Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 10, Episode 7

Please break up

"Laying Pipe"
Original airdate: 11/3/1999

Episode summary: Steve and Janet ask Dylan and Kelly to be godparents to their baby. When Mel refuses to be blackmailed any longer, Gina calls Jackie and spills the beans about his love of strippers. Donna makes it her mission to find the family of a deceased homeless man.

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Recap: Donna arrives at the mall where her boutique is located and finds a flustered looking homeless man. She asks him if he's OK, and he cries, "I'm sorry, Kenny and Louis!" then scampers off. Donna's all, "Wha-a-a?" and stares after him concernedly.

Steve and Janet summon Kelly and Dylan to the Peach Pit in order to make an important announcement: they've chosen them to be the baby's godparents (apparently because of their integrity and loyalty). Future godparenting will entail a trip to Ojai tomorrow to meet with the pastor who will be performing their wedding ceremony, and Kelly and Dylan tell them they're totes on board. Steve grimly says they can all drive up together, since they're trading in his Corvette for a more family friendly minivan.

Across the diner, Matt and Walter Hawkins are waiting for word from the governor regarding Pete's final appeal. When Matt goes to the counter to pay the check, Kelly ambles over and tells him that Steve and Janet asked her to be godmother to their spawn...and he's like, "That's nice" and says that right now he's too preoccupied with the Hawkins case to give much of a rat's ass. Kelly hastily reminds him that she doesn't want to discuss the case, and Matt gets snarky and tells her that being a godmother requires compassion...which she hasn't shown much of lately. Ouch. As he storms off, Kelly stares after him in bewilderment.

Dylan and David are at the minivan dealership with Steve and Janet as the two look over all of the available options. Steve is morose at the prospect of having to trade in his beloved sports car...so when the car dealer tries to get him to sign an agreement to trade in the Corvette for $24,000, he just stares in horror at the contract.

Mel Silver is Gina's newest exercise/fitness client, which I'm guessing is part of their blackmail agreement. He asks her if he can't just pay her to keep her mouth shut and go away forever, but she jokes that she wants to leave him in perfect condition...then gives him a disapproving squint-eye and says she didn't appreciate him telling Kelly about her bulimia. Agreed - that violation of dentist/patient confidentiality was kind of dicked up. Mel sighs wearily and writes a check for $1,000, and a delighted Gina promises to keep mum to Jackie about his strip club hopping.

Steve parks his Corvette in the After Dark parking lot, puts a for sale sign on the windshield, and tells David he wants to find a good home for it. A prospective buyer comes along, looks over the car, and offers him $28,000 (despite a minor oil leak problem). Steve abruptly changes his mind about selling and tells the startled buyer it's no longer available.

Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina bursts into Dylan's room and invites him to lunch - but he's pecking away at his laptop and mumbles that he's too busy. She canoodles him from behind and takes a rain check for tomorrow, so he tells her he'll be in Ojai tomorrow with Steve and Janet, who have chosen him to be godfather to their baby. Gina gushes about how great that is...but when Dylan informs her that Kelly was asked to be godmother, she poutishly retorts, "Every single road leads back to you and Kelly." Dylan rolls his eyes and says he thought they were past this tedious love triangle, but Gina's like "Uh, not" and orders him to turn down the godfather request. Dylan refuses, says he's going to support his friends whether she likes it or not, and Gina's like, "Not!" and storms out. It remains unclear why neither of these idiots ever considers permanently ending this horrible, toxic, jealousy-fueled hookup.

Now Wear This. Noah drops by as Donna is closing up and invites her out to a movie, but she tells him she's busy with "stuff". Noah's all, "Whassup?" and reminds her that they're supposed to be moving in together, and Donna snaps, "That was before you got me arrested as a hooker!" - bwahahahahaha! - and says she's no longer sure she wants to live with him. He trails after her as she flounces out of the mall...and the two are all, "Ack!" when they encounter a group of policeman who are standing around the lifeless body of the homeless man Donna had seen earlier. She sadly tells Noah she ran into him this morning and that she had turned away from him when he needed help. I'm not sure that's an accurate account of what actually happened, but I'm all for Donna feeling bad about herself whenever possible.

Beach house. Kelly coos at Donna that there's nothing she could have done for the homeless man, but Donna disagrees and says she could have run after him and somehow forced him to accept food or water from her...then laments about how the man had wanted to let Kenny and Louis (?) know he was sorry. Donna tells Noah she realizes there's no logical reason to feel this way about a man she didn't even know...but she can't shake the lingering feeling that someone somewhere will want to plan a memorial in his honor. She wails, "I may have been the last person he ever saw!" and Noah solemnly offers to help her work through this latest mission of mercy.

Casa David. Gina drops by to ask David if he knows about the Dylan/Kelly/Godparents Situation, then bitches about how they're terrible choices...and by they're, she mostly means Kelly. David shuts her down and says he has zero desire to listen to her trash-talk his step-sister or gabble about anything Dylan-related, given that he's still so crazy about her, so she shuts it and decides it's enough for her to just sit quietly with him for awhile.

Ojai. After the wedding rehearsal, Dylan asks the pastor what being a good godfather entails...and Kelly says she worries that she won't be any good at being godmother. The pastor says they'll be required to build a spiritual support system for the baby, and points out that the two of them will be linked forever from the perspective of their godchild. Kelly and Dylan perk up at that and stare longingly at each other.

David arrives at the After Dark just as a woman named Marta is checking out Steve's Corvette. She tells David she's bummed that the car no longer has a for sale sign in the window and asks him if he knows whether or not it's still for sale. David tells her it hasn't been sold yet - and she suddenly recognizes his voice and tells him how much she looooves his [sexist] radio schtick! She also looooves his slogan 'If you're going to play, you might as well score' and says she suspects that most women love it, but are just too scared to say what they want. David ignores that weird red flag and tells her that the price of the Corvette is $27,000, then calls Steve to confirm the sale. Janet picks up his phone, is irked that Steve hadn't yet sold the car, and gives her blessing to David to "sell the damn car!" David tells a happy Marta that the Corvette is all hers. 

Donna and Noah are talking to the coroner about the homeless man. Since he had no ID on him, he'll been classified as a John Doe and will be cremated, his ashes then flushed down the toilet. Donna hates the fact that the poor man will disappear without being memorialized in any way, but the coroner just shrugs and says they don't have the time or resources to conduct an investigation. Donna sanctimoniously says, "I'll take it from here", so the coroner shows her what the homeless had on him when he died. One of the items is a photograph of the deceased, along with (presumably) his wife and daughter.

Ojai. Kelly and Dylan are strolling through a lovely park together, and Dylan remarks that he rather likes the idea of being linked to her for life. A few seconds later, Steve and Janet drive up in their minivan to inform them that they're heading back to L.A. to deal with the Corvette Situation. Dylan tells them that he and Kelly want to stay and check out the famous Ojai pink sunset, so they'll rent a car and drive back to L.A. later. Mmm hmm..

The Peach Pit. Marta tells David she's a performance artist, and invites him to her next show tomorrow night. He accepts, then says something about how the guy should always pick up the check, and Marta covertly tape records him saying that.

Matt's office. As Matt, Gina, and Walter nervously wait for word from the governor, Kelly calls to let Matt know that she and Dylan have decided to stay overnight in Ojai. Gina figures out whassup by listening to Matt's end of the conversation and immediately gets enraged, snarks that this is just like Mexico all over again, and storms out of the room so she can hightail it to Ojai. 

Noah and Donna amble around a sketchy looking neighborhood and show random people the John Doe photo to see if anyone can identify him. One man IDs him as Willard Reiner, and describes him as a thief and swindler who no one will miss. He jokes that if he were to go into the Rum Cellar and announce that Willard Reiner is dead, everyone would cheer for joy and buy him drinks all night long. Ouch.

Ojai. Dylan slouches over to the where the pastor is standing and tells him that his wife [of five minutes] died in Season 6 - and that during their [ridiculously brief] courtship, he brought her to Ojai so they could watch the pink sunset together. Don't recall that happening; it must have taken place off camera. He tells the pastor that he's hooked up with various women since Toni's death, but hasn't connected with any of them emotionally. The pastor suggests that maybe it's time to watch the sunset with the right person.

Gina stops to gas up her car, and is told by the attendant that her credit card has been rejected. She irritably pays him in cash, then calls Mel Silver to demand more money. Mel angrily tells her they're through...and when she threatens to tell Jackie about his fixation with strippers and lap dances, he hangs up on her. Haha!

The Peach Pit. Donna wonders if maybe interjecting herself in this boring, filler subplot was a mistake, but Noah tells her she shouldn't give up just 'cause one person told her that Willard was a jerk. He then babbles about how wrong it is to build up people to a height that no one can live up to, then walk away when they're disappointed. He chides, "Sometimes you expect the world" and Donna looks sheepish, then stares contemplatively into space.

A guy in a red Corvette pulls up at a traffic light beside Steve and Janet in the minivan. He calls Steve "sir" and asks him the time, then squeals past him when the light turns green. When Steve looks over at Janet with a mournful expression, she throws in the towel and agrees to let him keep his stupid Corvette.

Ojai. Kelly and Dylan eat mini bar snacks and watch the news for an update on Matt's case. The governor commuted the death sentence! Matt does a quick, on air interview and says it's a great day (well...for Pete) and declares the death penalty cruel. Kelly remarks on how impressed she is that her boyfriend just saved someone's life. She gushingly calls him amaaaaazing, and a bummed Dylan suggests she call him, and save the watching of the pink sunset for when the two of them can see it together. Kelly gives him a thank you hug just as Gina bursts into the room. Naturally she knew exactly which room to burst into, and naturally the door was unlocked. She shoots them both the stink-eye and snaps, "You can see the sunset better outside."

The Peach Pit. David hands Steve the check Marta gave him for the Corvette, but Steve happily informs him that Janet is allowing him keep the car after all...and that technically it's still his 'cause he hasn't yet signed the pink slip. David tells him he's meeting up with Marta later to check out her performance art.

Wendy Reiner, Willard's daughter, drops by the After Dark to thank Donna for going above and beyond by writing up an obituary for her father and putting it in the paper. She says her father was a good man - until he got into a horrible car accident that killed two young boys named Kenny and Louis. After that, he started drinking and became a thieving, alcoholic mess. Donna gives her the photo that the coroner passed along to her, and Wendy thanks her once again and heads out. Noah gazes lovingly at Donna and credits her for being so awesomely kind-hearted, angelic, and beneficent...and Donna purses her lips in her obnoxious, sanctimonious manner and bats her doe eyes as she vacantly stares into space.

David takes Steve and Janet to Marta's performance space. They suddenly hear David's recorded voice from when he said that guys should pick up the check. The performance piece is called The Chauvinist...and Marta has spray painted Steve's Corvette, and unleashes several chained men on it, who smash it with sledgehammers and and then tear it apart with a chainsaw. The theme is something about "deconstructing in an effort to reconstruct". Seems more like a crazy waste of money to destroy a perfectly good Corvette, but then I'm a recapper not a performing arts expert. David asks Steve if he kept Marta's check (he did), then wryly says, "I think the sale is final."

Kelly drops by Matt's office to congratulate him for launching a successful appeal. She admits that she may have been a tad bitchy when she refused to talk to him about the case, but tells him she wants to hear all about it now. She adds that she didn't end up seeing the pink sunset in Ojai 'cause she wanted to wait and see it with him, and he beams with delight.

Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina sifts through her mail and notices that Mel has stopped payment on his checks. Dylan sits beside her and asks whassup, then says he thought the sullen ride back to L.A. went very well. LOL. She tells him she doesn't trust him, and that even though he and Kelly weren't caught in mid-hump, it's going to take a loooooong time for her to not be suspicious of that friendship. Dylan just kind of shrugs and says, "Hope it happens!" - LOL - and tells her he's heading out. It continues to remain unclear why he doesn't take this opportunity to rip off the bandaid and, for once and for all, put a merciful end to this horrible cesspool of a relationship. After he leaves, an enraged Gina snatches up the phone, calls Jackie, and tells her there's something she needs to know about her husband (though technically he's not her husband, since the two never remarried after the divorce).

Dylan slouches over to the beach house and is about to knock on the door...but instead peers into the living room window, where he sees Kelly and Matt talking, giggling all romantic-like, and eating Chinese takeout. Dylan puts his sad wrinkly face on, then turns around and slouches off into the night. 

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