Recap: Steve and Janet bring Maddy home from the hospital. The two gaze at her lovingly and vow to be there for her and teach, protect, nurture, and guide her. Maddy suddenly wakes up, sees Steve and Janet peering at her inside her baby carrier, and starts wailing.
Now Wear This. Donna asks Gina if she'd be interested in helping out at the boutique during the busy holiday season, but Gina declines the opportunity to work among people who openly hate her and flounces out. A deflated looking Donna tells Kelly she'll tell Gina about her bio dad when she's more receptive to the idea of being her half-sister. Which I guess means never.
Kelly meets up with Dylan in an art gallery so he can officially apologize for bailing on the Thanksgiving dinner at the Community Center during the previous episode. He tells her he'd like to buy some art for his place...even though his "place" is a hotel room that I'm sure is already decorated with neutral hotel art. Kelly moans about needing to find her true calling (apparently, peddling Donna Martin originals ain't it), then credits Matt for doing exactly what he wants with his life, even though he totally sucks at lawyering and is barely able to eke out a living. She then looks intrigued by a messy, abstract painting and says she somehow finds the fugly piece of crap inspiring and urges Dylan to buy it.
Now Wear This. Donna natters to Noah about wanting to tell Gina the truth about her paternity, and Noah tells her she should definitely do it 'cause it's never a good idea to rationalize hiding the truth. And speaking of hiding the truth, Donna reminds him that they've been invited to a Harvard alumni party and that they should go, him being an alumnus and all...but Noah suddenly looks uneasy in advance of the Noah didn't actually attend Harvard snorefest of a subplot that the writers are about to unleash (spoiler).
The Walsh house. Kelly and Dylan drop by to see the baby - but Steve won't let them near Maddy until they wash their hands. Nat arrives with greasy diner junk food so the couple won't have to worry about cooking (or keeping their arteries unclogged), and Matt comes bearing baby gifts. When Gina and David arrive, Dylan goes out to the front porch for a one-on-one with Gina. She tells him she's thinking about leaving L.A. 'cause things haven't worked out the way she wanted...which I'm sure has a lot to do with how brazenly cunty she's behaved toward everyone in her orbit. David steps outside and doesn't look thrilled to see Dylan and Gina talking, so Dylan sheepishly slouches back inside. Gina assures David that they were just having a harmless gabfest, then says she's not in the mood to hang with the 90210 gang today, and hightails it back to the hotel.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Donna drops by Gina's room to deliver the big news. She prefaces the paternity bombshell by apologizing for not being a better, more understanding friend, and Gina scrunches her face in confusion and snidely asks, "Is it 'be nice to your poor cousin day' or something?" Hee! Donna tells her they're not cousins, they're sisters...and explains that Papa Martin nailed her mom twenty-four years ago, and voilà: she's now their fully grown love child. Gina laughs at the ridiculousness of the contrived storyline, so Donna tells her she stumbled across her birth certificate while researching her family tree...and that her suspicions were confirmed when her parents confessed that they, along with Bobbi, made an unholy pact to keep the truth about her paternity hidden. Gina looks angry and aghast and orders Donna to leave her room. Donna implores her to express whatever she's feeling right now, but Gina says there's no point 'cause it doesn't change anything. Donna sadly retorts, "I think it changes everything" and sadly shuffles out of the room.
Beach house. Dylan drops by to surprise Kelly with a gift: the abstract painting she had admired at the art gallery. She tells him she can't accept it, but he tells her she has to 'cause he's too lazy to go about returning it. He sets it down on the patio and urges her to stare at it and hopefully become inspired about her life's dreams.
Now Wear This. Noah assures Donna it was the right move, telling Gina about her bio dad. Donna sanctimoniously agrees and makes another point of telling him how much she hates secrets. Noah's like, "Uh, speaking of keeping secrets.." when Gina suddenly bursts in, barks, "I hate you!" at Donna, and tells her how pissed off she is that she went and told a bunch of people about her bio dad situation before getting around to telling her. She says that Papa Martin has left her several phone messages, imploring her to call him...then wails about how her life is suddenly more miserable than the well of misery it was prior to hearing this news.
Beach house. Matt notices the fugly painting propped up in her living room and remarks on its abstractness, so Kelly tells him that Dylan bought it for her after they went to the art gallery together. As Matt scrunches his face in disapproval, Kelly assures him that it's just a gift from a friend - but he tells her he'd strongly prefer if she didn't accept it.
Donna natters at Noah about how much she hates her parents for living with such a big lie for so many years. Noah says that lots of people live with lies...like himself, for example, in the way he's been telling people he attended Harvard, despite never having attended Harvard. Donna's all, "Wha-a?", so he explains that he had planned to attend - but that was before he got into the car accident that killed his girlfriend and then had to focus all of his time and energy into sitting back while his father bribed the local sheriff so that no criminal charges would be filed against him for driving drunk. Donna looks aghast and tells him how disturbed she is that this is the first she's hearing about his deception.
Beverly Royale Hotel. David tells Gina he made reservations at a bed and breakfast for the two of them on Catalina Island, but Gina mumbles, "I can't" and stalks off...and David trails behind her as she enters the elevator. He continues to yap at her about his Catalina plans, but she tells him she's had a terrible day and doesn't feel like hanging with him at the moment. She gives him a quick peck and promises to call him later, then flees to her room. A few seconds later, she calls Dylan's room and tells him that she's just been thrown for a major loop and doesn't want to be alone right now (or in David's company). Dylan mumbles that he'll be right down.
After the commercial break, Gina is railing to Dylan about snooty Donna thinking she should be grateful to be a Martin...and Dylan gently reminds her that Donna's just the messenger. Gina tearfully says that she thought being born poor was just dumb luck - but now knows the full truth: she was rejected. She then explains that she can't talk to her mom about this 'cause she'll just get all defensive, or David 'cause he has too much of a history with Donna to be suitably objective. She tears up and says, "I didn't have anyone else to call" and lays her head on Dylan's shoulder.
Kelly drops by Matt's office to tell him she's thought about what he said and has decided to give Dylan the painting back...then kind of backtracks by adding that the painting was merely a gift and doesn't hold any significance for her. Unlike the vintage car she bought Dylan during the Survival Skills episode that he had no problem accepting. Matt tells her that he checked with the gallery and learned that the painting Dylan bought cost $16,000. Yikes. That frightful thing? Matt says he could never afford to buy her a $16,000 painting, and is bugged by her more than just platonic friendship with Dylan. Kelly tells him that the painting represents nothing to her - but he doesn't buy it and tells her to take some time off from their relationship to see if she's really, truly, absolutely, completely, officially over Dylan. She agrees to give that a go.
Beverly Royale Hotel. David comes by to visit Gina and says he didn't want her to be alone - and gets instantly miffed when he sees Dylan in the room. David lets out a frustrated shriek and storms out of the hotel...and Dylan and Gina chase after him to explain that it's not what he thinks. Outside the front door of the hotel, Dylan tries to explain that they were just talking, but David tells him to get lost and shoves him away - and when he does that, Dylan is struck by an approaching car (luckily it's slow moving) and falls to the ground. Gina rushes over to him to see if he's OK, and he assures her he's fine. She then glares over at David and snarkishly tells him he should go...and a discombobulated looking David lumbers over to his car and drives off.
The Walsh house. At bedtime, Steve tells Janet he's nervous about the way Maddy is positioned in her crib, but Janet just tells him to chillax and climbs under the covers so she can get some much needed sleep. Steve continues to stare down at the baby and gives her a small poke, and she wakes up and starts crying. An irked Janet chides Steve about being too smothering.
The Peach Pit. Gina is sitting at the counter, browsing through an old family photo album, when - ack! - Donna is suddenly standing beside her, looming over her shoulder. Gina talks about the father who raised her, and how he used to push her on the swing before he died in a plane crash (when she was five). Donna says he clearly loved her very much...but that the only thing that matters now is that they're [half] sisters. Gina points out how easy it is for her to say that, since nothing has changed in her life...unlike her late, beloved father, who has suddenly ceased to exist as her bio dad.
Beverly Royale Hotel. Kelly drops by to see Dylan, who just happens to be holding up the fugly abstract painting and pretending to decide where he wants to hang it. [Nowhere, Dylan. It clashes with the rest of the hotel art, plus I doubt the hotel manager would want you drilling holes in the wall so you can hang up your personal paintings in a room that you rent by the night. If you're so eager to decorate walls, get a fucking apartment!!] Kelly asks him why he's limping, so he tells her that David pushed him in front of an oncoming car 'cause he was jealous of all the time he's been spending with Gina lately. Kelly points out that Matt too is ticked off 'cause he thinks that he (Dylan) is getting in the way of their relationship. She snippily says she's getting sick of this never ending pattern, along with his constant hinting, flirting, and inappropriate gift giving. She then remembers the mission that Matt sent her on, so she firmly tells him to lay his cards on the table...meaning, if there's something unfinished between them, he should spit it out and commit to her. And by commit to her, she means all of it: a white picket fence, marriage, kids, and a minivan. Dylan stares blankly into space and grunts something unintelligible, so Kelly takes that as a firm no and snaps, "So we're clear?!" and he mumbles, "Yeah." That scene would have prompted me to let out a satisfied woot! if I didn't already know that Dylan doesn't actually mean a syllable of what he just mumbled, and that the writers are going to drag out his unarticulated worship of Kelly until they finally decide, at the end of this series, to give their shitty relationship an off-camera reboot.
Beach house. Kelly tells Donna she'll take the morning shift at the boutique, then rushes off. Donna tells Noah she just lied to Kelly about him attending Harvard, but doesn't want to cover for him anymore. Noah argues that it's his life and his boring secret...but Donna scrunches her face in disapproval and does not look appeased.
Casa David. Gina comes over to assure David that Dylan is OK after getting struck by the car, then apologizes for wanting to confide in Dylan instead of him. David does that weird grimace thing he's always doing with his face and says he's tired of waiting around for her while she hangs with Dylan: her preferred choice of boyfriend. He then says he's horrified at himself for nearly getting his friend killed 'cause of how crazy jealous she's made him, and says he needs to protect himself from her. Translation: I'm breaking up with you, Gina.
The Walsh house. Steve left a message for Janet telling her he's taking Maddy for a walk...and then the camera pans over to him, gaily strolling along with Maddy tucked into a little knapsacky thing. When Janet pulls up beside him in the car, he tells her that he just had a heart-to-heart with Maddy about how he'll do his best to stop smothering her. He says that, yeah, he wants to prevent anything bad from ever happening to his baby daughter, but knows it's not realistic. Yawn.
Kelly drops by Matt's office to tell him that she looked long and hard into whether she and Slouchy could have any kind of future together, and has given the idea a big thumbs down. For now. She gazes at him lovingly and tells him she's already found what she's looking for, and he goes, "Really?" and she smilingly nods and gives him a smooch.
Now Wear This. Donna tells Kelly that Noah lied about attending Harvard, and Kelly scrunches her face all judgey-like and wonders aloud what the hell kind of guy she's hooked herself up with. Donna concurs with her disapproval, stares concernedly into space, and says he's probably not the kind of guy she wants to be knockin' boots with anymore.
Beverly Royale Hotel. David drops by to inform Dylan that he and Gina are dunzo, and that he hopes they can be friends again. Dylan gives him one of his world weary nods and says he'd like that.
Gina takes a trip down memory lane and takes a drive over to the house she grew up in. When the current owner answers the door, Gina explains to her that she grew up in this house and hasn't seen it since she was seven. The woman seems interested in hearing all about it and invites her in...and eventually the two head over to the backyard, where the swing Gina's father used to push her on is still intact. The woman says she's going to get some lemonade and cookies so they can talk about the house's history, and Gina ambles over to the swing and swings herself high off the ground.
Now Wear This. Donna tells Kelly she's jealous of her problem-free relationship with Matt, particularly how sure they are about each other. Kelly's like, "Uh, yeah. Sort of" then says she recently proposed to Dylan. Donna looks stunned and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" so Kelly explains that it wasn't a marriage proposal per se - but that she did challenge him to shit or get off the pot with his constant subtle flirting and commit to a future together. She hastily adds that she knew Dylan would say no to this ultimatum, then says she loves Matt 'cause he's honest, kind, and safe. (Safe? Ouch.) Donna asks, "What if Dylan had said yes?" and Kelly stares contemplatively into space and murmurs, "I don't know what I would have done."