Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 1, Episode 14

"This little pimple actually expects
us to leave our own house?"

"Palm Springs Weekend"
Original airdate: 2/21/1991

Episode summary: David invites Steve, Kelly, and Donna to stay at his grandparents' Palm Springs house when he assumes they're away on vacation, and then acts like a total douchebag toward them when he discovers that they cut short their cruise and came home early.

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Recap: Darkness has fallen over Beverly Hills - and Brenda and Dylan are making out in his Porsche. Brenda keeps saying they have to stop, but keeps kissing him. These mixed messages are driving Dylan's penis crazy, and he tells her he's "dying here" because of his desperate need for penetration. He tells Brenda that he wants her to be "friendly" to him, which sounds a lot like something a child molester would say to his victim. Dylan gets annoyed when Brenda tells him that she's going to Palm Springs with Kelly and Donna for the long President's Day weekend. He wants the two of them to get a hotel room in Palm Springs, but she isn't sure she's ready for that. Dylan really needs to back off and consider spanking his monkey a bit more often.

The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is concerned about the lack of parental supervision in Palm Springs, but she's willing to settle for a phone number where Brenda can be reached. Brandon, the good twin, isn't going to Palm Springs because he's scheduled to work several shifts at the Peach Pit. He's in a grumpy mood, griping about how he needs to buy a new car. He wants Papa Walsh to help him purchase a classic car that costs $25,000, but based on Papa's grim reaction, that ain't happening anytime soon.


West Beverly High. David and Scott are excitedly discussing their plans to go to Magic Mountain during the long weekend. A surly looking Steve walks by and snarls when David says hi. Steve is in a bad mood because his mother's house in Palm Springs is being fumigated, which means that he, Kelly, Donna, and Brenda no longer have a place to stay.


David sees this as his chance to finally break into the it clique and tells Steve all about the great house his grandparents own in Palm Springs. And as fate would have it, his grandparents are currently away on a two month cruise! This new development instantly perks Steve up, and he insincerely apologizes to David for rudely snapping at him fifteen seconds ago. He also lays it on like butter about how glad he is that the two of them have become friends, and David's face lights up like a Christmas tree. Steve races off to announce to the popular clan that the party weekend in Palm Springs is still on. He's crestfallen when Brandon tells him that he can't go because he's working all weekend. Steve doesn't want to hang out alone with David all weekend and begs Brandon to call in sick...but that would be irresponsible and lame, and so Brandon gives him a firm no.


More bad news is delivered when David tells Scott that he isn't going to Magic Mountain anymore. He can't be expected to miss out on the opportunity to hang with Steve and Kelly in Palm Springs. Scott hints that he's never been to Palm Springs before, but since David's already sold him out as a friend, he's not acknowledging hints from this yokel anymore. David struts over to where Steve, Kelly, and Donna are standing and excitedly tells them all how much of a blast this weekend is going to be. Kelly raises her eyebrows and gives Steve a WTF look, and of course Steve must now explain why the twerp will be joining them in Palm Springs.


The Peach Pit. Brandon is toiling away at the diner, whining about having to miss out on going to Palm Springs with all of his friends. He notices a familiar customer sitting at the counter - a little blonde kid named Curtis with a bowl shaped haircut. I wonder why so many TV kid actors throughout the years have had bowl shaped haircuts. Did a focus group once determine that the bowl 'do is considered cuter than a regular haircut?


Steve and David are in Steve's Corvette and they've just arrived in Palm Springs. David is in the passenger seat, filming bikini clad girls with his giant video camera, and waving at everyone like a dork. Steve looks despondent as he barks at David to attempt to be cool. Kelly, Donna, and Brenda are in Kelly's BMW, and they all stop at the same gas station. Kelly is being really bitchy to Steve about how David was allowed to tag along on their weekend getaway. Actually, Kelly: you, Donna, Brenda and Steve are the ones tagging along with David to his grandparents' house. So get over yourself.


At the gas station, David is standing in front of the vending machine when he's approached by a scantily clad young girl. She's fairly cute and seems interested in him, and she chats him up. Her name is Tuesday, which is silly. Parents shouldn't be allowed to name their child after a weekday. A few minutes later, David giddily tells Steve all about his exciting encounter with a girl and that he invited her and some friends to come to the house the following day. Over in Kelly's BMW, Brenda is suddenly feeling bummed about the idea of having sex with Dylan. She's no longer looking forward to it as much as she is in a rush to get her first time over with. But somehow Kelly and Donna convince her that riding Dylan's baloney pony will be a beautiful, magical experience...and after contemplating this disturbing visual for a few seconds, Brenda gets psyched about losing her cherry.


Brenda is at the check-in counter of a hotel, telling the clerk she's there to meet Dylan McKay. The clerk tells her that there's no one checked in by that name and asks her if she's sure she's at the right hotel. Of course she's not at the right hotel. Brenda is a helpless dimwit who usually has trouble functioning when she's out in the world by herself. She thinks she may have written down the name of the correct hotel and put this note in her wallet...but then discovers that she's just lost her wallet. Whoever thought it was a good idea to let Brenda out of the house should be kicking themselves right now.


David is giving Steve, Donna, and Kelly a tour of his grandparents' house, and it is fabulous. He also gives them the back-story on his parents' impending divorce, but they don't give a shit. The best part of the house is the patio and pool area, and it impresses even snotty Kelly, who's starting to show a glimmer of enthusiasm for the weekend ahead. David then takes them to a private elevated area with a hot tub, and they're shocked and dismayed to find Gramma and Gramps having a soak. The elderly couple had decided to cut their cruise short, and returned home sooner than expected. But they're delighted to see David!


In the kitchen, they chat with the kids about their cruise. David is clearly annoyed that they've disrupted his weekend party plans, even though they're the ones who are entitled to be annoyed for being descended upon without warning by a group of spoiled teenagers for the next three days. But they're not in the least bit annoyed because they're gracious, kind, sweet people.


Hotel. Brenda is on a pay phone, calling around to various hotels in an effort to figure out which one Dylan is staying at. She's in such distress over her remarkable stupidity that a bellboy notices her meltdown and comes over to ask if she needs help. In a weird casting blunder, the bellboy is actually the same actor who plays her short-lived fiance in Season 4 - Stuart Carson! But here and now he's just Tom the Bellboy. Brenda starts ranting about lots of stuff, including how hard it is to find the right hotel in Palm Springs because every hotel has the word desert or palm in the name. Tom the Bellboy clearly thinks that Brenda is just the right amount of nutty to indulge in for a quick one-nighter, and he invites her to stay at his place. But Brenda declines, and so Tom wheels a cot into the broom closet so she has somewhere to sleep. He makes one last ditch effort for some action by leaving her his number and address just in case she changes her mind. She doesn't, and climbs onto the cot, looking miserable.


The Peach Pit. The little kid, Curtis, is sitting at the counter again. Ahn-drea enters the diner to cheer up Brandon for not being able to go to Palm Springs...but her presence at the Pit begs the question of why Ahn-drea isn't in Palm Springs either. Two episodes ago she got invited to a slumber party with Brenda, Donna, and Kelly, but now she's been completely shut out of the three-day trip to Palm Springs. Oh well. The Peach Pit phone rings and it's Dylan, calling Brandon to ask if he knows where Brenda is. He's a bit worried because she hasn't arrived at the hotel yet, so he gives Brandon the hotel contact information. While Dylan's on the phone - somewhere in the hotel lobby - two girls are brazenly checking him out. One of them says to him, "Remember me?" And it looks like he does. It's Janie, the Contrived Plot Device. And her presence in Dylan's hotel room will soon cause a lot of contrived friction between him and Brenda.


Palm Springs house. Gramma shows Kelly and Donna to their rooms. Kelly is in a better mood now that Gramma has promised to invite cute boys to the house for a swim tomorrow. Yay! In the kitchen, Gramma remarks to Gramps that David seemed very quiet when they were talking earlier and assumes that he's upset about the divorce. They agree that spending a lot of quality time with him tomorrow is exactly what the boy needs. And at that exact moment, David is promising Steve that he'll find a way to get rid of his grandparents so they can party as hearty as they want to - sans the old folks. But Steve is still pissed off and tells David to get out of his face. It's a very tough call who the bigger douchebag is here.


Hotel. Brenda is a-snooze in the broom closet when a maid walks in. She's surprised at the sight of Brenda sleeping on a cot, but gives her a friendly smile so we'll assume she's not going to call security. Brenda gets on the pay phone again and calls home to ask Brandon if he's heard from Dylan. Brandon discreetly passes along the name of Dylan's hotel, along with the name of David's grandfather in case she needs to go to the house and connect with Donna and Kelly.


Palm Springs house. David's date, Tuesday, arrives with two girlfriends. They're both goth/bikeresque chicks and Steve doesn't look too enthused at the sight of the heavily tattooed gals.


Brenda has finally arrived at the right hotel and knocks on the door of the Ambassador Suite. Pretty swanky for a teenager. I wonder what Dylan is doing for money now that he has no parents in his day-to-day life. He opens the door to find Brenda standing there, but their delight with each other is short-lived when Brenda sees Janie in the room and has a freak-out. She snaps that she never wants to see him again, even though Dylan swears that nothing happened. But Brenda has already stormed off and is fast becoming completely unhinged - yelling to herself in the lobby as people gape at her and assume she's a mental patient who just escaped from the ward.


Brenda has a sudden, inexplicable change of heart and returns to the Ambassador Suite. This time Janie answers the door and tells Brenda she wants to explain what she's doing there. Brenda, however, is too volatile for any kind of rational discussion, and throws Janie's purse in the hallway then quickly closes the door on the girl when she runs out to retrieve it. Dylan appears and explains to his schizoid girlfriend that Janie is an old childhood friend...though he doesn't help his cause when he admits that he kind of wanted to nail Janie last night but decided not to. Brenda is frothing at the mouth and now wants to have angry sex with Dylan. She orders him to strip, and he looks understandably frightened.


Palm Springs house. A pool party is in full swing, and we get a montage of butt and bikini shots. Steve is flanked by the ghastly gals, who are showing him their tattoos. He's not impressed and I kind of don't blame him. I've never understood the appeal of the vampire look. David is flirting with Tuesday when his grandparents make a poolside appearance to bring out some more food and drinks. They're obviously having a blast hosting the party, and start groovin' it. Their zest for life only makes me love them more, but David is clearly mortified and tries to get them to go back inside...and then leave the house altogether. Later he laments to Tuesday his misfortune of not having normal grandparents, which is so stupid because he could do a whole lot worse in the grandparent department than these two fun-loving kittens.


Steve has now ditched the ghastly gals and is flirting with Kelly. He wants to get back with her in the worst way, but she's just not into it. I'd feel a tiny bit bad for him if he didn't always act like such a horse's ass...but since he does, I'm OK with the rejection that gets regularly heaped upon him.


Brenda and Dylan show up at the Palm Springs house. In front of the grandparents, Brenda snipes at him for turning down her angry sex proposition because that's an appropriate thing to do in front of an elderly couple she's just met. Donna and Kelly rush over to her, grimace at Dylan as though he's the bad guy, and rush off. Steve greets Dylan like a lost long brother and the two start bellyaching about women. I mean girls. Gramps offers to fix the complaining boys a nice lunch.


David tells his grandparents that he and his friends are going out for lunch. Well that's just dumb. There's way too many people at this pool party to transport over to a restaurant. And it's completely unnecessary, since they have all the food and drinks they need at the house. David is annoyed with his grandparents for having the audacity to be present in their own home, and his tone gets really snarky when he snaps that he wants to be with his friends, and that they should leave. Gramma starts crying and rushes out of the room, Gramps admonishes him for being so hurtful, and I'm pretty sure that both of them are ready to steel-toe David's pre-pubescent ass all the way back to L.A.


Later, Gramma chats with the girls about her relationship with Gramps, while Gramps does the same with Steve and Dylan. Gramma and Gramps then address the group in a joint session and counsel the teens on how to find the right person because it's such a great blessing when it happens. They kiss and cuddle, and they're so cute that I want to cover them both with chocolate and eat them up.


David and Tuesday sneak off together in search of a quiet room. They find one with parrots in it (??), lock the door and start kissing. Suddenly, Tuesday has some kind of anxiety fit, and exclaims that she "can't do this!" She tells David that she misses her boyfriend and can't get him out of her mind. She only started up with David because he reminds her of her boyfriend, even though the boyfriend is taller and better looking. Well, d'yuh. She flees the room, and that's the end of that.


The Peach Pit. Brandon is closing up the restaurant, locking all of the doors and turning off the lights. When he leaves out the back door, little Curtis has somehow snuck inside. He climbs onto the counter and opens the cash register, helping himself to the money in the drawer. Meanwhile, Brandon looks like he's forgotten something and turns around to go back inside the diner. He sees the tiny thief in action and swiftly runs over and grabs him. He angrily calls the kid a brat and threatens to call his parents. Curtis looks ashamed and sad and tells him they don't have a phone anymore. What's more, he, his brother, and his mother don't have a place to live anymore either. [Cue sad violin] Brandon is shocked and stricken by this revelation, and assures the kid that he'll keep the thieving incident quiet. But he does offer to make Curtis a meal, and he'll also pack some food that the kid can take back to his family.


Palm Springs house. Everyone is having a great time playing charades with David's grandparents. Steve corners Kelly and asks her if she's considered any of his recent, desperate pleas for the two of them to start dating again. She has...and her answer is still no. She gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek just as his heart splitters into a thousand pieces.


David is suitably sheepish to his grandparents and remarks that it's clear how much his friends love their company, and that he's very sorry that he was the last to notice how amazing they are. He's also the last to notice that these "friends" aren't actually his friends, and would probably prefer to hang out with his grandparents over him any day. David's all jazzed about Palm Springs now and tells them that he wants to come back next weekend and bring Scott, his actual friend who he dropped like a hot potato at the beginning of the episode. Gramma and Gramps stare at each other, wary at the prospect of another weekend visit with their ungrateful snot of a grandson.


Brenda and Dylan are lounging on pool chairs, talking about life. They imagine their lives together, and whether or not they'll be grandparents one day. Wait - wuh? After witnessing Brenda's psychotic tendencies for the last few days, I'm surprised Dylan would even want to be in the same room with her, let alone contemplate having children and grandchildren with her. Naturally, Brenda wrecks this pleasant moment by bringing up the issue of Janie, and then boasts about how she passed up the opportunity to get it on with Tom the Bellboy. Dylan pretends to look jealous at the thought of another man taking Brenda off his hands and then playfully horses around with her. Talk about letting an opportunity for freedom and happiness completely slip away.


The Walsh house. Brandon returns home from work to find his parents in the living room, watching TV. Mama Walsh feels very badly about him missing out on the long weekend in Palm Springs with his friends. Papa Walsh does as well, because he tells Brandon that he's willing to help him out with buying a new car. But Brandon tells them that he's determined to stick it out. He also shares with them how lucky he is, and that he loves them very much. [Cue violin music again] No doubt the sad life of the little boy with the bowl shaped hairdo has given him some much needed perspective. Mama and Papa Walsh look at each other with surprised but touched expressions...and I'm off to find a tissue.

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