah gets all pouty and says that maybe he should just go hide in his room all day, and then storms off...and Donna purses her freakishly plump lips together concernedly.
Casa David. David is hanging out with Erin and reading with her when Dylan drops by to bitchily ask him if they're still friends. David's like, "I think so" and urges him to cool it with his bitchy tone 'cause he has Erin over and reminds her that she's an eight year old whose life is currently falling apart. Dylan says he's been unsure about their friendship lately 'cause of the way he's been acting, then warns him to be careful with Gina now that blackmail-gate has come to light. He sarcastically snarks about how proud Mel must be to learn that he's hitting the sheets with his blackmailer. Haha!
Janet tells Steve she's pretty sure she's in labor...and that her cramps are actually contractions. Steve wigs out and shrieks, "This is it!", then trips over his feet on his way to grab their suitcases. Janet orders him to chill the fuck out, pack up their stuff, and get her to the hospital asap. As a discombobulated Steve pulls his clothes on, Janet assures him he's going to be a great dad.
Twelve hours later, Janet and Steve are in the hospital, waiting out the birth. The doctor tells them they're monitoring the baby's heart rate, then urges them to relax until contractions start up again.
Community Center. Dylan slouches over to where Henry is shooting hoops and chastises him for shunning Andrew for no reason other than he's a gay man. He reminds Henry that Andrew taught him a lot about what it means to be a man - that is, before his catty mother turned him against him. He points at his temple and snaps, "Think for yourself."
Jackie drops by Matt's office with a bunch of financial statements. Matt introduces her to his assistant, then decides ah fuck it and comes right out and tells her she's Gina Kincaid. Gina sheepishly apologizes to Jackie for letting the cat out of the bag regarding Mel's presence at the Stripper-o-rama, but then tells Jackie she probably did her a favor. Jackie gets upset that she's in the presence of the woman who tore her world apart and tells Matt to give her a call after he's looked over her financials. After she hurries out, Matt calls out Gina on her destructive behavior and fires her. Gina bitterly tells him that no doubt Kelly will happy about her firing, but Matt solemnly says that this storyline is such a sorry mess that there's nothing in it that's happy for anyone.
Beach house. Noah has repurposed the spare bedroom into a No Girls Allowed man cave. When Kelly peeks inside, she finds Donna and Erin immersed in a video game and chuckles.
Community Center. Andrew has packed up his stuff and is loading it into his car. He tells Dylan he's going to miss his job - just as Henry ambles over and thanks Andrew for being such a great coach...and that he's now A-OK with him being gay. He asks him to stay on at the Center and assures him that the other guys all feel the same way, then glances over at Dylan and says that someone recently pointed out that they need to think for themselves. He tosses the basketball to Andrew, who happily agrees to meet him at the game. Patsy definitely isn't going to be happy about reinstating him on the payroll.
Hospital. Janet and Steve are mulling over baby names when a group of medical personnel suddenly rush in. The doctor announces that she needs to perform an emergency Cesarean section right now 'cause the baby's heart rate is too slow. They wheel Janet out of the room, while a confused Steve stands in the hall and stares after them in bewilderment.
Gina comes over to Casa David in tears. She tells David she thinks they could be totes great together, and promises not to hurt him...again. David coldly says, "Again being the operative word", but this time he allows her to come inside.
Beach house. Donna is sitting at the computer, using the genealogy software to research her family tree...which is odd, 'cause I thought the software was supposed to be a wedding gift for Steve and Janet. Donna is staring at Gina's birth certificate in incredulity, 'cause it lists Papa Martin as her father...and she comes to the grotesque conclusion that he hit the sheets with Aunt Bobbi twenty-four years ago, making her and Gina half-sisters. When she tells this incredible, daytime soap-like development to Noah, he's all, "Whoa.." - but for some reason doesn't remark on how strange it is that, in twenty-four years, Gina has obviously never seen her own birth certificate.
Hospital. The doctor informs Steve that Janet's placenta has torn, and that they need his consent to give her a blood transfusion. While this is happening, a couple of nurses wheel an incubator with a tiny baby inside past him and up to the NICU. Steve signs the consent form... and the doctors all rush back into the operating room, leaving him standing alone in the hall looking very freaked out.
A couple of hours later, Janet wakes up and is all, "Wha-at happened?" so Steve tells her that her placenta tore, she lost a ton of blood, and the doctors delivered their baby girl. She tears up and says she wants to see her baby, and the two exchange I love yous.
Steve tells the 90210 gang, who has just arrived at the hospital, that Janet is going to be OK, but that the baby is having problems with her lungs. He chokes up and says she's the most beautiful baby ever. Matt shows Steve the cigars he brought so they can celebrate, and he croaks, "Maybe later."
The Peach Pit. Matt breaks client-attorney privilege once again when he blabs to Kelly about how Mel hasn't responded to any of the custody claims, and that Jackie wants to file a request of contempt. Kelly urges him to keep Jackie and Mel from using Erin as ammunition in their nasty breakup. Matt suggests they have Thanksgiving dinner at the beach house and invite Erin and Jackie - just as Dylan enters the diner to talk to Nat about preparing a dozen or so turkeys for a Thanksgiving dinner at the Community Center for the less fortunate. Dylan announces that he's volunteering to be a food server this year, and Kelly looks surprised and impressed at his uncharacteristic altruism.
Casa Martin. Donna drags Noah to her parents' house to ask her dad if he really is Gina's bio dad - but has to put a pin in that conversation when she runs into Gina there (for some reason she's voluntarily hanging with Felice) and learns that Papa Martin is out playing golf.
Hospital. The doctor tells Janet and Steve that they're going to take the baby off of the ventilator 'cause they're pretty sure she'll be able to breathe on her own. Janet's like, "What if she can't?" and the doctor's like, "I dunno. Put her back on the ventilator?"
Now Wear This. Dylan asks Kelly if she's interested in being charitable this year by helping out with the Community Center's Thanksgiving dinner, and she looks aghast and is like, "Hell no." Jackie storms in and starts railing about how Mel hired a shark of a lawyer and has a preference for spending money on lap dancers instead of child support. Kelly tells her mom to shut it 'cause Erin is hanging with them in the store...and we see that Erin is staring sadly into space. Jackie just shrugs and barks, "Well, that's the way it is."
Casa Martin. When Papa Martin arrives home, Donna pulls him aside and tells him she's been looking into their family tree and that she may have stumbled onto proof that suggests he's Gina's bio dad. Papa Martin looks ashen-faced and mutters, "It was so long ago", then admits, yep, it's true and that Felice has also been in on the secret all these years. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and asks why they've been lying to her her entire life, but then doesn't wait around for an answer and tells Noah they're outa here. After they leave, Papa Martin tells Felice that the jig is up with regard to his doinking of Aunt Bobbi. Gross, John.
Hospital. Steve wheels Janet over to the NICU so they can visit their baby. Janet tears up and says she hopes the little tot knows they're here, and Steve assures her that somehow she does.
The Peach Pit. Donna rails to Noah about how Felice knew the whole time that Papa Martin fathered Gina, then says she can't forgive them. When David enters the diner, Donna gives him an update on Baby Sanders, then remarks on how weird it is that he's with Gina, her "cousin". David says it would be nice if she could be happy for him, then says that Gina is used to men who aren't there for her, and is happy he can give her that kind of stability...however undeserving of it she may be.
Hotel. Dylan drops by Gina's room with coffee, and she reminds him again that they're broken up. Excellent point. Please continue to stay broken up. As the camera pans across her hotel room, we see that there are several large bouquets of roses that Dylan has had delivered. She snarks about how little he actually cares for her, then asks him if he's ever had feelings for anyone. Dylan refrains from mumbling the name of his one true love - Kelly - and slouches out of the room. It remains unclear why he's giving Gina these mixed messages when he's made it clear to her on more than one occasion that he was only ever in it for the sex...and even that was getting so tiresome that he booted her out of his hotel room.
Hospital. Kelly complains to Dylan that she feels useless 'cause 1) she can't do anything to help fragile Baby Sanders or 2) cheer Erin up. Dylan urges her to reconsider feeding the less fortunate at the Community Center on Thanksgiving, and she's like, "Ah, what the hell" and agrees.
Donna drops by Casa Martin to discuss the Gina Situation with her parents. Papa Martin explains that it was the psychedelic '70s...and that one night after he and Felice had a big fight, he got drunk, nailed Bobbi, and then kept quiet for the next several decades about his bun ever being in her oven. Donna chides her parents for not being honest with her or - more importantly - Gina about her paternity, and accuses them of throwing away her future. She bristles when Papa Martin pleads, "Princess..." and storms out of the house.
The Peach Pit. Dylan and Kelly are preparing the turkeys for tomorrow's Community Center feast...and they're being all flirty, giggly, and obnoxious while doing it.
Hospital. Gina is arranging a bouquet of pretty roses for Janet when David enters the room. He remarks that Dylan is still paying for her hotel room, then asks her if she's trying to get away from him or get closer to him. It is definitely a strange arrangement. The two start to bicker - but abruptly stop when Janet and Steve enter the room. Janet thanks Gina for the roses, and Gina remarks that pink roses are her favorite. David perks up and says he's going to file that tidbit away for a later date, and Gina tells him she'd like to stay over at his place tonight. It remains unclear how on earth these two could possibly still be a couple.
Beach house. Kelly and Dylan arrive at the house and find Matt making stuffing for tomorrow's big feast. Kelly tells him that she and Dylan spent the day doing much the same thing, then calls her mom to ask her if she's up for helping out with the Community Center Thanksgiving dinner. Matt, meanwhile, tells Dylan how surprised he is to hear that he's volunteering his time to serve turkey to the less fortunate, then says it's painfully obvious that he still has a major boner for Kelly. Dylan doesn't bother denying it and just stares contemplatively into space.
The Peach Pit. Kelly, Jackie, and Erin are helping Nat pack up all the food for the less fortunate, which will then be transported over to the Community Center. Dylan tells Kelly he has to bail on the whole thing 'cause he suddenly remembered he has to pick up his Aunt Lilly from LAX. Kelly's all, "Wha-a?!" and irritably reminds him that she and her family are doing this as a favor to him, which has been added stress to their already stressful Thanksgiving. He just shrugs and beats a hasty retreat.
Hotel. David drops by Gina's room and brings her a baby rose bush...then looks dismayed when he sees all of the rose bouquets that Dylan has had delivered to her room. He tells her he's irked that she kept them all, and Gina explains that she needs time to get over her slouchy ex-beau, and that she hopes he can be understanding. She suggests planting the rose bush at his place, and he quickly perks up and says, "Sounds great!"
Hospital. Donna, Noah, Steve, and Janet are staring at Baby Sanders through the NICU window...and then Steve and Janet go inside to visit with the baby before the doctor takes her off the ventilator. Janet vows to be the best mom ever and tells Steve she'd like to name her Madeline. Donna, meanwhile, gabbles to Noah about how hard she's trying to not hate her devious parents.
Community Center. Kelly and Jackie are serving food to the less fortunate, while Erin plays an electronic game that Mel gave her. Jackie complains that the dumb thing is rotting her brain cells, and Kelly chides her for always talking shit about Mel in front of Erin. Jackie rails about unreliable men...like Dylan, for example, and counter-chides Kelly for always being on hand to clean up his messes. Kelly tells her that that's a thing of the past (if only)...and a few seconds later, Matt enters the Center, and Kelly rushes over to him to kiss him hello.
Casa Martin. Donna, Noah, and Gina are hanging with Felice and Papa Martin and watching football. Felice and Papa Martin offer to buy Gina a plane ticket to Colorado so she can visit her mom for Christmas...and Donna gets upset at the nauseating facade and storms over to the kitchen. Felice and Papa Martin rush after her and tell her to chillax, and Donna's like, "I really really want to spill the beans to Gina about her paternity!" Felice says that Gina will be upset to learn that she missed out on the chance to grow up with rich parents, and Papa Martin concurs and says it's too late to change things now. Donna growls, "Happy Thanksgiving. You make me sick" and tries to round up Noah and Gina so they can leave and eat turkey elsewhere. Noah obediently agrees, but Gina shoots her a cold stare, calls her spoiled, and insists on staying put.
Community Center. Erin asks her mom for $5 so she can buy batteries for her electronic game and says, "Daddy would let me" - and Jackie opens her mouth to say something derisive about Mel, but wisely stops herself. She assures Erin that both she and Mel love her very much, then offers to let her use her cell phone to call the louse and wish him a happy Thanksgiving. Matt canoodles with Kelly, and the two agree that they're enjoying spending the holiday with the ones they love.
Hospital. The 90210 gang brings over a Thanksgiving feast to the hospital for Steve and Janet to enjoy. Janet tells everyone that the baby is off the ventilator, and that the doctor is keeping a close eye on her. Gina arrives and tells David that she threw Dylan's roses out the window (hopefully not with the vases, or anywhere near hapless passersby), and the two cackle and smooch. Janet says she's not very hungry and would prefer to take a walk, and Kelly offers to keep her company. Donna pulls Gina aside and asks her what happened after she left her parents' place, and Gina tells her that Felice burst into tears, while Papa Martin took off in his car. Gina recalls all the shitty Thanksgivings she had as a child when her mom would park her in front of the TV so she could spend time with whatever deadbeat she was dating at the time...and Donna decides it's prolly not the right time to tell her the truth about her bio dad. A nurse suddenly rushes into the room and summons Steve to the NICU right away, and he turns ashen and races down the hall, with everyone anxiously rushing behind him to see whassup. Inside the NICU, Janet is holding the baby and happily tells Steve she's breathing very well on her own. Steve is overcome with joy and relief...and as Janet hands him the baby, the 90210 gang stares happily at the cute family of three from the other side of the NICU.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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