Recap: Janet tells Donna that she has the perfect guy to set her up with: Irv, the poor sod at the printing press who does the actual churning out of The Beverly Beat. Donna says she's not sure she's ready for another dating disaster, especially with a guy who's partially responsible for that dreck being on newsstands. And speaking of dating disasters, Noah drunkenly stumbles into the Walsh house and mumbles that he wants to play pinball. Janet asks him not to 'cause she just put Maddy down...and when Noah ignores her and starts fumbling around with the controls, David swiftly unplugs the machine. Donna offers Noah a lift home, and he's like, "Er...OK" and trots out the front door behind her. It's a real shame that Gina didn't invite this drunken loser to accompany her on her cross-country tour.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan and Steve are hanging out, watching Jeopardy. During the commercial break, Dylan shuffles off to do something and Steve channel surfs and comes across a local news report about an emergency landing at LAX. The footage includes passengers ambling around the airport, and Steve does a double-take when he spots a man who looks exactly like Jack McKay. He quickly calls Dylan's attention to it, and a puzzled Dylan watches the footage and is all, "Wha-at's going on?"
Beach house. Kelly is dressed in a corporate-y looking outfit for her first day of work at Pia's PR firm. She stares with disdain at Noah, who's sacked out on the living room couch...and Donna explains that she didn't want him driving drunk. Kelly says she hopes she's not putting Noah's needs above her own, and Donna assures her she's not...then scrunches her giant face concernedly.
LAX. Dylan asks a ticketing agent if a passenger named Jack McKay was on the earlier flight that got diverted to LAX, but the agent says he's not at liberty to give out passenger information. Dylan stabs his index finger at him and snarkishly orders him to look it up on his computer, and the annoyed agent tells him where he can shove his rude, self-entitled bitchitude.
PR firm. Kelly tells Pia that the ballot initiative they're working on is a violation of gay kids' civil rights, and Pia's like "Yeah whatever" and orders her to draft a speech that will convince voters that gay kids have no right to their own high school clubs. Kelly stares worriedly into space.
The Walsh house. Steve arrives home and tells David, who's there babysitting Maddy, about the possible Jack McKay sighting at LAX. As Steve puts Maddy down, David mills around the upstairs hallway and eavesdrops on Camille, Donna, and Janet. They're talking about fur - real or fake? - and David somehow assumes that they're taking a page from the Sex and the City playbook and talking about orgasms...and looks alarmed when he hears Camille exclaim, "I've only ever had fake ones!" LOL. A few minutes later, Irv arrives...and naturally he's completely staggered by Donna's cherubic sweetness and stunningly flawless beauty. As everyone sits down to dinner, Noah staggers in through the front door, drunk as usual, and sarcastically thanks Janet for inviting him. He sits in David's vacant chair, scowls at Donna and Irv, and starts gulping wine. Donna quietly asks Irv if he's had a good time so far, and he tells her it would be impossible for any man to resist becoming hopelessly smitten with her at the moment of first contact. With that settled, Donna explains that drunken Noah is a good friend who's been going through a hard time lately. As Noah chides Donna for whispering at the table, Irv tells her he'll definitely give her a call, then politely excuses himself from the table and heads out. Janet glares at Noah for ruining her dinner party, but he seems oblivious to her scorn and throws back some more wine.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan is rewatching the news footage with Jack McKay ambling around LAX, making no attempt to hide from the news cameras despite him being in Witness Protection (spoiler). Dylan hits the pause button, glares at the TV screen, and mutters, "You son of a bitch."
The Peach Pit. David tells Steve and Matt that he and Camille are going out tonight, and that he's worried about satisfying her in the sack 'cause of what he misheard her say about only ever having fake orgasms. He pleads for their best sex advice, but Steve just giggles like a schoolgirl while Matt smiles vacantly into space.
PR firm. Pia chides Kelly for writing a flat, boring, uninteresting speech about the gay club ballot initiative. She reminds her that the firm was hired to sway the populace against wanting gay kids to have their own school clubs, and that she's supposed to do their bidding, not get all judgey if she personally disagrees with their stance. The way she does every time Matt takes on a client she disapproves of. Pia orders Kelly to redo the speech within the hour.
Dylan and Steve arrive at Dylan's storage unit. Dylan is alarmed when he sees that the lock to the unit has been broken...and inside, his boxes of papers are messily strewn about. Steve mutters, "Wow" and assumes that someone didn't want them to find whatever secrets were buried in the boxes of papers. Dylan tells him that the task du jour is to sift through the paperwork to see if they can figure out what Jack's FBI ex-girlfriend's last name is. Which is completely nonsensical, since he seemed to know that her name was Christine Pettit during Season 5's Christmas episode, when he showed up at her FBI office unannounced to ask for her help capturing Kevin and Suzanne after they scammed him out of his millions...and she dispatched Jonesy. Not to mention that he called Christine again during the Season 5 finale while he was scoping out mobster Tom Rose.
Now Wear This. Donna tells Janet that Camille has become partners with her in the boutique, and that she (Camille) and David are love birds. Janet tells her she assured Irv that there's nothing going on between her and Noah, and that she was merely helping a friend who's still traumatized from being abducted by a deranged former child actor. Janet says she thinks that Noah needs professional help, but Donna sanctimoniously refuses to abandon a friend in need.
Dylan slouches into the Federal Building...which means he must have found some papers that had Christine's last name and contact info written on them. He barks at the receptionist to summon Agent Pettit...and when Christine appears in the doorway a few minutes later, Dylan blurts out, "He's alive, isn't he?" Christine hustles him into her office and sticks to the official story that Jack McKay died seven years ago. Dylan tells her he saw Jack on the local news a few days ago, then hands her the videotape of the LAX footage. He adds that it's extra suspicious 'cause his storage unit was just burglarized, but Christine says she knows nothing 'bout that and insists again that Jack is dead.
Casa David. David and Camille are sexily lounging on his living room floor among lit candles. She tells him that dinner was great, and saucily adds that her expectations for "dessert" are extremely high. David perks up at that, and the two start going at it.
The Peach Pit. Steve finds David seated at the counter and demands to be regaled with the sordid details of his night with Camille. David proudly says that his performance was an A+, and that Camille "enjoyed herself" several times. Steve chuckles giddily, but can't help wonder if Camille was faking...having only experienced fake orgasms up until now. That would be my guess. Kelly enters the diner to get coffee, and Steve tells her he heard about the ballot initiative her firm is working on. Steve compliments her speech, which was read aloud on the local news, and says it totally changed the way he's planning to vote. Kelly stares unhappily into space.
Federal building. Christine summons Dylan to her office to tell him that she obtained the passenger list for the re-routed flight and says that Jack's name wasn't on it. Dylan's like, "Well, d'yuh" and says that Jack McKay wouldn't be on it, but rather his new fake name. He recalls the explosion that supposedly killed Jack in Season 3 and realizes that he never actually saw him get into the car, and never saw a charred body or any part of a charred body afterward. Christine stubbornly says that all he's accomplishing right now is reopening emotional wounds, and strongly urges him to stop searching for answers before he stumbles onto something that's going to blow this poorly maintained FBI operation wide open.
Now Wear This. David tells Janet and Donna that he overheard them talking the other day and heard Camille say she's only ever had fake orgasms. Donna chuckles and informs him that they were discussing fur coats, not sex. Noah, meanwhile, calls the store and leaves Donna another 'pleeeeease call me' message. Donna says she feels bad 'cause Noah has no other friends...or any real purpose on the show anymore.
After Dark. David and Camille are flirtily bantering in the DJ booth. He tells her he totally misheard the conversation about orgasms/fur she was having with Janet and Donna at the Walsh house a few nights ago and freaked about it to Steve and Matt - but that it's all good now 'cause Donna set him straight about what they were really talking about. Camille gets irked at him for discussing their intimate moments with Donna, Steve, and Matt and storms out of the booth in a huff. Donna and Irv, meanwhile, are sitting at a table together...and for some reason she's telling him about the parade of losers she's dated over the years. Irv moves his chair to sit right next to her and assures her it's totes OK if she's not OK. She tells him she knows she should be happy to be out with him tonight...but, unfortunately, she can't help feeling like she belongs elsewhere. Irv apologizes for making the assumption that she was available, and she apologizes for giving him that very strong impression.
Storage facility. Kelly shows up as Dylan is sorting through his strewn-about papers. He tells her about seeing Jack on the news, and that he's felt worse about his "death" with every passing year...hence his ever-present slouchy aura of moody hopelessness. He picks up a photo of himself and Jack from when he was a kid and stares at it sadly, and Kelly's all, "Awwww.." and gives him a hug.
Kelly tells Matt she hates that the speech she wrote for the firm's client is changing people's minds about gay students' high school clubs. She wants to quit the firm, which seems pretty dramatic considering she's been on the job for one day, but Matt urges her to stick it out.
Now Wear This. Donna tells David she did her best to smooth everything over with Camille...and David admonishes her for spending her spare time playing nursemaid to Noah instead of hanging with nice guys like Irv. She admits that Noah has already called her four times today, and David cautions her about continuing to lose nice guys 'cause of her time being monopolized by her troubled drunkard of an ex-boyfriend who really should have been written off the show long before now.
PR firm. Pia tells Kelly she's pleased that the ballot initiative is doing so well, but Kelly says she's deeply unhappy about "selling" something she doesn't believe in. Pia tells her that a good publicist can sell something without bringing her personal feelings into it...and Kelly retorts by telling her that she's about to be married and might one day have a child who could turn out to be gay - and what if that child wants to commit suicide 'cause he/she feels too much on the fringe of society?? She says she can't do a job where she doesn't passionately believe in whatever she's doing every second of the day, and dramatically announces, "I quit!"
Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan is watching the LAX footage again when Kelly drops by. She pulls out a wad of paper from her purse and tells him she used Pia's connections at the airline to request a copy of the passenger list of the re-routed flight he's pretty sure Jack was on. Dylan takes it, thanks her, and goes back to staring broodily into space.
Casa David. Camille comes over wearing a full length fake fur coat. David apologizes for blabbing to the 90210 gang about their sexing...then explains that he got so nervous about performing, he felt he needed all the support he could get in order to be spectacular. When he offers to take her coat, she disrobes, revealing that she was wearing nothing underneath but lacy black underwear. She jokes about being the only one who gets to judge his performance, and the two start getting it on.
Beach house. Kelly and Matt are in bed canoodling when they hear a ruckus on the patio. Donna bursts into their room and says there's definitely someone out there. Matt picks up a baseball bat and tiptoes out into the hall, while Kelly and Donna call 911 to report an intruder. Just as Mat enters the living room, a man crashes head first through the window. Matt starts beating him with the baseball bat - at the same time Kelly and Donna turn on the lights and shriek at Matt to stop beating the intruder 'cause it's Noah: the idiot dumbfuck drunkard who just crashed through their living room window instead of ringing the damn doorbell.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Steve drops by to check in with Dylan regarding the Jack McKay sighting. Dylan stares morosely out the window and gabbles about all the stuff that he and Jack used to do together when he was a kid...including reading The Natural, which featured a character named Eddie Waitkus. He was a young man full of promise who gets shot, disappears, then later returns from the dead. Dylan tells Steve that Kelly got him the passenger list of the re-routed flight...and the name Eddie Waitkus is on it. As Steve looks discombobulated and is all, "Wha-a-a?" Dylan says he's sure that the man they saw on the TV is his father.